17. Nova
Iwould have never guessed the turn things would have taken today.
It was safe to say that no matter how much I had tried to convince myself, my friends and my family that I was ready to get back to school, I wasn’t.
It hit me like a ton of bricks during the school assembly. The crowd, the screeching of the mic, the men standing in front of us and police officers surrounding us. The ease with which the mayor, chief of police and even the dean all condemned the act but never spoke once about the killer that had changed all of our lives forever.
They expected us to go back to normal, attend classes and do homework like we usually did. It was impossible. The second I set foot on school ground this morning, all I could hear were a mix of sickening screams and gunshots. I needed to get out, but wouldn’t dare act on it. And it was okay, because no one seemed to notice. No one ever did.
Or that’s what I thought before Aiden came barging in as I tried getting over myself in the bathroom earlier.
That’s how I found myself in the front seat of his car, in some abandoned parking lot, with a bag of diner takeout on my knees. He’d parked in front of the diner earlier and went in alone, only to be back minutes later with a big brown paper bag. I had no clue what was in there, just that it smelled amazing and had my stomach rumbling.
I hadn’t eaten breakfast this morning, or anything during dinner yesterday, in fact. I was too preoccupied for that, too apprehensive of what today would be like.
So far, it was nothing like I had thought it would be.
Once he was seated, Aiden started driving again, and I was too tired mentally to ask where he was taking us. He stopped in an empty parking lot in front of what looked like an abandoned building. The place looked somehow familiar and I remembered there used to be a flower shop there before it got shut down.
Aiden cut the engine and waited for a few seconds, staring at the distance, before looking back at me.
“Come on,” he nodded at the back seat, took the bag from my lap and got out of the car to go and sit there instead.
I followed without a word— none of us had spoken since we’d left the school— and climbed in the back. He shut his door, putting his back to it and spreading his legs on the seats. With a nod of his head, he motioned for me to sit between them and I did, my cheeks warming up. My back was flush against his torso and it didn’t take long for me to relax.
He put a silver disposable tray on my lap and my mouth watered at the sight of what was on it. Pancakes, filled with berries and whipped cream—it was mostly melted from the ride over but I knew it would still taste delicious. Scrambled eggs sat next to them along with some turkey bacon.
He handed me a fork as I gaped, wondering if somehow he knew this was my favorite breakfast or if he’d just guessed correctly. When Aiden grabbed his phone from his jeans pocket and started scrolling through Netflix, I kept on staring, my head falling back against his shoulder, more comfortable than anywhere else.
My eyes spied his thumb’s movement and when he finally found what he’d been looking for and tapped on it, I frowned in surprise.
Pride and Prejudice.
Aiden had gotten me my favorite breakfast, sat me down comfortably in his car and now he was playing my favorite movie on his phone.
“Aiden—” I croaked, but he cut me off.
“Shhh, little star. I don’t want you thinking about anything right now. Just relax.”
My heart pinched a little as I remember the first time he and I had argued about the book, in Mrs Diaz’ class. And now she was—
A pinched on my side brought me back to him as I blinked the tears away.
“You said this was your favorite movie, that it brought you comfort. Don’t let that fucker take it from you.” He murmured before kissing my hair.
I bit my lip, looking down. He was right. Christian had taken a lot from us already, I couldn’t let him tarnish the things that brought me peace too.
So I didn’t. I grabbed the fork tighter and cut a piece of pancakes before feeding myself. And I could feel Aiden relax behind me. The hand that wasn’t holding the phone squeezed my hip as he muttered, “Good girl,” under his breath.
Warmth spread inside my stomach as I continued eating, letting myself be swayed by Mr. Darcy. Eventually, I was too full to finish my plate so I started feeding Aiden instead.
He seemed taken aback the first time I placed a forkful of eggs against his lips, I didn’t dare look at him while I did it, my eyes were firmly set on the phone in his hand. But he’d opened his mouth and so I continued feeding him too. He hadn’t ordered anything for himself and I assumed it was because he’d already had breakfast, but I knew a guy his size could eat again.
And when there wasn’t anything left on the plate, I simply took the phone from him, because his arm must have been tired from holding it for so long, so I could hold it myself instead. I relaxed back against his chest as his arms circled me, hugging me from behind.
All I could feel was peace.
***
“Why didn’t you answer my texts?”
