Friends With All the Benefits

31 Ellie

T he moment I met up with Rafe, I knew it was a terrible idea.

Rafe suggested a nice place downtown, but we couldn’t get a booking for a later slot, so we ended up going early to secure a table. It worked out for me because I always started and finished work early to avoid traffic. Rafe’s schedule was flexible, and he really wanted to try the place out.

Dinner was enjoyable, but the entire time, I knew I wasn’t feeling it, and I gently let Rafe know. I wasn’t going to string him along.

“That’s okay.” He was understanding. “Food’s good and company’s good. That’s all anyone can ask for.”

I laughed. “Thank you for being so understanding.”

“You’re in love with someone else, aren’t you?”

My eyes widened. “How did you know?”

“I was the same when I broke up with my ex-wife and started dating again. You have the same look on your face.”

Oh. Had I been that transparent?

“How did you deal with it?”

“Now, you don’t have to do what I did because your situation is likely different,” Rafe warned. “But after a few dates, I realised I wasn’t ready to date again. I gave it time and space, and now here I am.”

“Sorry,” I winced.

“Nah, it’s okay.”

“So, time and space, eh?”

Rafe nodded.

I sagged. “That’s going to be hard. I live with him.”

Rafe winced. I told him about my situation with Ethan, and Rafe shook his head at multiple points of my story.

“If he didn’t say out loud that he didn’t feel the same way back, I’d think the opposite,” Rafe told me, confirming I wasn’t going crazy thinking there had been something unspoken there. “But given what he said… I’m sorry, Ellie. You deserve better.”

The rest of dinner went by easier now that everything was out in the open. Rafe was pleasant company and a total gentleman. He walked me out of the restaurant.

That’s when I saw him .

Shit. Of all the places, Ethan was heading right here. Maybe I shouldn’t have agreed to come here with Rafe, not when the place just made the list of top ten restaurants in the city and was the only place on that list that had plenty of capacity so patrons didn’t need to book weeks in advance to get a spot.

Ethan was here, and he was escorting a beautiful woman on his arm. Her skin was a glowing shade of brown, her hair thick and lustrous, her eyes large and liquid. She was stunning. This must be the Renae he always talked about, and now I could see why.

It was never a competition in the first place. The woman blew preppy, prim me out of the water.

Ethan saw me and his eyes widened.

He looked at me like I had turned up on purpose like a crazy, jealous ex-girlfriend, and I couldn’t even lay claim to the title. We had just been fuck buddies. Friends with benefits. Roommates with benefits. Nothing more.

No, I couldn’t let him think that.

I looked away and nearly dragged Rafe down the street at the fastest speed I could walk in heels before I dared turn back. When I finally did, Ethan was gone. He was probably in the restaurant by now, on his wonderful, perfect date.

~

I didn’t go home after that. Instead, I headed to a small bar and texted Hannah and Joyce, asking them to join me. I had been dying to talk about my non-relationship with someone for ages, but I never said a word to Hannah or Joyce given they were Ethan’s friends too, and it never felt right to open up to Nat. Now, after seeing Ethan with someone else, something broke in me. I needed my girls. I needed my support. I liked spending time with Hannah and Joyce. Given their prior friendship with Ethan, they might distance themselves from me after this, but at least I would know for sure once and for all whether they thought of me the same way.

All I sent them was, Are you free? I need to talk.

The two girls were at my side in record time.

“Are you okay?” Hannah looked worried when she saw me.

“You know we’re in your corner, right? We love you and we’re here for you, whatever it is,” Joyce told me fiercely.

My eyes welled up. It meant everything to me that they came, that they were so supportive. But they might change their tune when they heard what I had to say. It was time to come clean. “I need to tell you something.”

Everything about the friends with benefits arrangement with Ethan came out. I watched both of their faces as I spoke. Hannah remained calm as she listened to me. There was no censure in her face, but Hannah had always been kind. Joyce, on the other hand, looked like she was bursting to say something. I didn’t make it to telling them about Ethan and Renae when Joyce let out a squeal.

“So you and my brother were hooking up,” Joyce looked bowled over.

“I’m sorry.” I was terrified of telling her the most. I didn’t want to lose Joyce as a friend, but I wasn’t going to keep it from her any longer.

