All That I Want (The Hesitant Husbands #2)

Chapter 19

“Mr. Devereaux! Is something wrong?” She glided down the stairs to the foyer, taking in his slightly disheveled state, as though he’d anxiously been running his fingers through his hair.

“Lady Elaine, it is most imperative that I speak with you.”

“Right now? In a darkened hallway?”

“It is of utmost urgency. You see…” He swallowed hard and swayed toward her slightly.

“Have you been overindulging, Mr. Devereaux?”

“Perhaps just a little. Forgive me, my lady, I felt I needed the courage. You see, I have developed…feelings for you, and I…I wish to beg you not to marry Mayfield. Marry me instead.”

Lainey’s mouth dropped open. “Marry…Mr. Devereaux—”

“Hear me out, my lady. I am fascinated by your sharp mind and your genuine soul. I see how you care for others and I believe you would be a wonderful mother to my children. We would do well together, you and I. I know a marriage to me would make running your help center less feasible, as we would have to spend part of the year at the estate, but we could find a way. I did not come here looking for a bride, but you have bewitched me.”

“Even though you think I’m boring?”

Devereaux blinked. “Eh, what now?”

“I heard you in the parlor the other night. You were afraid I was too proper and wouldn’t make you a good bed partner. You actually bet the others that I’d never been kissed.”

Devereaux had the good grace to turn scarlet. “I beg your pardon for my crude comments, my lady. I was a bit in my cups and my thoughts flowed too freely. I did not know you at all then, but in the days since, you have proven to me that I was mistaken in my judgement. You are more adventurous in spirit than I’d first thought.” He grinned. “As far as the rest is concerned, perhaps we may settle that right now.”

Before Lainey could protest, Devereaux swooped in and slanted his mouth over hers. For a moment, she was too shocked to do anything but let him kiss her. After all, this was the first man who’d ever tried to take advantage of her. It was a little thrilling and she was enjoying it. But it didn’t take long for her to realize that, although Charles kissed quite nicely, she wasn’t quite ready to be kissed by someone other than Gavin. She made a noise of protest in her throat that he must have misinterpreted as enjoyment, because now he was trying to deepen the kiss as his arms went around her. She managed to wedge her hands between their chests and tried to shove as she leaned back, but the message was not getting through to his drink-fogged brain.

In the next second, she was free and Devereaux was being yanked backwards. It took a moment to register Gavin’s furious countenance, and before she could stop it, he landed his fist into Devereaux’s face with a roar, sending him sprawling. Gavin lunged forward and grabbed him by the lapels, yanking him partly off the floor and drawing back to hit him again, despite the fact that he’d already bloodied Devereaux’s nose.

“Gavin! Stop it this instant!” Lainey shrieked, grabbing his arm. He tried to shrug her off, but she had a tenacious hold, and he was busy pinning a squirming Devereaux down.

“I say—” Devereaux began.

“What the devil is going on here?”

The thundered demand froze all three of them, and they turned as one to look in Aidan’s direction. Lainey could only imagine the tableau that was being presented to him and the other guests as they filed out of the drawing room, stunned expressions on their faces.

“Let him go this instant, you bloody arse!” Lainey hissed in Gavin’s ear. She was never going to live this down.

Gavin unceremoniously dumped Devereaux back on the floor, whirling to grab Lainey roughly by the arms. “Do you see, Lainey?” he cried. “Do you see? I am no better than—”

“Mayfield! In my study. Now,” Aidan barked.

Gavin shot an agonized glance at Lainey and slunk off to the study, stepping over Devereaux, who was still prostrate. Lainey was furious. She didn’t think it was possible to be more humiliated than she’d been the night of Gavin’s rejection, but this managed to exceed the glory of that evening. She just might throttle him herself.

A groan from the floor drew her attention and she dropped to her knees beside Charles. “Mr. Devereaux, I am so very sorry. Are you all right?”

