Lucky Boys (Il Fortunato #1)

19. Diego

CHAPTER 19

DIEGO

Maybe it wasn’t the height of maturity to run out of the backyard and lock myself in my office at the mention of sex, but here we were.

My mind raced as I booted up my computer, automatically going to the one thing that always gave me comfort.

I had a lot of work to do before the guys left tomorrow, and concentrating on that was so much better than replaying Luca jerking off my brother.

I had a complicated relationship with sex and probably always would. I never had much of an interest in it. When other boys my age had talked about all the girls in our class and snuck Pornhub when their parents weren’t watching, I just hadn’t cared. It didn’t do anything for me.

Most of the time I was in foster care I was too young to worry about it, and by the time I was old enough that some of the other kids started having crushes, well, I was just worried about surviving. When Mom and Dad had taken me in, I’d eventually felt comfortable enough to talk to Mom about it. First, she’d asked me if maybe it was because it wasn’t girls I was interested in. When I’d told her a few weeks later I felt the same about boys, she’d done some research, and I’d been introduced to the term asexual.

I’d been pretty sure of my identity ever since. My family had never judged me for it. With how sexual Brooks was, he still went out of his way to never say or do anything that made me uncomfortable. In fact, he’d gone so out of his way that I’d had to tell him I didn’t mind as long as he didn’t try to get me to do anything. Things had been smoother since then.

That was, until I’d come face-to-face with my brother and the one man he’d been hung up on for most of his adult life. It was my reaction that scared me, not what Brooks was doing. I was happy for him. Thrilled even. I would absolutely be having a chat with Luca at some point, but I’d always had a feeling it would end just like this. Not with an orgasm by the pool while his brother and Luca’s boyfriends watched, but with them back together. Luca and Brooks were inevitable.

What scared me was that I’d enjoyed watching it. More than that. It had turned me on. Even now, after my run back inside and the panic vibrating through my whole body, I was still halfway hard. From watching Brooks. My brother. And sure, we weren’t related by blood, but I’d never distinguished between that before, so it felt dirty to do it now.

I couldn’t remember the last time something had turned me on. Had anything? Certainly not like that. Fuck, what was wrong with me?

Asexuality, like everything else, was a spectrum. I got that. I understood that. I’d had more than enough awkward talks with my mom about how anything I felt was valid and how I wasn’t any less ace if I did have consensual sex or felt attraction or anything else. Still, it had never happened.

And now, my own fucking brother was making me horny. No. It wasn’t Brooks exactly, or not only him. It was watching him and Luca together. Not the sex part. I’d tried to watch porn before and it hadn’t done a damn thing for me. It was seeing their connection. The way they both looked at each other, how Brooks fucking melted under Luca’s touch. It was even seeing Skye and Maverick and how they reacted to the two men. I couldn’t quite grasp their relationship until I’d seen that. Then I’d understood. Their connection was strong, and their love was big enough to include more than one person.

For the first time, I felt longing. I didn’t want to be on the outside anymore. I wanted someone to look at me the way Skye and Maverick had looked at Luca and Brooks, the way they’d looked at each other.

It scared the ever living fuck out of me. That wasn’t me. I didn’t do relationships, and I sure as fuck didn’t do sex. Even now, with the urge to grab my dick and get some relief stronger than ever, the thought of anyone caressing me like that had my stomach on the verge of revolting. Nope. Just . . . no. Even all these years later, simple, innocent touches had my skin crawling. Brooks was the only one I tolerated, and even with him, I had my limits.

I tried to imagine Brooks touching me the way Luca had been touching him and my blood turned to ice. The other way around wasn’t much better. Being on top, the one in control, was almost worse than the other way around. What if I was like the monster from my past and I just didn’t know it because I never allowed myself to be in that situation? I would rather die than ever be like him.

Watching, though . . .

I shook my head, trying to clear my thoughts. I was not about to have my sexual awakening from my brother. I wasn’t in a damn romance novel.

A soft knock on the door had me jumping and spinning away from the monitors.

“Diego?” A soft voice came from the other side of the door. The only one besides Brooks’s that had me feeling any sort of way. “Can I come in?”

My heart did this ridiculous, fluttery thing that it had never done once in my whole life. But it seemed like today was the day for odd reactions, and honestly, Wesley Hayes had been bringing those out in me since day one.

“Yeah, hang on!” I yelled, my voice an octave higher than necessary. I bounced to my feet, smoothing out my hair. Quickly glancing down, I saw my little problem from earlier had gone away and I wasn’t sporting an embarrassing hard-on. My shirt had a stain on it from when I’d spilled ketchup on it earlier, but there was nothing I could do about it now, aside from going shirtless, which was Brooks’s thing, not mine.

I hurried to the door, taking a deep breath and hoping for casual as I opened it.

I hadn’t seen Wes since the meeting Luca had called the day after we’d come to stay here. But we’d been talking every day. It had started with him texting me to see how I was doing. But then, I’d seen a meme about SEALS that had reminded me of him so I’d sent it. Then, Wes had come back with a meme about hackers. I’d texted back that I was impressed he was able to find it at his age, and after some false offense and good-natured ribbing, he’d admitted that Riley had helped.

