Freezing Bonds that Tie our Hearts (Blood and Water #2)

18. Aiden

If looks could kill I would probably already be six feet under, but as it turned out, Damon Starling didn’t need to kill me with his eyes. Not when he planned on doing it with his bare hands instead.

“Dad, stop!”

As soon as he’d barged in, Nova had scrambled off of me in hope to pacify her father, but all it really did was give him open range to charge at me instead.

I shot out of bed, my heart beating so fucking fast, when he grabbed me by the collar of my shirt and slammed my body against the wall. I let him.

Nova and I were both well aware that I could hold my own against her dad in a one on one fight, but I would never do that to her. Not when I knew how much she loved him, her only living parent.

Plus, it would for sure mean she’d have to choose between us both and I wasn’t delusional enough to think she would choose me. Not yet.

“You just don’t listen, do you?” He spat, pulling me back towards him just to slam me against the wall a second time.

I coughed and decided I would at least push him off of me because I didn’t want to end up with bruised ribs.

“I told you to stay the fuck away from my daughter!”

“Dad!”

Just as I managed to drop off his hold, Nova found a way to step in between us, holding both of her hands up. Her back was to me and I immediately noticed how her hands were shaking.

“You’re acting crazy!” She accused, voice trembling. All three of us were breathing heavily, the tension in the room was throbbing. Hard, vengeful, almost cutting.

“Crazy? Wanting my teenage daughter not to entertain boys like him under my roof is crazy?!”

She didn’t say anything, simply hung her head. I wanted to take her into my arms and tell her dad to go fuck himself. There was nothing wrong with what we’d been doing and the fucker should stop shaming his daughter.

“And you,” he growled, turning back to me, “your sister can kiss her scholarship goodbye, you hear me? I’ll teach you what crossing me will bring you.”

I stood a little taller at that, hate burning through my veins. Hatred for him, sure, but also for me. I couldn’t believe I had been so selfish as to forget the reason why I had ignored Nova these last two weeks. Guilt assaulted my brain, but no matter what, I couldn’t bring myself to regret it.

“What does that mean?”

Nova’s voice cut our staring contest short and Damon’s eyes veered back to her. It was like he’d forgotten she was here, blinded by his rage for me. He straightened his stance and looked away, muttering, “Nothing.”

If he thought I wouldn’t out him, he was wrong.

“Your father threatened me to stay away from you. On the night he bailed me out of jail for punching Sebastian.”

Her dad looked back at me and fucker had the audacity to look surprised that I would snitch. I held his gaze and smirked for good measure.

“You did what?”

Nova’s voice was just a little stronger than a whisper. Her hands fell to her side and her shoulders slumped in defeat, “How dare you?”

Something had given out, the roles got reversed. I wouldn’t know how to explain it, but right then, her dad suddenly looked more guilty than we did.

“It’s what’s best for you.” He admitted, “You don’t need a guy like that bringing you down, Nova.”

“How fucking dare you!”

My smirk fell. Damon looked just as surprised as I did.

Because Nova never swore.

And she never yelled.

He recovered from his shock faster than I did,“I know his kind, Nova,” he looked me up and down, mistrust clear on his face, “Trust me when I say he’s nothing but trouble.”

“How can you say that when you don’t even know him! You’re judging him because he’s a Northie like you didn’t grow up in the Bron—”

“This has nothing to do with where he’s from, dammit!” His voice boomed and echoed around us, making her jump. I took a step towards her, my instinct screaming at me to protect her, but deep down, I knew her dad wouldn’t hurt her. “Trust me, I know what is good for you and he is not.”

“You’re acting just like mom’s dad did. He tried to push you away too.” The tears could be heard in her voice. I’d fucking break her father’s knees if I could.

Damon seemed taken aback that she’d bring her mom up so easily in my presence, and for a second, I saw grief and regret flash on his face. “Well, maybe he was right. Maybe I should’ve stayed away from her too.”

Nova gasped softly, and I was confused as to why her dad would even say that. Then, totally out of the blue, he asked her something that visibly troubled her. Something that troubled me, too, because it made me realize just how much I still didn’t know about her.

His voice was soft, almost sorry, but his words had an impact on Nova that was immediate.

“Did you take your meds, Nova?”

Silence. Her eyes widened as she stared at her dad like she’d just realized something. Her hands turned into fists and she squeezed her eyes shut. That seemed to be enough of a response for her dad, who nodded his head slowly.