He struggled to a sitting position. “I say, that was unexpected.” He fished in his pocket for a handkerchief and pressed it to his bleeding nose, wincing. “Perhaps I shouldn’t have had that last brandy. It appears my judgement has been impaired.”

“Oh, Mr. Devereaux, this isn’t your fault. Come, let me help you up and we’ll get you a cold compress.”

“I’ll have it sent to my study,” Aidan clipped out. “I’ll be along in a moment. I trust you all can behave for five minutes?”

Lainey glared at her brother, taking Devereaux’s arm and aiming him toward the study. Aidan ushered the guests back into the drawing room, instructing Tibbs to open a very good bottle of brandy and encourage everyone—ladies included—to indulge. Elizabeth shot him a worried glance.

“Can I trust you to behave?”

“If you mean will I punch anyone, you can rest easy. I’ll take it out on Gavin later when no one is around.”

“Aidan—”

“I’m jesting, my love. But he can’t just go around starting fist fights with the guests. I don’t know what has gotten into him this week.”

Elizabeth stared at him. “Isn’t it obvious?” Aidan just gave her a blank look, and she threw her hands up. “Oh, my Lord in heaven, men are hopeless. Go straighten things out, and don’t be bullheaded. Give them a chance to explain what happened. I will take care of our guests.”

Gavin’s head was in his hands when the door to the study opened. He was mortified by his own behavior. He’d come upon Lainey struggling to break free from Devereaux’s grasp and he’d seen red. Didn’t even think, just flew into a rage. And he’d wanted to pummel him. Would have if Lainey hadn’t stopped him. All the years he’d spent trying to control his temper, and in a flash, he’d turned into the thing he’d feared most.

Lainey and Devereaux entered. She looked as though she could chew glass as her eyes shot daggers at him. Well, fine. She could be angry at him all she wanted. This little episode just proved to him that he’d been right about being cursed with a violent temper, and that he was a stupid, besotted fool to believe he could be anything else. For Lainey’s own safety, he needed to stay away from her.

The door banged open and Aidan stormed in, tossing a compress at Devereaux. He strode over to his desk and perched on the edge, folding his arms over his chest. “Now. Does someone want to explain to me exactly what just happened out there?”

For a moment, no one spoke, then all three started at once.

“Gavin misunderstood a situation—”

“That bounder was kissing your sister—”

“I was making my feelings known to Lady Elaine—”

Aidan help up a hand. “One at a time.” His head swiveled toward Devereaux. “You were kissing my sister?”

“Er—come again?” He tugged at his collar.

“Why, Devereaux, were you kissing my sister?”

“Uh, well, I had just made my intentions known and—”

“Your intentions?”

“Er—yes. I impulsively asked her to marry me instead of Mr. Mayfield.”

“Mr. Mayfield?” Aidan swung an incredulous gaze in Gavin’s direction, who shrugged in confusion. He looked back at Devereaux. “And then what?”

“And then I kissed her. And the next thing I know I’m bleeding.”

Gavin snorted. “You were forcing yourself on her. You’re lucky I didn’t break your neck.”

“He was not forcing himself, Gavin. You don’t know what you saw,” Lainey snapped.

“So, you weren’t trying to push him off of you, with no success? Did I misinterpret that struggle?”

“You had no business attacking him—”

“So, I’m just supposed to stand there and watch while someone mauls you?”

“Enough!” Aidan shouted. “Devereaux, I am going to assume that you know you behaved in a deplorable manner toward my sister, unless she asked you to kiss her?”

“She did not,” he admitted. “Forgive me, Lady Elaine. I was overcome and did not stop to think that perhaps my advance was unwanted.”

“Forgiven, sir. No harm was done. At least, to me,” she added, grimacing.

“Devereaux,” Aidan mused, “What made you think she and Mayfield are betrothed?”

“Well, I—” He stopped, sending an apologetic look to Lainey and twisting the bloodied compress in his hands. Whatever he was about to say, it was clear he didn’t want to admit it. Dread formed in Gavin’s gut, a cold, hard knot of trepidation.

“You what?”

