Chapter 6
6
Taylor
L aughter filtered in through my office door. Ciaron and the woman he’d hired from Ireland were joking about something. Words were spoken in English and Irish.
“It only rains twice a week in éirinn ,” Ciaron said.
“Once for trí lá and the second time for ceithre lá,” Niamh replied.
They both laughed…again. I think she said it rained for three days and then four days every week. Not that I was trying to listen. They were just so loud.
“How many in your teaghlach ?” Niamh asked. “Are they all here in Australia?”
“Just me in Australia,” Ciaron said. Did I hear sadness in his voice? No, wait—I shifted in my seat and rubbed the ring on my finger. He didn’t mention us. Isabelle, Callum and me? We were his family. My stomach squeezed. Not me. I wasn’t his family anymore, but the kids were.
She said something in reply that I couldn’t hear. Then said, “ Cárb as duit ?”
“Sheriff Street.”
“No capall there.” She laughed.
“No, lots of people betting on them, though.”
More chuckling, followed by footsteps. They were walking into the central office.
“Fran, I’m going to show Niamh around,” Ciaron said. “Can you please check her forms while we’re gone?”
“No problem,” Fran said.
I half expected him to walk over to my door to introduce Niamh. That’s what he would normally do. Instead, the footsteps faded as he led her outside. Good. I didn’t want to hear any more of his laughter and fun. I didn’t want to hear him slip into his Irish tongue like it was so damn natural, and that’s where he belonged.
“Would you ever go back?” Niamh asked as they walked out the door.
I strained to hear the answer, but they were too far away.
Ever since the parent-teacher interviews two weeks ago, Ciaron had been distant. He didn’t cook any meals for me and only spoke to me when necessary. He even avoided being with me and the kids at the same time. And in the office, he made sure not to be in the same room as me, if he could help it. If I was in the main office area, he would wait for me to leave before he went to speak to Fran. Or if he was there when I walked in, he would make a quick departure.
It was my fault. In that moment when I’d accused him of cheating, I couldn’t see past my jealousy. The words had come out without me even thinking. Because, if I had stopped for one second and thought about it, they would never have come out. I would have known how stupid I was to even think them.
I didn’t know how to fix it. I stared at the ceiling, like the answers would suddenly appear in the blank white space. The word sorry wouldn’t be enough. But what would?
I missed him. Even though we’d been separated for months, it felt more final. We hadn’t lost only our marriage, but our friendship and camaraderie as well. I’d had a glimpse of it when we were having pizza, but it had vanished as quickly as it had appeared. The ache in my chest doubled each time I thought about it.
I had so much to do and yet all I could do was think about him.
I watched from the window as Ciaron and Niamh hopped onto the buggy, wearing heavy winter jackets to ward off the winter chill. They were still talking and joking. When was the last time Ciaron and I laughed as freely as that? In the end, our marriage hadn’t been about us anymore. It was about a million other things, and we were left like riders without a horse.
All those times I’d questioned his decisions, I never thought about how that made him feel. I never thought about how those moments would hurt him or how he would be embarrassed. I just thought about how he was wrong, or more like how I thought he was wrong. What does that do to the core of a person, when their wife, who should be their biggest supporter, is the opposite? It crushes them is what it does.
Fuck.
Add to that the lack of togetherness and intimacy.
No wonder he’d left me.
From my vantage point, I watched as Ciaron explained the lay of the land. He stopped a lot and appeared to give lots of information. When I couldn’t see them anymore, I turned back to my computer and concentrated on investigating what stallions were standing at stud this year. Ciaron and I usually worked together on deciding which stallions and mares would make the best offspring at the price we could afford. Some horses like Cox Plate winner, Anamoe, cost $121,000, which was completely out of our budget.
Neither of us had approached the other about it. I opened my calendar and thought about booking a meeting with him. I sighed. Is this what our lives had become? Avoidance and forced interactions through meetings?
Ciaron and Niamh headed back up the hill. It was time for me to go do some rounds, better known as avoiding the banter and laughter between them. Something I doubt I’d share with Ciaron again.
I walked out into the central office with its four desks, fireplace and floor to ceiling bookcases. We were down to one admin person at the moment but would increase to another one during breeding season, which would start in a couple of weeks. We couldn’t expect Fran to do it all. She was already covering two jobs with Ciaron and me helping where we could. We just couldn’t afford another admin person full time.
Fran looked up from her desk. “Have you got a minute to discuss the fuel? It’s not adding up for me.”
I glanced out the window. I had five minutes before Ciaron got back. “Sure.” I walked around her desk and stood beside her so I could see her screen.
She pointed with her mouse. “The fuel truck put 2100 litres in to fill the tank. These are all the entries from the book when everyone got fuel, they don’t add up to 2100.”
Ciaron and Niamh were still making their way back. With luck, they might stop to look at something.
“I’ve double checked all of my entries,” Fran said, shaking her head.
I scanned the screen for anything unusual. Everything looked OK. “Have you checked if any of the usuals didn’t get petrol this month?”
Fran nodded.
“Let me read the entries to you.” I read the names and numbers out at top speed while watching Ciaron and Niamh make their way up the hill.
“Stop,” Fran called out.
I reread the last entry.
“That’s it,” Fran said. “The numbers are transposed.”
Ciaron pulled up at the front of the office. I clenched my fists. For fuck’s sake. Fran said she’d double checked the entries. If she’d double checked, how did she miss it? I shook my head. No. That wasn’t fair. We’d all done the same thing at least once. That’s why we worked as a team.
I stood up straight. “Great”
Before she could say anything else, I made my way to the door. “Gotta go.”
As my hand reached out, the door swung open. Fuck, I’d missed my escape. I stepped back. Ciaron entered, followed by Niamh. So much for avoiding them. His eyes widened as he stopped inside the door. Niamh nearly walked into him. Ciaron and I stared at each other.
He turned to Niamh. “Taylor, this is Niamh. She’s joined us for night watch.”
I shook her hand. “Nice to meet you. Welcome to Diamond Firetail Farm.”
“Thank you.”
I stared at him. My heartbeat galloped as I waited to see how he was going to introduce me. He couldn’t refer to me as the kids’ mother this time.
“Taylor is my partner. She is the general manager.”
My stomach plummeted. He’d intentionally called me partner, not even stumbling on the word. How long had he been thinking of a way to introduce me? I forced my shoulders to stay high and my chin elevated. Then I moved aside so they could pass. “I’m needed down at the hospital barn. Thanks for joining our team.” I hurried out the door.
Partner, huh? As in business partners? Like we both had a stake in the farm? This farm had been in my family for generations. My family . I had no idea what would happen to it if he staked a claim. I suppose I would need to find a way to pay him out, but in a drought, that would be near impossible. Then again, if it was valued now, it wouldn’t be worth as much.
I swallowed the lump in my throat. Could anything be worse than losing my best friend, my husband, my family and the business?