Fighting For Light: A Dark Sports Romance (The Coldwell Brothers)

18. Kai

I can feel her eyes trailing over me. I glance at her before looking back at the midnight ocean. “He knows the baby is his, right?”

“Yeah,” she says quietly.

I let go of her hand and move to sit behind her so my legs frame her in. For some reason, I want her close. Touching her like this feels so damn good, I’ll never get tired of it.

“I don’t know, gem, but I’ll call my lawyer, and we’ll get you full custody. I’m not taking any chances,” I tell her, resting my chin on her shoulder.

“Okay, thank you because I couldn’t have afforded that on my own,” she says. I wrap my arms around her and slide my hand over her stomach. I’m not going to lie to myself. I want to call that kid mine in every way, shape, and form, including legally. Regardless, that has to be Cordelia’s choice. We have to be on the same page, and I realized on our way here, we aren’t there yet.

We have a long road ahead of us. We may love each other, but this is not an average start to a relationship. We don’t only have to be on the same page. We need to be on the same exact word. I’ve never had a girlfriend before. Circumstances forced Cordi and me to skip over that process. She’s going to be my wife, and I want there to be no questions between us. I’m not scared of what we could be. I’m not afraid to love her. I’m afraid of what I can’t control. But all we have is right now. Blood doesn’t matter to me, it never has because blood, family, has proven to have no meaning to the one that it should.

“This is all happening so fast,” she whispers, leaning into my chest. It’s not too hot out, and the light breeze is comfortable. Her hair blows a little in the wind, and her light honey scent floats into my nose.

Tucking my nose into her neck, I take a deep breath and say, “Time waits for no man.”

Her hand squeezes mine. “I wish we could at least pause it right now,” she mutters.

“We have time, gem. Probably not as much as you wish, but I want us to get to know each other better in this way.”

“You’re right. I know what I want in my heart, but I’m impulsive, Kai. I don’t have the luxury of being impulsive anymore.”

My heart drops, and I stare out at the moving ocean that never ceases its push and pull over the shore. “Does that mean you said yes to me on impulse?” I ask her.

She tenses a little, and I try not to let it bother me. “No,” she says so quietly I barely hear her over the waves.

“Why does it feel like that’s a yes?”

She shrugs in my arms and leans her head back on my shoulder. “Because I suddenly don’t know what the right thing is anymore. This is not how we imagined things going between us, and I can’t help but worry if maybe we’re jumping in head first without looking at where we’re landing. I don’t want to be like my parents.”

I kiss her cheek and sigh. “I know exactly where I’m landing, gem, and that’s with you if you’ll still have me.” She doesn’t say anything and toys with my fingers on her stomach. “I want to date you, Cordelia Quinn. I want to take you out for nice dinners, take you shopping, and go on adventures with you... love you in all the ways I have thought about but could never act on.”

She giggles. “I don’t think I’ll be able to do the adventures you’re probably thinking of.”

“You can’t go skydiving?” I ask her jokingly.

“No, actually, I can do that, but I can’t go free climbing at Yosemite,” she says sarcastically.

“Hmm, good to know. I’ll get our jump time scheduled, then.”

She shakes her head, and the moonlight illuminates half of her face, highlighting the curve of her nose and the dip right above her lips. “A date sounds really good.”

I rub sand off the hand I had behind me and bring it around to hug her. “Good, because I wasn’t really going to give you a choice.”

She laughs. “It’s a good thing I’ve known you for a while because the caveman act would have made me run the other way.”

I throw my head back and laugh into the sky. “You forget I know you, gem, and that is one hundred percent wrong. I know the kind of guys you have a thing for.”

She gasps. “What does that mean? Were you watching me, daredevil?”

I shrug. “I couldn’t have you the way I wanted you, so I kept an eye on you from a distance.”

“Oh,” she says, her tone hinting at surprise.

“You seem to like that word a lot. I wonder if I could make you say it for another reason.” I slide my hand down to the button on her jeans, and she grips my hand.

“Now who’s doing the teasing?” she quips.

“Don’t be a brat,” I say, nipping her jaw.

“Maybe you should kiss me first and then tell me why I’m being such a brat,” she says, whispering the last words. My body tingles at the thought, and I tighten my arms, flipping us so she’s under me and lying in the sand. Careful of her stomach, I hold myself above her, tasting her neck and working my way up to her jaw, then her cheek. “Mmm, I should be a brat more often.” I bite her ear, and she squeaks.