“Don’t be.” Instead, she looked ecstatic. “I knew you were good together. I want to hear all the details. But not too much, if you catch my drift. I still have to be able to look my own brother in the eye.”

“I already knew,” Hannah confessed. “Callum knew and he told me.”

“Oh.” I breathed a sigh of relief. “And you never said a thing.”

“You would have told us when you were ready, and when the both of you figured things out,” Hannah smiled coyly. “So. You and Ethan. This whole time, eh?”

I nodded in confirmation.

“Even before I found out, I thought you and Ethan had a vibe,” Hannah looked at me thoughtfully. “You two always had something between you, even before you moved in together.”

“It was one-sided on my part.” I made a face. “And even when we started…well, sleeping together, it wasn’t a real relationship.”

“Bullshit,” Joyce argued. “I’ve never seen Ethan happier than he has been in the last few months. Damn it, if my mum knew, she’d have set his head straight. She’d dearly love to have you as a daughter-in-law.”

“Yeah, well, she still might still get one. Ethan’s finally scored a date with the woman of his dreams. I saw them together earlier, walking into the restaurant, looking mighty cosy together. He’s got everything he ever wanted, and there’s no space for me in his life.”

Understanding dawned on both girls.

“Hence the summons here.”

“Hence the alcohol too.” I lifted what was my third drink of the night.

“You’re in love with him, aren’t you? No, don’t deny it. You always have been. Sleeping together, living together just made your feelings stronger.” Hannah looked at me knowingly.

“I know. I should never have started,” I groaned.

“If he was going to break your heart, he should never have started.” Now Joyce looked angry. “He knew you were into him. He should have been more careful with your feelings.”

“I told him I was over him. I wanted it too. I was stupid and I was selfish, and I thought I could have just that little bit of him.” Tears started falling down my face.

Joyce looked stricken but quickly reached into her bag for tissues. Hannah reached over and crushed me into a hug. Joyce handed me the tissues before joining us in a group hug, as awkward as it was to try and dry my eyes and hug them back.

My two friends let me cry it out and soothed me with “It’ll all be okays,” and I was grateful they were here for me. I would live through losing Ethan, but Hannah and Joyce had become more important to me than air itself.

I had been terrified they would distance themselves from me when they found out, but they didn’t. They were kind. They were supportive, and they made it clear that they were here for me. I was enough for them, and that meant everything to me.

“Thank you,” I gasped when I finally got a hold of myself.

“If things go well on his date tonight, it’s going to be awkward living with him after this,” Joyce made a face. “It’s too bad he owns the place otherwise he should be the one to move out and give you your space.”

Her words slammed into my chest, knocking the wind out of me.

I gasped. “What did you just say?”

“That he should move out…oh shit! He didn’t tell you.” Joyce’s hand went to her mouth. “Ellie, Ethan owns the cottage. I thought he told you.”

“ What? ” Now it was Hannah’s turn to sound incredulous. “I didn’t know either. What the hell. Does Callum know?”

Joyce nodded guiltily.

Hannah looked torn between being impressed by her fiancé’s ability to keep a secret and being annoyed that he didn’t tell her.

“Why didn’t any of you tell us? Why didn’t Ethan tell us?” Hannah demanded.

“Ethan wanted to keep it on the down low. He needs to rent the second room out to help with his mortgage, and he didn’t want it getting around that he was the landlord. We know of too many people with housemate drama, and he was advised to do everything through a property agent.”

Which he did.

“It worked well for him, but he really should have told you.”

“I guess he had his reasons.” My voice came out distant, disembodied. There was no kindly old lady landlord. It had been Ethan this whole time. I guess I wasn’t that good a friend to Ethan after all if he didn’t tell me. I had just been there as a convenient fuck buddy, nothing more. Anything I had deluded myself into thinking we shared didn’t mean a thing.

“Whoa there, Ellie,” Hannah cautioned as I skulled my third drink and got up to order my fourth. “Maybe you should slow down.”

“I’ll leave my car here, get an Uber.” Responsible drinking and all. The owners of the bar were friendly, and the parking lot behind the building was usually secure enough to leave a vehicle overnight.