“That’s why he’s not good for you. That’s why he’s a distraction.”

With every word he said, Nova shrunk a little more into herself. I hated it, hated that I didn’t have the slightest clue of what was going on.

Questions were filling my mind but when her father’s eyes came back to me, I held his gaze and didn’t let anything show. “Get the fuck out. Consider this your last warning.”

“I’m not going anywhere as long as Nova doesn’t say so.” His jaw flexed in annoyance and he was about to respond when a soft voice beat him to it.

“You should go, Aiden. Thank you for today.”

I immediately looked back at her but she wouldn’t meet my gaze, staring at the ground instead. She sounded so dejected, so tired. She was still clenching her hands into little fists, so tight her knuckles were turning beige. There were many things I wanted to say, but ultimately, I thought it might be better for her if I just left for now.

Anchoring my eyes into Damon Starling’s dark gaze, I made sure he understood I was only backing off, not giving up.

Nova was mine, she had always been mine, and it was high time I came to collect.

Nova

The beeping.

The beeping I had barely heard while I lost myself in Aiden had been the sound of the timer on my phone telling me it was time to take my meds.

And I didn’t pay any attention to it.

In the three years since I started taking them, I had never, ever forgotten to take my meds. I knew how dangerous that could be, so I’d never risked it. Nothing and no one could distract me enough that I would forget them.

Until Aiden.

After he left, I sat down on my bed, wondering how I could have let that happen. My dad sat beside me and was silent for a while before he decided to break the silence.

“I only want what’s best for you, Nova. He’s not what you need. I know your head is full of fantasies about love and passion. I pay for those books you read and I know what they put in a young girl’s mind. But that’s not what you need, baby. You need reliability. Stability. You need— someone you don’t look like you’d go to the end of the world for.”

Passion. Love.

He was saying I couldn’t have those. Why? Because I was different? Because I felt too much, not enough?

“I’ve seen it on the day of the shooting, when he punched that fucker to the ground. You looked at him like he hung the moon. I called your name three times and you didn’t hear me. You didn’t pay attention to anyone around you. And he was the same, acting on impulse, not thinking twice about the consequences of his actions, he reminded me of—”

“You. He reminded you of you.” I looked at him, tears brimming my eyes but not making it down my cheeks yet, “and you think he’ll do to me what you did to mom, don’t you?” His eyes widened as soon as the words were out of my mouth.

We didn’t speak about it. Ever.

Unlike my sisters, I had been old enough to remember what pushed my mother to kill herself, but I never uttered a word about it to my dad, to the point where he probably thought I had forgotten all about it.

Maybe he believed the fucking medication also erased my memories, but they didn’t, if anything, they kept me from forgetting the past and forced me to constantly relive it.

Dad jumped up, looking distraught, before stomping to exit my room, cutting our conversation short.

“This conversation is over. Get some rest.”

***

The tension during dinner was at an all time high. The only thing you could hear were the clunking of cutlery as we ate. Rory had felt it right when she came home from school, running to my room and demanding to know what happened. I played it off saying I just had a bad day at school, but she clearly didn’t believe me.

I slept most of the afternoon, sadly reliving the day I’d had before it was ruined by my father. Aiden had texted me a few times, asking if I was okay and if there was anything he could do but I never answered. I was so fucking ashamed that he’d witnessed some of what went down with dad. That he knew I was medicated.

Once we were done eating, I got up, ready to clear the table when dad’s voice stopped me.

“Leave it.” He ordered, “You need to rest. Rory and I will take care of it.”

I gritted my teeth and clenched my hands into fists, annoyance seeping through my veins. It didn’t matter what I said, he would never listen to me or see me for me.

“I’m okay. I am perfectly able to clear the table, you know. Rory said there was a documentary she was dying to watch after dinner and it’s already started so she has better things to do.”

My tone was cutting and I could see Dad clench his jaw. Rory looked uncomfortable, like she didn’t know where to go or what to do, “It’s okay, I can do it, Nova.”

“Why don’t you take Cece and watch it in your room?” Even as I answered her, my eyes didn’t leave dad’s.

He was looking at me like I was nothing but a stranger to him, and I guess, in a way, that was correct. There was a whole part of me he didn’t know. A whole part of me he never bothered getting to know. A whole part of me that was dying to confront him.

