Chapter 14 – Mari
There was nothing nefarious about the journal, nothing dastardly or dangerous. It was words on a page. The entire notebook was innocuous, a black hardbound book with nothing to indicate what it was. Normal.
Yet I couldn’t open it.
I stared at it on my desk, wondering what secrets it held inside. Would it give me everything I needed to end this war, or was it another waste of time? The uncertainty kept me frozen, though that wasn’t the only reason.
I wasn’t sure what to do if it did contain everything we needed to know. What would it feel like to have all the ammunition to get rid of Cash at my fingertips? It was almost too good to be true, and my bruised heart—and ego—wasn’t sure it could handle that.
A knock at the door pulled me away from my one-sided stare down. I’d taken up working in my office again, spending my days just down the hall from the conference room where Cash had obliterated my life. Not sure if it was self-flagellation or my need to keep people out of my home. The Celestine was safe, and I wasn’t planning on letting another snake inside.
I found Grey peeking his head into the room, glancing between me and the journal, the tiniest wrinkle forming between his brows before he smoothed it out again. “Ronnie’s here.” I stuffed the journal into a drawer—out of sight, out of mind—as he rounded the desk to give me a bruising kiss, his hand tight at the back of my neck. It was possessive and controlling in all the ways I craved, and when he pulled away, I was breathless.
“You staying?” I panted.
He hummed under his breath, and I brought him back down to me, reveling in how good it felt to touch him again. The groan at the back of my throat was low and desperate, and he leaned into it and me, giving me everything I needed. Worshiping my mouth like he did my body. I loved it.
When the kiss was over, he stayed in my space to whisper against my lips, “Always.”
It was about more than the meeting with Ronnie; Grey was giving me reassurance. He was still here, despite my being a less-than-stellar partner lately. He was with me, no matter what, and I so fucking needed that.
I smiled and held on to his forearms because they were close and I wanted that connection. “Dominic?”
“Stayed home to watch Joaquin.”
The clench in my chest said there was more to it, but I didn’t ask. Dominic had tried to bring the situation to me, and I’d shut him down. Now, I had to trust that the boys knew what they were doing. That they were making moves to help, not hurt. If I started questioning their every move, Nate would win, and I couldn’t let him ruin us too.
They aren’t him.
I gave Grey another kiss, though we both knew I was on edge about the situation with my uncle, then sat back. “Let’s get this over with.”
Greyson crossed the room and let in our guest.
Veronica LaRue looked every bit as poised and polished as usual. Hair sleek and pulled back, clothes perfect, lipstick on, but something about her seemed off. I stared longer until I noticed the blue shadows under her eyes that concealer didn’t quite cover and the way the lipstick clung to her dry, bitten lips. She was anxious about what she’d found, which was highlighted when she refused to look at me like she normally would, preferring to stare out the window at midday Seattle.
“How’re things going, Ronnie?” I asked carefully, finding Grey watching her just as closely as I did.
“They’re…okay.”
“Tell me.” Because there was definitely something to tell. “Is it the audit?”
“That hasn’t been fun, but no. It’s the city.” When neither of us commented, she continued. “People are getting restless. The Aces are meeting with your people in broad daylight and knocking down doors they shouldn’t be. They’re making a stand, and it’s putting the security of your power in question.”
“If you’re worried, why don’t you get out of town for a while?” Grey asked.
Ronnie snorted, turning to us with fire and resignation in her eyes. “No. If I’m going to call this my city, I’m going to stay through the growing pains.”
Knowing she was loyal was one thing, but seeing it firsthand really hit me. Ronnie loved Seattle like I did, and she trusted me with it. She trusted me to fix things and to make them better. She trusted me to get us on the right track again. It bolstered me as much as having my men at my back did.
“It won’t be like this forever,” I promised.
“Oh, I know. You’ll put that asshole’s head on a platter. I’m just…wary, I guess.”
