Chapter 19

Haveyou ever woken up from a really long nap and not known where you were? That’s what it felt like as I tried to peel my eyes open and blink. It took me a few moments to clear my vision, but once it did, I knew I wasn’t home. I pushed myself up and was immediately met with the wet snout of my dog.

“Hey, buddy. Where is everyone?”

Kicking the sheet off my body, I was relieved to see I was at least wearing a pair of sweats. An IV line ran from my arm to the pole next to the bed. Ripping the tape off the needle, I pulled it from my arm and stood. The room swayed briefly as I waited to acclimate being upright. Taking a deep breath, I slowly made my way to the door and stepped out. Immediately, I realized where I was—Michael and Antonio’s house. Using the wall for leverage, I eased myself down the hallway and paused when I heard voices.

“Harlen called. She’s refusing to come out of her room.” Celestina’s voice carried through the space.

“It’s been one thing after the other.” Catarina was here, making me wonder what the hell was going on. “I went by last night to check on her, and medically, she’s all healed. The doctor said that what happened was to be expected. The combination of the drugs and physical abuse she endured was just too much. Her body did exactly what it needed to do to heal itself. But emotionally… I don’t know if she will ever get back to a good place without him.”

“And Harlen thinks he can ensure she doesn’t do anything rash?” Massimo’s deep voice was laced with worry.

“Yeah, but he thinks she needs to come here… to see Alex. He thinks it will do her good.”

“She hasn’t been here in weeks. What makes you think she’ll come now?” Celestina scoffed. “Carmela won’t even come see her niece and nephews.”

“There has to be something we can do. I can’t stand that we’ve found only to lose her again.”

I couldn’t take it anymore. I stepped out into the sitting room and spoke.

“Then take me to her.”

Every pair of eyes turned toward me.

“What the fuck?” Massimo stood and rushed to my side. “What… How… Alex, you’re awake.”

“Seems like I woke up at just the right moment. Where’s Carmela?”

Celestina stood and moved to stand before me, her eyes glistening with tears. “You’ve been in a coma-like state for a long time, Alex. Do you remember what happened?”

“When you say a long time, what does that mean exactly? And yes, I remember everything.”

Celestina’s touch was warm as she ushered me to the couch. There, enveloped in the comfort of cushions, I absorbed the deluge of truths they had to share. For nine whole weeks, the world had spun on without me, my mind locked away in a deep slumber—nine weeks during which Carmela shouldered blame that was never hers to carry. I lay oblivious to the turmoil while she grappled with misplaced guilt.

As they recounted the weeks I’d spent unconscious, I learned of Carmela’s torment. She had carried a burden that was never hers to bear, shouldering the guilt for the chaos that unfolded, all while I was lost in a void. But the truth was clear—the blame rested squarely with Lipovsky. He was the puppeteer who had orchestrated this nightmare, not her. Drugged and pushed to her limits, Carmela had lashed out in a visceral bid for survival.

“There’s more,” Massimo sighed. Celestina shot him a look that I couldn’t decipher. “No, Celestina. He needs to know what he’s dealing with because he’s the only one who can bring her back to us.”

“What more can there possibly be? She blames herself for something she had no control over.”

Massimo’s gaze fell, and Catarina took a seat, her posture on the edge of my brother’s chair signaling urgency.

“There’s another layer to Carmela’s struggle. She’s tormented by the role she believes she played in your ordeal, sure, but it goes beyond that. She’s also grappling with a revelation they discovered upon y’all’s return. In her mind, had she faced it head-on rather than turning away, maybe things would stand differently. Yet the truth we all see is that some events are beyond our control. None of us could’ve altered the events that unfolded.”

“I don’t understand.” I rubbed my palm down my face. “What?—”

“Glad to see my patient is up and moving.” Dr. Luchasi interrupted as he moved into the room. “How are you feeling, Alex?”

“Like I slept for a year.”

The doctor placed his bag down with a sense of purpose, beginning a methodical examination. Just as he wrapped up, the familiar click of claws against wood filled the room. Falcon, loyal as ever, nosed his way to my side.

“Hey, buddy,” I greeted, ruffling his fur affectionately as his tongue played across my face in a sloppy canine kiss. “I missed you, too. Have you been a good boy?”

Massimo’s laughter broke through the moment. “That ‘damn dog’ hasn’t left your side once,” he said, the term of endearment hidden under his mock annoyance. “Took a bribe to get him to even consider a walk with Vincenzo.”

“Thank goodness you’re awake.” Vincenzo dropped into a chair with an exaggerated sigh. “That ‘demon dog’ isn’t going home with me, no chance in hell.”

“You’re doing well, but take it easy for now.” The doctor, all professional, interjected with a cautionary note. “No adventures, no driving until we run some more tests.”