My head started buzzing. Maybe Hannah was right. Maybe I was drinking too much, too fast. I reached for the bottle of water that Joyce had helpfully fetched for our table and downed a whole glass. At least Hannah didn’t stop me from skulling that one. But the buzzing still didn’t stop.

“Uh, Ellie, I think that’s your phone.” Joyce pointed to my handbag, which sat on the table in front of us.

Oh. Oh. It wasn’t my head after all.

“I hope it’s Ethan, calling to apologise and beg for your forgiveness,” Joyce declared.

Hannah nodded. These girls. My eyes welled up. I didn’t expect them to be this supportive, but they were.

“I love you two, you know that?”

Hannah smiled. “We love you too. Now answer your phone.”

It wasn’t Ethan. It was Nat.

“Ellie, you need to come over now,” she wailed over the phone.

My head felt heavy from all the alcohol. I really didn’t want to. “Can this wait? Now isn’t a good time for me.”

“Please, please? I’ve just broken up with Andy and I don’t want to be alone.”

“Congratulations. I’m proud of you.”

“It’s what you wanted. Now will you come over?”

For some reason, that annoyed me.

“I’ll come over tomorrow after work,” I grunted.

Oh God, tonight was a work night. Tomorrow morning would be murder on my head.

“Andy has a key to the apartment, and I really don’t feel safe.”

I took a deep breath. “Okay. Stay put. Call the cops if you need to. I’ll be over soon.”

Hannah and Joyce gave me quizzical looks when I finally ended the call. I gave them the rundown.

“I’ve got to go over,” I sighed.

“I’ll drive you. You’re still tipsy,” Hannah pointed out.

“I’m coming too,” Joyce chimed in. She gave Hannah a look. “I’ll drive Ellie’s car there. Give her options when she sobers up.”

~

The three of us arrived at Nat’s apartment in half an hour. I had nodded off on the drive here, but Hannah shook me awake when we got there. I scanned the apartment parking lot for Andy’s car. Thankfully, there was no sign of him.

Nat’s eyes widened when she saw all three of us outside her front door. “Oh. You all didn’t have to come.”

“Ellie’s not in a fit state to drive, and someone has to take care of her,” Joyce said.

Nat’s eyes narrowed. She caught Joyce’s insinuation that she wasn’t going to take care of me.

“What’s wrong with Ellie?”

“Had too much to drink,” I admitted.

“Honestly, Ellie, you of all people should know better,” Nat scolded.

“She’s had a rough day. She’s allowed to.” Joyce leapt to my defence.

Hannah and Joyce both turned to me. They didn’t know how much Nat knew.

“I told Ethan I was in love with him. He went on a date with another woman. We’ve been hooking up for the last few months,” I summarised. Nat didn’t know anything before. Now she was all caught up.

“Oh. I didn’t know.” Nat’s eyes widened. “You never said a thing.”

I thought I heard Joyce mumble, “But you were under the same roof for a whole month,” before Hannah elbowed her.

“I’m sorry.” Nat’s voice was sympathetic. “He shouldn’t have hurt you.”

Hearing Nat’s genuine concern, Joyce’s wary expression softened. They finally found some common ground.

I shrugged and changed the subject. “What happened with Andy?”

We had all settled in the living area. Out of sheer habit, I put myself down in my old armchair. There was a hamburger plush cushion in the middle of the seat. It was mostly flattened, evidence it had been used as a butt cushion. The sagging had gotten too bad to sit on the armchair without it.

Nat curled herself up on the sofa and started telling her story. “Things with Andy were good when we got back together. He was so attentive and so loving. But then things went back to normal, and I realised that our normal wasn’t normal at all. Staying with you and Ethan opened my eyes. Ethan never talks to you the way Andy talks to me. He never puts you down, even when he’s saying nice things about you.”

Hannah and I exchanged looks. Callum never put her down either and Hannah would never have stood for such treatment in the first place. Andy was the special snowflake that could disguise an insult as a compliment.

“Nat, love,” Hannah reached out for Nat’s hand. “No one should ever talk to you like that, much less someone you’re in a relationship with.”

“I thought… I just thought that was just how things were. Andy told me so. He criticised me because he cared.”