“It’s not a bad thing to be right now. Vigilance is a way of life for all of us at the moment, but let us know if you need anything else. We won’t leave you alone, Ronnie.”
She smiled in thanks, and I knew she was done talking when she moved to the small table I’d pulled over for her computer. Ronnie preferred to project things onto the wall, so while she set up her gear, Greyson closed the blinds and locked the doors. When we were ready, she took a fortifying breath and looked me dead in the eyes.
“We found the first deposit.”
She clicked on her screen, and there it was. The beginning of Cash’s plan.
The date hit me square in the chest, digging its way into my brain until I wasn’t sure I could fully breathe.
July. Twenty goddamn years ago.
Two decades, Cash had his hands in my business—my father’s business, Antoni’s business. Beyond being fucking annoying, the implications were insane. The Marcosa empire had had more than one stream of income fall by the wayside as we expanded and grew. Had Cash been involved in those too? How many of our people were really ours? Could anyone be trusted? Ronnie went over everything in such excruciating detail that we had to order lunch, and by the end of it, my eyes were crossing. Cash had stolen millions of dollars from us and used those funds to finance our destruction. It was poetic in a way, and if I hadn’t been on the receiving end of his bullshit, I would’ve applauded the psychotic bastard.
But I was, and I didn’t.
After Grey and I had exhausted every brain cell we could to get a deeper understanding of the scope of Cash’s treachery, we called the meeting to a halt. Ronnie packed up her things, pausing just before she got to the door. Her shoulders bunched under her shirt, and I could tell she was warring with something in her head.
“What is it?”
Another deep breath and she turned to me. “We’ve been monitoring the list of people we initially gave you, and although no one else agrees, I think there are more names to add.”
I felt Grey’s attention shift, his focus lasered in on every word out of her mouth. “Why do you say that?”
“Honestly, it’s a gut feeling. These people are still using their log-ins, though more or less than they did before. Never at the same frequency. Most of them have taken last-minute leaves of absences, only to come back immediately after, like nothing happened. They haven’t been seen in public in months, and some of their families haven’t been seen in twice as long. It’s just…odd.”
Grey and I glanced at each other, both frowning. Cash didn’t value human life, and he didn’t care about casualties. Anyone who stood in the way of his goal was a justified loss, but was he far enough gone that he’d take out entire families? Kids? I had no fucking clue, and the possibilities made my stomach cramp.
“We’ll look into it,” I promised as Grey told her where to send the information and the names. We’d have Moore’s team look over things and let us know if her concerns were founded. If not, no harm, no foul. If they were, then we had a problem. I couldn’t leave families under my protection to suffer.
I wouldn’t.
Ronnie’s trust was absolute, so with a nod to me and a wave to Grey, she was gone.
As the door shut, I swiveled toward the windows, bouncing my leg as I thought. She had given us so much information that it was hard to focus on any one piece of it, but one thing had been digging at my brain throughout the meeting. “Why would he start then?”
It’d been bothering me since Ronnie had shown us the first deposit. Twenty years ago, Cash was close to my father. I knew Mario like I knew myself, and he rewarded people like Cash, the ones who were devoted to the empire. Hell, he had likely been months away from being promoted to second-in-command. What caused him to defect? To steal product and fake his own disappearance. Why sever ties when he was close to power? Hell, he could’ve killed my father and uncles and been awarded the seat because my brother was too young to take it. He could’ve had it all.
So why fight like this?
“What was going on twenty years ago?”
“Our parents.”
My head snapped up as Dominic sauntered into the room, flopped into the chair at my side, and snuck his hand on my leg. He squeezed gently, forcing my absent-minded jiggling to stop. Two days ago, I would’ve squirmed at the feel of anyone’s skin on mine, but after last night, it felt good. Reassuring. Greyson must’ve realized the same thing because he took the chair on my other side and did the same. I leaned into it, letting them ground me. It felt right.