I broke the silence we had been basking in ever since we finished the movie. His phone was on ‘do not disturb’ and mine was turned off. I had a brief freak out about attendance, since I didn’t want the school to call my dad, but Aiden assured me it was taken care of. Something about a friend hacking into the school system.
It surprised me a bit how little I seemed to care and how much trust I’d put in him. I wasn’t trusting by nature. I was nice, sure, supportive, too, but trust really didn’t come easily to me.
Yet it was so easy with him. After years spent thinking of him as someone dangerous, mean and just overall not for me, I almost couldn’t believe how stupid I had been.
“I—” he stopped for a second, thinking about his next words, then continued with a sigh, “I think I needed to be alone. To process everything. I broke the news to my neighbor about Mrs. Diaz and that alone nearly broke me. I spent all the time I could outside, looking for Oscar. But I should have answered you. I’m sorry I wasn’t there when you needed me, little star.”
His arms tightened around me and I squeezed his hand in response.
“Are… things evolving with Oscar?”
He fell silent for a beat, but I could feel him tensing against my back, “No. We still don’t have anything worth looking into. One of his friends told us he saw him get into an old car, but that led us nowhere. We briefly thought we had a new lead with his football coach but that was shut down quickly.”
“What happened?”
“When I arrived to get Oscar and saw he wasn’t there, I thought his coach looked a little… fidgety.” His thumb caressed the skin of my wrist, “I told my friend about it and he got access to his street’s cameras. He saw him get a big black bag out of his trunk that day.”
I gulped, my gut twisting because even though he had said that didn’t lead him anywhere, I couldn’t fathom the fear he must’ve felt thinking his friend was inside that bag.
“We confronted him last week, Matt, Julian and some other guys from our block. We threatened to break his fucking kneecaps if he didn’t speak.” He took a deep breath and continued, “Poor guy broke down in tears and confessed that it was his son’s dog inside the black bag. He’d hit it coming home from work and didn’t know how to tell his kids so he took it to the woods and buried it. He brought us to where he’d gotten rid of it so we could check he was telling the truth, and he was. So back to zero, I guess.”
“I’m sorry, Aiden. You must’ve felt so scared.” I turned around and wrapped my arms around his middle, resting my head on his chest.
“I— I think I was a little sad.” He confessed in a breath and I looked up, confused. “ I hated myself for it but if he’d been in that body bag, at least I would have known he wasn’t somewhere else, suffering. I was ready to fucking kill him, Nova. I would’ve killed Coach Jackson and buried him six fucking feet under if we had gotten confirmation that he was behind Oscar’s disappearance.” His hand came to cup my neck as I stared at him. I could tell he was being honest. Maybe it should have scared me a little, this darkness within him, but it didn’t.
“But when we saw that bag with the dog’s body in it, I was back to feeling like nothing I could ever do would be enough. My best friend, my brother, is probably out there, scared out of his mind, or maybe he’s already dead and we’ll never find him, and there isn’t a goddamn thing I can do about it.”
His jaw was set, anger and frustration were clear on his face. Something told me that was all he had been feeling for the best part of the last few weeks.
“How can I help?” I mused, feeling just as helpless as he was. God knew if something like that happened to my sisters, I would be out of my mind.
He stared at me for what felt like hours before finally answering.
“You’re helping right now. Having you around makes me forget. You take the anger away.”
How ironic was it that I took his anger away while he made me feel like, maybe, it was okay to feel mine.
Aiden
This morning had been everything I’d ever dreamed of.
After simping over this girl for years and working her up in my mind, the reality was even better than I had imagined. She was so soft-spoken, so graceful and she smelled so fucking amazing it drove me mad. She listened to me talk about Oscar and her eyes never left mine, which felt downright intimidating at times. I loved the attention though, I loved that she was focused on me and me alone. I didn’t want it to end.
I hated that we were on our way to her house right now, where I was about to drop her off. I wanted the day to go on forever and it made me feel so childish, almost ridiculous.
“Are you sure your friend has attendance taken care of?” Her voice echoed through the small space and pulled me out of my thoughts.
As soon as we had gotten out of school earlier, I’d sent a quick text to AK, letting him know that we were about to skip. He’d assured me it wouldn’t show on the school’s system and that none of our parents would be contacted. It wasn’t a big deal for me since my mother was out of town to visit her sister and took Bianca with her, but Nova seemed scared of her dad hearing of our escapade.
