Hook, Line and Single

Chapter 14

14

‘Are you sure you don’t mind?’ Sam asks. We’re finishing breakfast and I’m mentally kissing goodbye to the tour of Malta that I’d booked because Sam has not only dropped me like a hot brick to spend the day with Robin, which she did at least have the decency to warn me about last night, but she’s also just revealed that she wants to take him on the tour that I’d meticulously researched and was looking forward to. To be honest, although I should be annoyed, I’m not that bothered as I have much bigger fish to fry, namely the note that was posted outside my cabin last night.

‘It’s fine. You lovebirds go and enjoy yourselves,’ I tell her, plastering on a smile and trying to act normally. ‘I can’t believe you’ve gone all the way to red.’

‘It was Robin’s idea,’ she confides. ‘But I’d met enough of the other people at the speed dating to know that none of them appealed like he does, so it wasn’t a difficult decision.’

‘Any progress on finding out what he does for work?’

‘None. I have found out where his cabin is though, and he’s either keeping a low profile or he doesn’t earn that much because it’s on deck four, near the back.’

‘What does that mean?’

‘It’s pretty simple. On a cruise ship, the higher your cabin is, the more you pay. Also, cabins in the middle of the ship are more expensive because there’s less movement. So, a low-down cabin at the back near the engines is going to be one of the cheaper ones.’

‘Is that a problem?’

‘Of course not. I’m just gathering as much evidence as I can to see if I can work out what he does.’

‘He promised me last night he’d tell you when the time is right. Maybe you should trust him instead of going full-on private investigator?’

‘Hmm. Maybe you’re right, but I can’t resist a mystery, as you know. Anyway, what are you going to do today?’

‘I don’t know yet.’ This isn’t completely true; my first task is to track down Cameron so I can find out why he and I seem to have been selected for Barry’s Bonanza. I don’t want to embroil Sam in it though; she’ll only get the wrong idea.

‘I’m really sorry I’m not spending much time with you. I will make it up to you, I promise.’

She won’t, but I smile nonetheless. ‘I know you will. Now go and enjoy your day.’

I watch as she hurries off to get ready before meeting Robin. As soon as she’s gone, I start urgently scanning the room for Cameron, finally locating him fiddling with the coffee machine.

‘Good morning,’ he says cheerfully as he settles himself opposite me.

‘Never mind that. What the hell is going on, Cameron?’

‘What do you mean?’

‘You know what I mean,’ I tell him, spreading out Barry’s note. ‘This.’

To give him his credit, he doesn’t falter. ‘OK, don’t be cross with me, but it was pretty obvious last night that Sam was going to blow you out again today. She has blown you out, hasn’t she?’

‘Yes. What’s that got to do with this though?’

‘So, I, umm, may have staged a bit of an intervention.’

‘Just spit it out, Cameron.’

‘OK. Well, I couldn’t help noticing that you didn’t hand in your date card last night.’

‘What?’

‘Sorry. It’s a police thing, I guess. I’m very observant, and I saw you folding it up and putting it in your pocket.’

‘It’s not a crime, is it? You’re not going to arrest me for failing to hand in an empty form?’

‘Of course not, but it got me thinking. We took part in the speed dating just as much as anyone else, so why shouldn’t we be in with a chance of winning Barry’s Bonanza? It’s actually a good prize and I think you deserve it for being such a selfless friend to Sam. So I disguised my handwriting, filled in your name at the top of my form, wrote my name underneath as a match, and put it in the box.’

‘But that’s only half the equation. It only works if there’s a matching paper with your name at the top.’

‘Exactly. So I pretended to Barry that I’d lost mine and he happily gave me another one. I filled it in with your name underneath, put that in too, and we won! So unless you have other plans, which I sincerely hope you don’t, an air-conditioned Mercedes is waiting on the dock to take us for a VIP tour of Malta at Barry’s expense.’

‘But…’

‘What?’

‘Surely Barry must know that we didn’t spend any time together at the dating thing last night? He’s going to smell a rat, isn’t he?’

‘I’ve learned two things about Barry. He’s a hopeless romantic and he’s not very observant.’

I study him for a moment. I know I ought to be cross about being outmanoeuvred again, but it’s actually a lovely thing for him to have done, and I can’t help but grin at him. ‘For a police officer, you have some very shady practices.’

He smiles back. ‘Sometimes you have to resort to unconventional methods for the greater good.’

‘What if we hadn’t won? Did you have a contingency for that?’

‘I was fairly confident we would.’

