All That I Want (The Hesitant Husbands #2)

Chapter 23

Gavin watched Lainey twirl gracefully about the dance floor from his spot near the potted palm. She was enchanting, her smile genuine though he knew he’d upset her terribly. He’d avoided the ballroom as long as he could without being conspicuous. There were many whispers, but thankfully, his friends were too kind to bring up the scene he’d made last night. He’d apologize to all of them later, but for the immediate moment, his focus was on the woman in Donovan’s arms, laughing as though she had not a care in the world. Gavin recognized her mask.

Kingston had surprised him this evening, and now Gavin had a plan. This simply had to work. He was so enthralled watching Lainey that he didn’t hear Aidan approach.

“She’s a vision, isn’t she?”

Gavin snapped his head toward the voice to find Aidan standing next to him, his gaze directed out to the dance floor, gazing at the graceful couples. Gavin just stared at him for a few moments, wanting to say so much, yet at a loss words, his throat thick with emotion. He turned his head back toward the dance floor, trying to decide what to say. Finally, he chose the simplest but most important place to begin.

“Aidan, I am so sorry.”

Aidan nodded but didn’t take his eyes off Lainey. “How long have you been in love with my sister?”

That brought Gavin up short, and he searched his heart before giving an honest answer. “I think just about as long as I’ve known her.”

Aidan turned to face him. “Then why, Gavin?” he asked softly. “Why didn’t you offer for her years ago? Did you think I would be angry?”

“She’s your little sister, Aidan. One does not pursue the younger sister of his best friend. It’s in the gentleman’s code book.”

“Gavin, you are practically family already. Nothing would make me happier than to see the two of you together, you must know that. So, what is it, really?”

Gavin looked back out over the dance floor. “You know my family history, Aidan. I was terrified I ran the risk of turning out like all the other rotters in my family, especially since Garrett and I were twins.”

Aidan nodded. “Elizabeth said as much. I didn’t believe her. How could you ever think you were that kind of man?”

Gavin sighed. “Because I am a complete and utter fool.” He grimaced. “I’m assuming you’ve been told the whole story by now.”

“Elizabeth filled me in on the most important parts. Lainey kept her distance today, but I know I owe her an apology.” He turned toward Gavin. “You could have saved us all a lot of heartache and embarrassment by talking to us, you know. You have always been part of our family. You are like a brother to me. It pains me that you couldn’t just be honest with me.”

“I know. I’m sorry. But I was ashamed. And I truly believed I was doing the right thing by keeping Lainey at a distance.”

“What changed?”

Gavin flushed. “I kissed her. And everything fell into place.”

A smile tugged at Aidan’s lips. “I remember a similar feeling with Elizabeth.”

The two men stood silent once again, letting the music and the din of voices swirl around them. Gavin’s expression turned troubled.

“I hurt Lainey badly. I didn’t mean to. I thought I was protecting her, but instead I crushed her heart. I don’t know if the damage is repairable, but I would like to try.”

Aidan was quiet. “My sister loves you, of that I am sure,” he finally said. “It will take some time, but I think she will forgive you.”

“Do you?”

Aidan studied his friend for a long, agonizing moment, then laid his hand on Gavin’s shoulder and squeezed. “I do.” A pause. “You know I love you, right?”

“I do.”

“You are a bloody, cork-brained numbskull.”

Gavin chuckled. “I know that, too, but thanks for making it clear.” He sobered. “I really am sorry for my behavior and all the drama I caused. I hurt you both, and I deeply regret my actions. I hope you can forgive me.”

“Just so long as you understand that if you hurt my sister again, I will have to kill you.”

“That sounds fair.”

“Then you are forgiven.”

Gavin’s eyes welled up, and if he wasn’t mistaken, so did Aidan’s. Hard to be sure in the dim light. Gavin desperately needed to defuse the emotional moment before he started blubbering again. “You know, Lainey really did ask me to—”

“Pray you, do not finish that sentence. I know you are not blaming my sweet, little, innocent sister for what happened in the summerhouse.”

Gavin grinned. “She’s not so innocent as you might think.”