“Andy was talking a crock of shit,” Joyce snorted.

“I’m starting to see that.” For once, Nat agreed with Joyce. Nat’s eyes fell on me. “Especially seeing how Ethan treats you, Ellie. No wonder you’re in love with him. And Ethan pulls his weight around the house without complaining or making snide remarks that it’s a woman’s place to do so.”

Of course, Ethan never did. Ethan wasn’t a lazy leech.

“There was a moment I thought he liked you back,” Nat continued. “Now I realise it’s just because he’s just a good guy who treats people well.”

Ouch. Way to go to rub it in, but Nat was right.

“Then earlier this evening Andy started going off about how I must have been cheating on him with Ethan when I stayed with the both of you, and he brought up that he could no longer access my emails and bank account.”

I had made the right call getting Nat to change all her passwords after all. The gall on Andy…

“He wept and made a huge scene that he couldn’t trust me, and how could I betray him like that?” Nat’s voice tightened. “But then I remembered everything he did to me. And I still have that list from you I’ve been rereading ever since I got back—thank you for that by the way—and it just reminded me of how awful he’s treated me this entire time and that he hasn’t changed, no matter how much he promised me or tried to convince me he has, so I finally kicked him out. He left in a huff, telling me he’ll be back when I’ve come to my senses.”

That explained Nat’s panic. “And you’re terrified he’ll come back because he has the keys to the place.”

“What are you afraid he’ll do when he comes back?” Hannah asked. “Nat, was he ever violent with you? I know he’s threatened Ellie before. Has he ever threatened you?”

Nat shook her head. “He was never serious about taking a hand to Ellie.”

Joyce’s face looked like thunder. I had vented to Hannah about Andy’s threat before, but not to Joyce. “He threatened Ellie,” Joyce hissed. “How can you not take that seriously?”

“Ellie always rubbed him the wrong way,” Nat dismissed Joyce’s concerns with a wave. “No, Andy will never hurt me that way. I’m afraid I’ll take him back if he comes back. I know, I know. I’m stupid, and I’m weak, but I can’t help myself around him. I love him but he’s so bad for me, and I don’t think he wants me as much as he wants someone to control or leech off.”

That…was surprisingly astute of Nat. The rose-tinted glasses had finally fallen off, but she was right. She couldn’t help how she felt about him.

“You’ve got to change your locks,” I told her.

Nat looked up in surprise. The thought just occurred to her. “How?”

The apartment had one security screen door, and one main door behind the screen. Both locks would need to be changed. I glanced at the time. The hardware store had closed an hour ago.

“You can call a locksmith, but at this time of the night, you’ll pay a premium,” I warned.

Nat bit her lip. She looked so helpless. “You’ll stay over, won’t you, Ellie? Please. I’ll feel safer if you do, and I don’t want to be alone.”

Joyce opened her mouth to say something, but Hannah beat her to it.

“Ellie is also tired and in need of sleep. Even if she wasn’t, she can’t possibly overpower Andy if he decides to get aggressive. Neither of you will be able to do anything if Andy does come back.” Hannah gave Nat a pointed look.

“I…” Nat’s lower lip wobbled. “I guess I have to call the locksmith.”

Hannah nodded. “We’ll wait with you until the lock is fixed. But Ellie really needs to get to bed. Is there one she can use?”

“There’s her old room. I’ll need to change the sheets.”

“Call the locksmith first, then we’ll help you with it,” Hannah instructed kindly but firmly. She had everything well in hand. I closed my eyes and dozed off on the armchair.

I woke briefly when the locksmith arrived, then closed my eyes again. The next time I woke up was when Hannah gave my arm a gentle shake. “Come on, Ellie. To bed with you.”

“The locks?” I asked.

“All sorted. Do you want to go back to the cottage, or do you want to stay here?”

“I can’t go back right now,” I pleaded. “Ethan might have brought his date home.”

“Okay. We’ll put you in your old room. Nat wants you to stay, and she’ll be all right now with new locks.”

I curled up to sleep in my old bed. It felt cold and unfamiliar after so many months away. I missed being in my own bed in the cottage. I missed Ethan holding me as I fell asleep, but that had been an illusion. Ethan was a problem for another day.