Cross My Heart

40. TYLER

Chapter 40

TYLER

T he sun streams in through the blinds, washing over my face. I’m still spooning Noah, his body tucked neatly against mine. I know I should get out of this bed. Scarlett will be getting home any minute now. But the thought of leaving him, of getting out of here before he wakes up, feels wrong. What if he thinks he means nothing to me? My arm tightens around his waist protectively at the thought, and he stirs.

It was probably wrong of me to come to his room and soothe him after his nightmare, and it was definitely wrong of me to stay the night with him, but I just can’t help it anymore. Everything about him calls to me, and I can’t ignore it. I’ve spent a decade trying, and now it’s as if I’ve snapped.

“Tyler?” Noah asks in a groggy voice, sleepy as hell. It brings a smile to my face. It’s been a really long fucking time since I woke up next to him—seven months to be exact. “What are you still doing here? It’s daytime.”

“I couldn’t leave you.” I press a kiss to the back of his head and inhale his scent. “But I do have to go soon.”

“You can’t do this again,” Noah murmurs under his breath. “What if?—”

Just then the front door opens, and I tense. “ Fuck ,” I mutter, jumping out of bed quickly. Noah buries his face into his pillow and punches the bed, and my stomach flips. But I get out of the room quickly, shutting the door behind me. Except there stands Scarlett, at the end of the hallway, staring right at me with a flushed face. Anger—that’s the reason behind it.

“I have so much to fucking say, Tyler.” Her voice comes out shaky, and I take a step toward her, but she halts me with a hand up in the air. “But what the actual fuck is wrong with you?”

“Scar—” I gulp, “It’s not what it looks like.”

“Oh?” Scar laughs, but it sounds maniacal. “Because to me, it looks like you just came out of Noah’s room in the goddamn morning.”

“We didn’t do anything—” I sigh, wiping a hand down my face. “He was just having nightmares, and I woke him up.”

“And you also had to sleep with him?” Her voice rises even more. “Tyler Levi Hayes, knight in shining motherfucking armor.”

“I’m so sorry, Scar,” I whisper.

Her features soften slightly as if remembering we all grew up together, but then they harden once more. “And let me guess? You’re gonna let him find solace in your ass?”

“No,” I beg her with my eyes. “That’s never happened.”

“I know exactly what’s going on here.”

“What’s happening?” My hands tremble as I ask her, and in this moment, I know she fucking knows .

“You’re going from one best friend to the other.” She smirks.

I stay quiet, and she takes a step toward me with narrowed eyes.

“Admit it, Tyler,” she growls, her hazel eyes turning dark. “You’re in love with him too.”

Too .

No, babe, I’m only in love with him .

“And if I am?” I ask her quietly. “I think you’ve known for a really long time.”

“Yeah, I have.” Scarlett nods. “But your balls have never been big enough to confess.”

“I guess they grew.”

“Prime time, too,” she spits, her voice dripping with venom. “You said we’re over, right?”

“I didn’t say it, but you know we are.”

“Yeah, I know.” Her bottom lip trembles now, and I take a step toward her. I hate seeing her cry. Regardless of everything, I will always love her. But she takes a step back, raising her hand to halt me. “You’re a fucking coward, a liar, a cheater. But the most disappointing thing? You just let your entire life go by and never went after a single thing you ever wanted.”

My eyes sting, and she keeps going.

“No professional career, no love, nothing.” She shakes her head. “You have nothing.”

I stay quiet as tears stream down my face, and I want to yell that I have him. But I just let her get it all off her chest. I deserve this. I do. Even if it fucking hurts.

“I deserve that,” I whisper.

Tears gather in Scarlett’s eyes, and she nods. “I’m gonna go stay with Tiffany.”

“Alright.”

“I’ll be taking a shower first.”

“Of course.” I sigh. “Please don’t feel like you have to leave. This is your home too.”

“And watch you be in love with someone else?” Scar chuckles. “No thanks.”

“Scar—” I don’t know why I’m continuing this conversation; I know it’s futile. And it’s only going to hurt her more. But I need to get this off my chest. “You’ve watched me be in love with him our whole lives?—”

“It’s not like I came between you.” She laughs—cackles. “You’re the one who came after me?”

“Because you kept coming onto me!” I snap. “It confused me, and then I got feelings for you and?—”

“You wanna know why?” She smiles sadly, and my stomach bottoms out. “Because I loved you too.”

I nod as I process that, and I realize I need to let go of the petty feud between them. It happened when we were thirteen, for fuck’s sake. We were just children. “You’re right.” I sigh, running a hand down my face. “That shouldn’t matter anymore. I’m sorry.”