Aidan was scandalized. “Gav, these are things I definitely do not want to hear!”

“You said to be honest.”

“Not like that!”

“All right, all right.” He rocked on his heels. “Best damn night of my life,” he muttered.

“Gah!” Aidan stuck his fingers in his ears. “Stop it! Stop it right now!”

They dissolved into laughter, and some of the leaden weight in Gavin’s chest lifted. Things would be all right.

Aidan hesitantly removed his fingers from his ears. “Are you done?”

“I think that will suffice.”

“Dunderhead.”

Gavin shoved his hands in his pockets, still chuckling. He had been blessed with this man’s friendship; how he had so willingly jeopardized it, he would never know. He would never risk it again.

“Well,” Aidan said, clapping him on the shoulder once more. “I’m glad we’ve worked things out, because I would have really hated to cut you out of the business. I rather need you.”

Gavin smiled, the tightness in his throat returning. “I rather need you, too.”

Aidan returned his soft smile. “I spoke with Kingston. You are sure about this? There is no going back.”

Gavin nodded. “I love her, Aidan. I have to fix this. She deserves no less.”

Aidan regarded his life-long friend, understanding and acceptance shining in his eyes. “Well, then. I do believe I hear a waltz.”

As the evening wore on, the knot in Lainey’s stomach grew. Her engagement would be announced at the end of the supper waltz, which was rapidly approaching. Once announced, her fate was sealed. Gavin was present, but had avoided her all evening, as she wished. She’d seen him shake hands with Kingston earlier, presumably offering congratulations. The nerve of that man! Did he really think he could swoop in at the last moment, turn her world upside down once again, and expect her to fall at his feet with gratitude? Hardly! She was not one to break her promises.

Still. As Lainey had danced and laughed and faked her way through conversations, her ire had faded some. Finally being able to confront Gavin and tell him just how much agony he’d caused her had been cathartic. She was still hurt and angry, yes, but did she really mean to cut Gavin out of her life so completely? She couldn’t imagine a life without him in it. He’d been a blundering idiot, but she’d had some time to digest everything he had told her, and although she wished he’d just been truthful with her from the start, she could see how he thought he’d been protecting her. Men. Why did they all think women needed protecting like a delicate flower? She snorted. She’d like to see a man have a baby, then we’d see who was delicate!

She took a moment to herself as she sipped a glass of lemonade, watching Gavin surreptitiously as he made his way around the edge of the dance floor, looking as handsome as sin. Her stupid, blasted heart still fluttered at the sight of him. She rolled her eyes in disgust, annoyed with herself for wavering. Because as much as it pained her to admit, if Gavin asked her to dance, she would have to say yes, and if she spent any time at all in his arms, she wasn’t entirely sure she could go through with her engagement to Lord Kingston, and she must. Women were depending on her, and she so desperately needed to build this business by herself, for herself. She had worth and a sharp mind, not just a pretty face, and it was high time she own up to it. This center was something she would accomplish all on her own, and be proud of it for the rest of her days.

She slammed her punch cup down on the table. To hell with Gavin Mayfield. He was missing out on something—someone—bloody brilliant. More fool he. She was going to have a wonderful life, whether he was a part of it or not.

Kingston materialized in front of her. “Are you ready, my dear?” he asked as he took her hand, kissing it.

“What?”

“They are cuing up for the supper waltz.”

“Oh! Yes. Yes, of course.” Lainey placed a hand on her stomach to still the butterflies and gave Kingston what she hoped was a genuine smile. “Shall we?”

He led her out onto the dance floor, and as he took her into his arms, Lainey saw Gavin watching them from the side of the dance floor. They made eye contact and she froze. Gavin stared at her for a long and excruciatingly uncomfortable moment, the stark need in his eyes making her breath hitch.

“Are you all right?” Kingston asked.

“Perfect,” she replied brightly, turning back to him.

Kingston followed the direction of her gaze. “I can’t help but notice that Mr. Mayfield seems to harbor some feelings for you,” he said as the music began.

“Gavin? He’s just a friend.”

“A friend who smashed his fist into Devereaux’s face?”

Lainey grimaced. “That was badly done of him, I assure you. He was being over protective of a woman he thinks of as a sister.”

