Bar Down (Grand Marquee Manticores #2)

Chapter 22

TWENTY-TWO

Two Months Ago

Eli

I don’t know how to deal with Ash telling me he loves me. I don’t know how to say it back yet. It’s not that I don’t feel it, because I do. The problem is that I feel too much and I don’t know what to do about it all.

So when he pulls his hand back and says we should get a drink, I blindly follow.

As Ash is grabbing us both drinks, I find Edvin in the crowd of people, throwing the broken glass into the trash can after sweeping it up.

“Hey!” I smile at him in the hopes he doesn’t hate me for how I spoke to him earlier and ignored him.

“Eli, you’re actually here,” he says, startled.

Ouch, okay. I deserve that.

Wincing, I say, “Hey lapsi , I’m sorry about earlier. About everything actually. I should have been trying harder to connect with you over things that are not hockey related.”

He looks down at his shoes and at this moment, even though he’s the same height as me, he does look like the little kid I remember from four years ago, before I left home and moved to my own apartment, and before I moved to America.

“It’s fine, just don’t take it out on Ash. He didn’t do anything wrong,” he says, watching me with his keen blue eyes.

Before I can reply and subtly ask if he suspects something between us, he says, “Ash is your family too. I can tell he’s the one you turn to when we can’t be there for you. I’m glad you found him. You seem happier around him, so don't let him go.”

I take a shaky breath and bring him in for a hug, holding tight. “When did you get so wise, kid?”

“Recently,” he jokes.

Ash comes back with a tray of shots and even though I hate crowds and I hate the too loud noises of the party, when I’m with my family, I can tune it all out. They matter to me, so I’m going to try harder to let go of my self-imposed rules and try not to give a shit about what others might think of me, or how they might see me.

We drink and party the whole night and end up coming home wasted. The three of us are clamoring through the kitchen looking for food when my parents emerge from their room, ready for the day.

“Shit, what time is it?” Ed whisper-yells, like we’re still sneaking around.

My dad laughs but he moves into the kitchen and starts setting up the dining table. My mom is shaking her head at us, but she’s smiling so I know she’s not mad about us being drunk and giggling in her kitchen. “It’s 6 a.m. Did you boys party all night?”

“Yes,” the three of us say in unison.

“Well, how was it?” dad asks.

Ash sighs dreamily, dropping into one of the chairs and says, “Sailboats are fucking cool, Mr. Kalias.”

“That they are.” My dad gets the orange juice out of the fridge and pours us each a glass as my mom starts on breakfast.

We sit at the table, reliving the night before, and even though we’re still kinda drunk, my parents listen with rapt attention, asking us all about it.

“I think I made out with a girl,” Ed says, eyes squinting like he’s trying to picture her. I can’t help but laugh, which then turns into a fit of giggles. I try to smother them with my hand, but that just makes me chuckle more.

“What’s so funny?” he says, looking all offended.

“Are you sure it wasn’t a mop? You were so drunk you couldn’t tell the difference.”

Ash laughs along with me and Ed punches me in the shoulder.

“It was a girl, I swear.”

“You’re right, it was that flirty blond. I saw you two making out,” Ash supplies and Edvin beams proudly.

“Yeah, she was hot,” he says right as my mom places a big platter of eggs, bacon, and toast in front of us and then smacks Ed across the head for his comment.

“No objectifying women at my table, young man.”

“Sounds like you boys had a fun night,” my dad says. “Ash, what happened to your hand?”

Ash looks down like he’s seeing the bandage for the first time and laughs. “Oh yeah, I almost forgot about it. I broke a glass and—you know—your son makes an excellent caretaker, if I do say so myself.” He waves his right arm around before putting it around my shoulder and bringing me close.

I give a short laugh and turn towards him, ready to make a joke, and that’s when I panic. Because Ash grabs the side of my face with his free hand, like he’s about to?—

Ash

I keep my bandaged hand around Eli’s shoulder and bring the other one to his face. God, he’s so pretty. I lean in and kiss him, thinking about all the little moments we’ve shared since he brought me here, to his childhood home. Both Eli and his family have been nothing but kind to me, accepting me from the start and putting up with my personality that my own family deemed to be too much.

I don’t want to think about leaving this place, but I know that once we head back to Grand Marquee, I’ll still have Eli by my side. He is it for me. I press my lips harder against his, but I think something might be wrong because Eli is not kissing me back. When I pull away, I see the panicked look in his eyes and I hear a fork clatter across the table.

Shit.