But my mind was elsewhere, already racing ahead.

“That’s not on the cards. I need to get dressed, need to see Carmela,” I declared, turning to Catarina with a questioning look. “What happened to send her off the deep end?”

“Why don’t you tell him, Doc?” Catarina deferred to the doctor. “You’ll be better at handling the barrage of questions I’m sure he’ll have.”

The doctor’s eyes met mine, measured and serious. “What did they already tell you?”

“Nothing,” I replied, shaking my head. “I know nothing.”

“Carmela was dosed multiple times with heroin laced with fentanyl. It’s amazing it didn’t kill her. As you know it made her lash out without fully comprehending what was happening. In addition, she had multiple lacerations on her body—cuts made with the intention to maim, not kill her. We treated her for the drugs ingested and stitched up the wounds that needed it.”

“Okay… but how does this account for her current state?”

“We ran several tests, Alex. For her sake and yours, we needed to know if she’d been exposed to anything. Fortunately, she hadn’t been sexually violated—and according to her, you were the only man she’d been having unprotected sex with… Shocking as it was, Andrei Sloski was paranoid and always wore a condom. When the results came back, Carmela refused to acknowledge them. She was in extreme denial. Not that her refusal to accept her physical state had anything to do with what happened a week ago. That was a direct result of the drugs.”

“She couldn’t face the idea of a blessing amidst the tragedy.” Celestina’s touch was a tender anchor on my leg. “She thought if she dismissed it, it would somehow be less real because you were still lost to us,” she explained, her eyes brimming with empathy.

In a reflex of confusion, I tangled my fingers in my hair, squeezing my eyes shut against the looming revelation. “For the love of— just say it,” I pleaded, my voice a tortured whisper.

Catarina’s voice broke as she delivered the truth, a heavy tremor in each word. “Carmela was expecting Alex. She was carrying your child.”

The word ‘pregnant’ hung in the air, a beacon of lost hope as I fixated on Catarina. “You said ‘was,’” I echoed hollowly, a sinking feeling in my gut.

“The drugs, the ordeal—it was just too much. She lost the baby,” she said, the finality of her words cutting through the room.

As tears blurred my vision, I looked at their faces, etched with shared sorrow.

“And she’s shouldering the guilt,” I murmured, more to myself than to anyone else.

“Yes, she is,” Celestina confirmed, her voice barely a sigh. “She’s torturing herself, believing the miscarriage was a retribution for what she endured, for the dire measures she took to stay alive. When she lost the baby, it was as if she lost a part of her soul. You weren’t there, and the one piece of you she had left slipped away, a piece she never let herself believe in. In her heart, she’s convinced she deserved this pain.”

“That’s insane.”I wiped my face, “She did what she did to stay alive.”

The realization that Carmela had been grappling with all of this in solitude cut through me. She’d already fought through a nightmare that most people couldn’t even imagine, and now, here she was, shouldering the burden of another dark and twisted ordeal. It was a catastrophe beyond her control, one she couldn’t have halted, even if she had seen it coming from miles away.

“Where is she now?” The urgency was raw in my voice.

Massimo looked uncomfortable for a moment before responding, “She’s at Harlen’s place.”

The response struck a nerve, and anger surged through me like a firestorm. “What the fuck?” I barked, my body reacting before my mind caught up, propelling me to my feet.

“Ease up,” Massimo interjected, raising his hand as if to physically dampen the tempest of my reaction. “I get where your mind’s going, but you should know Harlen was the one who got her out to you guys. Whatever went down at that place… well, they’ve kept it to themselves. But it’s him she sought refuge with, him she trusted enough to turn to when she couldn’t handle being here anymore.”

“She was running from me,” I said, a bitter realization dawning, my hand instinctively raking through my hair in frustration. “I have to see her.”

“Go shower and change into something clean.” Massimo’s suggestion was directive, simple, and to the point. “I’ll wait,” he said, rising to his full height with a purposeful nod toward the bathroom.

“Falcon… we should bring him along,” Massimo added, a thoughtful tilt to his voice. “Carmela became attached to him while she sat with you, and from what I could tell, the feeling was mutual. Might make things easier for her, seeing a friendly face.”

With a resolve firming my every step, I edged past Massimo, pausing only to address the room.

“Give me a few minutes,” I said, my voice carrying a new determination. Turning back to face the family, I made a silent vow, one I intended to keep with all I had. “I promise I’ll bring her back. Carmela may not see her own worth right now, but to me, she’s everything. We’ve both walked through fire. We’ve survived the abyss—and it wasn’t to lose it all now. Not like this.” With that promise hanging in the air, I strode toward the next steps that would lead me back to her.

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