Cross My Heart

17. NOAH

Chapter 17

NOAH

23 YEARS OLD

W e’re over on River’s property, all one hundred acres of it. We used to camp out here when we were growing up, and then once we were in high school, we used to come for the bonfires. Now I just got home from deployment a week ago, and I’m here visiting Tyler and Scarlett. Well, the former, but Scarlett is a package deal, I guess. Which fucking sucks for me, considering how stupidly in love with Tyler I am. Knowing what he tastes like makes it even worse for me.

Which brings me to now. Here alone while Tyler and Scarlett look happy as ever, and I just have a hole in my chest. Being here feels weird without my parents’ house to go to. It’s been one year since their deaths, and it feels like only a few hours have passed, the pain is still so fresh. It’s hard to get out of bed, but I do it because I have no choice. It also helps that I deployed right after their passing, which gave me a much-needed distraction. Something to do. A purpose. But now I’m back to square one.

It’s November now, and the heat of the fire feels nice against the chill of the night. We’re sitting in camping chairs around the bonfire, all of us with a beer or two in hand. Everyone has a damn chair except for Scar, who is draped over Tyler’s lap like she fucking belongs there. And I guess she does—or at least she thinks so.

I close my eyes and chug my beer, listening to the unmistakable feminine voice telling Tyler to ditch the boys and go to the tent. She’s loud enough that everyone hears her. She’s also loud enough that we all know what she means by that. Opening my eyes, my gaze connects with Tyler’s, who looks guilty. I look away, not wanting to focus on him right now. I know he’s going to get out of that chair and follow Scarlett to the tent whether I’m here or not.

And sure enough, she gets up and he follows.

But not before he shoots me the most apologetic look of our lives.

And I remember the last time we were together.

Be mine.

My nostrils flare, and I close my eyes.

Scarlett and Tyler disappear into their tent, and now it’s just the guys and I. Cash, Luke, Austin, Brandon, and River. We’ve been good friends since high school.

“‘Sup, man?” River asks from beside me. “You look a little down.”

“Just tired.” I lie. “But I’m not about to go listen to them fuck.”

At this, they burst into laughter, and I chuckle. But it’s humorless. In fact, I don’t think any of this is funny. It doesn’t help that my tent is literally next to theirs. I know I won’t be getting any sleep tonight, whether that’s from listening to them fuck or because of the close proximity between Tyler and I. All I know is that it’s going to be a long night.

Sure enough, before long, we’re listening to the soft moans coming from the tent. I tense, hating that I’m in this predicament. I hate that I know what he sounds like when he’s in the throes of ecstasy, what he sounds like when he comes. And even more than that? I hate that I want to witness it again, even if it’s not with me.

But I tune them out, chugging beer after beer until I feel lightheaded, and when I’m finally done, I look around to find everyone staring at me.

“You good?” Cash asks me, his green eyes wide. I nod, and he continues. “You kinda just spaced out there. Riv was asking if you wanted to go hunting in the morning.”

“Oh, uh, yeah,” I stutter, and River gives me a knowing look. He’s aware of my little crush on Tyler, so I’m sure he’s not surprised at my outburst. Everyone else though? That’s embarrassing. “That’s fine.”

“Lay off the beer,” River says with a smirk. “You don’t need a hangover.”

“Yes, sir,” I mock.

The tent unzips and out comes Scarlett and Tyler. His hair is disheveled, cheeks pink, full lips swollen. I hate that I love the look on him, even though I’m not the one who made him this way. What the hell is wrong with me?

“Look who’s here,” Austin calls out. “The two pump chumps.”

The guys all snicker, including me, and Scarlett laughs.

“Nah,” she says, looking directly at me. “The pussy is just that good.”

“That’s disgusting, Scarlett.” I roll my eyes, and she smirks. “Keep it to yourself.”

“You’re just jealous because you can’t get any of this,” she replies, winking at me. I know she’s not referring to herself, and I can’t help but suck in a sharp breath.

“Yeah, that’s definitely it.” I wink back.

Everyone looks between us for a long moment, but then she takes the chair next to me and sits. Tyler, on the other hand, says he has to go to the bathroom, which is code for going into the woods to take care of business.

