Chapter 38
Today was the day. A day I had dreaded so much that even if I hadn’t marked it on my calendar, I knew exactly what would happen. My body was heavy and lethargic; it didn’t really feel like my own. But while my body didn’t respond the way it should, my mind kept racing. So did my heartbeat. It was beating in my ears and in my throat, making me nauseous. If only I could go back to sleep for a few hours, or a few days, until it was over. Then it wouldn’t feel like I was awaiting a death sentence anymore. So I did what I knew best: I moved on autopilot. There was no need for a list. I wouldn’t be able to get outside anyway. Anything was fine as long as I could keep my thoughts of him at bay. I put on Lana Del Rey, again, and started dusting off the house. I even did the dishes. Time moved in a blur until the door opened and Jasmine came back from her exam.
“How was the exam?”
“You’re listening to Lana again,” she said instead of answering my question.
“A fine lyricist.”
Listening to Taylor made me think of him, and right now, I couldn’t bear it. It was easier to pretend like it wasn’t happening now. Getting over him leaving was a problem for future Evy. This Evy only wanted to get through the day.
Jasmine stomped her foot on the floor, catching my attention. She was fuming. “You fucking dumbass! What are you still doing here?”
I scowled at her. “Did you just insult me?”
“Oh right, you’re a stubborn dumbass. That’s even worse!”
“Now you’re pushing it,” I warned her, crossing my arms.
We sometimes had an aggressive way of loving each other. Tough love was how Jasmine and I functioned. Most of the time, we hated fighting. Today, she was ready to throw me out of the window. She grabbed a pillow on the couch and hit my face with it repeatedly. I caught the makeshift weapon and hit her back.
“Can you stop?!”
“How can you sit here and simply brood while Danté is leaving?”
I shrugged. “We’re not together anymore.”
Jasmine grabbed another pillow, and I readied myself for a blow that never came. Instead, her hands kneaded the poor object so hard I feared she would tear it open. She breathed in deeply to keep her temper under control.
“Evelyn, that boy is the love of your life. You wasted two years. Are you really going to waste more?”
I wanted to scream that no, I didn’t want to waste another minute. A whole lifetime with him wouldn’t be enough. I loved him, and I had imagined us spending our lives together. But Danté had made his choice, without me. How could I counter that? How much I loved him didn’t matter. I blinked the upcoming tears away.
“But he…”
She bit her lip, pacing in our little living room, her eyes shining too.
“I am not saying that what he did was right. Hell, I’d punch him in the face if he did that to me. But he loves you more than anything, so don’t let that go. Even if he made the worst decision of his life by letting you go, Danté waited two years for you. The least you could do is be honest with him and tell him how you really feel.”
“And if I’m too late?”
“Then that’s on you. But you can’t give up so easily and pretend to be happy with your lists and routines. You know this!”
A sob escaped me. Then another one, until I was a crying mess on the floor. Jasmine’s arms found their way around me, and she held me, her embrace never faltering.
“I know you believe that no one will put you first. He didn’t exactly nail that part. But that just is how love goes. We make mistakes, and we make amends. I know how much he cares. So please don’t give up just yet.”
“I don’t want to live without him.”
“I know, babe. That’s why you have to go.”
I looked at my watch. I still had some time to get there. “I know it’s a lot to ask, but can you take me to the airport?”
She shook her head, her long dark braid hitting me in the face like a whip. “Sorry, but I can’t. Theo planned something for our fourth anniversary.”
Had I been such a terrible friend that I hadn’t noticed that they had their anniversary coming up? Jasmine put some of my unruly curls behind my ear.
“Don’t feel bad. I didn’t tell you because I knew how sad you were. Now you better start moving.”
I took a minute to splash my face with cold water before running out of the apartment. Thanks to Alex, who had sent Jasmine Danté’s flight details, I knew to which airport to go. It felt intrusive to know they both had been talking about our future and planning this. I also knew that I would’ve hated myself for all eternity if I didn’t go to the airport. And yet, self-loathing had been an easier option than to call Danté and talk it out. It proved I was that pathetic person who needed people to scheme behind my back and to make me move when I couldn’t do it on my own.