‘Why? Is there something else you need to confess?’

‘Nothing shady this time. Just honest deduction, I promise. The way I saw it was this: on a speed dating event like that, you’re probably not going to get that many matches. You might get one or two, but the odds are slim. That’s part one. Part two is all about the box and Barry. I carefully made sure that ours were the last two slips to go into the box, meaning they’d be on top of the pile and therefore be the first two that Barry drew out. He’s got his match for the big prize, job done. He probably didn’t even look at the others.’

‘Did they teach you that in police college?’

‘Not exactly, but they did encourage us to look at problems from a variety of angles, not just the obvious ones.’

I think for a moment. ‘There is a big flaw in your plan though.’

‘Which is?’

‘Barry’s going to expect us to wax lyrical about our date and basically become a couple. Either that or we have to say it was a disaster and not speak to each other for the rest of the cruise.’

His expression falters for a moment. ‘Good point, but I’m sure that’s not an insurmountable problem. Let’s figure something out while we’re on the tour.’ He swigs down the last of his coffee. ‘Coming?’

* * *

I have to admit, as the day draws to a close, that Barry’s Bonanza is actually rather better than the tour I’d booked for Sam and me. The car took us straight to Mdina, where we had a happy time exploring the silent city before it got too hot and, crucially, before the main tourist buses arrived. Once we’d seen everything we wanted to there, we were whisked across to St Julian’s for lunch in a superb pizzeria before being given a guided walking tour of Valletta in the afternoon. When we started to flag, we were taken back to the ship and we’re now sipping ice-cold drinks by the pool, which is pleasantly quiet as most people are still on their shore excursions. This is the first time I’ve been here since my unfortunate encounter with Guido, but I’m relieved to see no sign of him today.

‘I have a suggestion, if you’re open to it,’ Cameron says as a gentle ocean breeze just takes the edge off the heat.

‘OK.’

‘It’s about Sam, Barry and how we deal with all of it.’

‘Go on.’

‘The way I see it is this. From what you’ve told me about Sam, she’s going to be pretty heavily invested in Robin until the end of the cruise, assuming they don’t fall out first.’

‘That’s true,’ I admit. ‘He seems like a nice guy, from what I saw of him last night, so I’d say their chances of falling out are pretty slim. Sam’s an all-or-nothing person when it comes to romance, so she’ll definitely be putting the work in.’

‘That leaves you kind of on your own. I know you don’t mind that, and I don’t want to presume anything, but it does potentially make things awkward because you’re part of the Friends of Marco Polo group, so Barry’s going to be on the lookout to matchmake you.’

‘Especially after the stunt you pulled last night,’ I remind him.

‘Yes. Especially after that. Although we did have a great time today, didn’t we?’

‘Yes. Carry on.’

‘I’ve also got a problem, because Ashleigh just doesn’t seem to be getting the message, despite my best efforts. So the big question, to my mind, is how to get Barry and her off our backs so we can both enjoy the rest of the holiday without interference.’

‘That would be good, I agree.’

‘Here’s where we get to the controversial bit. There’s an easy way to do it, but I’m not sure you’ll like it.’

‘Just tell me what it is.’

‘Before I do, can I just reiterate that I know you’re not looking for a relationship, and neither am I. But I do enjoy doing the shore trips with you, and I hope you enjoy them too.’

‘Cameron, you’re starting to annoy me now.’

‘Fine. You and I go red as a couple.’

‘ What? ’

‘Think about it. It solves all our problems. Barry gets off our back, Ashleigh stops harassing me and we can carry on doing the shore excursions, just as friends.’

‘And what am I supposed to tell Sam?’

‘That’s up to you. You could tell her the truth or you could let her stew. I’m easy either way.’

‘It seems a bit like a nuclear option. Isn’t there anything less extreme?’

‘If there is, I can’t think of it. I’m always open to suggestions though. I don’t think it’s actually that extreme. Yes, Barry will be all over us like a rash tonight, but then his focus will shift to the rest of the group.’

‘I need time to think about it.’

‘OK. No pressure from me. One more question though.’

‘What?’

‘Am I dreaming, or is that Brad and Gail chatting at the bar?’

I follow his gaze and he’s right. Unfortunately, Brad looks up at exactly the same time and waves, before saying something to Gail.

‘Shit,’ I murmur to Cameron while plastering a fake smile on my face. ‘They’re coming over. I can feel a sudden migraine coming on. I may have to escape to my cabin to lie down.’

