Fighting For Light: A Dark Sports Romance (The Coldwell Brothers)

14. Cordelia

Kai is passed out, snoring softly. His leg is thrown over both of mine, and I’m tucked into his body. I could stay here forever, and if my circumstances were even slightly different, I would smile. But they aren’t, and I have to do one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do.

Dad and I have a good and happy relationship. Now I feel like I’m going to ruin all of it. But this is my baby. Screw Rafe. I can do this without him. I don’t need him, but I do need my dad. I need his support and hope that he can give it to me.

Kai groans into his pillow and opens his eyes. I expected him to spring out of bed, but instead, he hugs me closer to him. “It’s going to be okay. You need to tell him and then go from there, okay?”

“Okay,” I say into his chest.

“I need to get up, get some food, and do my workout before tonight,” he says.

“And I need to grow a pair of lady balls and go talk to Dad,” I mumble.

“I’ll be there on the sidelines if you need me,” he says, rubbing my back once before rolling over and getting out of bed. I stare at his bare, muscular back as he raises his arms and stretches. He reaches into his closet, grabbing a shirt and shorts. He slips them on, then steps down the stairs.

I stare up at the ceiling, knowing what I have to do. It’s the only way to move forward and start planning ahead. I don’t know if I’m going to tell Dad that Rafe is the father. I don’t think I should, but the other part of me wants to get him kicked off the team. There is no question in my mind Dad might kill Rafe otherwise. I’ll see where it goes. If the opportunity presents itself, I’ll tell him.

Let’s do this. I go down the stairs, and Kai has a cup of coffee sitting on the counter. He turns and looks at me, lifting the mug to his lips. “Coffee?” he asks.

I reach for it and hesitate. “I don’t think I’m supposed to have caffeine.”

“Oh,” he says.

I nod, wringing my hands together. “Yeah, oh. I guess I have to get used to decaf.”

“I’m sorry, that kind of sucks,” he says. The corner of his mouth tips up, and I let out a dry laugh.

“Yeah, I guess it does.”

“Do you want some breakfast?” He looks at me with a caring expression, and I want to hug him again. Maybe he can give me some of his strength. My stomach twists, and the thought of food makes me want to upchuck.

“No, thanks,” I murmur behind my hand.

“You look kind of green.”

I nod and run back up the stairs, landing on my knees before the toilet and heaving into it.

A hand rubs up and down my back. “It’s alright, let it out,” he says softly. My stomach finally stops heaving, and I take a deep breath. He takes a washcloth and wipes my face. His expression is tight with concern, and my heart melts as he focuses on me. “Good?” he asks. I nod.

“Here, let me help you up.” He grips my elbow and then my side, helping me to my feet.

“Thank you,” I rasp. He nods and looks at me with eyes full of worry. I hate that. “I’m going to go take a shower,” I mutter. He steps to the side and follows me down the steps.

“It’s going to be okay, Cordi,” he says quietly. I look at him over my shoulder. I don’t know if he’s right, but I’m going to choose to believe he’s right at this moment.

I take the three stairs down from his trailer and muster all the confidence I can with each step. I’ll do whatever I need to do for this baby. I already have a plan to get extra jobs and negotiate my rate with our sponsors to make a couple of extra bucks. I don’t know what I’m going to do when he or she comes. Maybe Dad will be okay with a crying baby in less than two hundred square feet of space. If not, I’ll find an apartment or get my own RV.

First, shower, then I’ll feel prepared. Yes. I nod to myself and open the door.

“Hey, sweetheart, I was wondering where you went,” Dad says.

“Oh, uh, just hanging out with Kai.” Dad nods and takes a drink of coffee. I look out the window and see Kai doing his squats with his kettlebell. I stare at him for a moment. “I’m going to go shower,” I mumble. Dad doesn’t say anything, so I go into the back and grab my towel and robe.

***

I stare at myself in the mirror while I finish brushing my wet hair. Okay, you can do this, Cordi. You’ve got this. Everything is going to be fine. You’re smart, you can figure this out. You’re going to be a good mom. You have to be.

Dad isn’t in the trailer, so I grab my sandals and go looking for him. He’s not outside or at the truck, either. I hear his laugh and spin around, spotting him talking to Kai. Alright, then. I guess this won’t be so bad if Kai is here. It might help a little.

My sandals slap against my feet as I make my way over to my two favorite men. “Hey, Dad?” I call. He turns, and Kai drops the dumbbell he was lifting.

“What’s up?” he asks.

“Can we talk?” I ask him, shifting on my feet.

“Yeah, sure, honey. Come on, let’s go,” he says, putting his hand on my back and guiding me back to our trailer. He opens the door for me, and I stand in our kitchen area, fidgeting and wishing Kai was here while Dad sits down at our table. “What’s going on, Cordi?”

My heart thuds in my chest. I just have to come out with it.

