Hook, Line and Single

Chapter 12

12

‘So, I had a look at your bio last night,’ I say to Cameron as we disembark into the Sicilian heat. Although the cruise line has lots of tours on offer, Cameron and I have decided to do our own thing. Sam was initially riddled with guilt that she was going to be abandoning me so early in the cruise, and I confess I did let her wallow for a little while during our delicious dinner in the Italian restaurant before telling her that I’d made alternative arrangements, although I didn’t mention that they included Cameron.

‘I would have expected nothing less,’ he tells me with a smile. ‘I studied yours as well. Tell me about your bookshop.’

Our conversation flows easily as we head towards Messina cathedral to have a look at the astronomical clock and hopefully climb the tower before the main tourist hordes arrive. I tell him about my life in Margate, and he listens carefully and asks questions.

‘I think I’ve been past it a few times,’ he says when I explain where the bookshop is. ‘Margate is part of my patch, and I have a few customers in the town.’

‘Customers?’ I ask with a smile. ‘I thought you were a police officer.’

‘I’m with Kent Police, yes. I’m a firearms enquiry officer.’

‘What does one of those do?’

‘It’s easiest to explain with an example. Let’s say you decided you wanted to buy a shotgun.’

‘Unlikely, but OK.’

‘It’s not that unlikely. You’d be amazed by some of the people who own shotguns. Anyway, you fill out the relevant application forms and get your doctor to certify that you haven’t been treated for any mental health conditions that might bar you from owning a gun. That all lands on my desk. I’ll come and visit you, have a chat about what you plan to use the gun for and generally make sure there aren’t any red flags. I’ll also check that you’ve got a safe place to keep it, all that kind of thing. If I’m satisfied, I’ll issue you with a shotgun licence and you’re good to go.’

‘Really? And there are enough people in Kent packing weaponry to make this a full-time job?’

‘There are enough people in Kent packing weaponry to keep three of us busy.’

‘Bloody hell. I thought it was illegal to possess a gun.’

‘No. The rules are very strict, especially with regards to firearms, which is things like rifles and pistols. If you wanted to own something like that, you’d need to provide a pretty compelling reason. But with shotguns, the onus is on us to prove you’re not a proper person before we can deny you a licence.’

‘Have you ever had to do that? Deny someone a licence?’

‘Oh, lots of times. I’ve had people swear blind they’re fit and healthy, only for the doctors’ report to contradict them. The most tragic are the ones who’ve owned guns for years but their mental health deteriorates to the point we have to turn their renewals down. These guns are often family heirlooms, so it’s like parting them from a favourite pet. I’ve had grown men in tears.’

‘And what do people use these guns for? I’m still not wild about the idea that lots of my neighbours are armed to the teeth.’

‘Clay pigeon shooting is the most popular thing by far. There are centres all over Kent and they’re all well subscribed. There are a few who do game shooting, and the farmers, of course. Most of them have at least one shotgun, and often a couple of rifles as well.’

‘What do they need rifles for?’

‘Keeping deer under control. Deer play havoc with the crops, and it’s illegal to shoot them with a shotgun. You must use a rifle.’

‘It’s a different world. Oh, look. We’ve arrived.’

We’re standing in a piazza with what looks like an elaborate fountain to our left and the squat form of the cathedral in front of us.

‘The cathedral isn’t as old as it looks,’ Cameron informs me, studying his guidebook. ‘The original building was consecrated in 1197, but that one was pretty much destroyed in an earthquake in 1908. It then sustained more damage in the war, so the building we’re looking at is basically a twentieth-century reconstruction.’

‘What about the clock?’ I ask.

‘Same thing. It was built in 1933 to replace the original. It’s pretty clever though. There are seven layers of figures facing the square, and all of them move at different times.’

‘I remember reading that. Are any of them likely to move while we’re here?’

‘Not the bottom ones, as they only change once a day. We should get to see the next one up though, as that changes every quarter of an hour.’

‘What is it?’

He consults the guidebook again. ‘The carousel of the ages of life. So we have a child, a young man, a warrior and an old man. According to this, the figure of death waves his scythe at them when they change. Should be fun.’

I look at my watch. ‘Ten minutes until the next change. What else have we got?’

‘The layer above that is the sanctuary of the Madonna, and that changes at midday. We might see that later if we’re still here. Then we’ve got Biblical scenes that change four times a year, and another Madonna who receives a letter from an angel at midday. It all happens at midday, according to this. So Dina and Clarenza, above the Madonna there, ring the bells every quarter hour but the rooster between them flaps its wings at midday, and the lion at the very top also waves its flag, moves its tail, turns its head and roars three times at midday.’

‘Something tells me we need to be here then.’