“Yes, he’s some kind of computer genius, he’s covered for me more times than I could count.”
“Must be cool, having your own personal hacker.” She smiled shyly at me and I couldn’t help smiling back.
“Has its perks,” I chuckled.
The ride was peaceful and comfortable, I glanced at her from the corner of my eye more often than not, unable to keep myself from looking at her for too long. Her lips moved as she sang along to my playlist under her breath and it made me smile that a girl like her, with her pink clothes and little bows in her hair, knew the lyrics to Tupac songs by heart.
“You like Tupac?” I smirked as she turned back to look at me, no longer staring out the window.
“Meh, he’s okay I guess. My dad is a huge fan, though. His songs were basically our lullabies, growing up.”
I couldn’t help but chuckle.
“I remember when I was six, back in the city, our teacher tasked us with learning a song by heart to sing it in front of the class. I’ll let you imagine her face when I started my presentation with ‘So I fucked your bitch, you fat motherfucker’” That was so unexpected, I threw my head back and a full on belly laugh boomed out of me.
Nova joined me and soon, the music was drowned out by our laughter. I pictured her as a six-year-old, probably dressed just as girly as she still does, all cute in the face, singing diss tracks without understanding a single word.
Once our laughter died down a little, a big grin still stretched my lips and a similar expression enlightened her face. But as she continued, her smile dimmed down a bit.
“I swear, my mom was mortified when the teacher told her about it at pickup.” She turned her head to the side, away from me, “She apologized like ten times and when we came back home, she ripped my father a new one.”
It was down right sad by now, her smile.
Like the simple act of reminiscing physically hurt her.
Everyone knew her mother was dead, but I doubted anyone knew just how much it still seemed to affect her.
“Were you close to her?”
“The closest.” She sighed, almost wistfully. “She had me really young, only eighteen, and sometimes it felt like we… grew up together, I guess. She gave up everything to take care of me, her dreams of going to college, she moved away from her family so we could follow my dad…” Nova looked up at me and gave me a sad smile, “We had a different bond, you know? She used to say we were born under the same moon, that we didn’t see life as everybody else did. I guess she was right.”
She looked so vulnerable telling me about her mother and it made me want to stop the car just so that I could put her in my lap and hug her tight.
“You miss her.” There was no questioning that. For the first time since I’d known her, Nova wore her feelings out on her sleeve. Her eyes bore into mine as she gave a timid nod.
“Every day. But at the same time, I wish she would leave me alone.” Her words left me confused and I was about to ask her what she meant when she turned away from me again and peered out the window, “We’re here.” There was something in her tone that was almost solemn, like she didn’t want to be there alone any more than I did.
I said nothing and simply parked in front of the somewhat familiar two-stories house that no doubt cost more than four times my mom’s yearly salary.
“Thank you for today.” I said, cutting the engine. When I looked back at her, she was frowning, confused.
“You’re thanking me? Aiden, this is the best day I’ve had in weeks. Maybe years. Thank you for helping me today. And for watching Pride and Prejudice with me. I know how much you hate it.”
“It doesn’t matter what I think as long as you love it.”
Silence stretched within the car and Nova looked taken aback by my response. I mentally slapped myself for letting it slip, deciding to save it however I could, “I mean—” but before I could, she unbuckled her seatbelt and leaned over the console to smash her lips against mine.
Best fucking day ever.
The kiss didn’t last long, both of us knew if we continued, we would end up giving a show to all the velvet-tracksuit-wearing-moms speed-walking around the neighborhood.
When Nova pushed her forehead against mine and sighed, I knew there was no way she was spending the rest of the day alone.
She seemed to understand the same thing and bit her lower lip before asking in an almost timid voice, “Wanna come in?”
Nova
Aiden looked almost ridiculous standing in the middle of my bedroom. He was a perfect contrast to the decor (and to me), with his black jeans, black t-shirt and black socks —he’d taken his shoes off as soon as we got home. I really wanted to kiss him but I opted to sit on my bed instead while I watched him look at all the pictures on my walls.
“Cute room,” he smirked, sending me a look and causing me to roll my eyes, “It’s exactly how I pictured it.”
“What, ridiculous like my taste in books?”
“No, feminine, soft, cozy, just so… you.” I could feel my eyes widen and I was suddenly grateful that he was too focused on the pictures on my wall to look at me.
