Chapter Two
The cotton mouth was always the worst. Banks would say it was the headache, but he never stayed totally clearheaded enough to be in pain. He woke up, lit a laced cigar, and then went in search of water. The place was quiet. The tent and fun zone he had created for Kyson were gone. All the furniture had been slid back into place. Banks checked the clock. It wasn’t quite noon. Surely Soren and Kyson had already been up, and Soren had left.
The PlayPen wasn’t open yet for the day. So, Shane was likely out doing his own thing. He didn’t clock in until the club opened. Otherwise, Kyson was safely tucked away inside Banks’ place. He padded his way into the kitchen. Kyson sat alone at the table, dressed like an adult, which never happened unless he had an appointment or something. Banks’ gaze slid toward the calendar on the fridge. There was nothing marked for today.
“Hey. Did Soren leave already?”
Kyson looked up from his phone. His eyes were swollen. “Hey. Yeah. He had to work today.”
Banks nodded and grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge. He plopped down at the table and chugged half the bottle.
Kyson went back to looking at his phone.
Something felt off, but Banks couldn’t put his finger on it. Kyson never stayed glued to his phone. “Is everything okay?”
Kyson looked up again. His dark green eyes really looked puffy, and that bugged the shit out of Banks. “Yes. Are you okay?”
“Yeah.” Even Banks heard the question in his voice—like he was unsure of his own answer. There was something wrong with his chest. He felt sad for some reason he couldn’t explain. Banks needed Kyson to fix it. “What are you doing? You seem pretty intensely focused on your phone over there.”
Kyson’s ears turned red.
Banks had a bad feeling he was about to get angry.
“Um. I’m looking for a job.”
Yep. He was angry. Banks took a drag from his cigar, hoping to temper his voice. “Why? You don’t need a job. Am I not taking good enough care of you?”
Kyson’s gaze slid away.
Banks’ heart dropped. “I’m not taking care of you.” There was no missing the hurt in his voice.
Kyson immediately focused on him. “You take amazing care of me. I just thought maybe I should start looking for a way to get out of your hair. It’s been six months, after all.”
“Put your phone away. You’re not going anywhere. Nothing makes me happy except taking care of you.” Banks swallowed. He sounded bossy—like an absurd lover. “It would break my heart if you left me. If you want to go, I won’t stand in your way, but I’d miss you.” Everyone left him. He shouldn’t have expected more from Kyson.
Kyson set his phone aside. “Talk to me. What did you just think you don’t want to share? I saw it in your eyes.”
A sad smile pulled at Banks’ lips. This was why he loved Kyson. Banks blinked at his thoughts. When had he fallen in love with Kyson? A vague memory surfaced. Kyson stroked his hair. He was only half conscious on the bathroom floor, but he remembered the sweet way Kyson kissed his forehead. Banks loved him. “You don’t want to hear how ugly my thoughts can be.”
“Yes, I do.” Kyson set his elbow on the table and propped up his chin, as if settling in to hear whatever Banks had to say. “Just tell me that one thought.”
A laugh rumbled from Banks. “Damn. You really want me exposing myself over here.”
A gorgeous smile stretched Kyson’s lips. “Just one confession. I’ll even trade you. One exposing thought for one of mine.”
Goddamn it. Banks really wanted Kyson to expose himself. “If I do this, you can’t get mad at me or preachy. I know I’m fucked up.”
Kyson drew a cross on his chest. “I swear.”
Banks took another hit. “I thought everyone leaves me, so I guess I can’t blame you for wanting to go.”
“I don’t want to go.”
Fuck. Banks really hoped that wasn’t his one confession. He wanted more. “Then why were you looking for a job? For real. Not just some bullshit about getting out of my hair.”
Kyson blew out a sigh and sat back. “Last night.”
“I’m sorry.” The apology popped from him with zero hesitation. “You shouldn’t have had to ever take care of me like that. I’m sorry I’m a mess.”
Kyson shook his head. “It’s not that.” He blew out another tired-sounding breath like this conversation was pulling from his soul. “Shane carried you to bed and then kind of fussed at me. I don’t know. Since I moved in, you’ve kept me so insulated, I haven’t dealt with feeling humiliated in a while. It’s not Shane’s fault. I guess I just felt exposed, and I don’t do well with people’s anger anymore.” He held Banks’ stare. Then, unexpectedly, his shoulders squared. “No. You know what? I’m mad. I don’t care what made you do what you did, but I shouldn’t be made to feel wrong for caring about what happens to you. You matter to me. I care.”
In the face of Kyson’s adorable outrage, Banks couldn’t stop smiling. “Thank you.”
Kyson’s forehead furrowed. “For what?”
“For being the best part of me.”
Kyson visibly melted. “Oh. You’re welcome.”
