15. NOAH
Chapter 15
NOAH
22 YEARS OLD
T he plane is packed to the brim, a sold-out flight, and my hands shake with the need to get out of here. I need to hurry the hell up, and no one seems to have a sense of urgency as they exit. It doesn’t help that my seat was all the way in the back because of course it was. I bought a last-minute ticket. It was to be expected. I just didn’t think it would take this damn long to get here. I decided to fly from Columbus to Atlanta, hoping it would save me the two-hour drive with the traffic, but no such thing. I guess I’m stuck.
When I’m finally off the plane, I speed walk to arrivals, watching as Tyler pulls up right in front of me. I get in the car hastily, throwing my duffel bag into the back seat of his truck. Right as I straighten and begin to lean back, Ty grabs my face and pulls me into him. My eyes water and tears stream down my face as he kisses my cheek softly, but it’s over before I have a chance to process what’s happening. He does grab my hand though, holding it all the way to the hospital.
We get out of the car and walk quickly to the entrance, and right now I’m glad he’s keeping up with me. He doesn’t even complain when I start to jog, dodging nurses and doctors left and right through the hallways. It looks like death here, smells like it too. Or maybe it’s all in my head. White walls, white tiled floors. It’s too much for me right now, and I feel my chest heave as I press the button on the elevator. We rush in, the doors closing much slower than usual, and Tyler presses his body against mine. It grounds me, and for the first time since I got in the car, it feels like I can breathe.
“I’m not going to say it’s going to be okay, Noah,” Ty whispers, as if raising his voice would startle me. And maybe it would. I’m all the way in my head right now. “But I’m here. I’ll always be here.”
A lump forms in my throat, and just as I’m about to reply, the doors open. So I nod, hoping he understands the words are stuck on the tip of my tongue, but I just have no energy to give them life right now.
The nurse’s station is empty save for one nurse, and I go directly to her. My legs carry me over to her on autopilot and thank God for that. I don’t even know how I can still stand.
“I’m here for Mae Milner,” I say softly, and she gives me a look of sympathy. I don’t fucking want her pity, but as she tells me the room number and points me in the right direction, I realize I also don’t care about what anyone thinks right now. All I want is to see my mama.
The room is at the very end of the hallway on the right side, and I pull open the glass door. I’m startled by the sight in front of me, but Tyler is immediately by my side, reaching for my hand, grounding me once more.
The steady beeping of the machines is not soothing, instead, it’s driving me insane. I don’t want to be here. But I have to. Mom and Dad were in a car accident. Dad died on impact, and Mom is brain-dead. When they called me to let me know, I had to take emergency leave from work and come here to take care of this. I still wish I wasn’t Mom’s only next of kin. I wish she had set up an advanced directive to let me know what the hell her wishes are because as it stands, I don’t know what they are. I don’t know how long she’d want me to wait before pulling the plug. I don’t know if she wants to be buried or cremated. And I sure as hell don’t know what to do with their assets. What do they even have?
My shoulders shake as I try to hold back my sobs, but one still breaks free. I try to speak but my voice breaks, and maybe it’s for the best that I can’t use my voice right now. I feel like screaming and running away. But I can’t do that. I have to face this head-on, and I don’t know how to do that.
My breath comes out in pants as the anxiety kicks in, and Tyler clears his throat from beside me, his hand squeezing mine tightly. The tears fall hot and quick down my cheeks, hanging off my chin and trailing down my neck, sometimes dripping onto my shirt. I can’t seem to stop crying, and Ty can’t seem to stop comforting me. The beeping slows down as minutes pass since the doctor turned off the ventilator, and suddenly, there’s a long sound that alerts me that her heart has stopped.
“No.” I shake my head. “No, please, Mom!”
“Noah,” Tyler lets go of my hand, hugging me to him instead. I bury my face into the crook of his neck, my tears coming even faster now. “You’re gonna be okay.”
“No, I’m not,” I croak out.
“You are,” he affirms. “I’ll help you with everything.”
There’s a long moment of silence, and I don’t know if it’s been minutes or an hour, but it’s suffocating. I can’t be here anymore. I need to?—
“I have to get out of here,” I say hoarsely. “I can’t be here.”
“Okay,” Tyler replies calmly—too calmly. It’s starting to get on my nerves how he’s just doing everything I want. I don’t know why it’s bothering me. I should be grateful he’s being so accommodating. “Let’s get out of here.”