I watched him closely, studying the expression on his face, the corner of his mouth turned up more often than not as he took in the photographs of me and my sisters; birthdays, trips to the beach, that time we went to Paris for the summer with uncle Devon… a shadow fell upon his face when he saw that one.
Devon had his arm around my neck as we both stood in front of the Eiffel Tower. He’d taken us there just last year, me and the girls, because Cece and I were obsessed with the aesthetic of the city and Rory had always dreamed of visiting the Louvre.
“Who’s that?” His voice sounded a little colder than usual.
“Who? The handsome man holding me in Paris?”
I wasn’t the type to play with people’s feelings, but the tinge of jealousy in his tone made me want to tease him a little. He’d witnessed the beginnings of a panic attack, saw me bawl my eyes out and I’d spoken to him about my mom. I thought it was safe to say I was letting myself loose around Aiden, so why not push his buttons a little more?
“Yeah. Him.”
I chuckled and got up from the bed, walking until I was standing right beside him.
“That,” I pointed at the picture, “is my uncle Devon. My dad’s youngest brother.” I smiled cheekily.
I saw his shoulders relax a little and he let out the slightest breath of relief.
“Jealous?” I teased, a smirk playing on my lips.
“Fuck yes.”
My smirk slipped in surprise, not expecting him to own up to it, and he clearly noticed because our roles quickly got reversed and he became the one smirking at me. “What, you didn’t think I’d admit it?”
“I— maybe.” I breathed and he was about to answer when his eyes caught on something behind me.
“You sew?” Aiden walked to my little sewing corner. My room was always so clean and organized but that particular corner just couldn’t stay that way. Pins and scraps of fabric were shoved inside a small basket underneath the table and my cutting scissors had yet again fallen from the little hooks I’d installed right above it.
Those Five Minute DIY videos just never worked, dammit.
My sewing machine sat on top and I’d put magazine organizers on the side to put all of my patterns. Of course I’d accumulated so much over the years that most of them also sat on top of the desk, and beneath the machine. Threads were strewn on the floor beneath the setup, and no matter how much I vacuumed the fabrics never stopped shedding.
“I do. Or did, I guess. I haven’t been able to in weeks.”
“Why not?”
“No inspiration,” I shrugged, “I applied for fashion school in New York but there’s little chance I’ll get in. They’re supposed to send answers in a few weeks for early admissions or something. I sew my own clothes and I have a small business online. Usually, it helps me clear my mind, but nothing has helped much lately, you know?”
“I do. I haven’t gone to the gym since Oscar disappeared. Haven’t been able to draw much either.”
I stayed quiet, observing him and the almost unnoticeable flinch when he mentioned Oscar. Deciding to change the subject, I let my fingers trace one of his tattoos, a melting candle on his upper arm.
“Your tattoos. Did you draw the designs yourself?”
“I did. Inked some of them myself, too.” He announced proudly, giving me his arm so that I could inspect his handy work better.
They were beautiful, I’d always had something for guys with tattoos although my dad would probably freak out if he knew.
“One of the guys I used to box with had a tattoo shop in town before he moved up north, he let me hang out there last year and showed me how everything worked, under the table of course. My mom kinda freaked out when I came home with three tattoos at once at only seventeen, but they were worth the whooping.” He grinned and I couldn’t help but do the same.
“They’re beautiful.” I traced them all with my fingers, eliciting goosebumps all over his skin. When I looked back up at him, his cheeks had taken on a lovely shade of pink, but unlike last time, he didn’t act uncomfortable. He embraced the blush.
“Ever thought of getting some ink?”
I looked up at him through my lashes and shook my head, “No, I’m too much of a chicken for that. I hate needles.”
Turning around, I went back to my bed and sat down carefully. By the time I looked back at him, Aiden had moved from my sewing corner to the small bookshelves by the window. He grabbed one of my book club books and my eyes widened.
“Don’t open this!” I screeched, startling him into looking at me. From the smile on his lips, I just knew he knew.
“What? Is that one of your little porn books?”
“It’s called romance,” I narrowed my eyes at him, “not porn. Please don’t compare the two.”
“Okay, sorry. Is that one of your romance books where girls get chased and fucked and called nasty little sluts?”
I groaned and fell back against the mattress while he laughed at my reaction. He put the book back in its place and stalked towards me.