“Brats are bad girls, gem. Do you like being bad?”

Cordi’s hand snakes under my t-shirt to graze my bare skin, and she lightly drags her nails up and down my back, making me shudder. “Maybe I do,” she teases. Before I can respond, she looks me in the eye and says, “On second thought, yes, I am. I want to know what you do when I am a brat.”

I growl and slam my lips against hers while dropping my hips. She mewls in my mouth, and it makes me want to give her exactly what she asked for and show her what happens right here and now. “I would love to, but we are on a public beach,” I murmur against her lips.

“Fair enough, I’m not into exhibitionism,” she says breathlessly.

I chuckle and kiss her again. “Good to know.”

She yawns and smiles sleepily at me. I lift myself off of her and help her to her feet.

“So, when is our first date?” she asks as we walk back to my bike. Despite the exhaustion in her eyes, I can see the spark of excitement in them.

“It’s going to be a surprise, but we will do something in Miami, seeing as I have a comp tomorrow night, and then we leave the next morning.”

She holds on to me while she brushes her feet off, and I grab her shoes, kneel down, and help her back into them. As I get mine on, she’s looking out across the dark sea as the breeze blows in her hair, and I wish I could take a picture of this moment of her leaning against my bike with puffy lips from kissing me.

“Ready?” she asks, breaking the spell, and I lift her onto the bike, pushing my hips between her legs. She scrambles to grab onto something since I threw off her balance, but I won’t let her fall. I’ll never let her fall. Her nails dig into my shoulders, and her legs immediately wrap around my body. I lean her back so her hair drapes over the other side of the bike. Her back arches slightly, and I trail my lips up her neck to her mouth. She relaxes in my hold, realizing I’ve got her. With one hand between her shoulder blades, I slip the other under her shirt. Her soft skin on my rough fingers floods my body with fire.

“I love seeing you on my bike, gem,” I rasp. She kisses me so profoundly, so thoroughly, that if she didn’t already have my heart, she would have taken it right then and there.

“I really like how handsy you are,” she says, pulling away. I grin and help her sit up straight. “Are you going to take me home and stop teasing me?” she asks.

I grab the helmet and hand it to her. She takes it, sliding it over her head. I put mine on, and we get back on the bike.

On our way back to the campground, I keep thinking about teasing her. Do I want to devote myself to memorizing her body? Yes, absolutely. But I don’t want to hurt the baby. I don’t know how sex with a pregnant woman works. But it won’t be long. There is too much time and chemistry between us, and we’ve waited long enough.

As we roll up to the campground, it’s quiet, and everyone has turned in for the night. I cut the engine, help Cordelia off, and then roll it up into the garage. After putting everything away, I find her looking at the Quinn trailer across the street. “Everything alright?” I ask.

She turns and smiles, but it doesn’t reach her eyes. “Yeah, just tired.”

“Let’s get to bed,” I suggest. She nods and follows me into the RV.

By the time we get to bed, it’s already two o’clock in the morning. I didn’t even notice. She takes all of my attention and holds it captive. She’s always had it in some respects, but now it’s different, and I don’t even want her to leave my sight.

She snuggles into her pillow with her eyes already closed. I slip under the covers and pull her into me again, spooning her. I close my eyes and breathe her in. She grabs my hand, sliding it down to her stomach, keeping her hand on mine. She doesn’t say anything, and I don’t either. I may not have helped make this baby, but it feels like both of them are becoming more like mine every day.

***

After my workout and walking the track, I feel ready for the race. The guys and I talked and laid out a game plan. Everyone is supposed to keep their heads. I’m not holding my breath, especially with Deacon, but he’s a good rider, so anything is possible.

I head back to the trailer for a shower and nap and open the door to find Cordi working at the little table. “Hey.”

She looks up from her computer. “Hi, how was your workout?”

“Good, I’m surprised you weren’t out there watching me,” I say, winking. The tops of her cheeks turn pink, highlighting her freckles. I grin at her embarrassment. “You didn’t think I noticed you ogling me every time I was outside?” I ask her while grabbing a bottle of water from the fridge.

She sputters as I stare at her while downing the water. “This is awkward,” she grumbles.

“Is it?” I prod.

She purses her lips and narrows her eyes. “I guess if we’re being honest with each other, you don’t think I noticed you staring at me when I was lying out in the sun or taking pictures?”