“Hm.” Kingston’s eyes crinkled. “Or was he a man who acted out of jealousy?”

Alarm bells started going off in her head. “Richard, why are we discussing Gavin and his supposed feelings?”

“Because…because I think perhaps you return them.”

Lainey’s face grew hot. Had Devereaux told him about the night in the garden? She would throttle him if he had. “Don’t be ridiculous. I have no particular feelings for Gavin Mayfield.”

Kingston twirled her under his arm and back into his embrace, regarding her with understanding eyes. “Don’t you?” he asked softly.

Lainey looked up at him, her throat tightening, strangling any reply she was trying to give. She wanted to say no, she didn’t give a fig about Gavin Mayfield any longer, but the truth…she knew the truth was written on her face. Despite everything, she still loved Gavin. She always would. “Richard…”

“My dear. I loved my wife with every fiber of my being. I will always love her, and she will be a part of any marriage I make going forward.”

“And I understand that. There will be room for her in my heart as well.”

Richard looked over her head, his eyes suspiciously bright. “And that is one of the many reasons I offered for you. You are such a caring, selfless woman, and someone who I think understands me on a deeper level than most. I believe we could have a comfortable marriage, and that is all I want at this stage in my life. I’ve already known true love, and I know how absolutely magical it can be. And I could never stand in the way of that for someone else, no matter how much I would like her for myself. You deserve more than a comfortable marriage.”

Panic rose in Lainey’s chest. “What…what are you saying?”

Kingston pulled her inappropriately close to whisper in her ear. “I am releasing you from our engagement.”

“What? No!” This could not be happening. She was so close to achieving her goal, she couldn’t fail now.

“You are a remarkable woman, Lainey, and I know you are going to accomplish great things. I do hope we will remain friends so that I may share in those joys with you, but I cannot let you sacrifice yourself.” He squeezed her hand. “I wish you every happiness, my lady.”

“You can’t mean—”

But Richard twirled a protesting Lainey away from him once more.

Right into Gavin Mayfield’s arms.

She stumbled into his chest. “Oh!”

“Hello, love.” Gavin pulled her into his arms and smoothly continued the waltz. She tried to distance herself, but he held her fast.

“That was a dirty trick, Mr. Mayfield,” she growled. He knew full well she couldn’t leave him on the dance floor without making a scene.

“Lainey, I know you are angry, and rightfully so, but please, hear me out.”

“I have heard quite enough from you. I thought I made that clear.”

“You did, but when have I been one to obey? Please, Lainey. We cannot end our years of friendship on this awful note. I ask for just a few minutes of your time, and then I will abide by your decision. I owe you an apology, and I pray you will listen to it.””

She glared at him, ruthlessly tamping down all the tingling that was racing through her body at his touch. Was she doomed to spend all eternity desiring this man? She didn’t say anything, so Gavin forged ahead.

“I have made an absolute mess of things, and I am desperately hoping that you will be able to forgive me for being so dim-witted. You see, eighteen years ago, my family bought an estate next door to the most wonderful family, and I was fortunate enough to become friends with their children. There was, in particular, this little girl with a sunny smile and a voracious appetite for adventure. But I was an older and smarter boy, and boys know that little girls can’t keep up with boys and just get in the way of our adventures because they don’t like to get dirty and they are afraid of everything. That little girl kindly pointed out how small-minded I was by pushing me into the pond.”

The music ended and they drew to a stop, but Gavin didn’t release her. “I fell in love with her that day. The years went by, and every day I grew to love her more. But then her family inherited a title, and suddenly she was a lady, and I was still plain old me. I wanted better for her. I convinced myself I wasn’t worthy of her. She deserved every happiness in life, and I was afraid I couldn’t give that to her. My family was surrounded by scandal, and as my brother’s behavior spiraled out of control, I became terrified that one day I, too, would be like him. So when she came to me and confessed she loved me, I panicked and rejected her. I let my fear cloud my judgement and I believed I couldn’t be what she wanted, what she deserved.