“Dad, I’m pregnant,” I say with as much confidence as I can.

His mouth drops open, and his brows furrow. Shock is written all over his face, and I don’t know what to make of it. I watch him filter the information and maybe come to terms with it. “How—“ He lifts his hand to stop me. “Don’t tell me how, but …Cordelia…I don’t know what to say,” he says, looking at me. Tears well in my eyes, and I don’t know what to say, either. “Do you at least love the man you made a child with?” he asks sternly, and I shrug. “Really, Cordelia? A one-night stand?” He leaps to his feet and paces in front of me. “You know that’s why your mother and I got married. I …had hoped you learned from us. I loved your mom, but…”

“I know, Dad,” I whisper. Mom never let me hear the end of it because the good times didn’t matter to her. And now…I’m just like her.

“Do I know who he is?” he asks, and I look away.

“Tell me!” he roars. I shake my head no. “Do you know how this looks, Cordi? You look like a groupie. You know how these guys are, and yet you still…” He trails off and stares at me for a moment, then throws his hands up and storms out of the trailer.

“Dad!” I yell. “Please! Can we—please, Dad!” He keeps stomping away from me, and Kai stands there looking between me and my father. “Fine! I’ll tell you!” I yell across the street. He stops and turns around. I don’t want to yell this, but my feet are frozen to the ground, and I can’t get closer to tell him quietly. Rafe, Casey, and Deacon are on the other side of the road, watching the show with wide eyes. Dad is an even-keel guy until he’s not. And right now, he is not. I open my mouth to tell him it was Rafe, but there are rocks lodged in my throat.

“It’s me,” Kai yells.

I whip my head towards him, and I suddenly think I’m going to pass out.

“Dad, no—“ I glance at Rafe, and he looks entirely unbothered.

“Really, Kai? My daughter!” he yells.

I scream for him again, and Dad takes long steps to Kai and punches him in the face.

Kai catches himself, stumbling back a few steps. He winces, putting his hand to his face. I run over to them, and Dad lifts his arm to punch him again before I step between them. Kai wasn’t going to fight back.

Dad drops his arm, and I grab Kai’s face to look at the damage, then spin to glare at Dad.

“Why did you do that?” I yell at my father while simultaneously confused as to why Kai would say it’s him. In my opinion, Rafe should get kicked off the team, at the very least. He’s a generally crap human. And who you slept with, but semantics, right?

“He knocked up my daughter, that’s why!” he yells.

“I’m going to marry her, Reece,” he says. Now I really am going to pass out. I stare at Kai with wide eyes. I want to ask him why, how, and what in the world he is thinking, but my tongue feels like it’s swelling up in my mouth. When I went to him last night, it was not a ploy to get anything from him. I needed my best friend, and he was exactly that for me.

“Good, because I’d kill you if you didn’t. It would have been nice if you told me you were dating.” He turns and looks at me, and disappointment fills his eyes. “I thought you trusted me, Cordi.”

My jaw is unhinged, and I say the first thing that comes to mind. “I do, Dad, which is why I’m telling you now. We …”

“We wanted to go easy, Reece. We knew this would be a lot.” I look at him with pleading eyes, begging him to shut up. This is getting worse every second it goes on.

“Damn right, it is. I’m…I can’t talk about this right now. And you have a competition tonight, so get your head straight, I better see top four places,” Dad barks. Kai dips his head once, and Dad storms away.

Once he’s out of earshot, I spin around. Now, I want to punch Kai in the face and simultaneously hug him from saving me from embarrassment.

“It’s just the shock, gem. You know he loves you. He’s not mad at you, he’s mad at me, and it will be better for both of you—“ he glances at my stomach ”—if he’s mad at me instead. Okay?”

“Why did you…I don’t…” I trail off. Everything is too much, and I don’t know what to say. Why would he say those things? You can’t say things like that and then take them back. That’s not how this works.

“Come on,” Kai says and gestures to his door. I go first and sit on the couch. The cool air covers my skin, and I take a deep breath.

“Why did you say that, Kai?” I ask him.

“Because if you said it was Rafe, he would have probably beat him to a pulp instead of punching him in the face like me. Plus, he’s mine,“ he says the last few words under his breath, and I frown.

“So you lied to my dad for the sake of the team? This is my life, Kai. You can’t say what you did and then tell Dad, ‘Oops, I didn’t mean to say your daughter is pregnant with my kid, and I’m going to marry her. Oh wait, I lied about it,’” I mock, waving my hands.

He leans against the counter in his sweaty shirt and gym shorts. I can’t help myself as I peruse his body. It’s pregnancy hormones, right? Right.

“I had to do something. I couldn’t let him yell at you like that, and you were about to tell him it was Rafe, and like I said, it—“

“Would have messed with the competition tonight,” I grumble.

“It’s more than that, gem. Sure, the competition, but that wasn’t why I said it. Trust me, it was not to protect Rafe. It was to protect you,” he says.