“I have to say, reading about the things you liked in the bedroom kinda surprised me.”
He lied down next to me as we both eyed the ceiling.
I couldn’t help it and let out a snort before blurting, “I don’t even know what I like in the bedroom. I’d have to have experience for that and mine is limited to making out in a janitor’s closet.”
Silence.
I squeezed my eyes, frustrated with myself for letting this tiny bit of information slip out.
I was not ashamed of being a virgin, as matter of fact none of my friends except Jelena had any experience in the dating/sexual department so none of them shamed me or made fun of me for it. I wasn’t in a rush to lose my v-card, but it wasn’t exactly something I liked to talk about either.
I was well aware that after I went out with some of the guys in our class last year, it had somewhat become a question of interest around the whole school whether or not I was a virgin. Especially since I hadn’t as much as kissed any of the guys I went out with.
“You…” he cleared his throat. “I’m your only experience?”
His voice was low and serious, so far from the humorous tone he’d been using before then.
I didn’t answer, partly because I was a little mortified and mostly because I was trying damn hard to make my breathing sound normal. Rustling echoed around the room as Aiden got up on one elbow and leaned over me.
“Nova, answer the question. Did anyone but me ever touch you?”
He looked just as out of breath as I felt, something in his eyes seemed almost on edge.
“No,” I breathed. “You’re the only one that gets on my nerves to the point of losing control.”
I mimicked his position and pushed myself up on my elbows, our heads only a couple inches away.
“Good. Keep it that way.”
“What about you? Have you ever been with someone else?”
I had no idea what compelled me to ask. Maybe it was the irrational jealousy I felt whenever I thought of him with another girl, maybe it was misplaced curiosity. I’d never seen him with girls, in or out of school. Of course, we rarely ran into each other outside, but still. I felt like I would’ve known if he’d had a girlfriend or a fling over the years since I moved to Ravenbridge.
My question seemed to amuse him, but I didn’t like the way he smirked down at me, like he saw right through me. It made me feel so vulnerable, so small, like my mood for the rest of the week would depend on his stupid answer.
“Only you.”
My heart beat faster at those two words, it felt like I could finally breathe easier, but before I could respond, his lips were on mine.
The first thought that went through my mind was that I could kiss Aiden forever and never tire of it. It scared me a little, how much power a few kisses had on me, but at the same time, I’d never felt as free as I did with him. Aiden was the only person I had let myself dislike these last few years. He was the only one with whom I didn’t try to uphold the good girl act, because it felt pointless. Paradoxically, being able to be so open about my feelings for him—even if my dislike was misplaced— made it easier now to be myself with him.
Every time his lips touched mine, everything else disappeared, there was only us. I thought I could hear a beeping sound in the distance, but it was too drowned out by the sounds we were making for me to care.
Aiden’s mouth moved against mine, his tongue sneaking between my lips to taste me. I whimpered as he brought me even closer to him, throwing one of my thighs over his waist. The kiss was loud, my moans echoed around us as he pulled me on top of him. One of my hands dug into the mattress right next to his head, while the other was gripping his shirt.
By then, I was straddling him and could feel myself getting wetter by the second. My pussy was right on top of his swollen cock, bulging in the confines of his jeans. My skirt had ridden up and my panties were thin enough that I could feel everything.
“Grind that tight little cunt against me, baby. Make yourself feel good.”
I moaned, lapping at his lips before deepening our kiss. And I did exactly as he asked, I lowered my hips until my pussy was rubbing against his hard-on. We both groaned at the feeling and I quickly did it again, and again, and again, because it felt too damn good to stop.
“Touch me. Please, I want your hands on me.”
He didn’t need to be asked twice because as soon as the words left my mouth, his hands were cupping my ass, helping me grind on him with more vigor.
“I love kissing you,” I confessed, “I shouldn’t, because we’re just friends, but tell me why my brain stops working anytime you touch me?”
“Fuck being friends, Nova,” he bit my lip, “I don’t wanna be your fucking friend.”
“What do you wanna be then?”
“Yours. I want to be yours.”
Nobody had ever been mine before. Growing up with siblings, especially as the eldest, you learned to share.
I didn’t want to share him.
I wanted Aiden to be mine, and mine only.
But just as I was about to tell him, the door to my room flew open and my dad stood there, a mix of shock and rage etching his face.
Then all hell broke loose.