Homesick

Chapter 8

CHAPTER 8

I t’s hard to forget how much I hate manual labor as I shovel what seems like the millionth pile of cow shit today. I’m almost done with most of tonight’s chores, and I might actually get them done before dipshit shows up. My method isn’t exactly sustainable, but maybe once he sees I’m fine without him, he’ll back off.

I feel a small tap on the back of my leg, and I turn to see one of the new baby calves trying to snack on my jeans. I lean over and pat the little guy on the head before setting down my shovel. He seems to like the pets because soon enough he’s rubbing his head up and down my leg.

“I think I’ll call you Mocha,” I say, admiring his dark brown coat with little white spots decorating his head and legs. It’s typically not a good idea to name cows, because sooner or later you’ll end up seeing your fluffy friend on a dinner plate. I learned that the hard way.

I give Mocha one last scratch before heading off to do my last chore of the night. I put my hands on my hips and stare down my own personal Mount Everest. The tractor.

I could easily run over to the house and ask my dad for help, but that would mean I really couldn’t do all of this by myself. I contemplate my options before the image of Blake’s smug face appears in my head and I know I need to prove him wrong.

I hop onto the tractor seat and try to remember everything my dad and brother have taught me over the years. I learned how to drive a tractor before I learned how to drive a car so I should be a pro, but unfortunately, it’s not like riding a bike. I get it started easily and take that as a good sign, but the hard part is getting the thing to go where I want it to.

I push the clutch and break in and shift the tractor into drive. I follow the rest of the steps as I remember them and slowly let off the clutch as I lurch forward. I do a little fist pump in the air, but then quickly return my hands to the steering wheel. I head toward the barn and my confidence takes over as I speed up a bit.

Ah shit , I think. I can’t quite remember how to stop. I try a couple different combinations, but my mind scrambles and I begin to panic. I probably should’ve figured this out before I got going.

I see some fence slowly creeping up and I have flashbacks to my prior incident. I finally hit the correct combination of break and clutch and get the monster of a vehicle to stop. I breathe in a sigh of relief and look at the cows in the pasture that are blissfully unaware of how close I was to ruining their day.

I turn the key and shut the tractor down before I try to come up with a new game plan to get the feed I’m hauling to the proper place before sundown. From a distance, I hear faint clapping and I turn to find the source. Of course, it’s Blake, enjoying his front row seat to the shit show.

I calmly show him my favorite finger which he takes as an invitation to come closer. I could be wrong, but I’m pretty sure that finger means fuck off.

“You made it a lot farther than I thought you would.” He smirks while leaning against the machine. “Need some help, sweetheart?”

“Call me sweetheart again and you’re going to be the one that needs help.”

“Damn, you’re in a mood. I came at the perfect time.”

I throw him an annoyed look and decide to accept my defeat gracefully. “I would’ve figured it out, but now that you’re here, you can finish up on your own.”

I go to dismount the tractor, but the cuff of my jeans gets caught on one of the steps and before I know it, I’m airborne. I prepare myself to hit the ground, but instead I fall into two strong and familiar arms. I pry my eyes open and I’m two inches away from Blake’s lips. My heartbeat begins to spiral out of control, and I forget how to breathe.

“Whoa there, Wren. If you wanted me to hold you, you could’ve just asked. You don’t need to pretend to fall,” Blake says smartly before I wiggle out of his arms.

“I’m not in the mood, Blake,” I threaten. “I obviously overestimated my tractor driving abilities, but I was able to get everything else done without your help.”

I see his smile falter and I feel a small tinge of guilt for being so harsh.

“Listen Wren, I know this isn’t an ideal situation and I get it, you’re still playing into the hating my guts thing, but this isn’t about us. This is about helping your brother and it will be so much easier if we call a truce. I know I crossed a line at the pond the other day, but you were playing into it, too.”

I hate when he’s right. This isn’t about us; this is about helping Chris and my family. Part of me knew I could never fully hate Blake, but it was easier to lean into those feelings. If I let him back into my life so easily, then who’s to say he won’t hurt me all over again. Even if we were just friends.

