Homesick

Chapter 10

CHAPTER 10

I was avoiding Blake. After our little tiff last week, I’d finish my chores up as quickly as possible and leave about ten minutes before his truck came ripping down the driveway. It wasn’t the most mature approach, but he had a way of breaking down my walls and I wasn’t sure how to feel about it.

There was also the issue of not being sure whether I wanted to scream at him or rip his clothes off. Or maybe even both? Either way, I thought it was best to remove myself from the equation completely. I could be amicable, but only from a distance.

I’m currently at my first job, taking advantage of how dead the bar is. I was able to teach myself how to update the Rustic Inn’s website and it was coming along well. I still have a lot to learn, but it looks better than it did when I first started. The owner loved the new logo I created and there was even a discussion about getting new signage for outside the building.

I loved the giddy feeling of seeing Sheila’s face light up while she was scrolling through the Rustic Inn’s social media pages. I think she was being nice, but she mentioned something about more out-of-towners coming into the bar on the weekends. Being the only bar in town, the Rustic Inn was already busy on the weekends, but the key was to attract more customers from outside the immediate area.

I wasn’t able to notice the difference in volume of business, but I did see the difference on social. I just launched the Rustic Inn’s Instagram a few weeks ago and we had accumulated almost two thousand followers. My goal by the end of the summer is to double that amount and it seems doable at the rate I’m going.

“Ah, come on,” I grumble as the landing page I’m working on for the website glitches. The bad part about working on stuff at the bar is the crappy wi-fi. I usually had to do most of this stuff at home when I had free time.

As I’m waiting for the new updates to populate, I hear the bell ring. I close my laptop and shove it in a safe place behind the bar. I look up and see a guy around my age, who looks familiar, but I can’t quite place him. He’s a standard looking guy with short, dirty blonde hair and light brown eyes. I would call him attractive, but I’ve been questioning my taste in men these last few weeks.

“Hey,” he says with a smile. He has good teeth, which is semi-rare in Honey Grove. A lot of the men around here chew tobacco and you can spot the tiny black specks that litter their teeth from the nasty habit.

“Hi there! What can I do for you?”

He looks disappointed in my answer, and I get another gnawing feeling that I’m supposed to know who this is. Soon enough, he answers my question and says, “this is embarrassing. You don’t remember me, do you?”

“No, I don’t. Do you mind giving me a little refresher?” I offer with my most sympathetic smile. I hated when people didn’t remember me, so I can imagine how he’s feeling right now.

“Well, we actually danced,” he pauses for a moment and takes a few steps back to where the dance floor usually sits on the weekend. “Here,” he finishes with a smile. “You disappeared afterwards though so I didn’t get a chance to get your number. I didn’t know you were working here. I would’ve come in a lot sooner.”

I finally place him after thinking back to my first night home. I vividly remember trying to make Blake jealous but ended up going home with him anyway.

“Ah yes! Now I remember. Umm . . .”

“It’s Adam.”

“That’s exactly what I was about to say.”

He smiles and shakes his head at my cocky response.

“So, Wren,” Adam says as he grabs a seat at the bar. “How long are you planning on sticking around? I thought you moved away after college.”

“Geez, you sure seem to know a lot about me,” I say with a flirty tone. It feels good to be flirting with someone who isn’t my ex.

“I always thought you were hot in high school, but you were with Blake Fisher.”

Hot? I’ll take it.

“Right,” I smile at his attempted compliment. “Well, did you want to order something or . . .?”

“Oh, I have a pick-up order,” he says in a cool tone. “But I wouldn’t mind taking you out some time,” he continues, attempting to be smooth.

As soon as he asks that question, Blake’s face pops into my mind. I shake my head in an effort to scrub his image from my head and refocus on Adam. Emma had suggested the best way to get over my attraction to Blake was to get under someone new, but something was stopping me from saying yes. I didn’t know Adam that well, but I didn’t want to go out with him when I have conflicting feelings about my ex. I also didn’t want any more unnecessary attachments to Honey Grove. It was best to stay clear of men for now.

“I’m sorry, Adam, but I’m not in a good place to start dating anyone right now.”