“You look cozy.” Scarlett points at my jacket, and I narrow my eyes on her. “We need to talk.”

“Oh?” I look away, making sure no one is listening to us. For some reason, I know this isn’t a conversation I want to share with others. “About?”

“You and Tyler.” My eyes snap back to hers and her nostrils flare. “How about you stay the fuck away from my boyfriend, huh?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I reply slowly. “We haven’t even been alone together.”

“Oh, don’t play stupid, Noah. It doesn’t suit you.” Her face transforms, and she looks like she could kill me right here, right now. “You fucking kissed him.”

My blood freezes in my veins, my heart stopping altogether. My breathing gets shallow and my nostrils flare in an attempt to take in air. “Huh?” I attempt to deny it, even though we made eye contact when it happened.

“I fucking saw y’all, Noah,” she hisses. “Don’t even try to deny it.”

I nod. “So why are you telling me this?”

“So you stay the fuck away from him.” Scarlett’s lip curls, and she snaps, “Don’t even fucking look at him anymore. Pretend he doesn’t exist.”

“I think you’re giving the ultimatum to the wrong person,” I smirk. “Why don’t you try it on him?”

Scar sputters.

“Didn’t think so,” I tell her with a smile.

She’s quiet.

“How about confront him or mind your business?”

“He’s not yours,” she says quietly, and River and I make eye contact. He looks between her and me, and I subtly shake my head. “And he never will be.”

“We’ll see?—”

That’s all I’m able to get out though, because suddenly Tyler is behind us, looking down at us. I can see it in his eyes that he knows something is wrong, but he’s too scared to ask. So he doesn’t.

And for once, I’m glad for it.

I sigh, because goddamnit. I never meant for this to happen. Yes, I’ve always hoped for Tyler to finally come to terms with his feelings, but not at the expense of Scarlett’s and my friendship. We’ve been best friends since we were in diapers, for fuck’s sake. Our mothers were best friends. And now here we are, tearing each other apart over dick.

But that’s not true.

He’s everything to me.

I just wish it didn’t have to be this way. I wish she had never seen anything. It was supposed to be a secret, never to happen again. And now I’m a shitty fucking person. The worst, really. A home-wrecker if there ever was one.

I know Ty will never be mine. He doesn’t have the balls to leave Scarlett, and I know she was right all those years ago. He’s going to marry her, and I’m always going to be the guy on the sidelines, pining after him. But enough is enough.

I have to get over him.

For the sake of our friendship.

For the sake of Scarlett and I.

So I get up and head to the woods to take a piss myself, but before I can take care of business, a branch snaps from behind me. I turn around, eyes wide, hoping it’s not a fucking bear. But it’s just Tyler, and I sigh in relief.

“I’m sorry, Noah,” Ty whispers, and his voice is choked. “I didn’t mean to?—”

“What?” I raise an eyebrow. “Fuck your girlfriend? Spare me the bullshit, Tyler. What’s done is done.”

“I know.” He nods. “But I feel like I have to say something.”

“No need to explain yourself.” I sigh. “What we have has to stop.”

“W-what?”

“Did you think we were going to spend the rest of our lives going behind her back? This isn’t fucking Brokeback Mountain . Enough is enough,” I huff.

“Don’t compare our lives to a fucking movie, Noah,” he hisses. “Don’t insult what we have. It’s real. It’s?—”

“Over.” I nod once. “I can’t keep betraying Scarlett. She fucking deserves better! Why don’t you see that?!”

“I do see it,” Tyler says through gritted teeth. “I just—can’t help how I feel about you too.”

“Well, I’ll do it for both of us,” I reply, taking a step back. “Leave me alone, Ty.”

“Don’t do this.” He shakes his head. “You leave tomorrow. I don’t want to be on bad terms.”

“I’ll never be on bad terms with you,” I sigh. “Just—please, Ty. Don’t push this. We aren’t meant to be. You’re not leaving Scarlett, and I’m just a fool who fell in love with a taken man.”

“I wasn’t taken when it happened.”

“And yet here we are.” I smile sadly at him. “The stars haven’t aligned for us.”

“Fuck the stars.”

I nod but instead of replying, I go back to the rest of my friends.