Before I know it, we’ve left the hospital and made it all the way back to his house. The one he shares with Scarlett now. We’re pulled up in the driveway, and I’m staring ahead as he stares at me. I feel his gaze on my face, but I don’t look at him. I don’t dare make eye contact. I know if I do, I’ll really break. The ugly parts I keep hidden from sight will resurface, and it’ll scare him. Hell, it’ll scare both of us.
“Let’s go in the back,” Tyler says softly.
“For what?” I frown. “I’m tired, I wanna go to bed.”
“We need to talk, Noah.”
I chuckle humorlessly. “There’s nothing to talk about, Ty. My parents are both dead, and I’m supposed to go back to work in a week.”
“Back,” Ty growls. “Now.”
I roll my eyes and unbuckle my seatbelt, opening the passenger side door and getting in the back instead. He leaves the car on and then climbs back over the center console to join me. I lean back against the seat, my body tense, and my eyes closed. The last thing I want to do is think about what just happened. I don’t want to talk about it. I don’t want to hear about it. I just want to forget.
“Listen,” I breathe, “I know you think talking is going to help—but it’s not. I just want to forget it ever happened. And you can’t help with that.”
Tyler’s hand comes to my thigh, squeezing. I look over at him, and his eyes are dilated, black swallowing the barely there blue. The darkness washes over his face, and the headlights are turned off. We’re just sitting here, in the dark, while Scarlett waits for him inside. And I know it’s wrong—fuck do I know—but I can’t help but want him to help me forget. To comfort me.
“I’d do anything you wanted, Noah,” Tyler says softly. “ Anything .”
“Anything?”
“Yes.”
I take a deep breath as I look at him, my eyes dipping down to his lips. He licks them, and I trail the movement. “Kiss me then,” I reply, and he bites his lip. “It doesn’t have to mean anything?—”
“It will always mean something to me.”
My stomach flutters at those words, but then he’s getting closer, and suddenly my hands begin to tremble from nerves. It’s been two years since he kissed me, two years since I felt his skin against mine. And I’m dying to do it again.
Tyler leans into me, his lips an inch away, and I close my eyes. It’s pretty much an invitation, a dare. And he complies immediately, pressing his lips to mine. It’s soft—too soft—so I suck his bottom lip into my mouth and bite it roughly, tasting blood. Ty groans against my lips, and I soothe the pain away with my tongue, then shove it in his mouth. When our tongues tangle with each other, a moan crawls up my throat, and he pulls away, his chest heaving.
“Gentle, Noah,” he whispers, cupping my face. “Let me take care of you.”
Tyler sucks on my bottom lip softly, then the top one, taking his time. His hands are gentle on my face, matching our kiss, and it feels like there’s a boulder sitting on my chest. I can’t even breathe. But I'd rather die than stop this. When his tongue teases the seam of my lips, I open up for him, and I don’t even recognize the sound that comes out of me. I cup his face too now, desperation making me feel out of control, and I deepen the kiss.
By the time we pull away, our chests are heaving. Tyler’s eyes are wide, and he lets go of me to touch his lips. Mine tingle and a bead of sweat runs down my back. I want to go again. I want him to make me forget, but I feel like something is off.
I look behind me, and there on the driveway stands Scarlett. She’s staring directly at me with daggers in her eyes, and if looks could kill, I’d be six feet under by now. But she doesn’t come to us or make a scene, instead, she shakes her head at me as if she’s disappointed and goes back inside. I wonder if she’s going to say something to him or if she’s waiting to get me alone to cuss me out.
“Oh, fuck,” Tyler whispers. “Did she see?”
“I think so,” I reply with pain in my heart. This is the last thing I needed on the day my parents died. To have Scarlett hate me now too. “I think she did, Ty. I’m so sorry–”
“Not your fault.” But his chest is heaving now, and I can tell he’s freaking out. “Oh, shit. Shit, shit, shit.”
“I’m sorry.” I run a hand down my face in frustration, and he looks like he wants to run away from me. “Fuck, I shouldn’t have asked for that.”
“It’s okay,” he lies, but I’m grateful for it. “It’s okay, baby. I did it willingly. I wanted to do it.”
“We need to go inside,” I sigh, “I want to go to sleep. I need today to be over.” But even I know I’m not sleeping tonight. I just need some time alone so I can break without an audience. I need to let it all out.
Tyler nods.
I adjust myself in my jeans, trying to hide my erection by tucking myself into the waistband and pulling my shirt over it. We get out of the truck silently, with Tyler going to the driver’s side and removing the key from the ignition. Then we go into the house, and I go straight to the guest room. I don’t look at Scarlett or say anything to her. I just move with purpose. And when I make it to the room and shut the door, I also shut the outside world out.
Just the way I wanted.