Fighting For Light: A Dark Sports Romance (The Coldwell Brothers)

15. Kai

As far as insane things go, this is one hundred percent the craziest thing I have ever done. I’m going to marry my best friend and claim the kid as my own. I’m going against every single rule and guideline I have set up for myself to what? Save her? Does she need to be saved? Or did I just expose her to something that will put her and the baby at risk? Can I be a good father? Is it possible for someone like me because of where I came from?

Maybe I should have asked her that, but her dad was mad, and every bone in my body told me to claim her as my own. It always has. For once, my heart did the talking instead of my mind. I’m going to marry my best friend, and it so happens that I love her. The circumstances aren’t that big of a deal to me. I hope she believes me, though.

This is not obligation or friendship. For years, I had to stand on the sidelines, watch her flirt with other men, and wonder if something would stick. Well, saw my chance. As insane as it sounds, I took it. It’s only ever been her for me. I’ve never wanted anyone else. I love my best friend, and I will show her every chance I get.

First, I need to go get her a ring. My mind goes to the one I’ve seen on my mom’s finger, and I know it would be perfect for Cordi. It would complement her eyes and look exquisite on her finger. I’ll call Mom after the race tonight. Plus, I need to figure out how I’m going to tell her I’m marrying my best friend after I told her it was never in the cards for me. And this has nothing to do with money, but with access to my trust, I’ll be able to support Cordi and the baby completely and make sure our family is secure. There is a reason they say never say never. I’m eating my words now.

I jump in the shower, and when I get out, Cordi sits right where I left her. “Gem, are you alright?” She looks okay, but what if it’s the baby?

Her eyes slowly trace up my shirtless body. “I could go live with my mom. She doesn’t know yet…about the baby.”

“Gem…” I sigh.

“Kai, I can’t ask you to do this,” she says, looking at me with teary eyes. “This is not your responsibility. It’s mine. Thank you for offering, but—“

“I mean, you could, but you can’t sit here and tell me your mom would be okay with this. If I remember correctly, when you left her to stay with your dad, she said she ‘finally got her youth back.’ So what makes you think she will keep her youth with a crying baby?“ She rolls her eyes and crosses her arms. Crying babies makes me think about when Liam was having a rough time as a kid. I was five, he was four, and Dad hated crying kids.

***

“Esmarie! Shut that boy up! I’m on a conference call!” Daddy yells from his office. I hold the block I was playing with in my hand and stack it on another. I look up at Emerson, and he’s looking at me with a funny look. It’s something I don’t understand. Daddy isn’t very nice to any of us. I’ve seen him hit Mommy before, and Emerson tried to stop Daddy until he hit Emerson, too.

Mom holds Liam close to her and shushes him. He just screams louder. I think something is wrong with him, but I don’t know what. He kept rubbing at his ears, and Mom gave him some medicine. He doesn’t talk much, so she has to guess a lot. Mommy is pretty good at guessing because she always knows when I’m hungry.

“Emerson, get your brother,” Mommy says. I look at her, and he takes the block from my hand, lifting me up and holding me close. He tucks my head on his shoulder. Emerson is big for his age. That’s what Mommy says. So he can hold me up even though he’s only four years older than me.

“I said shut him up!” Daddy yells, bursting into our playroom. Liam screams, and Mom turns to her side, shielding him.

“He’s sick, Fred. I’m pretty sure he has an ear infection,” she says, bouncing Liam. He storms over to her and grabs her neck. She gasps but holds on to Liam. His crying stops, and he looks at Dad. Mom glances at Liam and somehow sets him on his feet. Liam runs over to me and Emerson. I lean back to look at Emerson, and he looks me in the eyes and nods once. I think that means it’s going to be okay. But it doesn’t feel like it. “If you don’t shut that boy up, I will shut all of you up,” Daddy says.

Mommy doesn’t say anything. Her mouth opens on a gasp, but she doesn’t cry, and she doesn’t fight him. Daddy stares at her a moment longer and drops her, then storms out of our playroom, slamming the door behind him. I watch Mommy stand there for a second as her hands shake. She walks over to the playroom door, locks it, then comes over to us. She picks up Liam and pulls all of us into a hug the best she can. I sniffle, and Liam does, too. “It’s okay, my boys. It’s okay, I promise. He took everything, but I will get it back. This will not last forever. I won’t let it.”