“Please don’t rub this in my face, but you’re not completely wrong. I’ve only been doing this for a day and I’m way out of my element. But if we are going to work together, there needs to be rules.”

“What kind of rules?”

Crap. I did that thing where I start talking before I have a plan. “Well for starters, no reminiscing about old sex stories. That’s just . . . weird.”

“I agree. What else were you thinking?”

“No talking about our relationship period. Especially the break-up. And of course, no flirting.”

“You’re going to have a hard time with that one.”

I give him another annoyed look and he motions for me to continue. “No spending time alone together outside of the farm.”

Blake looks at me and a small grin begins to appear on his face. “We probably shouldn’t swipe on each other on the dating apps either,” he jokes, trying to stifle a laugh.

My heart races for the second time today and my cheeks light up like fireworks. Fucking Emma . “It was an accident. I gave Emma my phone and she accidentally swiped right on your profile.”

“No need to make something up, Campbell. I thought it was cute,” he continues, sizing me up.

My feet begin to shuffle under me like they’re prepared to take me anywhere but here. “I don’t need to explain myself to you. It was an accident. Believe it or not. I couldn’t care less,” I respond coolly.

Blake crosses his arms and shakes his head with a smile. “Chill, Campbell. I’m just messing with you. I like it when you get all fired up,” he reasons.

My eyes roll so hard, I can feel them in the back of my head. I clench my empty hand, wanting something to throw at him.

“Whatever. Can we get back to work?” I ask, wanting to change the subject. What I really wanted to say was, you swiped right on me, too .

“Sure, Campbell. Let me show you how to property drive a tractor.”

* * *

“How was your first night doing chores, sweetie?” my mom asks and offers me some fresh coffee.

Blake and I quickly finished up the rest of the chores last night and it went surprisingly well. Or as well as it could go. It was still weird being around him, but it wasn’t impossible. I tried to keep our conversations to a minimum by making sure there were no awkward pauses. Awkward pauses never led to anything good.

“It was fine. I forgot how much work it was, though. I’m a little sore,” I admit while sipping on the black coffee in front of me. The bitter taste helps perk me up instantly.

“Mmhmm. And what about Blake. How did that go?”

“Good. I’m putting up with him for Chris’ sake.”

I decide to keep things short and sweet when it comes to talking about Blake with my mom. She is one of my favorite people, but when she has something to talk about, she does. The last thing I need are rumors about me and my ex being shuffled around this small town. I need to exist here for the foreseeable future, and I want that existence to be peaceful.

She gives me a questioning look but doesn’t press for any more details. “How’s work at the Rustic Inn going? Sheila has nothing but great things to say about you. She says you’re helping them with their social media stuff.”

I was enjoying running the Rustic Inn’s social media channels. I’m able to post whatever I want, and it’s nice to flex my creative muscles for once. I even thought about updating their logo and seeing if I can do something about their outdated website. I’m not a computer whiz in any sense, but I’m willing to learn.

“It’s going well. I’m enjoying it a lot more than I thought I would. I do have to talk to Sheila about cutting my shifts short so I can get back here in time to do chores.”

I gulp down the rest of my coffee and check the time on my phone. I see a text notification that’s been sitting unread since last night. I decided it would be practical to give Blake my new number and he had sent a simple, but meaningful text.

Blake: Thanks for letting me help tonight.

I’m still debating on whether it warrants an answer or not. I feel like I’m a teenager trying to psychoanalyze text messages from her crush. However, in this instance, he is not my crush. He’s just an ex-boyfriend who is seemingly harmless. I still can’t ignore the little flutter I feel in my stomach when I see his name pop up.

“Ah shit, I’ve got to go.”

“Wren Grace Campbell, do not swear in front of your mother.”

“Sorry Mom! Love you,” I shout before heading out the door. I promised Emma I would go to the park with her and Milo this morning since I’m off.

I hop in my car and turn up the radio. I crank the windows down and let the cool breeze air out my car. This car had lasted me all the way through high school and college and is still kicking. The only issue is the lack of Bluetooth and air conditioning. To this day, I still consider air conditioning a luxury.

