Fighting For Light: A Dark Sports Romance (The Coldwell Brothers)

17. Cordelia

It was eight hours of agony before we rolled into the Dallas campground I booked for the team. I’m marrying my best friend. I’ve never seen him naked, I’m pregnant, and I’m very horny, which is surprising for my first trimester, but I’ve been told every woman is different. The combination is nothing short of confusing and needy. I tried to distract myself with work and hunting for some other jobs I can sign. It didn’t work. Nothing worked. “Kai?”

He hums, and I look at his profile as we wait for our turn to back up into a spot.

“I want to stay with you indefinitely, not just for a few days. If you’ll let me,” I whisper nervously.

He chokes on his laugh. “I thought that was obvious,” he mutters, pulling the trailer to our spot. He looks at the backup camera and slowly slides it into place. He’s quite practiced at this like Dad is, so it doesn’t take long.

“Well, I wasn’t sure, and you know how Dad is. You said we’re doing this backward and…”

“Your dad knows how babies are made, Cordi,” he says sarcastically.

I frown, unsure how to get my point across.

“I want you to stay, too,” he says.

“Then it’s settled,” I say, releasing a breath as I turn to get out of the truck.

Kai unhooks the trailer and sets it up. Dad doesn’t spare me a glance as he turns in for the night, or morning, whatever.

Kai opens the door for me to go first, then flips the switches to the bump-outs, widening the space in the trailer. “Do you need anything?” he asks.

I shake my head and walk up the two steps to his room. He grabs the back of his shirt to pull it off, tossing it on the floor. Then he goes into the bathroom and brushes his teeth. After him, I do the same, pee, and by the time I’m done, Kai is passed out, snoring softly. I flip off the light and make sure the curtains are pulled tight to block out the sun before slipping into bed next to him. I’m still in utter disbelief that any of this is happening. It’s still kind of hard for me to believe I’m marrying Kai Coldwell. Those were daydreams that have turned into realities. But there is still a mountain of guilt churning in my stomach.

He shifts in bed, his arm coming around my middle, right below my breasts, tugging me to him. I close my eyes, sinking into the way he feels at my back. Then, right as I’m almost asleep, he drags his hand down to my stomach and spreads his fingers over me. Normally, I would be self-conscious about a man feeling up my belly, but this…is everything. I want his name to be on the birth certificate as much as our marriage certificate, but I have to be certain. Kai said he’s all in, but only time will tell, and we don’t have much.

***

We only slept for about six or seven hours before getting back on the road for another seventeen. We woke up wrapped in each other. Well, more like I was using him as my human pillow. Something I could get very used to.

Kai is a grump in the morning before he’s had his coffee. He’s restless when he doesn’t do his morning workout and hates being in the truck for this long. He keeps shifting around in his seat, clearly irritated.

“Do you want me to drive?” I ask him.

He grumbles something and checks his mirrors again.

“I’m sorry. Want to try that again?” I ask him.

He throws me a look. “No, I’m fine,” he grunts.

I pin my lips together, trying to hide my smile. “You’re grumpy, aren’t you?” With one hand still on the wheel, my breath catches in my lungs with his attempt at a relaxed posture. His forearms are…. My skin prickles with heat, and I return my eyes to his.

“Why are you asking me if I’m grumpy?”

“It’s not a question,” I quip.

“I hate being in the truck for this long,” he grumbles.

I shrug and take a sip of water. “I figured as much.”

“Distract me,” he says. My face gets hot, and I glance up at him. There’s a Cheshire smirk on his face. “I have known you for more than thirteen years, yet I’m still learning things about you.”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, you have a dirty mind, Cordelia, and I don’t think it’s the pregnancy hormones.” The corner of his mouth is tipped up as he stares at the road ahead.

“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” I grumble.

He hums. “Are you sure about that?”

“You just like messing with me.” I shift in my seat, trying to get comfortable. I need to get out and stretch my legs.

He shrugs and chuckles. “I asked for a distraction,” he says.

I lean over the armrest and grab his zipper. “How’s this for a distraction, Kai?”

His jaw ticks, and I can feel the restraint in his taut body. “Gem, move your hand, please,” he grunts.

“Why?” I ask, feigning confusion. I don’t know where all this confidence came from. I would never do this to anyone else, but he was pissing me off. It’s the pregnancy hormones it has to be.

“Because if you don’t, I’m going to embarrass myself, and we will crash,” he says roughly, and I wish we weren’t driving with a sixty-foot trailer behind us right now.

Smiling smugly at Kai, I wiggle my fingers, making him grunt, before lifting my hand one finger at a time. He relaxes a little and slumps back in his seat, now way more uncomfortable than he was before. “How much longer?” I ask him.

“You asked that an hour ago. The GPS is literally up on the screen, Cordi. Are you trying to be annoying? Because it’s working.”

I gasp and slap his arm. “That was rude. You shouldn’t speak to your fiancée that way,” I say, pretending to be offended.

He chuckles, and his expression sobers quickly. “Speaking of fiancée. When do you want to get married?”

My heart flips in my chest. “I don’t know. I’m still trying to get my feet back under me. It’s been a wild few months.”

He reaches over and takes my hand, threading his fingers through mine. “You’re not alone in this. I’m here now.”

“Sometimes I can’t figure out if I’m in a dream or a nightmare,” I tell him and look out the window as the sun begins to set. The pinks, blues, oranges, and purples create a tapestry of summer.

When I came to live with Dad, I didn’t mind moving around so much. I liked seeing all the new places with different landscapes across the country. It still doesn’t bother me, but now it’s not only me anymore.

“I don’t know how to respond to that,” Kai says.

