Estranged Heart

Twenty-six

Silas

Days pass full of many flirty text messages, ending in late-night sexy phone calls. I’ve never talked so much on the phone before and I’m surprised we never run out of things to say. Friday is finally here and I’m excited for tomorrow. As I’m locking up the shop for the day, I see Elijah leaning against his car in the reflection of the glass.

With my heart going crazy, I turn around and shoot him a grin. “Get your days mixed up?”

He steps away from the car and shakes his head. “No. I was hungry and didn’t feel in the mood to cook, so thought I’d see if you wanted to join me at a restaurant.”

“Sure. I haven’t eaten since lunch and I’m starving.”

“I better get you fed then.”

As I’m walking around to the passenger side, I get a little woozy and fall against the car.

Elijah’s eyes fill with panic and he rushes over to me, guiding me into the passenger seat. “You okay? I can take you home if you’re not feeling well.”

I grab at my chest when there’s a weird tug in the center. “I’m fine. I might have been working too much, too soon.”

“You’re off the whole weekend, right?”

“Yeah, and Monday. I’ll feel better once I have some food in me.”

“Okay. Let me know if at any point you change your mind.”

I never do, but suffer a few more dizzy spells in silence, excusing myself to splash some water on my face. My skin is a little pale when I eye my reflection in the mirror, pins and needles sensations shooting up my left side. I haven’t checked my pulse or blood pressure in a while. My breathing has been fine and I haven’t needed to slow down until now.

I return to the table once I feel I can walk in a straight line again, and thankfully eating does help me feel a little better. Laughing with Elijah and sharing dessert with him does too. Cold water trickles down my throat as I down the rest of the glass, and Elijah pays for the tab, shoving my hand away when I try to pay the tip in cash.

“I’m the one who asked you here so I’d already planned to do it anyway.”

“Fine,” I groan. “I’ll pay for whatever we do tomorrow then.”

“Deal.” He agrees with his words but his eyes tell me a different story. I’ve noticed he likes taking care of me the way I crave having him do it, not in the controlling way Stacey always did. With him I’m valued and secure.

We both stand up and blood rushes to my head from moving too fast. I hold on to the chair until the room stops spinning and then follow Elijah out into the warm night. When we reach his car, we both slip inside, and he holds my hand on the short drive to my mom’s. The brief kiss goodbye in the car isn’t enough, so I ask him if he wants to walk me to the door.

“What if your mom comes out again?”

“Then I guess you can meet her,” I chirp. “Unless you think it’s too weird.”

“No. I’d love to walk you to the door.”

As we’re walking toward the house, I stop midway when the porch light automatically turns on.

“You okay?”

I take a moment to think about his question and I’m more than okay. I’m ready for him to meet my mom. But as what? A friend? My date?

As if reading my mind, Elijah pulls me into his side and kisses my ear. “It’s okay. We don’t have to say anything you’re not ready for.”

Relief floods me, and when we reach the porch he strokes my cheek. “Thanks for joining me for dinner.”

“And thanks for tricking me into letting you pay again.”

A gruff laugh escapes his lips. “Got your knee pads ready for tomorrow?”

“Nah. I figure every time I fall, you can throw your body underneath mine instead.”

Another laugh has him shaking and he kisses my nose. “I’ll see you when I get out of work.”

Leaning into one another, our lips lightly brush, and the door snicking open has us jumping apart.

“I was wondering when you were getting in. I saved you some dinner in the microwave in case you haven’t eaten yet.” Mom’s eyes bounce between us.

“Oh, hey Ma. This is Elijah. He picked me up from work and we went to eat at that new Mexican restaurant down the road.”

Tilting her head, her eyes spark in curiosity. “Elijah. I see you decided to bring him to the door this time. It’s nice to meet you. It’s good to see my son making new friends.”

Elijah’s cheeks tint and he sticks out his hand. “Nice meeting you too, and your son was a great help with finding the perfect flower arrangements recently for my husband’s funeral.”

My mom freezes halfway through shaking his hand, her lips turning down a little in the corners. “I’m sorry to hear about your loss, but happy my son was able to help you during such a tough time.” She releases his hand, staring between us again as if hoping our body language will tell her what our words aren’t. “Would you like to come in for some tea?”

“That sounds . . .” Elijah shoots me a quick glance and then nods when he sees no objection in my eyes. “I’d love to.”

“Great. You boys hurry in before you let all the cool air out.”

Eyeing each other nervously, we follow her inside, and Elijah rubs my lower back, releasing some tension in my body. His hand retracts when we reach the kitchen and my mom is turning toward us again.

“I’m guessing your recent favorite is okay?” My mom gives me a knowing expression.

“Yeah, Lavender. Or Chamomile. I’ll take either one.”

Elijah’s eyes widen and he forces a smile when my mom asks what kind of tea he likes. “We have green tea, black tea . . .”

“Elijah likes coffee,” I interrupt.

“Coffee? This late?”

“Yeah. He’s a lot like how I used to be before you know . . . I switched teams,” I say between chuckles, pulling down three cups. I mean that in more ways than one, causing Elijah to lift his hand to his mouth.

“Coffee it is then. Cream and sugar?”

“I don’t want to be any trouble. If tea is easier, I’ll take whatever Silas is having.”

My mom waves him off, walking over to the counter holding the coffee pot. “It’s no trouble at all. I don’t want to make you drink something you don’t want to drink, and I think I’ll have some coffee too.”

I turn on the kettle after adding water and join Elijah at the table, leaving our mugs behind on the counter.