“I…I saw them…together,” Devereaux continued. “Late the other night, in the summer house…and I just assumed their behavior to be that of a couple who is either engaged or about to be.”

Gavin’s heart stopped. Literally stopped.

Bloody hell. He’d seen them? Bloody, bloody hell.

Across from him, Lainey’s head fell back on her shoulders and she appeared to study the ceiling. Aidan came to attention and pushed off the desk. “What kind of behavior?” he said darkly.

Gavin pinched the bridge of his nose. Why hadn’t he just stayed in his room that night?

“All right, that’s enough, Aidan.” This, from Lainey. “Mr. Devereaux, I trust you will want to go clean yourself up and turn in early. Gavin and I will take it from here. You and I will speak in the morning. Good night,” Lainey said, effectively dismissing him. The man glanced at Aidan for approval and then bolted from the room, leaving the three of them alone. A terrible silence descended.

“What exactly happened between you and Lainey in the summer house?” Aidan growled.

“I don’t think that is any of your business,” Lainey responded.

“I am not asking you. I am asking Gavin. What. Happened?”

Gavin’s jaw was clamped so tightly he thought he might crack a tooth. He’d known full well to stay away from Lainey, but he just couldn’t keep his damn prick in his pants. And now his whole world was about to be blown to pieces. He saw it implode the moment realization dawned on Aidan’s face.

“Did you…did you ruin my sister?”

The betrayal in his eyes was too much for Gavin to bear. “Aidan, I—”

“Did you ruin my sister?” Aidan bellowed, fury rolling off of him.

“I am still a perfectly good human being,” Lainey snapped. “Don’t make me sound like a bottle of spoiled cream.”

Aidan silenced her with his hand, his gaze never wavering from Gavin’s.

Gavin hung his head and sighed. There was no point in anything but the truth. “Yes.” The silence that followed his admission was deafening. He wanted to kick himself for giving in to Lainey, for not having the strength to resist her. He’d known it would come to this.

“How could you?” Aidan asked quietly. “How could you?”

The agony in Aidan’s soft question tore at Gavin. All of his biggest fears were coming to a head. He was going to lose the people he loved most because he couldn’t control his baser instincts.

“Because I asked him to.”

“Lainey—”

“No! There were two people involved in that decision.”

“This is between Gavin and me.”

“Actually, it’s between Gavin and me. None of this is any of your business.”

He ignored her. “You knew better!” he shouted at Gavin. “You shouldn’t have gone near her!”

“Don’t you think I know that?” Gavin shouted back.

“Then why, Gavin? Why would you do such a thing?” Aidan roared.

“Because I—” Gavin broke off. His breath came in short bursts, chest burning with anger. Realization of what he had been about to say sank into his bones the way the ground soaks up rain after a long dry spell. No matter what he told himself, he could no longer deny that he was in love with Lainey. Hell, he always had been. But once the words were out, he couldn’t take them back, and Lainey needed to marry someone else.

“You have exactly ten seconds to answer me before I break your jaw.”

“That is enough, Aidan Lockwood,” Lainey snapped.

“Lainey, I will deal with you later.”

“I beg your pardon?” Lainey drew herself up to her full height. “You will deal with me? Aidan, I am not a child you need to punish. I am a grown woman capable of making her own decisions about what she does and does not do with her own body.”

He whirled on her. “I am sorely disappointed in you, Lainey.”

“Stop right there. You have no right to chastise me for doing what you and Gavin have both done plenty of times since you were adolescents. Hell, you are practically expected to ‘sow your wild oats’ when you are young…you are even lauded for it at times! You men place so much value on a woman’s virginity and completely forget that her actual value is what kind of person she is, not what she does with her body.”

“Now see here—”

“No, you see here,” she bit out, pointing a shaking finger at Aidan. “Gavin is not at fault for what happened. I begged him. He tried to say no but I wouldn’t listen. Aidan, for once in my life I wanted to live. I wanted something just for the sake of wanting. I am so tired of being this proper miss who everyone likes but no one really sees. Gavin sees me. He sees me, Aidan. He always has. And I wanted to be seen. I didn’t want to be a terrified bride on her wedding night, and I trusted him.”