I shrug. “Well, I didn’t have a camera. I don’t know what you expected me to do.”

Her pout turns to a grin, and she rubs the pad of her finger on her lower lip. “Are you hungry? Can I make you something to eat?”

I down the rest of my water and shake my head. “I’m going to shower and take a nap,” I say, and she nods, rubbing her lips together. “Do you…want to join me?”

“The shower or the nap?” she asks.

I laugh. “As much as I wish I could say shower, there is no way two people could fit in there. I was talking about the nap. I’m sure you’re tired.”

“I am. I’m basically always tired, and it has nothing to do with us staying up late. And I keep having this pain in my side, but—“

Terror shoots through my body, and I take two wide steps towards her. “Are you okay? Is the baby okay? Do I need to take you to the hospital?” I skim my hands over her body.

She smiles, grabbing my hands. “I’m okay, the baby is okay. It’s all normal. It’s muscular, that’s all. The doctor told me to expect to be exhausted for the first trimester and towards the end of it.”

“Oh,” I say, frozen to this spot.

She lifts my hands to her mouth and kisses each of them. “Thank you,” she says.

Heat rushes through my body. “For what?”

Her eyes turn glassy, and I don’t know what I did. I don’t want her to cry. I hate seeing her cry.

“For caring,” she rasps. ”Sorry, I’m…really emotional lately.”

I slip my hands around her wrists, pulling her to stand, and grab her face between my hands. “You never have to apologize for crying, gem. Caring for you is something you never have to thank me for, ever. Okay? I should be thanking you for giving me the chance.”

She smiles softly, tilting her cheek into my palm. I lean in, gently pressing our lips together. I haven’t kissed her yet today, and I make a silent vow to myself to make sure I never wake up or go to sleep without feeling her lips on mine. I want to make every second, every breath, mean something with her.

Cordelia’s hands grip the elastic of my shorts while her fingers skim my sweaty skin. “I want you,” she murmurs against my lips.

“I want you, too, gem, but…not right now,” I say, and her expression drops. “Trust me when I say it’s not you, it’s me. I need to keep my head on straight, and we don’t have enough time for me to give you the proper attention you deserve.” She leans her forehead against mine, searching my eyes, and I kiss each of her cheeks. “I want to have endless, uninterrupted hours with you, gem.” Her eyes flare.

“Are you sure you’re okay?” I ask her one more time, needing reassurance.

“Yes,” she says.

“Alright, I’m going to shower.” I drop another kiss on her cheek and strip my sweaty clothes off on the way to my room, tossing them in the hamper.

After my shower, I open the door, and Cordelia is already in bed. I stare at her face, softened in sleep. I love her and get to call her mine, but I can’t help but think this is the calm before the storm. Whatever comes, I will handle it. I will protect her. That gut feeling has risen slowly and surely over the past couple of days. I texted Liam, and he said he didn’t hear any chatter, but I don’t trust it. Something is coming. Only I have even more to lose now, and I refuse to let him take it from me.

***

We narrowly placed in the top four. We needed to be in the top three spots, but Casey got fourth, and it was surprisingly not because he choked. The other rider was simply better. We’re hanging on by a thread with our standing. We had some wiggle room, which saved us from dropping into second in overall standings, but we can’t place like this again. We will drop in standings, and it will piss off a lot of sponsors. Our new teammate better be the caliber of rider that we need him to be.

Cordi snaps a few more pictures of us as we gather at the tent before walking over to me. I pull my helmet off, and she drops a kiss on my sweaty face. I reach up and wipe her lips. She smiles under my thumb and leans in close to my ear. “I don’t mind a little sweat, daredevil. Good ride today.”

I’m going to need a bucket of ice water and a cold shower. This woman, my best friend, has no idea how insane she makes me. One day, I’ll show her.

“Alright, boys. Let’s get some rest tonight before we head out tomorrow,” coach says. We all nod in agreement. Cordelia looks at her father and gives him a small smile, then she walks toward my trailer. They are both mad at each other right now. I can understand both sides of the argument, but she will still be pregnant, angry or not. She needs space from him right now. Part of me wants to tell her to talk to him and try to work things out, but she can be stubborn. Nothing I say is going to convince her to start mending bridges. But I’m sure everything will work out the way it’s supposed to. She and the baby will be safe, and that’s all that matters in the end. I hope her dad sees it that way, too, because Reece has been more of a father to me than my own. I wouldn’t be the man I am today without him.