Cross My Heart

18. TYLER

Chapter 18

TYLER

24 YEARS OLD

I t’s been years since Noah and I have been alone together. I wouldn’t even count the five minutes in the woods from last year. Ever since his parents died, Scarlett has refused to let us be together by ourselves. She hasn’t said as much, but it’s obvious by the way she takes the entire week off work every time he comes around. Which is why I’m surprised that Noah and I are on our first vacation without Scarlett in, well, ever.

It’s always been the three of us on vacation since we were kids. The Three Musketeers. But now this friendship trio has been broken, I can tell. And I also know that as hard as Scarlett tried to take the time off, work didn’t give it to her. Now that she’s a phlebotomist at the hospital, she can’t just take time off whenever she feels like it. Especially since she works full-time. I guess she could’ve rearranged her schedule to make it work if we had given her longer notice, but I won’t lie, I was hoping for this. Except Scarlett is fucking pissed. She won’t even talk to me and told me if I don’t go home today she’s going to change the locks. Not that I think she actually would.

I wanted to get Noah all to myself. Wanted to spend time with him without her. And that’s exactly what I’m getting.

Finally .

When he found out it was just the two of us, he was angry as well. He didn’t want to be put in this position, to choose between Scarlett and himself. But this is exactly where I wanted him. Us. Because last year in the woods shouldn’t have happened. He wasn’t supposed to end things between us, yet I was powerless to stop it the moment Scarlett all but dragged me into that tent.

I fucked up.

Noah is sitting on the sand, the waves lapping at his feet, while I stand across from him, arm outstretched toward him. My fingers spread wide as he stands up, half expecting him to not take my hand in his, but he doesn’t disappoint me. Instead, he takes hold of me in a firm grip, his eyes looking so fucking beautiful with the setting sun shining on them. His dark brown hair looks a little red with the glow of the sun, and his skin is tan. There’s a smirk on his full lips as he looks at me, and he pulls me deeper into the water until it reaches our knees. My linen pants stick to my skin now, and I shiver at the cold temperature.

I don’t know how long we stand there looking into each other’s eyes, or even who moves first, but we’re suddenly cupping each other’s faces as our lips meet for a soft kiss. I feel the stingrays swimming around our legs, and stiffen, but Noah just shifts his hand to the back of my neck and deepens the kiss. It’s distracting, and I completely forget about the outside world for what feels like forever but is surely only seconds. Noah sucks on my bottom lip gently, then teases me with his tongue. I open up for him, letting him in, tangling my tongue with his. Electricity courses through me, making me jump, and he chuckles.

It’s nearly night now, the sky somewhere between gray and black, and the beach is completely deserted. We pull away from each other at the same time a wave crashes against our legs, and I jump in surprise. The frigid water soaks the rest of my pants, and Noah grins. He’s wearing jeans, and he’s not faring much better than I am, but he doesn’t even act like it bothers him at all.

“Wanna get out of here?” Noah asks me, grabbing my hand again and squeezing it once. “We can get dinner.”

I smirk. “We’d have to change first.”

“Or we could just sit outside.”

“Why don’t we stay a little longer?” I ask him, “There’s no one else here and we could just sit down and spend some time together?”

Noah frowns. “Sure.”

We make our way out of the water and further up so we can sit on the dry sand, then plop down and get comfortable. Well, as comfortable as one can get with cold, wet clothes. Maybe this was a horrible idea. But as I remember the kiss we just shared, I realize, I don’t want to be done. I want to talk about this.

“Noah,” I whisper, suddenly feeling vulnerable. “I think?—”

“Less talking, love,” Noah whispers back, gripping my chin between his thumb and forefinger and bringing my face back to his. He presses his lips to mine chastely, and when I open my eyes, he’s grinning. “You’re so beautiful, Ty.”

My stomach flutters. “Noah—” I swallow hard. “I want to—” My eyes dip to the bulge in his pants, and his eyes widen. He knows what I’m saying, but I also don’t want to say it out loud. “Please.”

Noah nods, unbuttoning his jeans, and shoving them and his underwear down his thighs. His long, thick cock springs free, slapping him on the abs, and this time it’s my eyes that widen. His dick is fucking gorgeous, with a wide blue vein running along the top side of his shaft. He wraps a hand around himself and starts jerking it leisurely as if we have all the time in the world and we’re not in a public place. But the possibility of getting caught makes it hotter.

“Come on, Ty,” Noah whispers, eyes gleaming. “It’s not gonna suck itself.”

At those words, I jump into action, pushing him onto his back and getting between his legs. My hand takes hold of his cock, and I bring it to my lips, the sticky pre-cum getting on them. I lick it off, savoring his salty taste, and moan. He twitches in my hand, and when I lick his slit, he groans long and loud.

I wrap my lips around him, swirling my tongue around the head, then relax my jaw and take him in deeper. I immediately gag, and Noah’s hands come to tangle in my hair as he holds me in place. I breathe in deeply through my nose, just to gag again, but push through.

“That’s it, love,” Noah praises. “It’s yours, so you have to take it all.”

I moan, hollowing my cheeks on the way up.