***

“And you would be okay with a crying baby?” Cordi asks. I blink a few times, shaking the memory and putting it back in the dark, dank storage room of my mind. I don’t want to bury it because I want to remember. I don’t ever want to forget my why. I stare at Cordelia for a minute longer and realize my why just changed.

“I’m perfectly fine with a crying baby gem,” I say, and she purses her lips and nods. “I’m going to talk to your dad, man to man. He deserves that, but do you think we should tell him…the baby isn’t mine?” I ask her.

She shakes her head. “Yes, but I think it would make it all worse at the moment.”

“Let me talk to him first, okay?” I offer. She grimaces. “Go lay down. I’ll be back in a little bit. I’m sure you’re tired.”

“Okay,” she rasps and moves to stand.

I walk out the door into the bright sun. The heat feels like a sauna. Dry heat, my ass. I take a deep breath and fish my phone out of my pocket. I shoot Mom a text telling her I want to talk to her and I’ll call her later.

I step up to the Quinn trailer and knock. The door swings open, and I narrowly miss it before it hits me in the face. “Coldwell,” Reece barks.

“Reece,” I start, but he holds up his hand, gesturing for me to come in.

“It’s too damn hot to be standing out there right now.”

I climb up the steps and stand in the kitchen area. He sits on the couch, and I sit at the table, leaving plenty of space between us. If he tries to hit me again, I won’t hit back. I deserve it in this case. The way he sees it, I would probably punch myself in the face, too.

“Don’t bullshit me, Kai. I want the truth, and I want it now,” he commands. I lean forward and look him straight in the eye.

Part of me wants to really tell him the whole truth, but I don’t feel like it’s my place to do that, so I tell him the truth as it is now. “I’m taking responsibility, Reece. I’m going to marry her, and we’re going to have a kid.”

He grimaces and leans back into the couch. “I’m honestly surprised it took you both so long to get together, even if I did forbid it,” he grumbles. The corner of my mouth tips up. If life wasn’t the way it was, it would have happened a long time ago. But here we are. “Why didn’t you tell me?” he asks. I send him a look, and he holds up his hands, chuckling to himself. “Don’t answer that.” He rubs his chin and drops his hands in his lap. “Are you marrying her because she’s pregnant?” I shake my head. That’s God’s honest truth, especially since the baby isn’t mine. My need to save her is only part of it. “Do you really love her, Kai? I mean, really love her,“ he asks.

“Yes, sir, I do,” I say, resolute. “I have loved her for a long time.”

He rubs his chin. “Then, Kai, promise me something.”

“What’s that?” I ask.

“Promise me you will take care of her and my grandchild. As ridiculous and vain as it sounds, I was worried about optics, you know? But now that you’re making it official, it should be fine. But, uh…sorry, that’s not what I was getting at. I—“ his voice breaks, and he takes a long, deep breath. “Her mother broke my heart. I’m man enough to admit it. I don’t want you both to end up like me and Cordi’s mom. I loved her, but I guess it wasn’t forever. That being said, this life: the traveling, the fans, all of it can get to your head. I know you’ve been doing this for a while, but…you have a family now. Not only your mom and brothers, but you’ll have a wife and a kid of your own. Part of what we do is take risks to get the win or score the points. I’m not going to suggest you stop riding. I’m not dumb, I didn’t. I don’t blame you if you don’t want to quit. But before you go out on the track next time. Get a good long look, okay?”

His words sink into me. I want to tell him I have more experience with last looks than I’d like to admit. But he’s right. In all of my stupidity and need to save the people I love, she will matter even more to me because she will be more than my best friend. “I promise, Reece. I promise. Regardless, she will be taken care of, okay?” He gives me a long, hard look, then dips his head.

I stand and hold out my hand. “Are we good?”

He stands and takes it. “We are. Now go get your head right. We have a race to win.”