Sensing the tension, Rory got up, took Cece’s hand and both of them quietly walked out of the living room and up the stairs. My youngest sister looked back over her shoulder at me, and I gave her a small reassuring smile.

As soon as they were out of sight, it fell off my face and I turned to dad with a determined look, “This can’t keep on going on. I want you to stop babying me.”

“You have no idea what you want and you clearly weren’t thinking straight earlier.”

“Why, because I forgot my meds, for the first time ever since I started taking them?” I seethed, “Are you going to keep blaming me for that? I took them right after.”

“You know what stopping medication does to someone, Nova!” He slammed his hand on the table, causing the dishes to shake. “How could you be so thoughtless?”

The accusation rolled right off his tongue, hitting me straight in the heart. Three years of swallowing those pills, of never letting myself feel healthy emotions such as anger or sadness. Three years of this masquerade only to have it all thrown back in my face like it meant nothing for one simple mistake?

I lost it.

“It was once!” screaming, I threw the plate I had just picked up against the floor and it shattered in a million pieces. “I did my best for three full fucking years, went to therapy, sat with a fucking psychologist and swallowed those pills even as it felt like they were ripping me out from the inside, and not once did I complain about it! I forget once because I was having a good time with someone I can finally be completely myself with, someone who saw me at my worst and still wants me, and you act like I committed a crime!”

The tears were unstoppable by then, I couldn’t and wouldn’t stop them.

I deserved to feel big things, too. Why should I constantly dilute my emotions?

“Nova—”

“Will you ever see me for me? Will I ever be enough for you that you understand I am my own person and not a reflection of the woman who gave birth to me?” I spat, “I am so sick and tired of it, dad! I am not her. I’m not gonna abandon my family, I’m not going to fucking kill myself just because she did!”

“Keep your voice down, Nova.”

“No! I am tired of keeping my voice down! You have no idea what it’s like living in the shadow of a dead person, you have no idea what it’s like when your fucking family thinks the only thing you inherited from your mother is mental illness! Stop acting like I’m gonna break, like I’m too fragile to be living.” Tears streamed down my face but I couldn’t stop, I wouldn’t. “Do you even realize you do it? Do you even realize how differently you treat us? I’m eighteen, I’m not the one you need to constantly worry about! All you’re achieving by infantilizing me so much is making Rory feel like she has to be strong for the both of us. Do you even care about that?”

“Enough!”

I jumped at the booming sound of his voice. I took a step back and looked at him with wide eyes. He took a deep breath and pinched the bridge of his nose, clearly not proud of this outburst, before speaking again.

“You’re gonna take your fucking meds and sleep it off. We are not talking about this any further. I know what’s best for you, even when you don’t.”

“I’m not doing this anymore.” I shook my head quietly, “I’m not letting you smother me and make me feel like I have to sit on top of my feelings at all times.”

“What the hell is happening to you? Why rebel now?”

“Because I’m tired! Because I let myself feel again and the world didn’t combust! Because I deserve to feel without restraint too.”

“So it’s him, then? That boy,” he spat, shaking his head in disgust, “If you see him again, I’ll make sure everyone he loves loses something they care about.”

My mouth opened but no words came out. I had never seen my dad like that, all business-like and willing to do anything to get what he wants, including stomping on others’ feelings. Mine included.

I stared at him for what felt like hours, watching every trait on his face just to make sure it was him and not some heartless man who took his place.

But it was him, though. And I finally understood that nothing I could say would make him understand that I was not my mother, and that Aiden wasn’t him.

I liked the guy, so what? It didn’t mean I would give him the occasion to break me the way dad did to mom.

So I stood my ground, refusing to go on with keeping everything bottled.

“If you do this, I will never speak to you again.”

Dad looked shocked that I would react that way, but I didn’t care anymore. My only regret was that my sisters were probably up the stairs right now, listening to every word I was saying. They’re the only reason why I decided to calm myself down. Wiping at my face roughly with the back of my sleeve, I shook my head, defeated.

“I am not my mother, and it’s time you stop treating me like her. Aiden is not you and you need to stop living in the irrational fear that we’ll just replay your mistakes.”

Turning around, I ran to the front door, snatching my keys from the console on my way out. I jumped in my car, backed out of the driveway and before I knew it, found myself in front of the house of the only person I wanted to see right then.

When Aiden opened the door, and took in my tear-streaked face and trembling legs with concern widening his eyes, I felt my chin wobble.

“I’m sorry, I… I didn’t want to be anywhere else.”