At first, I thought that things might be fine. Well, fine might be a stretch if I looked at the whole situation. The only thing that seemed to go well was the bus being on time. Until we got stuck in traffic for ten minutes. I cursed but waited patiently. It seemed like the universe had other plans; we were stuck in traffic for so long that I missed the train that would bring me directly inside the station of the airport. Tears of frustration burned my eyes, and my palms were sweaty, but I couldn’t give up now. I jumped inside a cab and promised the driver a tip if he could bring me there in time. A whole day of working at the café went into that thirty-minute drive. Hopefully, every penny would be worth it.
The cab had barely stopped when I jumped out of it and ran inside the airport. At this point, Danté had probably already checked in and was now waiting for the gates to open. Yet I didn’t stop running until I reached the information boards, out of breath. I grabbed my phone to call. Danté – last seen three hours ago. Shit shit shit. I called anyway, praying for him to answer. He didn’t. My heartbeat was still too loud in my ears, and I felt my shoulders sag. This couldn’t be it. This just couldn’t be over.
I waited inside the coffee shop. One hour went by, then another. So much time passed by, that the baristas had come to ask me if everything was fine. What could I say? Because no, nothing was fine. My heart shattered when the announcement that the gates would open was made. In less than an hour, he would be in the sky, and then it would be over for good. I bit down on my lip to keep from crying. There had to be another way. Maybe it was a long shot, an expensive one at that too, if I went to Australia. But I had to do something. Anything. This had been the reason why I preferred staying in a slumber rather than to face reality. It was easier to pretend that there was no hope for us. It was that sliver of hope that made me feel like my heart was hanging by a fragile, breakable thread. That boy is the love of your life. You wasted two years. Are you really going to waste more? If Australia was the place I had to get to to see Danté again so we could talk it out, or to get closure, then that was going to be my next destination. I could do this. I would not give up as long as we hadn’t had one last talk face to face.
I grabbed my phone and started looking for flight tickets. My phone buzzed, and Danté’s name appeared on the screen.
“Evelyn?”
My heart clenched at the name. Him calling me by my full name had never really been our thing. My eyes flickered to the board. The gates would close any minute now. Was there still time? I swallowed.
“Where are you?”
I grabbed my bag and left the coffee shop. I didn’t know if I would get there in time, but hell, now would be the time to see how fast I could run if my life depended on it.
“At home. Why?”
I stopped in my tracks.
“At home?” I repeated, lost.
There was rustling on the other side of the call. Then a door closed. “Why did you call me?”
The adrenaline that had kept me on my legs until now was wearing off. My brain had a hard time following what was going on.
“I came to the airport to see you.”
“I am busy right now. I’ll drop by your house later tonight if that’s alright.”
“Sure,” I answered numbly.
Then the line ended. People moved around me, but I found myself unable to react for some very long seconds. Someone bumped into me, forcing me back into motion. Unlike the journey to the airport, going home went by in a blur. I didn’t remember a thing from the journey home. When I walked inside my apartment, Jasmine jumped up from the couch.
“Weren’t you supposed to be with Theo?”
She hummed. “I was. But unlike you, some of us still have exams. It was a rather short anniversary.”
Jasmine watched me with wary eyes, probably expecting me to explode. She put a reassuring smile on her face, but I could see it wasn’t genuine.
“How did it go? You were gone for hours.”
The sky had grown dark outside. More than a whole afternoon had gone by without me even noticing it.
“Danté is coming here.”
“Wasn’t he supposed to leave today?”
Danté was still in the country, but why? I had been too stunned to register that piece of information earlier. When I looked back at Jasmine, she was playing with her hair nervously. She hadn’t known he wasn’t leaving today either. I turned back to the city outside my window. Danté was coming. Hope fluttered in my chest, soon to be swallowed by fear. There was no place left for me to hide anymore. So I waited.