Chapter 39
39
“ G ood God. This stairway’s going to fucking kill me.”
Joan stopped to suck in a few gasping breaths.
“I don’t know what’s wrong with you. I feel fine.” Lucas bent over and planted his hands on his knees, gulping desperately for air himself.
Joan peeled off her pink sweatshirt to reveal her T-shirt underneath, even though it was cold out. She turned to him.
“Ready again?”
It was November, and they’d planned an impromptu trip to Red River Gorge, making the two-hour drive from Louisville to absorb the gorgeous mountain views, even though they’d missed peak fall foliage by a few weeks. His brother had a friend who owned some cabins, and they’d gotten a deal on a last-minute cancellation. Now they were hiking up to see the Natural Bridge, a stone formation near the Daniel Boone forest, and the trek followed an uphill path the entire length.
“I’m ready.” Lucas followed her up more rocky stairs. Sweat covered his forehead. “That pizza we had for lunch isn’t sitting so well, though.”
“We’ve got this. We’re young and healthy. That man coming down a minute ago looked seventy.”
“I bet he took the lift up,” Lucas grumbled.
Joan shrieked when she nearly stepped on a dead snake, and they both had to turn sideways to fit through two stone walls leading up to the sandstone bridge, but they finally made it to the top. Joan stepped onto the wide rocky plateau to take in the view. Lucas followed her.
“Wow.”
“Yeah.” Lucas wrapped his arm around Joan’s side. She shivered in the cool air, despite the hard climb and the late afternoon sunshine bathing them.
A tree-filled valley below met with the face of a cliff hundreds of feet in front of them. They were sixty-five feet up, according to what he’d read, on a bridge spanning seventy-eight feet in the middle of acres of forested mountains and clear air. A few people milled around, but it was late in the season, and therefore not as busy as it would have been a month prior.
Lucas studied Joan as she soaked in the scenery. Golden afternoon light glinted on her hair. Pink suffused her cheeks. She stretched her arms over her head, letting the wind envelop her, and he felt his heart move.
I’m in love with her.
The force of the thought nearly knocked him sideways. He almost blurted it out right then, unaccustomed to keeping sudden revelations to himself. But he wouldn’t scare her, not when she still seemed a bit skittish about their newness. He felt like shouting it, though, to the surrounding vista.
Instead, he brushed his lips on her cheek. “Wanna stop for ice cream on the way back?”
She turned her eyes toward the sky. “You only ever think about food.”
“Nah. Baseball, too.” He kissed her again before they made their way back down.
They stayed in a small, cozy, A-frame cabin. Wooden beams met in the center of the ceiling. A faux leather couch dominated the living room, and an assortment of wooden furniture completed the setup. They curled up under a blanket after watching a movie.
“Hey,” he said, trying to work up his courage. His stomach churned. “I made an appointment to see a therapist. I figured I could work through some stuff where my dad is concerned.”
Joan sat up. She laid a finger between his eyebrows to smooth a divot there. He felt a sudden surge of affection for her, knowing that she would be happy for him. He wasn’t sure why he was nervous about telling her in the first place.
“Good for you,” she said, stroking his hair back from his forehead. “You’ve had a hell of a year, and you should take care of yourself.”
She kissed him, slow and deep, and he felt himself respond to her. He was so into her, he could hardly believe there was a time when they weren’t touching each other constantly. She threaded her fingers through his.
He looked at her. “So you think therapy has helped you, then?”
“Absolutely. I think I was such a people pleaser that it was making all my problems worse. And the sex thing specifically. Like, I cared way more about my partners than my own pleasure. I’ve learned to prioritize myself.” She chuckled. “Who knew therapy would teach me to be more selfish, right?”
Lucas smiled at her, but an empty pit had opened in his chest. He kept remembering his father’s heated words. You are just like me. He wondered what he would learn about himself when he talked to a professional, and if he would experience the same healing Joan had, or if he would slip into self-loathing. The thought made him queasy.
“I’ve got some things to discuss for sure,” he said, not wanting to talk about said messy feelings just yet. “Maybe I should mention that I can’t stop thinking about banging my best friend.”
“How romantic,” she said, but she was already leaning toward him, and as he grazed her lips with his own, fire licked up his spine. His physical attraction to her was a feral thing, ready to devour him at a moment’s notice. He pushed his tongue into her mouth, and she moved to straddle him. He was hardening underneath her, groaning as she wriggled her hips, each tortuous movement inflaming his desire. They’d tried their penetration experiment a few times since Halloween, and they’d been successful each time, though without much movement. Still, he hadn’t embarrassed himself like he did the first time. His cheeks still heated at the memory. He was willing to try it again. He’d take her any way he could get her.