An awkward silence stretches between the three of us in the kitchen, and my mom’s the first to break it when she silences the whistling noise of the kettle. “So, what is it you do for work, Elijah?”

“I run, uh . . . own a bookstore and two restaurants. Well, the restaurants were my husband’s and I’ve been doing my best to keep them going.”

“A bookstore and two restaurants? You’re a busy man.”

“Yeah. I mean, I have had a great team working behind me but it’s definitely been a lot to take on at once.” He shifts in his seat, reaching for the mug my mom hands him.

“It sounds like it. Would you like any cream or sugar, hun?”

“Nah.” He blows over the top of the steaming coffee. “I like it just the way it is, thank you.”

She smiles. “Silas did too once, but so much has changed since the transplant. I wonder if the person who owned his heart before him loved tea as much as he does now. If it’s common for transplant patients to inherit some of their donor’s likes and dislikes. It would explain a lot.” My mom fills my cup with hot water, slipping in a tea bag, and Elijah tightens his fingers around his mug.

“Like what?” His eyes flicker over at my mom as she takes a seat next to me.

“Oh, like this strange paper crafting he’s been doing as one of his nervous habits. He doesn’t even remember how he learned it, but I’ve gained quite the collection all over the house in the short amount of time since he’s come to stay here. Then there’s the tea, the recent interest in cooking, and his love for foods he once hated.”

“That is strange and kind of . . . I don’t know . . . neat, in a way,” Elijah says before taking a sip of his coffee, his eyes dropping to my chest. “It’s like being able to have two different experiences with everything.”

“Yeah, and it’s definitely odd, but I’m starting to get used to it. Having two sides of me, that is, while still trying to get to know both better.”

Neither of us say anything for a long time and my mom can’t stop staring at us, almost as if she can sense the new tension in the air. Are all these reactions to my new interests and likes, or is he still nervous meeting my mom? Does he think I might have Landon’s heart inside me too? Surely he knows his husband was a donor, but there’s something off about the way he acts the rest of the time he’s here.

His responses are short and he no longer asks questions, keeping his mouth busy with more coffee. When I walk him to his car and try to kiss him, he presses a hand to my chest. “Probably should wait for another time, unless you want to answer more questions from your mom when you get back inside.” His smirk doesn’t match his eyes.

“Yeah.” I glance over my shoulder. “You’re probably right. Although, I’ll probably get a mouthful anyway.”

He lets out a shaky breath. “Probably. I better get going, but I’ll see you tomorrow, okay?” He gives me a light pat on the shoulder and slips inside his car.

Standing here in the warm night, I wrap my arms around myself and feel gutted as I watch him drive away after looking at me the way you would a stranger.

I get back inside and sure enough, my mom is full of questions, and I wish I’d ignored Elijah’s caution and snuck a kiss anyway. I need to know we’re okay. That we’ll keep moving forward together and not go back to standing still, or backwards.

“He’s not just a friend, is he?” Mom asks, staring down at me after I lower myself onto the couch.

“I don’t know what he is, but I’m too tired to be prosecuted by my own mother tonight.”

“I only worry is all. It’s so soon and you’re still recovering from the surgery.” Eyebrows meeting, she sits beside me. “Does Stacey know?”

Inhaling a breath, I nod and slowly exhale. “She does, but she thinks it’s temporary.”

“Do you feel it is?”

“No, Ma. I don’t. I’ve never felt this way before. He’s . . . what I’ve imagined people describe falling head over heels to be like.”

She sighs, taking my hand. “Just be careful, okay. Take your time. Figure things out. It is good to see you smiling again. I only want you to be happy, and I think you’re right. You didn’t fully have that with Stacey, and I think everyone should experience whatever was floating between you two in the kitchen at least once.”

“You don’t care that it’s with a guy?”

She sits back against the cushions, looking upward. “I have to say, I was a little surprised at first, but I’m used to that happening with you these days.” She laughs. “And who you choose to love is for you to decide alone. Not me or anyone else.”

“Thanks, Ma. There’s something else.”

Her eyes blink. “What is it?”

“I think I might have gotten his husband’s heart during the transplant.”

Looking taken aback, she sits up taller. “What makes you think that?”

“Because of when his husband got into the accident. And there have been so many other factors—me liking some of the same things, me dreaming about him before meeting him in the flower shop, and . . . just the feeling that I’ve known him for years.”

“You should talk to him about it. It’s the only way you’ll know for sure.”

“Yeah . . . but how do you even bring something like that up? I think your husband was my donor and the feelings I feel for you might be his?”

“I think once you’re in the moment you’ll know right then what to say, and maybe some of these feelings do come from his husband’s heart, but the way your eyes lit up every time he looked at you earlier was all you.” She kisses my cheek. “Now get some rest, because you look like you could drop at any moment. That tea must be kicking in.”

I laugh. “You’re right. It has been a long day. Thanks for the chat. I always could come to you about everything, no matter what it was.”

“And you still can. Good night, sweetheart. I’ll see you in the morning.”

“Night.” My phone dings and I’m relieved to see a little bit of the Elijah I was needing to see when we were saying goodbye at the door earlier.

Elijah : I’m home and these people sure do hold their partners a lot in these skating videos.

Me : Does that mean you’ve decided to wear skates with me tomorrow?

Elijah : It means I’m definitely considering saying yes more than before.

I laugh.

Me : That’s better than a straight no. Means we’ll be at a yes by the time you get here.

Elijah : Only time will tell. See ya soon, Sunshine.

Me : Night.

With my heart settling in my chest, I head to my room, plug in my phone, and crash as soon as my head hits the pillow. Only time will tell, something I finally feel I have plenty of.