“You’re not still into Fisher, are you?”

The comment kind of throws me a bit and makes my skin heat up. I shake my head and let his comment wash over me. “No. I just have a lot going on right now,” I answer with a relaxed smile on my face.

I’m expecting his reaction to be much different, but he lets my rejection roll right off him. “Well, if you change your mind, here’s my number.”

* * *

“He asked you out,” my best friend exclaims while Milo squirms in her arms.

“Shh! I don’t need the whole farm to hear about my dating life or lack thereof.”

“You mean you don’t want Blake to hear,” she says with a smirk. Emma sets Milo in his stroller and proceeds to follow me to the calf barn.

“I couldn’t care less if he hears. He basically admitted to being a man whore the other day.”

She raises her brow as if to say, I can see right through you . But it’s true. I couldn’t care less if he knows I’m thinking about dating. I dated a lot of guys back in the city, why should that change here? Except for the fact that as soon as my mom started gossiping to her friends, the entire town would know. After two dates they’d be asking when we’re tying the knot. Another reason why I’m glad I turned Adam down.

I was no stranger to the lack of privacy in small towns. I also wasn’t a stranger to the cloud of shame that started to fall upon anyone over twenty-five who wasn’t married. When my brother and Ashley moved in together without being engaged, I thought my mom was going to have an aneurism. They eventually did get married, but not without a plethora of whispers.

“Well, what’s the issue then? He’s cute and seems decent enough. I haven’t heard anything bad about him yet.”

“How do you know Adam, but I don’t?” I joke, trying to change the subject.

“Because you were so up Blake’s ass in high school, every other guy kind of faded into the background. Even before you two got together, he was the only one you had eyes for.”

That would’ve been sweet if I didn’t already know how the story ended. After Blake and I broke up, I realized how dependent I was on him throughout our relationship. I cringe when I think about it now, but first loves feel like a forever thing when you’re in the moment. Apparently, Blake didn’t feel the same.

I didn’t have a doubt in my mind he still cared about me, but I was afraid once I gave into him, I would turn into that same lovesick puppy I was in high school. I knew deep in my heart we’d never be friends. I also knew I would never let my world revolve around one man again. All-consuming love was overrated.

“I don’t know. I guess going on dates here is different. If I went out with someone in the city, I wouldn’t have to worry about running into them again. And then there’s my mom and her nosey ass. It just seems like a lot of work for a guy I’m not even sure I’ll like.”

“I think you’re overthinking way too much. Go out on a date and if you don’t like him then cut it off. You’ll never know if you don’t try.”

Why is she pushing this so much , I quietly think to myself. Although, I don’t hate the idea of free food and he doesn’t seem like a psycho.

“Okay, you’re right. One date wouldn’t hurt. I’ll text him later.”

As soon as we walk into the barn, little Milo’s entire body perks up. I smile and selfishly award myself Best Aunt of the Year. I bend over and pick him up so he can see some of the babies up close. They’re not quite babies anymore, but they’re still in that cute in-between phase.

We walk over to Mocha hanging out in the corner. Much like me, he is anti-social and often hanging out by himself away from all the noise. He immediately offers up his snoot for pets and I have to pull Milo away when Mocha tries to lick his forehead.

Milo giggles and starts flailing his arms to get closer. I give Mocha some pets with my free hand and notice his nose is a little dry, but I quickly dismiss it as Milo starts getting fussy.

“I think we may have a future farmer in the house,” I smile proudly.

“Very funny. He can come over to Aunt Wren’s if he wants to play farmer.”

I just laugh and take Milo on a tour of some of the other barns. Before long his little eyes begin to flutter close, so we decide to let him rest in his stroller. I take Emma and Milo back to the house to see if I can find a spare bottle of wine.

We let Milo sleep off all the excitement of the day in his stroller while we hang out on the front porch.

“It is really pretty out here in the summer,” Emma says as she sips on the glass in her hand.

“Yeah, I miss being here in the summer.”

The thought of past summers in Honey Grove sends my mind reeling back to a time when my life was filled with endless days of chores and sneaking away to spend time with the boy who stole my heart when we were kids.