‘Hey, guys,’ Brad calls as they approach. ‘How was your day?’

‘Good, thanks, Brad,’ I reply politely. ‘What about you?’

‘Better, I think. I took your advice.’

‘He was great company today,’ Gail enthuses. ‘Strip away the bullshit and it turns out there’s a pretty decent guy under there.’

‘Plus,’ Brad admits with a rueful smile, ‘I’ve no idea what Maltese sounds like, so I couldn’t try to pretend I speak it.’

‘Just as well,’ Gail chides. ‘I don’t think I could stand that again. “ Uno Biero ”, honestly.’

‘What was wrong with that?’ Brad asks. ‘The guy understood me.’

‘Nothing, except the correct phrase is una birra .’

‘It turns out that Gail is something of a polyglot,’ Brad explains. ‘How many languages did you say you spoke?’

‘Seven, although only five of them are fluent.’ She pats his arm affectionately. ‘He’s a changed man. Not only has he been asking questions, but he’s actually remembering most of the answers. Be still, my beating heart!’

‘So what have you guys been up to today?’ Brad asks, evidently showcasing his training. ‘Just hanging around here or have you been out?’

I settle back and let Cameron tell them about Barry’s Bonanza, which they admit they’d also been hoping to win. The body language between them is easy and familiar; they’re totally unrecognisable from the tense couple we saw last night, and this makes me realise that we have another problem.

‘Cameron,’ I say to him once Brad and Gail have wandered off. ‘We’re not going to convince as a couple. Our body language will give us away as just friends. Sam will spot it, even if nobody else does.’

‘Does that mean you’re seriously considering my suggestion?’ he asks with a smile.

‘Yes, but that’s a big hole.’

‘You’re overthinking. Maybe we’re just not into public displays of affection. We are British, after all. We might need to hold hands, but no more than that. Like I said, I’m open to alternatives if you can think of a better plan.’

Our conversation is interrupted by the arrival of an excited-looking Ashleigh, who makes a beeline for us the moment she spots us.

‘Hi, Cameron!’ she says enthusiastically, plonking herself on his sun bed and completely ignoring me. ‘I’ve been looking everywhere for you.’

‘Hello, Ashleigh,’ Cameron replies cautiously. ‘Have you had a good day?’

‘Terrible.’ She sighs dramatically. ‘I had to join a group tour, and spent the day sitting next to this old duffer who droned on and on about his tomato plants at home. Honestly, if you’re that fussed about your plants, why come on holiday? Stay at home with the damned things.’ She switches tone to flirtatious, flicking her long blonde hair and leaning forward to give him the best view of her cleavage as she does so. She’s still completely ignoring me. ‘Cheer me up. Tell me about your day.’

‘Ruby and I won Barry’s Bonanza. You know Ruby, don’t you? Ruby, this is Ashleigh.’

Forced to acknowledge my presence at last, Ashleigh turns and, for a moment, her face is a mask of contempt.

‘Barry’s Bonanza?’ she asks, looking confused. ‘I don’t understand. I wrote your name.’

‘And it seems Ruby did too,’ Cameron tells her. There’s an uncomfortable pause while Ashleigh digests this information, looking between Cameron and me as she does.

‘You wrote her name?’ she says eventually. Her tone is now accusing and her mouth has curled in distaste. ‘I see. I didn’t realise you two were a thing. Well, forgive me for intruding. I’ll leave you to it.’

I have to stifle a laugh as she gets to her feet and flounces off.

‘You’ve definitely got an admirer there,’ I tell him.

‘She’s terrifying, isn’t she?’

‘I don’t think I’ll be getting a Christmas card from her, somehow.’

He smiles. ‘So, about going red then…’

I contemplate his proposal. I can see the advantage to him, but there is also one element that does appeal to me enormously, which is the opportunity to get one over on Sam. I’m not normally competitive, but maybe it’s time for me to start paying her back for all the tricks she pulled to get me here, and for abandoning me when she specifically promised she wouldn’t.

‘Fine,’ I say to Cameron suddenly. ‘You’re on.’

‘Really?’

‘Yes.’

‘And Sam?’

‘We have to convince her we’re the real deal. She won’t see it coming and it’ll serve her right.’

His smile broadens. ‘I have the feeling this is going to be a lot of fun.’

I relax back into my lounger and close my eyes. It’s either going to be a lot of fun or it’ll crash and burn spectacularly and, if I’m honest, I couldn’t call which way it’s going to go. Whatever happens though, it will liven up the holiday no end.