“So did I,” Aidan replied evenly, glaring at Gavin. In that awful silence, Gavin wondered if he would ever be able to repair their friendship. “I hope it was good for you,” he said, returning his attention to his sister. “Because you’ll be marrying Gavin.”

Gavin opened his mouth to reply, but Lainey beat him to it. “I most certainly will not. Gavin does not want to marry me and I won’t let you force him over stupid honor.”

“Your reputation is going to be ruined, Lainey. Do you want to endure another scandal?”

“There won’t be a scandal if you keep your mouth shut,” Lainey snapped.

“And how do you figure that?” Aidan asked icily. “Devereaux will probably shout it to the rafters, and everyone witnessed your behavior this evening.”

“Despite what everyone seems to think, Charles Devereaux is a good man and I don’t believe he would say anything that would purposely hurt me. He didn’t even want to tell you, but you bullied him, as usual.” Aidan opened his mouth to defend himself, but Lainey held up her hand. “And let’s not forget that he knew about my indiscretion and chose to propose anyway. Apparently, he thinks I have value despite my supposed impurity, which is more than I can say for you.”

“That’s not fair.”

“Isn’t it?”

This conversation was making Gavin sick to his stomach. He’d never seen Lainey this furious with her brother over anything. They usually always got along, even when Aidan was being pig-headed. Gavin hated that he had a part in this argument. Aidan turned to him, pinning him with a hard stare.

“Are you going to do right by my sister, Mayfield?”

The knot of dread that had been growing in his gut since Devereaux started talking suddenly burst into what he could only believe to be the actual flames of hell licking at his soul. His eyes moved from Aidan’s stony face to Lainey’s hopeful one. Oh, she tried to hide it, but he could see the flicker of it in her eyes. This was his chance, his opportunity to make everything right. To have what he had come to realize he wanted.

But fear is a brutal beast.

“I can’t,” he said quietly. “To do so would condemn her to a life she does not want.”

Aidan’s disgust was palpable, his expression completely shuttered as he snorted and turned away. Gavin’s betrayal was complete.

Lainey’s eyes filled. “Yet you would condemn me to marrying someone I do not love.”

The soul-crushing disappointment in him that skittered across Lainey’s face made him despise himself.

“I just want what’s bes—”

“You do not know what’s best for me!” A tear slipped down her cheek. “I know what’s best for me. Not you. Not my brother. Only I know that, and I am tired of being treated as though I don’t.” Lainey swiped viciously at the rogue tear and assumed her most regal bearing. “You behaved abominably tonight, Gavin, and you will apologize to Mr. Devereaux first thing tomorrow. And we are all going to pretend we are happy even if it kills us because I am not going to endure one more scandal because of you. You are going to attend the ball and be your usual charming self and dance with the ladies and play cards with the men and you are going to wish me happy no matter what happens or what I decide. What I decide,” she added, tossing a fierce glance at her brother. “And after that, Gavin, I don’t believe I want to see you anymore.”

Her words stabbed him like a bayonet. More accurately, like she had cut him open, physically reached into his abdominal cavity and yanked his guts right out of his body, stomping on them for good measure. She didn’t really mean that, did she? Was there no way back for them? He looked at her steadily, for some sign of weakness or regret, but there was none. Only resolve and anger looked back at him. He dropped his gaze to the floor, defeated, as she swished past him and marched out the door, and out of his life.

“Aidan—”

“I suggest that you go home with your family after the ball for an extended holiday. I will inform you when I no longer wish to kill you,” Aidan bit out.

Gavin wanted to apologize. He wanted to make Aidan understand that not marrying Lainey was a better option than marrying her. He wanted, more than anything, to go back in time and listen to his instincts when they had told him to stay away from her. He wanted forgiveness that would likely never be granted. He wanted to say…

But he simply nodded once, and left.