Bobbing my head up and down, I speed up. That seems to do the trick, and when I go down next, I relax my throat once more and take him deeper. His fingers tighten in my hair when I gag, and his loud moan makes my toes curl in the sand. Noah begins to fuck my face from the bottom, thrusting his hips, and I hold onto his hips for dear life. Before I know it, his cock twitches in my mouth.

“ Yes , Tyler , ” he groans, and my stomach flutters. Him moaning my name has to be the hottest thing I’ve ever experienced. “I’m gonna…” He moans. “Oh, fuck. I’m gonna c-come.”

This time I bob my head up and down as he thrusts up into my mouth, and suddenly he’s coming down my throat. I open my eyes to see him staring right at me, his lips parted, breathy groans coming from him. His blue eyes are dilated, his cheeks red, his jaw slack. And I realize in this moment that I’m fucked. Because there’s no way that these feelings I have for Noah Milner are temporary. What I feel is beyond my comprehension—beyond what I even feel for Scarlett. And that scares the living shit out of me.

I swallow his cum, loving the taste of it, and he drops his head to the sand, staring up at the sky. I pull away from him and pull his jeans and underwear up, and he lifts his body to help me out. After I tuck him in and zip him up, I lie down next to him on the sand. I reach for his hand, loving the way his callouses rub against my skin. He’s all man, and I’m all for it.

But the guilt trickles in quickly. Guilt about what I just did with him. For being so fucking weak. And I hate myself for what I’m doing to her. She’s my best friend. But I also can’t deny that what I feel for him is stronger.

“Noah,” I whisper, and his head turns toward me. I make eye contact with him, and he frowns. “I have—” I take a deep breath. “I want to leave Scarlett.”

“What?” he gasps. “Ty, you can’t be serious.”

This time I frown. “I’m serious, Noah.”

“But what if…” He trails off. “What if you’re confused? What if you don’t really know what you want?”

“Excuse me?” I sputter. “I just said I know what I want.” And I do . “Shouldn’t that be my choice?”

“What if you change your mind and go back to her?” Noah shakes his head. “No, I wouldn’t be able to take that.”

“I won’t.”

“You don’t know that,” Noah snaps. “What if you decide dick isn’t for you?”

“I just had your dick down my throat,” I growl, getting pissed off now. “I think I already decided I do like it.”

But Noah just shakes his head again. “I can’t let you break my heart like that.” My bottom lip trembles at his rejection, and I look away.

“So, what?” I huff. “You just wanted me to be your dirty little secret? You’re fine with me cheating on Scarlett, but as soon as I try to make this real you just back off?”

“No, Ty—” Noah’s eyes water, and I suck in a sharp breath. “I’ve been in love with you for over a decade. I wouldn’t survive you changing your mind.”

“So that’s it?” I laugh, but it holds no humor. “Is this it then? The end of us?”

“It has to be,” he replies slowly, a sad look on his face. “You still don’t even know if you’ll ever want to have a family. You don’t know what it feels like to have your own children.” My stomach drops at that. The thing is I do want a family. But I want it with him . “You don’t know the life you’re giving up, and I don’t want to be the one to hold your regrets.”

“I do want those things, Noah,” I tell him softly. “I want them with you .”

He shakes his head. “I’m sorry.”

“I don’t want your apologies,” I snap. “I just want you .”

“You’ll get over it, Ty.” He grabs my hand and squeezes. “You’ll be happy with her and forget all about me.”

“I doubt that.”

“You’re engaged, for fuck’s sake!” Noah exclaims.

But the problem is that I will never get over it—him. What I feel for Noah transcends everything. I don’t want to give him up. I won’t.

“Scarlett doesn’t deserve it,” he whispers. “As much as I hate to admit it, she’s a good woman. I don’t want us to hurt her.”

I nod because he’s not wrong. Where did we go wrong? How the hell did we get here? How did we become liars and cheaters?

The shame I feel is all-consuming. Yet so is my love for him.

He is mine. No matter what he says, he is mine. My Noah. And I am his. I will always be his.

No one else’s.

“This has to be it, Tyler,” Noah says, and my chest tightens at his words. How do we come back from this? I can’t live without him. I don’t want to. “I’m giving you the life you deserve. You need to come to terms with that.”

“What I deserve is you!” I snap. “I deserve to have you by my side for the rest of my life.”

“And I’ll be right here, Ty.” Noah’s eyes focus on mine, and I see the pain in them. I want to take it away. I want us to be okay. I need us to be okay. “Just not in the way that you’re asking of me. We have to think about Scarlett. You’re engaged. You’re supposed to spend the rest of your life with her. You’re supposed to love her. She deserves to be loved.”

“I know she does,” I sigh, running a hand down my face. “She deserves better than me, though. Why can’t you see that?”

He shakes his head. “Just love her, Ty. One day you’ll wake up and realize you made the right choice. When you have your three kids and your dog and your white picket fence, you’ll know leaving me behind was the right choice for you.”

The knot in my throat grows, and I can’t reply. I’m physically unable to. I can’t even tell him he’s wrong. I just let the tears flow down my cheeks, and he pulls me into his side, comforting me. I want him to let me go, but I’m not strong enough to ask for it. Because if this is going to be the last time, I want him to hold me tighter. Longer.

I want to memorize this moment and never let it go.