Back to Willow (Back Series Book 1)

EIGHTEEN

Like a deer caught in the headlights, that’s how Willow is currently looking at me.

My body awakens in the worst way possible as mayhem rises in my blood. I’ve been warring internally for the past few days, and these unplanned encounters mess up my brain more than I’d like to admit.

“What are you doing here?” I bite out as, once again, my impulsiveness talks louder than my rational side.

Willow visibly flinches at the harshness of my voice, and for a second, forgetting all of the hurt, remorse gnaws at my chest, constricting it. The urge to hold her, protect her, and apologise is still inherently part of me, but all of the bad memories she left quickly decimate any shred of empathy I still harbour for her. It’s truly fucked up how dissonant my body is.

As she quickly dashes right past me, avoiding any kind of physical touch, disappointment washes over me. My words were more an attempt to get a reaction out of her than wanting her to leave.

But who am I kidding? It’s Willow. She is not confrontational.

“I thought things had been solved between the two of you?” Johanna’s words finally bring my attention to her.

“Yeah, right,” I scoff. “No way.”

“Then why did she say so?”

“To avoid talking about it,” I tell her. “That’s Willow, constantly running away from her problems.”

Johanna stares off into the now-empty common hall, a pensive expression on her face. Then, with a heavy sigh, her head tilts to the side, beckoning me to come in.

“Are you ready?”” I ask, following her in.

“Give me five minutes to freshen up.” She disappears into the corridor, leaving me alone in her apartment.

It’s the second time I’ve been here. The first was when we hooked up on the night we met at the club. It’s been a few weeks already, but with starting residency and everything, my time has been scarce.

And the ruined first date didn’t help either. Today, though, I am finally taking her on a second date. Making it up to her for that disaster at you-know-where.

I need to move on for my sake and to prove to myself that Willow is part of my past. Johanna could very well be my future for all I know.“I’m ready,” Johanna’s confident voice catches my attention as she emerges.

Dressed in a short dress that hugs her figure and high heels, she’s seductively stunning.

“Let’s go, then.” I hold my arm up so she can loop hers around mine.

When we get downstairs and step out into the street, Johanna freezes.

“What’s wrong?”

“She’s still here,” she whispers.

My eyes follow the direction she’s looking, and there, in the middle of the almost-empty parking lot, is a small old car. The car isn’t working, and the lights are off, so for Johanna to recognise it…it’s because she’s probably still inside.

“What the hell is going on between you, Liam?”

“Nothing,” I grit out.

“Doesn’t look like it. You’re always so on edge whenever she is around, and she…well, she has too many secrets for me to understand what the hell she is on about.”

Secrets? What secrets?

I glare at the car as if it will magically tell me everything I need to know when I know damn well it won’t happen. With a side glance at Johanna, her worried expression guilts me into the present.

This beautiful woman wants to be with me, and here I am, letting my world be turned upside down by someone who doesn’t even deserve it. There’s some hesitancy in her body language, enough to tell me how threatened she feels by Willow’s presence.

I can’t let that happen. This needs to work, so I can move on. I need to show her she has nothing to worry about.

“Too bad for her,” I grumble. “You harvest what you sow.”

Tugging on her, I turn us around and head to my car. There, I make a point of unlocking it and opening the passenger door for Johanna before entering the driving side. Still, her car’s not working. There’s no sign she’s driving away anytime soon, and with a sigh, I rev mine and slowly head off.

Our last encounter has been eating away at my brain and heart. She doesn’t look much different physically, but that’s all there is. It felt like I was looking at a another person who resembled her. Like a long-lost twin no one ever knew existed.

The way she talked, moved, and behaved was certainly not like the Willow I once knew. The continuously shaking hands or the constant check over her shoulder, the sunken and dull eyes over her pale skin were an obvious tell that life has not been easy on her. It was heightened by the way her eyes widened in panic and how she flinched at the prospect of my touch. It broke parts of me I thought were already dead.

It was her broken whisper and the fat tears rolling down her cheeks that put the last nail in the coffin. It stole all the fight from my body at the sight of this broken version of her, and as much as I want to stay mad at her, I wonder so fucking much if…

If she had a valid reason to leave.