I think my heart is about to pop out of my chest, and I’m sure my stress level is not healthy for the baby or me. My hand goes to my stomach, and I rub it absently even though there’s no bump.

“Kai, I didn’t come to you last night trying to get you to…I don’t know. I needed my best friend last night. I wasn’t looking for a hero.”

He doesn’t say anything for a moment while he looks at me. It feels like he’s staring right through me. “But could you let me?”

“Let you what?” I ask him.

“Be your hero?”

I scoff and note his intense expression. “You cannot be serious.” My voice breaks.

“As serious as a heart attack, gem.”

I throw my hands out and lean back against the sofa. “Why would you do that?”

He huffs like I just told a joke. “Because I would do anything for you.”

“You literally told me we couldn’t be together not even three months ago. So why now?” I ask.

His expression doesn’t change. In fact, his poker face is stone-cold. But I can see it in his eyes. I can read the emotions flying through them. “Because I want to, and…you’re my best friend. And maybe it’s time to be honest with myself and how I feel about you. Even though I really shouldn’t because it goes against everything I have told myself about us, but I can’t help myself,” he says.

“Told yourself about us?” I repeat. What has he told himself about us? I sigh. “You don’t need this in your life, Kai. I don’t want to burden you with me, a newborn, any of it. You…have other things to look after, like your mom and brothers.”

He scoffs and rubs his chin. He hasn’t shaved yet today, but I like the look.

“I appreciate that, but we are a team, and…” he trails off, and I wait for the ‘yeah, you’re right, I don’t want any part of this,’ but he looks me straight in the eyes as he says, “You are not a burden, Cordelia. And if I can do anything in my life that’s good, I think I want to do this.”

“What does that mean?” My stomach flutters, and the butterflies I have felt for him for almost fourteen years have come to life. Flowers begin to grow from the cracks in my heart. “Kai, this is insane, and even if I entertained saying yes, you can’t think about it. I will not end up like my parents.”

He sighs and rubs his chin. “Normally, I would agree with you, but I have spent most of my life cheating death. The one honorable thing I can do is be a devoted husband to you and a reliable father to this kid.”

“But you aren’t…this is crazy…you do realize how crazy this is?” I say in a near panic. He’s obviously not the father. “You told me no. So help me understand why the hell you would offer to be my husband and a father to a kid that isn’t yours.”

“I am well aware I’m not the father, gem, but honestly, I don’t care. It might be for the best anyway, and I don’t know…maybe it’s because it’s something I’ve thought about for years and figured it would always be another dream that didn’t come to fruition. I thought maybe…this could be my, our chance.”

I jerk back at what he’s saying, which is a lot more than the words that just came out of his mouth. “Okay, we’re going to have to unpack that later, but Kai, we can’t actually get married, and I don’t know if it’s a good time for me to start a relationship with my best friend when I’m pregnant with another man’s child.”

He chuckles again and leans back into the counter with a hand on each side. “Well, mama, I am a man of my word, and I told your father I would marry you because that kid is mine. It’s a done deal.” My mouth goes dry. “If you’ll have me, of course.”

“Did you hear a single word I said?” I ask him incredulously. Why is he pushing for this?

“I heard every single word, Cordi, but I love you, and I have for years. That hasn’t changed, and I’m certain it never will. So why not?” He stares at me, waiting for an answer.

He loves me. My brain shorts out for a moment, and my heart pounds so hard it’s all I can hear until he clears his throat.

“Because it’s crazy? Because it’s reckless?”

He loves me.

“And?” he asks.

He loves me!

I puff out a breath, exasperated and confused but strangely… excited? Can I be excited about this insanity? “But you didn’t get down on one knee,” I mutter because what else is there to say? This is definitely not how I thought this would go. I thought we would date for a bit after admitting our feelings to each other. But it feels like he’s doing this out of some odd sense of duty or something, not because he loves me. Unlike my parents, I want him to love me. My baby and I deserve to be loved hard. That much I do know. Can I say yes to this? No…yes?

“Don’t worry. I will, that’s a promise.” He pushes himself off the counter and comes to sit next to me.

“I can see all the questions in your eyes, so let me answer two. First, I mean every word I said: I will spoil you and this kid absolutely rotten. This is not an obligation, and I wouldn’t have said a word if I didn’t think I could. Plus, I get access to my trust when I marry, so you will always be taken care of, and now you don’t have to worry about how you are going to make ends meet. Because I know you were. Second, I do love you, gem, whether you want to believe it or not. We have been best friends for years, so it’s not completely crazy, right?” He rubs my lower lip with his thumb, staring at my mouth. Then he draws his eyes up to mine and smiles. “Okay?”

“Okay,” I whisper. He winks and drops his hand before walking up the steps to his room. I’m overwhelmed, sad, and oddly…happy? Is that the right word? Is there a word for this?