After twenty minutes of driving while simultaneously trying to find a radio station without static, I pull up to Honey Grove’s only playground.

The small plot of land has been here since Emma and I were kids, but there have been some improvements over the years. For example, the rusty monkey bars I cut myself on are no longer there and were replaced with much newer and shinier equipment. Thank God because the thought of little Milo having to get a tetanus shot would throw me into a spiral.

I see my best friend waving me over frantically and I jog over to her and Milo sitting on a small picnic blanket. I can tell she’s exhausted, but somehow she still looks so at peace with her son sat between her legs. I always thought the motherhood glow was a myth to make women feel better about how hard their job is, but she definitely has it.

“Hello cutie,” I say as I give my nephew a nose boop. I feel a warm, happy feeling bubble inside of me as soon as I sit down. I can feel the baby fever nipping at my heels.

I take Milo from Emma and place him on my lap so I can get all of my snuggles in. “It’s such a nice day out.”

Emma hands me a juice box and I sip on it with my free hand. “Nope, we’re not going to turn into boring old people and just talk about the weather. Now please tell me you’ve attempted to run Blake over with your tractor already.”

I place Milo gently in his stroller and gear up to talk about the man who has so quickly become the most interesting thing about me lately. “It’s only been one day, but I think I’ll be able to deal with him. We’ve established some ground rules.”

“Ground rules?”

“Yeah. Like we agreed not to talk about our past relationship. And we also agreed not to spend time together outside of the farm. I think the boundaries will help a lot.”

Emma takes a long sip of her juice box, deep in thought. “That sounds great and all, but you two are like magnets. If you’re close enough, you’ll eventually end up together. I’m worried you think what he did six years ago is enough to keep him at arm’s length,” she says, looking down at the wedding ring on her finger. “I guess what I’m trying to say is just be careful.”

I lean back on my forearms and let her words wash over me. There were times when Emma knew me better than I knew myself, but things have changed. I’m not the same na?ve girl I was when I left this town and a nice ass and dreamy eyes are not going to unravel that. There are times when I feel broken inside, but I know those broken pieces are the foundation I need to grow.

“You’re right. I’ll be careful,” I respond, not wanting to let this conversation go much deeper. All I want is to hang out with my two favorite people without having an existential crisis. “He did call me out for the dating app debacle.”

“Oh God. I’m still mortified about that,” Emma laughs. “You can’t fault me too much. It’s not like we had that kind of access growing up. Imagine how much bigger the dating pool would’ve been.”

“Fuck, you’re right,” I agree and join in on the laughter flowing between two old friends.

Emma stops laughing and looks absolutely mortified at the profanity that just slipped out of my mouth. She scrambles and attempts to muffle her infant child’s ears. “Wren! Come on!”

This is the second time today I’ve been scolded for swearing, but I feel like this time it’s warranted. “I’m sorry. But it’s not like he can understand me, right?”

“No, but I don’t want my child’s first word to be fuck .”

She quickly slaps her own hand over her mouth and after a few moments we both start laughing uncontrollably.

I catch my breath and flop to the ground. “Blake probably thinks I’m a psycho. One minute I’m telling him to fu . . . umm go away, and the next I’m swiping right on his profile,” I admit, wiping tears from the corners of my eyes. “You know, sometimes I wish I had what you and Colt have. I wonder how different my life would’ve been if Blake and I didn’t break up in high school.”

“Honestly, Wren, sometimes I wish I would’ve waited a little longer to get married and start a family. I love being a mom and Milo is such a blessing, but there are bad days. I love Colt, but there are times when I picture a different life for myself. I never really had time to just have fun.”

I prop myself up on my elbows as I try to read Emma’s face. I feel a wave of guilt rush over me for not asking about how she’s feeling about being a new mom. The disconnect between us feels even more prevalent in this moment. I feel the weight of how much I’ve missed over the years and how I’ve failed my best friend by not checking in periodically.

The serene silence of the park washes over us as I reach over and grab Emma’s hand. I give it a little squeeze just to say, I’m here now .