A laugh burst from Banks. Kyson honestly deserved better from him. “Do you want to do something today?”
Kyson shrugged. “Like what?”
“I don’t know.” It was an honest answer. He no longer knew what people did for fun. “Play mini golf. Go see a movie. Find an arcade. You know, a day date.”
A smile exploded across Kyson’s face. “I would’ve very much love to have a day date with you.”
“Cool.” Banks stood and smashed out his cigar in the sink. “Let me get a shower. Think about what you want to do.”
“Okay.”
The happiness in Kyson’s voice had Banks moving his way.
He bent and kissed Kyson’s cheek. He could be a better person. Banks would try. He also might kill Shane later. Banks hadn’t decided yet. How dare Shane scold Kyson? Banks’ shoulders fell. Then again, how could he stay silent? No one besides his family had known him longer than Shane. If anyone knew he wasn’t worth loving, it was Shane.
His legs hurt. Banks had burst from his shower wearing a shit-eating grin and with a secret plan. Kyson hadn’t been forced to choose an activity. Banks had planned their entire day. Apparently, a hot shower had inspired him. They went to Disneyland.
Kyson had eaten so much, his stomach hurt. His legs ached from all the walking. He was sunburned and tired. Kyson was also happier than he had ever been in his life.
Several times, Banks held his hand. Kyson couldn’t stop thinking about that. He also couldn’t stop musing over Banks’ confession. Everyone left him. Kyson wouldn’t. He wouldn’t abandon his friend. Except maybe they were also more than friends, and Kyson couldn’t stop obsessing over the idea. He loved Banks. Likely, he had for a long time. His feelings were out of his control, so Kyson didn’t try to control them. The way that Banks had overtaken his life and cared for him in ways no one ever had, Kyson hadn’t stood a chance. There was no fighting it.
“Do you think Soren is cute?”
A nervous-sounding laugh rumbled from Banks. He didn’t look away from the road as he drove. “Is this a trick question?”
Kyson smiled. Turned sideways in his seat, he couldn’t take his eyes off Banks. He looked so relaxed and sober today. God. Kyson wanted everything from him, especially his thoughts. “No. I’m going somewhere with this. Objectively speaking, do you think he’s cute?”
Banks stared straight ahead, looking thoughtful, as if he had never considered it before. “In his own way, yes. He’s very angelic-looking and has pretty eyes. Why do you ask? Please tell me you’re not trying to set me up.”
The jealous rage that sideswiped him nearly stole Kyson’s sight. He had to take a breath before he answered. “No. I think he maybe has a crush on Shane. I don’t want him to get his feelings hurt. Shane is nice to him, but it’s his job to be nice.”
“No. It’s not. It’s his job to keep you safe. That means possibly being very, very not nice.” Banks blew out a sigh. “Well, fuck. I suppose I can’t kill him now. Your friend will be upset, which will make you upset. Back to square one, I guess.”
Confusion crowded Kyson’s brain. “What are you talking about? Why would you kill Shane?”
“He made you feel bad. I’m not okay with that.” Banks said the words with so much passion, everything inside Kyson lit like a candle.
“You can’t kill everyone who makes me feel bad.”
Banks glanced over, looking deadly. “I can and will.”
Kyson’s heart sang. “You’re very beautiful.” He had no idea where the words came from, but he was absolutely horrified. He refused to take them back, but he had to quickly move on. “Thank you for today. This was amazing.”
Banks grabbed his hand and brought it to his mouth, kissing it. “You deserve more of this. I wish I had thought of it sooner.”
“And you say you’re not a good daddy.”
Banks cocked his head to one side. He looked confused.
Kyson’s heart sank. “You don’t remember saying that.” It wasn’t a question. It was more than obvious by Banks’ expression he had no clue what Kyson talked about.
Banks cast another quick glance his way. “It doesn’t matter. If you say I said it, then I did, and it’s true. I’m not a good daddy.”
“What are you, then?”
Banks smiled and tossed a wink his way. “A deadly one.”
“Maybe that’s exactly what I need.” Fuck. Why did he keep talking? He had already decided he shouldn’t get himself into this dynamic again.
Before Kyson had time to panic, Banks pulled to the side of the road. He took full advantage of Kyson’s confusion and was across the car before Kyson questioned a thing. His mouth covered Kyson’s. It wasn’t overwhelming or scary. In fact, it was the sweetest kiss Kyson had ever experienced. He was gentle. The way Banks cupped his face, holding him like he was made of glass, was earth-shattering. His breath hitched.
Banks pulled away and kissed Kyson’s forehead.
“You’re saving me. You don’t see it, but you’re saving me.”
Something inside Kyson crumbled. He was pretty sure it was the last of the walls he had built after Jack. Kyson didn’t think he had saved Banks. Not yet, but he would. Banks would see. Kyson would fix everything.