When Cash dropped his bomb, I’d needed time to process Nate’s treachery alone. I was too shattered to watch myself and too aware to watch them fret over me. I”d needed space, and now that I’d had it and was not good, but better, I was going to fall into them. Greyson and Dominic were my home, my center. I trusted them without reservation, and I was going to prove it.
I squeezed both their hands in gratitude and turned back to Dominic. “What about our parents?”
“That’s around the time they got married.”
And divorced.
Mario and Lucia Ricci had lasted ten days before my father pulled the plug. He’d never explained why, and I hadn’t asked, too heartbroken at Dominic disappearing back to Chicago overnight. Even though we’d kept in touch, it wasn’t the same, and after ten years, we stopped reaching out even occasionally. I hadn’t spoken to him in a decade before he’d waltzed into my home to take over as underboss.
“You think that’s relevant?” Greyson asked.
“Probably not, but we can’t discount anything.” Dominic seemed distracted, and I ran my nails over his hand to pull him out of it. He smiled and leaned in for a kiss. “How’re you feeling today, mariposa?”
“Much better.”
Two words changed the atmosphere of the room, and I didn’t even mind it. I needed a break from politicking and trying to outthink a man who’d been working on this plan my whole life.
“Oh really? So you’re not interested in a repeat?” Grey slid his hand up my thigh, fingers getting very close to my panties.
I spread my legs until I had to hook one of them over his thigh. “Maybe not an exact repeat, but I could certainly use some attention.”
With a deadly smirk, Greyson cupped my pussy, easily sinking two fingers inside. On my other side, Dominic trailed his lips over my neck and shoulder and slid his fingers under the waistband of my skirt to play with my clit. The dual sensations made me shudder.
I leaned into Dominic, talking into his mouth as he bent to kiss me again. “Plus, I’m not sure we ever christened this office.”
The boys looked at each other with wicked grins, and then it was on. Grey slid to his knees under my desk, and Dominic took my lips, swallowing my screams.
By the time we left the room, it was past dinnertime, and we were all starved.
The journal was in my bag, taunting me again as I poured a glass of wine and waited for Aislynn to come over, but I ignored it. Tonight wasn’t about history and the future; it was about my friend. With things getting heated in the city, Cameron had been out more, following Joaquin and the other uncles to make sure they weren’t trying to plan something that would get us all buried. Normally, it would’ve been fine, but I didn’t like leaving Ash alone when Cash had already singled her out as a target.
Better to have her under my roof where I could protect her myself. When the knock came, I was ready to put everything aside and just exist with my friend, but it wasn’t Ash. “Moore?”
“Got a package for you.” He handed me the massive manila envelope with a grimace. I took it gingerly, knowing it had been checked at least three times between the bottom floor and here, but I didn’t trust it. Cash seemed like the type to send bombs in the mail or peel the skin off an ally and have it tacked up like some kind of abstract painting. Considering everything going on, I very much didn’t want the psycho’s gift until Moore said, “My guy came through.”
Not Cash, then. I looked down again and realized this was it. Nate’s file. His real file. Everything there was to know about Nathaniel Beckstrom was inside this plain envelope.
And I thought the journal was a struggle to open.
“How much did he charge us?” I asked, tucking the envelope under my arm like I could hide its existence.
“A boatload,” Moore said with an irritated eye roll. He didn’t like people taking advantage of me, but I had a boatload of money. Generational wealth meant cash was never something I had to worry about, and I was grateful for it.
I waved off Moore’s frustration, directing him to Greyson for payment if it hadn’t already been taken care of. The ding of the elevator brought our attention snapping around to find Aislynn leaning against the back wall, smiling at her phone. For a moment, she seemed peaceful and free, a little naughty too. Like she was sexting her husband before she went home to rock his world.
The reminder that her husband was my cousin made me wince, but friendship won over family in this case, so I’d soldier on if she wanted to tell me all about what she was saying to Cameron.
Gross.
Then she looked up, and that happiness vanished. Well, shit. “What happened?”