It had escalated from there. We’d talked about our favorite foods, favorite movies. I’d educated him on The House of The Dragon , because he had never seen that or Game of Thrones , which was a tragedy all on its own, and then we’d watched the first episode together over FaceTime. He’d sent me pictures of the food he had been cooking, and I’d replied with recipes that my mom had taught me when I’d first started living at their house and had been struggling a lot.

I’d found myself checking my phone constantly for messages and getting upset if there weren’t any. I barely knew the guy, yet I missed him if he didn’t check up on me after a few hours. What kind of wild bullshit was that?

It terrified me, and I should probably keep him out of my personal space, but instead of turning Wes away, I opened the door and happily let him in. It was strange, but I wanted him to see my workspace. Sure, it wasn’t the one in my own home, but Luca hadn’t lied when he’d said he’d let me transform the space how I wanted it, and I was really starting to feel comfortable here. If I was being honest, the layout was even better than the bedroom turned office I had at home, but I wasn’t about to share that information any time soon.

“Hi!” I said way too brightly. What the hell was that about? I wasn’t an excitable person. I didn’t get happy to see people. This house was messing with my head.

Wes smiled at me, and that fluttery feeling came back. I pressed my palm against my stomach. Maybe I’d eaten something funny? “Hey, Diego. I thought I might find you here. Can I come in?”

“Um, yeah, sure. I was just trying to get everything set up for tomorrow before the cookout started. Lots to prepare.”

Wes closed the door behind him, sucking all the air out of the room. He was way too close now, just him and me in such a small space. With literally anyone else besides Brooks, my parents, and maybe now Skye, I would be flipping my shit. But with Wes, I felt . . . safe. I just knew he wouldn’t let anything happen to me.

“Tomorrow? What’s going on then?”

Ah, fuck. Luca still hadn’t spoken to Wes about it? Why did this man put me on edge so much that I couldn’t think straight around him?

“Oh, um. They have a job tomorrow. I think Luca is gonna talk to you about it today.”

I also knew, though Brooks didn’t realize that I did, that my brother was going to ask Wes to babysit me. Maybe I should be offended, but I couldn’t find it in myself to be upset about that possibility.

Wes frowned, immediately worried about his best friend. I’d been curious about him and Luca, but didn’t feel comfortable bringing it up. Brooks tried to weasel some information out of Skye and Maverick, but Skye knew as much as we did, and Maverick refused to talk. There were vibes though. Vibes on vibes, and the troubled look in Wes’s husky-blue eyes just confirmed that.

Wes’s smile was tight, but he seemed to loosen up after a few seconds. “Well, I didn’t come in here to talk to you about Luca.”

I frowned. “You didn’t?”

The smile I got was so soft and sweet, my knees nearly buckled. I wasn’t used to smiles like that being directed toward me. I was the prickly brother everyone avoided.

“No, sweetheart.” Sweetheart? No one besides Mom had ever in my entire fucking life called me that, and I was pretty sure that hadn’t had my heart beating out of my chest. I fell back into my chair, lucky it happened to be behind me so my ass didn’t fall directly on the floor. Whatever was happening here probably wouldn’t last much longer if I made a fool out of myself. “I wanted to spend some time with you before everyone else got here. Our texts throughout the week have been the highlight of every day.”

I couldn’t help it then. I grinned. Like, full-force cheesing. “Yeah? Mine too.”

Wes’s eyes lit up, making him look so much younger. I really saw the resemblance between him and his son then. It struck me out of nowhere how unfair the world was. Wes would’ve been a fucking awesome father. He already was, and he had a huge handicap. But he was the most caring and considerate man I’d ever met. He was so fucking loyal and just good. Usually, it took me years to warm up to someone, but within a short week or two, Wes was quickly becoming one of my favorite people. I trusted him almost as much as I trusted Brooks, which was wild.

I mean, being alone in this room with the door closed, with a man I knew could be dangerous, proved that. It had taken me years before I’d be alone with my dad. It had hurt the fuck out of him, and I’d hated that, because he’d never done anything to deserve my mistrust. He’d loved and cared for me from the minute he’d found me trying to break into his house. Yet I still couldn’t get my brain and my heart to be on the same page. He’d cried the first time I’d let Mom take Brooks to his therapist appointment alone while I’d stayed with him. Then I’d cried. It had been a whole mess.

But Wes . . . Not only did I feel so safe, but I also wanted more than this. He was carefully keeping his distance from me, giving me space, but didn’t I want that? Maybe. I didn’t know. It was terrifying, the idea of Wes touching me, but I also didn’t find my skin crawling at the idea like it usually did. Even with Brooks I had to typically brace myself for the initial contact.

Wes leaned against the desk on the opposite side of me and cleared his throat. “So, uh, I don’t want to make you uncomfortable or anything, but I would really like to spend some time with you. Outside of this job.”

My eyes were probably bugging out of my head. Was he asking me out on a date? Did I want him to be? Fuck, could I do that?

“Like a date?” I finally asked, because I really needed this man to be crystal clear here.