“Are you okay?” Johanna asks.

I can’t go soft.

“Sorry, yeah. Just focusing on driving,” I lie.

When we get to the bar, the host directs us to the booth in the VIP area that I booked for us. It’s close enough to the dancefloor that we can join if we feel like it but private enough that we can just enjoy each other’s company. The gold and black of the decorations clash with the bright and blinding lights that are in sync with the music’s beat.

“This is awesome!” Her eyes sweep over the place. “I’ve never been here before. It’s such an exclusive place!”

So it’s said, but luckily, one of my closest friends is the owner’s little brother, and he had told me that to impress a girl, this would be the place to come. I felt stupid at the time because in what world do people live in to be impressed by a bar?

It was never in my mind as a first choice, but when Johanna mentioned it through text last week, well, it was enough to make up my mind.

“Yeah, if Sean wasn’t my friend, I couldn’t have put us in here either,” I admit.

“You didn’t have to go through such trouble.” Her eyelashes flutter as she slides significantly closer to me on the couch.

I wave it off. “It wasn’t. And for you, only the best.”

Her body leans in, and the anticipation makes my heart pump faster, warming up my body. Beautiful. Stunning. Sexy. All a man could wish for. Then why is it when her lips graze mine, images of Willow flash before my eyes? The instant guilt leads me to tilt my face automatically, letting her only kiss the corner of my lips.

It’s not wrong. Almost a month ago, I never cared about kissing her or hooking up. We’re both single, and yet…it is.

“Let’s go dance,” I whisper in her ear as my hand slides to her lower back in a desperate attempt to save this date.

Maybe—just maybe—if, by dancing, a moment starts and we get lost in each other, I’ll be able to focus on the right woman for me. This one, right here.

“Yes.” She beams, jumping off the couch and grabbing my hand, leading us to the dancing area.

After weaving our bodies through the sea of people, we find a spot where we fit, flush against the other’s body and moving to the beat. Dancing isn’t one of my favourite hobbies, but I do alright. Johanna’s hands lock around my shoulders, and her hips swaying snuggly against mine helps.

We dance for a while as I hopelessly try to keep myself in the moment, in the woman attached to me. I try to convince myself of how beautiful and intelligent she is, of how understanding she has been with this cluster fuck, stepping aside, knowing Willow and I need to solve certain things on our own. But nothing works.

As the club’s lights flash around us, they seem to pierce right through my eyeballs. And as they reach my brain, memories of Willow flash through them. There is no space between Johanna’s body and mine, but my brain feels like it’s a thousand miles away. And that’s when realisation settles in my chest like a heavy weight I can’t get off.

I need to let her go.

In a hopeless attempt to get my mind off her, I bury my face in Johanna’s neck while my left arm snakes around her back, pulling her closer to me.

Her perfume invades my nostrils. The warm spicy note hits me hard as the soft hues of wood clash with it. It’s strong and surprisingly enticing. A strong perfume for a strong woman just like her. It fits her, but it still doesn’t compare to what my brain craves.

My hold loosens up as disappointment spreads. Being with Johanna here is wrong. Not because of Willow’s existence but because…I’m still not over her, and leading this outstanding woman on while there’s a past I can’t get over is not acceptable.

Ugh. I need to set this straight.

My head rises, and Johanna tilts hers, looking straight into my soul with loving, warm brown irises. It pains me to know that I have brought her to a date that is just going to end early…

“Johanna,” I call. My voice comes out strained as if I’m in pain at the anticipation of how hard shit is about to hit the fan.

Her eyes widen before a smirk slips through, letting me know she’s got the wrong idea.

“Look—” I am cut off with the slam of her lips against mine.

For a moment, I freeze and consequently let her think I am into it. But when my brain finally catches up with my body, I grab her by the shoulders and slowly pull her away. The moment I do, her face slightly twists into a confused frown, and I take a deep breath, preparing myself for impact.

As if two broken hearts weren’t enough in the middle of this shitstorm, I’m about to break a third.