“I thought I was doing the right thing, but all I did was hurt her…hurt you,” he whispered, the sheen of tears glinting in his eyes. “I’m so sorry, Lainey. I thought I was doing what was best for you, but instead I broke your spirit.”

Lainey tried—really tried—not to cry, but a rebellious tear slid down her cheek. Her anger with him was rapidly melting away.

She slowly became aware that not only had the music stopped, but she and Gavin were the only ones left on the dance floor, and no one had moved into supper. Well, of course not, they were waiting for her. She stepped out of Gavin’s embrace.

“Gavin, I have to lead everyone to—”

“It can wait.”

She glanced around the room, realizing that every pair of eyes was on them, whispers swirling about like mist on the moor. No one seemed interested in supper. Her gaze fell on Elizabeth and Aidan, who were both watching her and…grinning?

“Gavin?” she asked absently. “What on earth is going…” She turned back to him and the intensity in his expression stole her breath.

“Lainey, I love you. I have always loved you. And I’m sorry it’s taken me this long to come to my senses and realize that I am nothing without you. You are the one who makes my heart skip beats, the one who makes me laugh…the one who stood by me throughout every scandal my brother brought upon our household. The one who believes that I am a better man than I think I am. And it took almost losing you to someone else for me to wake up and realize how desperately I need you in my life, always. I’m fortunate that Kingston is a very understanding man.” Lainey could only watch in bewilderment as he exchanged nods with Kingston. Gavin waited for the chucking to die down before he continued. “As I was largely unprepared for this moment, I have only this to give to you.” He pulled a folded piece of paper from his coat pocket and handed it to her.

“What is this?” she asked, as she took it and unfolded it with shaking hands.

“It’s the deed to the property on Fenchurch Street. You are now the sole owner, free and clear. On the condition that you allow it to be a wedding gift from me.”

“Gavin!” she gasped, her gaze flying to the paper in her hands. She scanned the parchment, not quite believing what she was seeing. “But I thought you and Aidan…” But no, there was her name, in bold script, listed as the owner of the property. She raised her shocked gaze, only to find Gavin on his knee at her feet.

“I should also mention that I am hoping that wedding includes me. Marry me, Lainey. Be my wife and I will try to be all you’ve ever wanted.”

A sob tore from Lainey and she pressed a hand to her mouth. She couldn’t speak past the lump in her throat, just stared at Gavin in utter bemusement. She searched out Kingston in the crowd, and he met her eyes with a smile. He bowed slightly, and Lainey suddenly understood the meaning of the earlier handshake with Gavin. They’d made a deal, and Kingston had given her up with his blessing. The selfless man had bestowed upon her a most precious gift, one for which she would be forever grateful.

“Lainey, I hate to rush you, but my knee is protesting loudly,” Gavin implored.

“Oh! Gavin, please, do get up,” she managed, offering her hand and helping him to a standing position. He took her face gently in his hands and wiped away her tears with his thumbs.

“What do you say, Lainey?” he said softly. “Will you marry me?”

“Oh, Gavin,” she whispered. “Are you sure?”

“I’ve never been more sure of anything in my life. I’m sorry I was too dimwitted to see how very much you mean to me. I want it all, Lainey. I want you, I want to raise our children together no matter what challenges may come, I want to be by your side while you build your help center from the ground up and see all the women whose lives you are going to change. I want to grow old with you and love you all the days of my life, if you’ll have me.”

The crowd around them was tomb-silent as they collectively held their breath in anticipation of her answer. Lainey drew in her own deep breath…then spoke the words that would forever change her life.

“I will.”

A great cheer went up, and Gavin swept her into his arms and kissed her deeply, encouraging hoots and hollers from their audience. Satisfaction seeped into her bones and a feeling of rightness settled over her as she sighed against his lips.

“Does this mean you forgive me?” he murmured.

“Perhaps,” Lainey replied, laying her hand against his cheek. “But don’t worry, you have the rest of your life to make it up to me.”

Laughter rumbled in his chest as he pulled her close. “I will work all of my days to do so. I love you, Lainey. So very much.”

“And I love you, Gavin. I always have, and I always will.”

“I’m counting on it,” he murmured, lowering his lips to hers once again.