I look over at him and back down at our hands. “You know how you create a picture in your mind of how you want something to go, and then it doesn’t happen at all? And you have to mourn what you couldn’t have and never will have?”

“What are you talking about?” he asks.

I struggle to string the words together. It is teenage Cordelia’s dream come true that my best friend wants to marry me. But it’s adult Cordelia’s, now expecting mother’s nightmare that my best friend wants to marry me because I’m pregnant. He’s a man of pure gold, but is his love the kind of love that can last until death do us part, or is it love that stems from his need to save me from my own predicament? I put myself in this position and opened the door the moment I kissed Rafe.

“I wanted to look you in the eye and tell you this, but we’re here. So, no time like the present.” I take a deep breath and look at his profile since he can’t exactly take his focus off the road. “I have thought about how you and I could be together in a million different ways. I’ve loved you for a long time. But it’s not only me you are claiming to love anymore. So all these pretty dreams feel like they have turned into nightmares.” He doesn’t respond right away, and embarrassment floods my chest. Sometimes, I need to learn when to keep my mouth shut.

“You are not a nightmare, and neither is this, gem,” he says, gesturing to our linked hands between us. “I already have your ring. It just has to get here.”

“So that’s the end of the conversation?” I ask him.

He shrugs. “There’s nothing else to say. There are some things I want to talk to you about, but not when I feel like I’m about to leap out of this moving truck. I need to look at you when I tell you because I’ll be honest. It might make you right.”

“Right about what?” My heart thuds, and the butterflies in my stomach swarm so hard it makes me feel a little queasy.

“Being your nightmare,” he mumbles.

I don’t know what to make of that. We aren’t just friends anymore, and there’s no way we could go back to how things were. That ship has left the harbor. I’d rather sink it than lose what we started.

***

We finally arrive at the track in Florida, and there is a large open space for trailer hookups. I stay off to the side while Kai gets everything set. I glance at Dad across the entry road from us. We have some downtime until the competition tomorrow evening, and I need to get some work done for my clients, but I can hardly think straight with all the choices I have to make.

My throat tightens. Kai scared me when he agreed our situation could be a nightmare, so I need to hear him out first. After that, I’m going to tell Dad the truth…I think.

“Hey, gem,” Kai calls as he rolls his R7 backward down his garage ramp. I walk over to him as he hops off the bike and flips the kickstand. “Let’s go on a ride,” he says, grabbing two helmets off the counter. He holds one out to me, but I don’t take it.

“Kai, I’m pregnant,” I say, taking the helmet and pulling it over my head, still sure this is a very stupid choice.

He looks me up and down in my ripped jeans and tank top and then grabs a biking jacket.

“Put this on,” he says, wearing jeans, motorcycle boots, and a t-shirt. I’m frozen. This is stupid, but the thrill running through my veins makes me want to get on that bike. He grabs my helmet and tilts my head up. “I’ve got you. I won’t let anything happen to you.”

I nod, and Kai gets on the bike first. Then, he holds his hand out to help me up behind him.

The back end sits on a tilt towards the driver. I leave a little space between us, but I’m not sure how I should hold on to him. He sits up a little more, his feet still on the ground, and grabs my thighs, pulling me tightly to him. “Hold on to me, and don’t let go.”

I squeeze my knees at his hips while my chest lays against his back. The bike roars to life under us, and I grip his t-shirt tighter. I’ve ridden on the back of bikes before, but this time is different. Kai is between my legs.

He pats my hands and gently hits the throttle, driving slowly out of the track arena until we’re on the main road. Then he guns it, and every muscle in my body seizes so hard it hurts.

We drive for at least twenty minutes, passing signs lit by the lights above them, pointing to the beach. Kai brings the bike to a slow stop, and I almost let go, but he grabs my hands, keeping them there.

“Are you doing okay?” Kai asks over the mic in our helmets.

“Yeah, I’m fine,” I respond.

The light turns green, and he lifts his feet, rocketing us down the street again. He increases the speed on the empty road, and my heart pounds in my chest. Adrenaline throttles through my veins, and I feel like I can fly. My hands involuntarily grip his shirt tighter as he leans us forward, and then he takes the curve slowly before gunning it again. Breath whooshes from my mouth and I giggle out of excitement.

Kai turns into the empty beach parking lot and rolls the bike into a parking spot, smoothly flipping the kickstand. He turns slightly, holding out his hand to help me off. My legs wobble as the blood rushes through them, and Kai grabs my hip, steadying me before I fall.

“It sounded like you enjoyed that,” he says, getting off the bike after me.

I take a deep breath, trying to calm my racing heart. “I did. It’s been a while.”

In the moonlight, I can see that cute lift of his mouth.

“Come on,” he beckons, holding out his hand. I take it, and we stop right before the sand. I pull my shoes and socks off while I hold onto Kai. He slips his off, and we leave them on the sidewalk to walk down to the crashing waves. The beach is dimly lit by the street lights in the parking lot, but the moon is mainly our guide. We walk a little way down the beach, and the white sand almost glitters in the blue cast.

“Want to sit?” Kai asks, and I drop down, digging my feet into the sand to bury them. We’re quiet, but it’s a comfortable, safe silence, the crashing waves soothing the anxiety weighing on my chest. I admire his profile before reaching for his hand, and he squeezes back. “What’s on your mind, gem?”

Kai is so incredibly perceptive, and it throws me off sometimes.

I’m scared to even utter his name, but I need to ask the question. There’s roughly seven months to figure all of this out. I’m nervous about the legal aspect and custody because I was caught between my parents when they separated. I force the words out around the rocks, clogging my throat. “Do you think Rafe will try to…claim the baby?” I whisper.