Back in the Saddle (Diamond Firetail Farm)

Chapter 14

14

Taylor

M um pulled into the carpark at the office with Mary in the passenger seat. Show time. I stood and walked out into the reception area. Ciaron came out of his office and stood beside me. I gave his hand a squeeze.

I heard Mary and her strong Irish accent before she even entered the building. Taking a deep breath, I plastered a smile on my face. I would be pleasant, like always, but there was no way she was stealing my husband away or creating a rift bigger than we ourselves had caused. I held on tight to Ciaron’s hand.

Mum led the way into the office and moved to the side for Mary. She’d aged since we’d last seen her in person years ago. The lines on her face were deeper and her frown more prominent. Was her heavy makeup an attempt to cover them up? Was her bright lipstick an attempt to draw our attention away from the lines around her mouth? Her lips were fuller than I remembered. Lip filler maybe? Her light brown hair dye with blonde highlights, was probably an attempt to look more youthful. It covered her grey perfectly.

Mum and I looked plain in comparison.

As soon as she spotted Ciaron, a smile erupted on her face. She made a beeline for him. He met her halfway and was nearly knocked over by her energy. She saved him by wrapping her arms around him.

If it was anyone else, I would have relished the joy. But I’d always struggled with Mary. I really needed to let it go. Ciaron didn’t let his past bother him and neither should I. Maybe it was because she was always trying to undermine our relationship, or maybe I was jealous, but that didn’t make sense because he’d chosen me over her.

She stepped away and cupped his cheek. “You look tired.”

“It’s been a long year.”

The drought and our separation had taken its toll on him. Meaning I had taken my toll on him.

“We are only halfway through,” she said.

I stepped forward to save Ciaron from receiving the third degree. “Hi, Mary.”

She pulled me into a hug. “Taylor.”

“How was your flight?” I asked as she let me go.

“Good. Good. Long.”

“You must be tired. How about we have an early lunch and then you can rest and settle in before the kids get home?”

“Aye.”

“You’ll be staying with Mum.”

Mary’s eyes narrowed, she glanced at Ciaron.

Maybe I should have lessened the blow instead of throwing it out there.

“She has more room than us,” I said. “She lives here on the farm. It’s only a five-minute walk from our house.”

A frown settled on her face. Ciaron shifted beside me. Shit. I’d overstepped the mark again. Mum had told me I needed to stop doing this. I should have spoken to Ciaron about it first.

Ciaron nodded. “It will be much better than staying with us. We get up early for work.”

Mary’s frown deepened. “You’re going to work while I’m here?”

My stomach tightened. She was disappointed, and Ciaron and the children would be too. We’d need to figure something out. We should have discussed it days ago but I’d never thought about it. That was selfish of me.

“Not all the time,” Ciaron said. “But breeding season is the busiest time of year for us. There are some days we can’t avoid work.”

Mum stepped forward and rested her hand on Mary’s arm. “I’ll bring you to the afternoon meeting. Then you will see what Ciaron means.”

Ciaran nodded. “Great idea. We’ll meet you at your place for lunch in a few minutes.”

We watched them walk out, and then I followed Ciaron into his office. I needed to own what I’d done.

“I’m sorry I didn’t discuss where your mum was going to stay. If you want her to stay with us, I can say we changed our mind.”

Ciaron shook his head. “I think the separation is good.” He gave me a wistful smile. “I’ve become closer to Mam since moving here. I’ve gained perspective on how broken she was. You helped with that.”

I didn’t dare tell him that I thought she still was. I could be overreacting, but I didn’t think so. I think she was still the horrible person she always was but could hide it better thousands of kilometres away.

He came and stood in front of me. “I’m scared if I get too close…I don’t know…maybe…I’ll realise she chose to be that way because she doesn’t love me.”

The breath was sucked out of me. I reached out and took his hands, thoughts slamming into every corner of my brain. I needed to show him that he was loved. I needed him to see that he was valued. I needed him to know that his worth was not dependent on her. My every thought focused on mending his heart. The one I’d broken.

“ I love you, Ciaron. I choose to be a different person. I promise I will try to be the wife you deserve.”

They were big words. I knew that. I needed him to believe they were as true as my heart knew them to be. Nothing mattered more than that, not my pride, not my fear.

And I would…I would try my hardest. And I would prove it…as long as Mary didn’t interfere. As long as we had the space to heal, and she didn’t infect us with her poison.

I waited for his reaction. Everything inside me begged for him to believe me.

He pulled me closer, his eyes locked on mine. “Thank you.” He kissed me gently and my lips tingled. “Not just for your promise, but for your support as well.”

My heart lifted. I knew they were only words we’d shared, but they were the most heartfelt words we’d said to each other in a long time. We had always been stronger together and now it was time to prove we still were.

And…he kissed me! He freaking kissed me. Those gentle lips were on mine for a mere moment, and I wanted to cheer for the whole world to hear.

Ciaron stood at the front of the meeting room, remote control in hand. He commanded the room, by presence alone, as a good leader should. Everyone on the farm, whether they were horse staff or not, sat at the tables and faced him. Mary and Mum sat beside me at the back of the room.