‘Absolutely.’ He looks up at the tower and I’m struck by the way the sunlight catches his eyes, making them almost luminous. ‘Did you want to go and see about climbing the tower?’ he asks, oblivious to my staring. ‘Apparently, the views from the top are quite something.’

Unfortunately for us, it turns out that the tower is closed today for cleaning and maintenance, so we retire to a coffee shop that was recommended by one of my guidebooks and order espressos and pastries instead.

‘Do you mind me asking why you’re an amber badge?’ Cameron asks as I take a sip of my coffee, savouring the intense flavour.

‘This whole cruise was Sam’s idea,’ I explain. ‘She never mentioned anything about it being a singles thing.’

‘Ah. From your tone of voice I’m guessing you weren’t enthusiastic about it when you found out.’

‘No.’

‘But surely you must have smelled a rat when you had to write your bio and submit a picture? I’m no expert, but I don’t think that’s normal on a cruise holiday.’

‘I didn’t submit my bio, Sam did.’

He laughs. It’s a rich, deep laugh that makes me smile. ‘Tell me,’ he asks. ‘Does she always run rings around you like this? I mean, you seem a very smart woman, so I have to admit I’m surprised.’

‘Thankfully, no. And I hope she’s got the message that I might inflict serious injury on her if she ever pulls a stunt like this again. Would that make me ineligible for a shotgun licence?’

‘Too right it would. Anyway, when did you twig?’

‘Pretty much as soon as I met Orange Barry, but by then it was too late to escape.’

‘Never mind Friends of Marco Polo, I think Barry would fit in better with the Friends of Dorothy.’

‘What is cruising’s obsession with this “Friends of” concept? I saw something for the “Friends of Bill” in the daily programme. Who on earth are they?’

‘I think it all stemmed from the Friends of Dorothy thing. That was the code word for gay meetings on board ships back in the day.’

‘What day?’

‘No idea. Presumably when being gay was still frowned upon. Anyway, the Friends of Bill are the Alcoholics Anonymous members. Being on a cruise ship literally surrounded by booze is probably fairly triggering for them, so the Friends of Bill meetings are there to help keep them on track.’

‘And who was Bill?’

‘Bill Wilson, the founder of AA, I think.’

‘You’re a mine of information.’

He smiles. ‘I try.’

‘OK, your turn. Why are you an amber badge?’ I ask.

‘In my case, I have to confess to shamefully not reading the small print. I had some holiday to use up and booked this as a spur-of-the-moment thing. A mate of mine at work is always going on cruises and banging on about how brilliant they are, and being part of a group sounded more fun than just sitting around by myself on a beach somewhere. Unlike you, I knew it was a singles cruise, but I didn’t realise it was a dating thing. I just thought we’d be a group of people hanging out together so we weren’t on our own.’

‘Ah. When did the penny drop for you?’

‘As soon as I read the booklet and saw the traffic light information, I knew I was in trouble. The moment I got to the Singles Mingle, I found Barry and grabbed myself an orange badge. I’d have got a red one if I could, but?—’

‘Yeah, I know,’ I interrupt. ‘I tried that too. Didn’t the bio thing make you suspicious?’

‘Nope. Because I knew it was a singles thing, unlike you, I just thought it was a nice way of getting to know a bit about the other people in the group.’

‘OK, so I understand why you didn’t realise it was a dating thing either. But don’t you want to meet someone?’

‘I could ask you the same question.’

‘We’re not talking about me.’

He sighs. ‘It’s complicated. I was in a long-term relationship that finished a couple of months ago.’

‘Ah, and you’re not over him or her.’

‘Her, and I am, or at least I think I am. It was toxic at the end, so I think we were both relieved when she called it. It’s just that we’d known each other since we were small, and the idea of starting completely from scratch with someone new seems too daunting. What if I’ve got loads of bad habits that didn’t annoy Ellie, but would drive every other woman in the world round the twist? What if we don’t click like Ellie and I did? It all terrifies me.’

‘Wouldn’t you want to meet someone though? Or do you think that’s it? Ellie was your person and now you’re destined to be single forever.’

‘I don’t want to be single forever, but I’m still fairly bruised and not about to rush into anything.’

‘Bad news for Ashleigh.’

‘There’s definitely something predatory about her,’ he says with a frown. ‘She makes me feel like a seal in one of those wildlife documentaries. I’m sitting on the ice floe hoping desperately she won’t tip me into the sea and devour me.’ He shudders.

‘So we can rule her out then.’

‘Definitely, but I have always hoped I’d meet the right person and start a family one day. It’s the “how” that I’m struggling with.’

‘I think the “how” of starting a family hasn’t changed in millennia,’ I tell him with a grin. ‘I’m sure you’ll figure it out.’

He smiles. I like his smile; it lights up his whole face. ‘I meant the “how” of meeting someone new and knowing if they’re right for me. Anyway, enough about me. What about you?’