“Bedroom?”
He nodded, then scooped under her as he stood up. She squealed in his ear, causing him to stumble.
“Lucas! You can’t carry me. I’m almost as big as you are.”
“I’ve got it,” he said, clutching her to him. “You don’t seem that heavy to me.” She was sturdy, though, and six feet tall, and he huffed a little as he shuffled them awkwardly toward his bed.
“Put me down, you dummy,” Joan said once he got them through the bedroom door. She kissed him as she slid down his body to keep him from protesting. “I’ve made peace with not being a tiny little thing. No need to hurt yourself.”
“I had it, though, to be clear.”
“Of course you did.”
He backed her toward the bed, kissing her again. He lowered her to the mattress. Her flushed cheeks stood out against the white comforter, and her blonde hair spread around her like rays of sunshine. He would never tire of this, he thought. He could look at this picture every day until he died.
“What is it?” Joan touched her face.
“You’re goddamn beautiful, is what.” Before she could respond, he put his mouth on her, moving his lips down the column of her throat and into the hollow her collarbone made. He pulled her shirt up and off, revealing her cotton sports bra, and peeled her shorts down her legs. The sight of her long legs splayed made him shudder. He loved how strong she looked—lean muscle defined her thighs and shoulders. He wanted her gripping him, clenching around him with her legs.
He took even more time than usual, licking and kissing his way down her sternum and around each nipple. She squirmed, breathing a little faster. He would never get enough of this, either. Her enthusiasm aroused him further, almost past the point of pain. His lips blazed a path down her stomach, and he spread her legs further, so he could get his mouth where he craved.
She moaned at his first lick, which was amazing input itself, but dear God, her taste. He loved it. He kept licking at her folds, not knowing or caring how long he was down there, but eventually she started shifting, writhing, and panting, and he grinned as she cried out his name. His ego expanded to mythic proportions. He pulled himself up beside her.
“Get your clothes off,” she said.
“We can take a minute.”
“I don’t want a minute. I want you inside me.”
“Yes, ma’am.” He shucked his own gym shorts and shirt, then laid on his side next to her. “How do you want to do this?”
She shifted so she could reach into her overnight bag on the floor. She pulled out a little vibrator and some lube.
“I’ve got another idea.”
“I’m all ears.”
“Okay, so I’m going to lie on my back.” She laid down and shoved some pillows under her hips. “And I’m going to use my little toy while we do this.” She held up her vibrator. “I want you to actually move this time. I mean, I want you to fuck me. But slowly and carefully.”
His brain stalled on “I want you to fuck me,” knowing he would replay that sentence over and over in his fantasies for the rest of his life. He nodded, unsure he was capable of speech. He moved over her.
“You’ll tell me if we need to stop, right?” She was spreading lube around her entrance and the situation was getting away from him, but he wanted to have a clear head for this discussion.
“Absolutely.”
He positioned himself at her opening and she touched her buzzing toy near her clit. He started to push in, watching her face for signs of discomfort. Once he was fully seated, he stopped. Sweet Jesus, it was mind blowing. He supported himself with his arms, studying her, the strain pulling his muscles taut, instincts yelling at him to move.
“You good?”
She nodded.
“No pain right now,” she said. “None at all.” Her voice rang with pride. She’d worked hard to get to this moment.
He moved carefully like she had instructed, staring at her face for the slightest twitch. He could feel her vibrator, too, and the dual sensations were almost too much, but he wanted to make it good for her.
“That feels good,” she said, a look of wonder crossing her face. Her cheeks were still flushed as she thrust a little underneath him. “Can you move a bit faster now?”
“Gladly.” He pushed a little harder, over and over, watching in fascination as her flush spread to her chest. He pulled out of her a little more with each plunge, hoping she was feeling as good as he was.
“Oh, God.” She clenched around him, rhythmic contractions that set off a burst of pleasure so intense he couldn’t hold back. His own climax hit him like a starburst. He collapsed beside Joan.
“Are you alright?” He hugged her to his chest, thinking she might cry again, and honestly, he could do the same. He’d never been so happy and wrung out in his life.
“I’m good,” she said, and her eyes were clear. “That was amazing. I think I might want it again soon.”
“Like I said. I’ll give you whatever you want.”
He held her as the final rays of sunlight faded from his window. His body throbbed with yearning for her, even when she was in the same room. He was completely and utterly fucked. He lay there, quietly loving her more than he’d ever loved another person, and he knew there was no going back.