I loved every second of hot days spent cooling off at whatever swimming hole we had discovered that week. I loved every second I spent with him. There was never a doubt in my mind I was meant to spend my life with him. Well, until Blake Fisher decided he didn’t feel the same.

Memories of Blake make me think of our last conversation and how poorly it ended. “Blake said something interesting the other day. He said that he doesn’t think I moved back just because I lost my job. He wasn’t convinced that I tried hard enough to get a new job. That’s kind of a shitty thing to say, isn’t it? Especially for someone I haven’t talked to in six years.”

“Hmm, maybe. I hate to say it, but he might have a point though.”

I roll my eyes and laugh as if I think she’s the craziest person on this porch right now. “I couldn’t find a job.”

“Well, yes. But you couldn’t find a job in Cleveland. What stopped you from moving to another city or maybe looking at remote options. Also, were you only looking for jobs like your old one? I thought you said you weren’t happy with what you were doing. Hell, I can’t even remember what it was because you never liked to talk about work.”

I let out a heavy sigh of frustration. Sure, I could’ve gotten out of my comfort zone and applied for other jobs, but I was making decent money at my old company, and I didn’t want to give up a good salary. Well, I could have, but it would’ve sucked.

I stop my mind from reeling and think, maybe I am making up excuses . I would never admit it aloud, but I liked being home. Even though I had to see my ex every day, this was the first time I felt at peace in a long time. I hadn’t realized just how homesick I’ve been these past few years because I was too busy avoiding one small part of my childhood.

“I was a marketing analyst at a software company and yeah, it wasn’t my dream gig. I guess you’re not completely wrong and being home hasn’t been terrible. I’m not constantly stressed out and going out every weekend to cope.”

Emma smiles into her wine glass as I agree with her. A warm feeling spreads across my chest as I take a sip of my wine, too. I almost feel complete. Almost.

* * *

I give Milo a big kiss on the cheek and hug Emma before they get ready to head home. I check my phone and it’s time to start my chores for the night. I start to head inside to change when I see Blake’s truck coming down the driveway. He’s early today , I say to myself.

I knew I couldn’t avoid him forever. I’d proven that multiple times already this summer and somehow the universe kept pushing us together. Maybe this was a sign I needed to stop running, even if it seemed like the easiest option.

I put on my big girl boots and head out to the farm. I see him getting the tractor fired up, so I decide to start the day off on a good note. I’m in an unbearably good mood from seeing my favorite nephew. Sunshine and rainbows are practically sprouting from my head.

“Hi, Blake.”

He looks up from what he’s doing and looks shocked I’m in a good mood for once. “Does this mean you’re done avoiding me?”

I scoff at his bluntness. “I wasn’t avoiding you. I was simply getting my work done super-fast so I could go home earlier.”

He tilts his head and crosses his arms in disbelief.

“Okay, fine. I was avoiding you just a smidge. I don’t like it when you call me out on shit.” I surprise myself with my own honesty, but I figured we wouldn’t get anywhere if I kept evading his questioning stare.

“So, you admit that I was right about why you moved home?”

I lean against the cool frame of the tractor which is a reprieve from the hot June day. “Don’t get cocky. I’m not admitting you were right. I’m simply saying I acknowledge your opinion and I’ve decided to take it under consideration. I realized if I keep storming off every time you get under my skin then the duration of this . . . situation would be extremely long and complicated.”

Blake copies my stance and leans on the tractor with a lazy smile. “So does this mean everything can stop being weird and we can maybe work toward being friends again?”

I bite my lip and contemplate my answer. I did miss my friend, but unfortunately, we complicated our friendship the minute we decided to take things to the next level all those years ago. It’s hard to let go of all the pain he put me through after our breakup, but at the same time, holding onto that pain was exhausting. I’m not ready to be his friend, but I’m ready to consider it.

“I’ll consider it,” I say.

“I’ll take it. Shake on it?” Blake asks before reaching his hand out.

I look down at his open hand with an uneasy expression and meet him in the middle. Blake grabs my hand and as soon as I feel the roughness of his fingers wrap around mine, a tingly sensation vibrates up my spine from deep within me.

Fuck , what did I get myself into .