‘I’m happy as I am,’ I tell him, trotting out my well-worn mantra. ‘I’ve had relationships in the past, but nobody’s ever lit that fire inside me that makes me want to be with them forever. Also, if the people that Sam has been dating recently are anything to go by, the quality of the men out there is pretty depressing.’

‘Do you see yourself staying single forever?’

‘I don’t know. There’s just enough Disney princess in me that the idea of falling in love appeals, but the reality has always fallen short. It would need to be someone very special, I think.’

‘A Disney prince, perhaps.’

‘God, no! They’re so annoying, aren’t they? All floppy hair, perfect noses and huge eyes. No, I’d settle for someone who was ordinary looking, as long as they had something special about them.’

‘And what would that be?’

I laugh. ‘If I knew that, I’d know what I was looking for, wouldn’t I! Anyway, it’s nearly midday, so we’d better get out there if we’re going to see this clock strut its stuff.’

* * *

I’m tired but contented when I come back to my cabin at the end of the day. Cameron proved to be the perfect companion, helped in my opinion by the fact that we’d both been clear from the outset that we didn’t have any expectations. Messina turned out to be quite hilly in places, and my calves are aching in protest as I step into the shower. When I’m done, I wrap a towel round myself and stretch out on the bed for a quick snooze. This bed really is incredibly comfortable.

I’ve barely nodded off before I’m awoken by a furious pounding on the door.

‘Ruby, are you in there?’ Sam’s voice calls.

‘Coming,’ I reply reluctantly as I lever myself off the bed.

‘I need to debrief,’ she says, sweeping through the door before it’s even fully open and forcing me to retreat down the narrow passage to the bedroom area. ‘Why aren’t you dressed?’

‘I had a shower and fell asleep.’

‘Oh. I was going to suggest going for a drink, but we’ve only got a little while before Barry’s evening entertainment.’

‘What’s on tonight?’

‘Speed dating.’

I groan. ‘Sooner you than me. Still, you’ve done it before, so I’m sure you’ll be able to pull out the necessary conversation.’

‘That’s what I need to talk to you about. I’m not sure I’m going to do it.’

‘But I thought the whole point of this was for you to do this stuff.’

‘Yes, but that was before I met Robin.’

‘Ah.’

‘He’s different,’ she enthuses. ‘More mature than the other people I’ve dated recently. I actually felt like I was with a grown-up today. It was the little things, like him pulling my chair out for me when I was sitting down and opening doors for me. Why are you laughing?’

‘You’re right. We’re at the funeral of feminism. I should be crying. Did he pay all the bills too?’ I put on a deep voice. ‘“It’s OK, darling. I’ll pay for dinner and you can pay me back in kind later.”’

‘We split the bills, actually, and he’s not like that. That’s what’s so extraordinary about him. He was genuinely interested in me as a person, rather than just a collection of female body parts.’ She lowers her voice to a whisper. ‘I’m thinking of going amber for him.’

‘Whoa!’ I hold up my hands. ‘I get that you think he’s a nice guy, but whatever happened to “plenty more fish in this pond”? Aren’t you in danger of settling for the first guy you see? There might be an even better person for you here.’

‘I want to spend more time with Robin. Apart from anything else, there’s a mystery I need to solve.’

‘Which is?’

‘His job. He won’t tell me what he does for a living and it’s not in his bio. When I asked, he just said that he’d rather not say until he knew me better, as people had a habit of judging him because of what he does.’

‘You could just Google it. I’m sure he’ll have a LinkedIn profile or something.’

‘Where’s the fun in that? Anyway, if he’s a spy, which is where my money is at the moment, there won’t be anything, will there.’

‘You think he’s a spy?’ I ask slowly.

‘It’s got to be something like that, hasn’t it? Otherwise why the secrecy?’

‘I’m pretty sure spies have cover stories. That’s the whole spy schtick. He’d tell you he was a cultural attaché or something.’

‘Hmm. Maybe you’re right. Anyway, I’m determined to get it out of him. I’m going to find him at the singles thing and talk to him about going amber together.’

‘Why stop at amber? You could go the whole hog and go red.’

‘After one date? Even I’m not that impetuous. Anyway, I wondered how you’d feel if I spent the day with him again tomorrow. I know it’s not what we agreed, but…’ She tails off, her eyes full of hope.

‘It’s fine,’ I tell her. ‘Don’t worry about me.’

‘Thanks. You’re the best.’ She gives me a quick hug before making for the door. ‘I’m just going to freshen up before we go to the singles thing. I’ll bang on your door in ten, OK?’

It’s only when she’s gone that I realise she didn’t ask anything about my day. Maybe that’s for the best; I don’t want her trying to matchmake Cameron and me. We’re just friends.