“Sorry isn’t gonna cut it anymore, Tyler,” she snaps. “We are done. I want a divorce, and I want you the fuck out of my life.”

“I—”

“Oh, and fuck you,” Scarlett says.

“I’m so sorry, Scarlett,” I tell her. “I’m sorry it came to this.”

“I’m not.” She shakes her head. “I’ve put up with shit our whole marriage. I’ve been slowly dying inside the entire time. Crying over you like a stupid bitch. But no more. I’m over you, Tyler. And I will never forgive you. I’m going to Tiffany’s, and I’ll return on my day off to get my things. And if I can help it, I never want to see you again after that.”

“Fuck,” I whisper. “I never wanted this for us. I never wanted to hurt you?—”

“Little too late for that.” She shrugs. “We’re done. Forever.”

I nod. I deserve that. I know it. But it still doesn’t hurt any less.

With those last words, I leave the bedroom. I knew this was going to happen. That she’d never forgive me, and that she’d want me out of her life. But nothing could’ve ever prepared me for the reality of it. For the pain I’m feeling because of it.

Noah comes out of the guest room and walks right toward me. I don’t know what I was expecting, but him coming after me wasn’t it. I thought he’d stay in his room until all of this blew over. Then again, Scarlett is probably going to leave right after her shower. There’s nothing stopping me from having a conversation with Noah right now, but for some reason, it doesn’t feel like the right time to address the elephant in the room.

“Is she okay?” Noah asks quietly, coming to the kitchen island and taking a seat on one of the barstools.

It’s a stupid fucking question, so I don’t answer it. I don’t know why I’m suddenly giving him the cold shoulder, but maybe this is affecting me more than I thought it would. I love him more than anything, but I also care deeply for her. It would be impossible not to. Above everything else, I didn’t mean to hurt her. I’ve fucked up over and over throughout the years, and the least I can do is keep to myself until she leaves this house—at least until then.

“I think we need some space,” Noah says, and my stomach flips. It’s what I want, what I need, but when it comes from his lips…it feels final. Like he wants space forever.

“I agree,” I tell him, my voice coming out shaky. “But what does that mean for you?”

“It means we need time away from each other for a little while.” I look at him, really look at him. His eyes are red-rimmed and swollen as if he’s been crying, his bottom lip swollen and red as if he’s been biting it, and his dark hair askew. “Maybe I should stay with River?—”

“Absolutely not,” I snap. “You’re staying here—end of discussion.”

“You can’t do that,” he whispers. “This hurts a lot. I need space, I need?—”

“I’ll give you what you need until Scarlett leaves, not a second more,” I tell him through gritted teeth, grabbing the edge of the island and leaning over it until my face is in line with his. We make eye contact, and his eyes dilate, black swallowing blue. “Then, Noah Milner, you’re fucking mine.”

Noah swallows hard, his eyes widening. “Ty.”

“No.” I shake my head. “Don’t reject me now. I can’t take it. I’m giving up everything for you—for us . Don’t do this.”

Noah searches my gaze. “Are you sure about this?”

“Never been more sure of anything in my life.”

And it’s true, I’ve never been more sure.

I want him and only him.

Noah goes back to his room and comes out with a packed bag, not bothering to say goodbye. And it stings—it hurts like a bitch. But I don’t go after him. It feels wrong while Scarlett is still here. I need to respect her for once. I need this to go over smoothly. I don’t know why I care so much. She already hates me. But I can’t bring myself to make her hate me even more.

I go to the couch and sit down, hating everything about my life right now. But I have no right to complain. I did it to myself and I know that. Now I just have to accept the consequences of my actions.

Scarlett comes out with a packed carry-on suitcase. She probably packed a couple of changes of clothes and her uniforms. It feels final. A nail in my coffin. She looks over at me with a grimace, but she’s no longer crying.

“I’ll send over divorce papers,” I whisper, but it sounds loud in the silence of the room. “I’ve already made arrangements to put up the bar for sale. Now all we need is to put the house for sale too.”

“Perfect.” She nods with a smile. “Sell it all and give me my half. I want nothing more to do with this or you.”

I nod slowly as my heart squeezes in my chest. “Fair enough.”

“I’ll be back in three days to pick up my shit.”

“Alright, Scar.”

She opens the front door and goes through it, and just when I expect her to look back and see the look of destruction on my face, she doesn’t. Instead, she slams the door shut and leaves me behind.

And it feels like I’ve been annihilated.