“Thanks everyone for coming. We’re going to watch a short video now. For those of you who don’t deal with the horses day to day, or haven’t been involved in breeding, this will show you signs to look out for. For everyone else, this is a refresher. If you think you see something like this or if a horse is acting strange, put a call over the two-way and one of the horse staff will attend.”

I leant towards Mary. “The video was Ciaron’s idea. Over the years it’s saved many lives.”

Mum nodded. “We can tell staff what to expect but showing them like this is even better.”

We watched the start of the video which showed us how to tell if a horse was getting close to foaling.

“OK,” Ciaron said. “Can someone tell me one of the signs?”

“Bagging up,” someone called out.

“Right, the udder becomes larger,” Ciaron said. “Anyone else?”

“Waxing up, the teats look waxy.”

“Aye.”

“The vulva loosens.”

“Aye. The last common one now. Think of a human.”

“The shape of her belly changes as the foal drops.”

“Perfect.”

Ciaron looked around the room. “We don’t expect the non-horse staff to recognise all of this. But horse staff will be looking for these signs every day. You may think that this makes it easy. Not necessarily. Some horses don’t show any signs until they’re in labour, others might only show one or two.”

He repeated the signs again. And added a few more, including different behaviours. I enjoyed watching him and the way he moved and made eye contact with everyone. The passion in his voice fuelled their enthusiasm. And his smile; it lifted everyone up.

Over the years some of the new short-term staff would be enraptured by him, and even blush if he looked their way, but he never took any notice. And they soon got over it. Observing him, I could see why his charisma would have that effect. And his body. He had a damn fine arse and muscular legs. I must have forgotten to pay attention over the years. Stupid me. I loved Ciaron but forgot to be in love with him.

Maybe that’s what happened when you were married for a long time. Your love changed to a content type of love instead of a need you type of love. The drought would have contributed too. The longer hours and more hands on we became the more tired we were. We existed beside each other but not in each other.

“OK, what about when a horse is in labour,” Ciaron said, drawing my attention back to the meeting. “What do we expect to see?”

Everyone discussed it at length and then Ciaron continued the video. I watched him as he leant against a table at the front of the room. The angle he was on caused his green work shirt to stretch across his broad shoulders and chest. His hands rested on the edge of the table. Those calloused but gentle hands could work wonders on my body.

Ciaron looked at me almost as if he knew I was checking him out. I didn’t avert my eyes. His mouth lifted on one side. My heart leapt. There was a glimmer in his eyes I hadn’t seen in a long time. I returned his smile.

“OK. Now that we’ve all watched the video, Ciaron’s next question will be what are the signs of labour, what did we miss before,” Rachel said.

Ciaron broke eye contact and stood up. The video had finished, and we hadn’t even noticed. I glanced at Rachel who was smirking at me. I blushed as I tried not to grin at her and turned my attention back to the discussion.

After that segment came difficult labours. With every new segment, Mary’s eyes widened. When the video showed chains being used to pull a foal out, her hands clenched.

The video stopped. Ciaron addressed us all again. “This is the best time of year on the farm. Watching a new life come into this world and being a part of it is exhilarating. It can also be heartbreaking. We can do everything right but still lose a mare or foal.”

Nods from the staff.

“I want you to remember we are all a team. If something doesn’t feel right, make the call. You won’t be the first person to think a horse was in labour when all it was doing was having a snooze.”

Rachel laughed and called out, “How many times has that happened to you, Ciaron?”

He cracked a grin. “I don’t know Rachel. Are you keeping count?”

I loved how he could lighten the mood in a room by making fun of himself, that he wasn’t embarrassed about his mistakes.

“I think it was three times last year,” he said.

“That we know about. How many was it, Taylor?” Rachel said.

All eyes turned to me. How did she know that Ciaron and I were no longer in silent mode and we could now tease each other again? News travelled fast on the farm.

I chuckled. “I don’t think it’s fair to betray my dear husband’s confidence.”

Rachel rolled her eyes.

I grinned at Ciaron. His eyes widened when he realised what was coming.

“I can say it was at least six,” I said.

Rachel roared with laughter.

Ciaron shook his head at me even while he smiled. My grin widened. It had been a long time since we could poke fun at each other.

“That concludes our meeting,” Ciaron said. “Thanks for your time. My wife will not be sharing any more secrets today.”

Wife—my heart raced at that word. He’d called me his wife.

“There’s always tomorrow,” Rachel said, giving me a high five before making her way out the door.

“I never knew so much could go wrong,” Mary said.

“That’s why Ciaron and I need to work during breeding season,” I said. “Some of these horses are worth hundreds of thousands of dollars. We are the most experienced people on staff.”

Ciaron had come to stand beside us. He rested his hand on the back of my neck sending tingles through me. I leant towards him so I could have more contact.

“Not only that,” Ciaron said, “but this is our business. We are ultimately responsible for every life on this farm,”

We were ultimately responsible. We. It appeared I’d been the only one to forget that.