“You got it, coach,” I say and head out to my trailer. When I get back to mine, I take off my shirt, hoping to cool down a bit, and find Cordi passed out in bed. Her lips are parted on a breath, and her hand rests on her stomach. I lay down next to her and stare at her sleeping face. We’ve never done this before until last night. Sure, she’s fallen asleep on my shoulder when we were watching a movie, or I laid my head on her lap, but it wasn’t this intimate. Intimacy is new to me. It’s not something I’ve ever experienced with a woman. The few I’ve been with were fast and empty.

“Why are you staring at me?” Cordelia asks sleepily.

“I guess maybe because I can now…” I trail off.

“I love you, too,” she whispers. My heart thuds in my chest, and the breath whooshes from my lungs. “How did it go with Dad?”

“Fine, actually. He said he’s surprised it took this long.”

She smiles, and her bright eyes stare up at me. “Timing is everything,” she says quietly.

“I’m sorry, gem,” I mutter.

She frowns at me. “What could you possibly be sorry for?”

I trace my thumb over her lower lip. “That night in Vegas…I didn’t want to stop. I wanted to …” I trail off. I need to be upfront with her. I need to tell her the whole truth because she will be a Coldwell, and my name comes with other things. “I—“ I get cut off by my phone. Mom. I grab it off the side table and hold it up to my ear.

“Hey, Mom, I’m sorry. I got caught up,” I say, glancing at Cordi. She smiles softly and puts her hand on my chest. Her mere touch makes my heart beat harder. I place my hand on top of hers and keep it there.

“How are you, honey?” Mom asks.

“I’m good,” I say. “I’m really good. I wanted to let you know I’m uh…I’m getting married.” She’s quiet for a moment, and for a second, I thought she’d be mad.

“Oh, Kai darling, how wonderful. I’m so glad to hear that. Please tell me it’s to that effervescent Cordelia Quinn. I saw the way you looked at her from the moment you met as kids.” I chuckle, and Cordi hides her giggle in my shoulder.

“Yes, Mom, as a matter of fact, it is.”

“That’s wonderful, sweetheart. But I have to ask…” I know what she’s going to ask because I’ve been asking myself the same question since I blurted the words that would change both of our lives forever. “Does she know about our family?”

“No, but she will.”

She hums. “Well, honey, congratulations. I’m so happy to hear that. I know you’ve been weary of bringing a woman into the family, but I think it’s good, Kai. This will be good for all of us.”

“Thanks, Mom. There are a few other things I wanted to talk to you about, but … I’m in the middle of something. Do you mind if I call you back later?”

“Sure, I know you have a race tonight, so good luck. I’ll talk to you soon.”

“Thanks, Mom.”

“I love you, Kai. I love you so much.” She always says I love you to each of us. She said she didn’t say it enough when we were with Dad, so she tells us every chance she gets. But something is off in her tone, and I don’t want to ask her right now. But I will later.

“I love you, too, Mom. Talk later.” We hang up, and I set my phone back on the table.

“How did she take the crazy news?” Cordelia asks.

I grip her hand in mine, laying it on my chest. “Good, she’s happy for us. I think she expected it, to be honest, even if your dad told us we couldn’t.”

She giggles a little, then it turns into a shout of nervous laughter. “We are insane for doing this. But…I can do this on my own, really.”

I lift my hand and hold it up to her cheek. “But you don’t have to, gem.”

“Are you going to make an honest woman out of me, Kai Coldwell?” She smiles.

“No, but I think you’re going to make a better man out of me.”

She searches my eyes, looking for the deeper meaning in my words. “You are a good man, Kai,“ she says and leans in.

“You should tell your dad the truth soon. He will be okay with it eventually. He needs time,” I mutter before she can kiss me.

She pauses and leans back. “I know, but it won’t change anything.”

“It won’t, but your dad thinks we were hiding this big relationship from him.”

She sighs and rubs her stomach. “He’s so mad at me, Kai. I don’t want to hurt him more. Can we…can we wait?”

I drop my hand. “Secrets are deadly, gem. But yes, we can do this on whatever terms you need. I didn’t tell him anything because I felt like it wasn’t my place.”

“You need a nap. I’ll leave you alone,” she says, getting to her feet. I watch her stand and quietly leave the trailer. I wanted to ask her to stay, but we dove in headfirst, and I want to get her a ring and sit down and tell her everything. She deserves the opportunity to back out.