Shit. Shit. Shit.

Did I seriously just forget we’re having breakfast with his family!? No, no, no. This is bad. This is next level I fucked up bad. I immediately release him and sit back in my chair, staring at him. Eli closes his eyes and breathes hard through his nose.

He’s really pissed.

Edvin has one hand over his mouth but instead of looking outraged, he’s trying to hold in a laugh. I dare to take a look at his parents and they’re both looking at us, stunned.

They don’t really look mad, but they’re also not jumping up and down with joy, and also I’m still drunk, so maybe I’m not the best judge of character right now. Before I can make this worse, I say, “I don’t know why I did that, blame it on the alcohol.”

No one says anything, and Eli is still stewing in his fury, so I laugh awkwardly and excuse myself, “I should probably sleep it off.” I clear my throat, trying to get the lump to go away because Eli still won’t say anything or even look at me. “Thanks for the breakfast,” I say lamely, grabbing a few slices of bacon off the plate.

In a daze, Mrs. Kalias looks at me and says, “You’re welcome, hani. ” I don’t say anything else as I bolt up the stairs, shove the bacon in my mouth, grab a pillow, and lock myself in the bathroom.

How could I be so stupid?

Did they believe it was just a drunken kiss on my part, or did I just out him in front of his family?

I feel sick to my stomach and not just from my actions. At least the toilet is right next to me so I can puke my guts out.

Hopefully my humiliation comes out too.

Eli

I count to 100 and I still don’t have the courage to open my eyes. I know Ash is somewhere upstairs, probably passing out in our bed.

Fucking hell. Why would he do that?

My hands hurt from fisting them so tight, so I slowly let out a breath and stretch out my fingers, reaching out for a fork and a sip of orange juice. Stay calm. Maybe they’ll ignore it and think it was a blip.

When I look up, my parents are staring at me, waiting for an explanation, and oh fuck—I think I’m gonna be sick. I rush to the sink and throw up just in time. Ed starts laughing and my mom comes up to soothe me.

Fuck, I can’t do this.

“Eli, sweetheart, are you okay?”

“I don’t want to talk about it,” I mumble and make my way upstairs. When I open the door to the bedroom, I am faced with silence. Ash is not there, and the bed is untouched. The sweatshirt I gave up folding earlier is still there and I crawl over it, clutching it to me before promptly passing out.

Ash

I wake up to pounding and a muffled voice at the door. Picking myself off the bathroom floor, I move to it but hesitate with my hand on the handle.

“How mad are you?” I ask through the door.

“Not mad,” the muffled voice says. This surprises me and I hurry to get the door open.

“I’m fucking furious, Ash. What were you thinking?” Eli’s face stops me dead in my tracks.

He’s hurt—really hurt by me . My shoulders slump and I reach out to hug him, touch him, something, but he sidesteps me.

“I’m sorry,” I say, voice cracking. I want to throw myself at his feet and beg him to forgive me, but I know that won’t help now. He just needs to process it, that’s all.

“You’re sorry? What was the one thing I asked of you? The one thing I told you I wasn’t ready for?”

I keep my mouth shut and let him yell at me, anything to make him feel better.

“You completely outed me in front of my family, when I told you I wanted to do it on my own terms. When I was ready.” He rubs his hands down his face and through his hair, frustrated and angry.

“I really am sorry. I didn’t do it on purpose.”

He scoffs. “Of course not. You just never think before you do anything.”

I look away before he can see the tears in my eyes, because—fuck—Eli being disappointed in me hurts worse than anything else. He’s not wrong.

“I just need some space. Maybe you can stay on Mikko’s boat for a while. I don’t know. I just can’t deal with this right now.”

I understand the underlying message: I just can’t deal with you right now.

What a waste of space.

I step away from him. “Okay,” I manage to say in a voice that sounds nothing like my own. Eli takes out his phone and steps out to call someone, Mikko probably.

It’s like I’m seeing and hearing myself from outside my own body, I’m just moving on autopilot. I grab my suitcase and pack my clothes, most of which are folded at the foot of the bed. Next is my backpack that already has my laptop and chargers in it. I think about grabbing the toiletries but decide I don’t need them.

Because I’m not going to stay on a boat when the love of my life is only miles away, wanting nothing to do with me.

I’m not going to show up to practice only to have him ignore me.

I’m not going to stay when I’m clearly not wanted anymore.

Maybe that’s the coward way out, but maybe my father was right afterall. I’m just a disappointment, a let down, a fucking idiot. So I’m going home.