“Got the intel back.” I lifted my shoulder like it didn’t matter, and her brows furrowed. Her eyes rocked between Moore and me until they firmed up, her shoulders straightening, and she made up her mind about something.
“Mine too. You get a pen, and I’ll get the wine.” She stomped past us and into the suite. Even though I already had an almost-empty bottle on the table, I decided to accept the offering. The last thing I wanted was to read the truth fully sober.
“Let me know if you need anything,” Moore said quietly as I went to shut the door.
“I’m good, thanks.”
After a quick stop to grab notepads and a handful of pens, I plopped onto the couch. Every part of me screamed to do this alone, but the part of me that remembered waking up with Dominic’s head on my chest and Greyson curled around my back didn’t want seclusion anymore. She wanted company. Friendship. Commiseration.
She wanted Aislynn.
So I sat down and drained my glass, holding it up for a refill before I’d even swallowed. “Keep ’em coming.”
“Hear, hear,” she muttered, topping both of us off. “Ready?”
“Fuck no.”
“Yeah. Me either.” Her look was one of pure love and devotion to our friendship, and I had to snatch up the pages to avoid telling her I loved her. If I started weeping, I’d never stop, and we had shit to do. We shuffled closer together and began. Ash had the files from her sources pulled up on her phone, and I had Gilded’s employment records pulled up on mine. Together, we cross-checked each bit of information we found, writing notes on the notepads—sometimes directly on the sheets, too—with any discrepancies we found. Each page ended up on the coffee table so we could sort through it to double-check something as it came later.
When we were done, we had a much better view of who I’d let into our lives, though I wasn’t sure how I felt about it.
Nathaniel Beckstrom, twenty-eight-year-old Seattle native. Younger brother of Cassius Beckstrom, mother unknown. Only child of Marjorie Black and Alec “Ace” Beckstrom. According to the files, Nate had told the truth about Marjorie being in an assisted living facility and having early-onset Alzheimer’s. According to everyone, she’d been there for a while and wasn’t going to leave. There was almost no mention of the father beyond his name, though I understood why Cash called his group the Aces now.
Between the ages of five and eighteen, when he’d left for basic training, Nate had ended up in the ER at least four times a year, yet CPS never removed him from his home. Probably because the danger didn’t live there. The fact that he’d even been allowed to join the military at all was a surprise, considering how many almost arrests he had. Almost, because, though he’d been brought in dozens of times for questioning about this or that, he’d never been formally charged. I had to think that his technically clean record had everything to do with his brother, though I didn’t understand why he’d left for the military when he was sitting pretty in the Aces.
I needed out of Seattle, and the military was the only way. I was just happy to be free.
That was what Nate had told me when I’d originally asked why he’d joined. I hadn’t thought much of it before, but was his freedom granted by leaving the city or leaving Cash? Did he even want to be an Ace, or was he stuck as one in some form of fucked-up legacy situation?
Would it matter either way?
Don’t put unrealistic expectations on a liar, Mari.Mental scolding done, I forced myself to get back to work.
Nate’s military file was incredibly redacted, but from what we could tell, he had been a merc. His PTSD and the loss of his team were clear in the write-ups, too. He had more commendations than I’d ever seen in a military file, and I’d looked through my fair share. The best security came from a military background like Moore’s. Everything else was exactly what Nate had told me. Hell, even his address and car were the same on all the paperwork, though he’d used his mother’s last name.
Yet it all felt like bullshit.
As I drank the last of my wine, I silently mulled over everything we’d found, as if I could make it make sense the longer I did. There was so much information, and almost none of it was new. What the hell did that mean, and what was I going to do about it?
I glared out the window until Ash cleared her throat. “He didn’t lie about much.”
“Is it enough, though?” He might have been as truthful as he could, but he’d kept the most important thing to himself.
If Cash were any other brother, Nate’s omission probably wouldn’t have mattered. I’d have been upset, but I wouldn’t have shut him out for having family he hated. But he wasn’t. Cash was the man hell-bent on destroying my empire and me with it, and Nate was helping him. Nate, who had inserted himself into my life and the planning to keep my people safe, all while being an Ace.
