14. TYLER
Chapter 14
TYLER
22 YEARS OLD
I t’s Scarlett’s and I’s three-year anniversary, and all I can think about is how different everything is. I haven’t figured out if it's a good or bad different but I guess I’ll know soon enough. I will admit that not having Noah here for Christmas this year sucks and not having him here for our housewarming party sucks even more.
It’s Noah’s first deployment, and we’ve all been walking on eggshells when it comes to talking about him. My parents, his parents, Scarlett’s parents. We don’t know exactly what the deployment consists of, but we know that Noah’s unit is an elite force, and the death count has already started ticking up. We’ve been collectively holding our breath, hoping no one ends up on our doorstep. But they seem to be ready for what they feel might be inevitable, and instead, I’ve constantly rejected the idea. There’s no world in which I survive Noah Milner dying. Definitely not my world.
So I look away every time they talk about him. I fight the urge to cover my ears and immaturely yell blah, blah, blah , as they bring up the death count once more. And I definitely tune them out when they begin to question whether he’ll be here next year. Because I believe in him. I know he’s going to make it. I have faith.
So why doesn’t anyone else?
“Where do you want this?” Mae asks, and our eyes connect when I look up. Hers are the same sky-blue as Noah’s, and a lump forms in my throat. “Ty?”
I look over at her hands. It’s a fine china set that belonged to her mother. “Mae—” I shake my head. “You can’t.”
“I always thought it would be you two, you know.” She smiles sadly, setting the fine china on the dining table.
My brows furrow. “W-w-what?”
“Noah and you.” Mae shrugs. I look around at everyone else. Scarlett is busy with our parents as she organizes the kitchen cabinets, completely oblivious to what Noah’s mom is saying to me. Then there’s John, nowhere to be found. “I thought you would be together. Like a couple.”
I swallow hard and avert my eyes. “Oh.”
Mae chuckles, but her eyes are burning my face. She hasn’t looked away from me, but like the coward I am, I haven’t had the guts to face her. “It’s okay to love them both.”
My eyes widen, and they finally connect with hers.
“I don’t—” I shake my head quickly, trying to deny it.
“You don’t have to lie to me, Ty.” Mae smiles kindly. “I’m practically your mama, too.”
My mouth opens and closes like a fish out of water, and she places a gentle hand on my shoulder.
“You do need to pick between them though,” she whispers. “Before someone gets hurt.”
I nod. “I know.”
“So, pick.” Her smile widens. “You need to pick.”
“One could argue that I already have,” I whisper back.
“But does he know that?” Her eyes are sad, but it’s not pity I see. It’s understanding. “Do you know who you want to spend the rest of your life with?”
“That’s a very long time, Mae.”
“That’s the kind of choice you need to make—and quickly.”
I nod.
I wish I had the answer to it because the truth is that a life without Noah Milner by my side would be excruciating. It already is. I live it every day, and the longing I feel to have him by my side is debilitating. But I know a life without Scarlett would feel the same. It would be excruciating to lose my other best friend. So, really, how can I win this?
Mae gives me a kind smile and kisses my cheek, then begins to say her goodbyes. Everyone is sad to see them go, but I know better now. She’s sad to see me with Scarlett instead of her son. It hurts her, the same way it hurts me to be this far from him.
The truth is, I think about Noah Milner every day.
“Alright, everyone.” My mom sighs, looking right at me. She raises an eyebrow, and I feel naked. Like she can tell exactly what I’m thinking and feeling right now. “I think it’s time for these lovebirds to celebrate alone.”
I flinch.
I can’t help it.
And my mom’s eyes narrow on my face.
“That’s a great idea!” Amy—Scarlett’s mom—says.
My eyes slide over to Scarlett’s, and she smirks. I know I’m not getting out of this one tonight, and the worst part is that I know I shouldn’t want to get out of it. I should want to have sex with my girlfriend. The same girlfriend who I just moved in with.
It’s a huge step.
And I’m already questioning it.
Pathetic.
