Be My Forever

Chapter 36

It was 9:30 PM. Most students and young adults were still wide awake at this time, and probably getting ready for a night out. It shouldn’t have been a surprise that there was a lot of noise outside of our apartment. There was music, many people talking, and overall, just a lot of movement. I knew where the noise was coming from.

Against my better judgement, I opened the door to see what this whole commotion was about. Danté’s door was wide open. Alex walked out of it, his arms full with boxes and bags. My breath caught in my throat. Danté was moving out. Alex tried to wave but almost dropped everything he was holding.

“Hey, Evy!” His tone was too light-hearted, too forced. He was Danté’s best friend. I had no doubt that Alex knew every single detail of what had happened. If not told to him by his friend, then at least because he had been able to piece everything together himself with that annoying sixth sense of his.

I did my best to show him a smile. The way his face fell and his expression became clouded with pity, I hadn’t done a good job at it.

“How are you?” he asked in a softer voice, just loud enough for me to hear. Because it was Alex, I didn’t pretend like I was fine.

“I’m hanging in there. Do you need some help with those?” I asked, pointing to the many bags hanging from his arms.

Alex shook his head. “I’ll be fine. Please know that if you need to talk, I’m there for you.”

Since he came back from Russia – engaged, no less! – Alex had regained his usual calm and carefree composure. Gone were the sad boy days, and I was happy for him. I really was. If I had ever disliked the guy, things had changed these last few months. Alex was a busybody who often tried to meddle in other people’s business. He was also loyal – I had ended up appreciating him. I was happy that he had found his happy ending. A foolish little part of me hoped that if it had worked out for Alex, maybe it could also work out for us. But what were the chances?

“Thanks.”

Alex gave me a nod before leaving towards the parking lot. I watched him disappear. Would I still see him, now that Danté would be gone? There was some shuffling, then Danté stood there. Our eyes met, and I found myself unable to look away. He seemed… worried. His blonde hair was shorter now. Only a few steps separated us; they felt like miles. It took all my strength to not run to him, to hide in his strong embrace. My eyes burned with unshed tears. How was it that it had been over a month, yet it still hurt as if we had broken up yesterday? Danté was with me every second of every day as long as I was awake. And now he was leaving for good. It was probably the last time that we saw each other. I couldn’t watch him leave. Danté opened his mouth to speak. Nothing good could come out of this, so I squared my shoulders and went back inside.

***

Lana Del Rey was singing about mountains and rivers in my headphones, about a place where she belonged, while I dried some mugs. A place where I belong. Funny, how a person had made me feel like I belonged, only for that feeling of home to be taken away. These days, I wasn’t able to listen to Taylor. Her songs had accompanied every step of my life for as long as I could remember. Now that I was going through one of the roughest patches of my life, I couldn’t listen to her. Her songs made me think too much about him. Danté had been able to taint almost every part of my life. Lana’s music at least still felt like my own, untainted by his memory.

A white cloth was being shaken in front of my face, getting me out of my head. Chloe’s lips pressed together with concern. I took out my headphones.

“What is it?” I asked.

“You’ve been drying that same cup for over two minutes.”

The shine of the clean mug was mocking me. I almost threw the object across the kitchen. Chloe took it from my hand, afraid I would actually chuck it against the wall. Once the mug was out of reach, Chloe took my hands in hers. Her skin felt fresh against mine. I had slowly been cooking in the steam of the dishwasher.

“Evy, go home. This isn’t working.”

“To do what? Study for my exams? You know I could pass them now and still make it.”

The exams were mere days away. My internship was over, for now. Once I got home, I would bury myself in my books. It was easier to focus on that than on what I lost. That didn’t mean I wanted to go home to study now. Being here at Hot Stuff made me feel at least a bit valuable. A bit useful. Which I wasn’t, apparently. My shoulders sagged.

Chloe gently squeezed my hands. “You won’t accomplish anything by pretending to be okay. Go home, have a good cry.”

Here was the thing: if I let myself go down that road, I wasn’t sure I would be able to come back from it. I would only end up in the same place as I always did: wanting to call Danté and ask him to come back. It wasn’t fair to either of us. Chloe could probably see on my face that I didn’t want to leave.

“Please, do something. I don’t care if you need to go out and get drunk, or need to go for a run. But you can’t stay here staring at the walls on the verge of crying.”

I found myself nodding. There was no way I could argue with her. Chloe was capable of calling Kristen to force me to go home.

She gave me an encouraging smile. “Let’s go get a drink tomorrow, okay?”

“Not the College, please.”

I hadn’t gone to that bar ever since I had ended up in Danté’s bed, hungover. Though going out and not thinking about anything sounded nice, I couldn’t go back there. Chloe nodded.

“We’ll go somewhere else.” She gave me a tight hug. “You will get through this, I promise.”