It was too much.
Taking a sip from my glass poured from the second—or was it third?—bottle of wine, I pushed myself off the couch. I needed to move and take a second to think about something else. “How’re things with Cameron?”
Angel that she was, Ash took my redirection in stride, looking down at her lap with a faint blush. “I think I love him.”
I stopped, turning back to her with an unexpected grin taking over. “Really?”
Ash hadn’t dated seriously since we were teenagers, learning the hard way the lengths people would go to for power. Her walls were high and her wounds were deep, and Cameron… My cousin wasn’t interested in settling down for forever. He’d seen too much, done too much, to ever hope for happily ever after. At least, that’d been the case for a long time. Maybe things had changed. I mean, he’d been lighter since he married Aislynn. Happier, though I was sure some of the bounce in his step was from arguing with her.
I’d hoped the two could be friends, but falling in love? It felt like a pipe dream. Even if I was apprehensive about how fast she’d fallen, I wasn’t going to look a gift horse in the mouth.
She smiled again, picking at her jeans while she spoke. “I don’t know how he feels, but he’s so sweet to me. Thoughtful and charming, too. He always warms up my blankets before we go to bed because I get cold, and he makes sure the house is warm enough for me even though he’s sweating his balls off. He sends flowers and coffee, orders my favorite takeout when he knows he’ll be out. Even though he hasn’t been home as much, he’s been so good about making sure I know I’m cared for. It’s hard not to fall in love with that.”
“I’m so glad to hear that.” I honestly was. I couldn’t imagine two better people to spend their lives together, and the fact that they’d fallen in love was everything I’d been desperately in need of. My sad, aching heart healed a little at Ash’s happy smile.
Then, like she hadn’t just given me her soul, she went for the kill. “How are you doing with everything?”
Redirection over, apparently. “I’m…better.”
The night with the boys had helped tremendously, and waking surrounded by them made me feel more stable than I’d been in days. Leaning on them, even when I didn’t want to, would help me work through this, and eventually, I’d heal. Though, I’d always have the scars to prove Nate existed and to remind me what he’d done, but I could handle that. With Dominic and Greyson at my side, I could handle anything.
Ash watched me carefully over her glass, like she could peel me apart and see my insides. The longer she did, the softer her face became until she was veering dangerously close to pity. When I glared at her, she didn’t even flinch. “You need closure.”
“Wouldn’t you?”
It was a genuine question. I hadn’t done relationships before the guys. When I wanted or needed sex, I found a willing partner to explore that with, and after our time together ran its course, we went our separate ways. No messy feelings needed. I had no understanding of how to deal with a breakup of this caliber, and even though she’d been off the dating wagon for a while, Aislynn had a better grip on what to do.
She nodded decisively. “Absolutely. That’s why I usually do goodbye sex. It ends all the messy feelings and acts like a kick-start to a new chapter. You’ve never had to do that.”
The words felt like a punch to the chest, and Ash winced. “I didn’t mean that. Fuck, I’m sorry.”
Because I had had goodbye sex before. I just hadn’t been aware that was what it was.
I’ll never stop loving you.
I squeezed her hand so she knew I wasn’t mad, even if it was a little hard to breathe. Trying to fix things, Ash launched into a tale one of her spies had told her about O’Bannon and his new obsession with pigs, but her words rolled around in my mind.
What would it be like if I’d gotten the chance to say goodbye to Nate in my own way, if I hadn’t had that taken from me? Would it have healed me? Would this hole in my chest be smaller?
Would it cleanse him from my soul?
“I wish I’d had goodbye sex,” I said when her story ended and we were sitting in comfortable silence. The admission hung in the air for a moment. Eventually, Ash hummed in her throat as we stared out the window at the city we loved.
“Too bad there’s no way to make that happen this time.”
“Yeah,” I croaked, taking a sip of my wine. “Too bad.”