I force a smile onto my face and say goodbye to our families, and it only takes a few minutes before everyone is out of the house. Scarlett locks the front door and closes the blinds, then we’re bathed in darkness.
My breaths are loud in the silence, in the darkness, and Scarlett comes to stand by my side and squeezes my hand. She doesn’t say anything at first, she seems to be measuring her words, but then she finally speaks.
“You missed him tonight.”
“I miss him every night,” I reply softly. My first mistake, if the moment of silence that follows is any indication.
“He’ll be okay, you know,” she says slowly. “I know that’s probably what has you feeling so on edge, but he’s going to come home in one piece.”
But how do I tell her that I’m more worried about him coming home to me than in one piece? That I want him back in my arms? That I know it’s wrong—all fucking wrong—yet I can’t keep myself from needing it. That every moment I pretend I’m not in love with him is killing me on the inside? That a dam has burst inside of me and all these feelings have nowhere to go?
“I know.” Is all I say.
Because what else am I supposed to do? Yell at her that I don’t know what the hell is wrong with me anymore? That ever since her birthday party I’ve been more confused than ever? Worse—that ever since the night he confessed his love for me, I don’t know up from down? That I’ve realized I feel the same, and I can’t ignore it anymore? That he’ll never be mine because I can’t lose her too?
I’m all fucked up.
Scarlett grabs my hand and directs me to the couch, where she shoves me until my back hits the throw pillows. She’s rough, and I guess I kind of need it like that right now. I don’t want to think. If I think, this will be over before it even begins. She seems to understand that somehow and is doing everything in her power to gain momentum.
There’s a sliver of moonlight coming in through the blinds, and she drops her dress to the ground. She stands before me in nothing but her thong, and when she carefully lowers it to her ankles, my cock thickens. Shoving my pants down under my ass, I free myself from the confines of my jeans. I close my eyes, grabbing myself and pumping my length until my toes curl. But Scar just straddles me, yanking the strands of hair at the top of my head and rubbing her pussy all over my erection.
“Eyes on me,” she growls. “Tonight is about me .”
I bristle.
Because, what the fuck?
What is she trying to tell me with those words? Does she know what I’ve been conflicted about? Does she know I have feelings for him too?
Her dainty hand wraps around my throat and she squeezes once, until I make eye contact with her. Her eyes are dilated from the darkness, and I swallow hard as she grips my cock and directs it to her entrance. My limbs tremble as her tight heat envelops me, and I hiss when I bottom out inside of her.
And then she rides me.
Slowly at first, looking into my eyes the entire time. She’s searching for something. An indication that I don’t love her the way I used to. Or that I loved her at all. Or that I do.
She’s searching for guilt too.
I look away, but not before she nods in understanding.
Her fingers at the top of my head tighten in my hair, and she yanks until our gazes meet once more. It’s painful, but the bite of pain makes my cock harder. I moan, and there’s something akin to victory in her eyes.
She did that.
Scarlett speeds up, bouncing on me harder until my eyes roll to the back of my head.
“Fuck,” I growl. “Scar, yes?—”
“Tell me you love me,” she demands. “ Tell me. ”
“I love you,” I whisper, pulling her down and burying my face into the crook of her neck. I can smell the strawberry shampoo in her hair, and I close my eyes and inhale deeply, feeling my eyes sting. “So much, babe.”
Biting her neck roughly, her pussy clenches around me, and I see fucking stars. My spine tingles and my balls draw up, and I pull away to take a deep breath so I can last a little longer. But she grinds her pussy harder against me, moaning loudly, and I whimper weakly.
She likes me like this though.
Submissive.
At her mercy.
She’s always in charge.
Here, I’m safe.
Here, it’s predictable.
“Come for me, Ty.” She groans as she throws her head back and screams, “Oh, fuck!”
“Oh, shit,” I groan.
“Fill me up,” she pleads, and I do.
My orgasm hits me, making my entire body shake, and I yell out as my cum fills her pussy. She milks every last drop, clenching against me and bouncing up and down on it.
And for just a moment, I’m right there with her. No Noah in sight.
Just us.
Until it’s not.