Wes shrugged. “If that’s what you want, then yeah, I’d like that. Or even just friends is okay.” Before I could open my mouth, he continued, “I know you don’t like crowds or leaving, and that’s completely fine. We could just do a movie and dinner here, or whatever you’d like. Lord knows this place is big enough that we should be able to find somewhere private.”

I snorted. “You clearly don’t know my brother well.” Or likely Skye. The two of them together could be dangerous. Not that they were going to be here, but the fact that he’d be willing to do that for me? “Are you sure? I’m not the easiest person to be around.”

Wes scowled. “That’s bullshit, and I can’t wait to show you that. Anyone who isn’t willing to make the effort for you isn’t worth your time, Diego. I’m fucking 45. I’m well past the point where I need to show my date off around town to be happy. I just want to get to know you better. No pressure.”

No pressure? That was easy enough for him to say. “I’m aromantic and asexual,” I blurted, startling the fuck out of poor Wes. “Or at least, I assumed I was. I’ve never felt a romantic or sexual attraction to anyone before, never had celebrity crushes or had a desire to have sex or date. You’re making me question that, which I don’t fucking like. I feel like I’m spiraling. And . . . I don’t like to be touched. Though, I kind of want you to touch me. But I don’t know what I’ll do if you actually do. I might freak out. I work way too much. I won’t leave the fucking house. I’m on more meds than they keep at a fucking pharmacy, and I get nightmares almost every night. Oh, and I can’t sleep in the bed alone unless I take my sleeping pills. Which is pretty fucked up since I don’t want the person touching me—no, not person, Brooks. I can’t sleep without Brooks in bed with me. And I’d like to say that maybe I’d be okay with you too, but I can’t promise that. It needs to be Brooks. Which weirds people out.” I couldn’t even tell you how many potential relationships Brooks had broken off as soon as they’d realized he shared a pullout bed with his adopted brother and refused to budge on it. My spiral then reminded me that Brooks wasn’t going to be here for days, likely weeks. I’d be taking a lot of power naps in my chair, I guessed.

Wes didn’t say anything through my whole freak out. Just patiently waited for me to get it all out. By the time I was done, I was panting and red from embarrassment and just wanted to run. That closed door was starting to feel more like a prison trapping me in. I swiveled my chair, turning to my computer, refusing to look at Wes. I just couldn’t. I couldn’t see his pity, or disgust, or disinterest, or whatever the fuck. The monitor was blurry. I squeezed my eyes shut, trying to stop the tears that were suddenly burning my eyes.

“Diego.” I sucked in a breath but ignored him. I had to.

“Diego,” he said again, his voice deeper, more commanding. “Look at me, please.”

Oh fuck. This was what Brooks always talked about. I’d never felt submissive before. I’d never judge Brooks for what he felt or needed, but I’d never totally understood it. Why would he want to obey someone like that?

But Wes’s calm yet authoritative tone went straight to my core, and there wasn’t a molecule in my body that wanted to disobey it. I looked at him.

“Thank you,” he said softly. “Now, I won’t lie and say I don’t have some questions that I hope one day you’ll be comfortable answering for me. But you’re sorely mistaken if you think any of that scares me off. I don’t have any expectations here, Diego. I’m not trying to get something out of you that you can’t give me. If nothing more comes out of it than a friendship, that’s fine. I’m not asking you to be anything other than yourself, sweetheart. I want to get to know you. The real you. I want to know what makes you tick. I want to see what makes you smile, learn what scares you. I want to be in the same room as you when you watch House of the Dragon so I can see your reactions, your passions. As far as everything else”—Wes waved his hand—“well, I think we can figure it out as we go. You’re not the only one here with baggage, and I think it would be nice to have someone else to share the load with, don’t you?”

Who the fuck was this guy? Did he come straight out of the pages of one of Brooks’s smutty novels he thought I didn’t know about?

I swallowed. I needed more space. I needed to get closer. My head was a mess of contradicting thoughts. Wants. Needs. I wanted to run from Wes and never see him again. I wanted to throw myself in his arms and have him hold me until everything made sense.

My chest was heaving as I stood so abruptly my chair nearly fell over. Wes stiffened but he didn’t move. He seemed to understand I was like a caged animal now and he didn’t want to startle me.

I took a step closer to him. He stilled even further, barely breathing. I took another step.

When I was close enough that I could almost touch him, I forced myself to look up and meet his eyes, an unspoken question in mine. Thankfully, Wes seemed to understand what I wanted because he nodded.

“Anything you want, angel. Take what you need.”

My hands shook. Why was this so hard? Wes wasn’t moving. His posture was relaxed. I could see both his hands, and he had his head tilted to the side, exposing his neck, exposing himself. There was no threat. Wes wouldn’t hurt me. I knew that. I knew it even if he wasn’t trying to show me with his body language. I touched Brooks sometimes. Even Mom and Dad occasionally. This was no different. This was Wes. Wes was safe.

I could barely see my fingers with how badly they shook, but I somehow managed to lift my hand and slowly, so fucking slowly, I brought it up, the tips of my fingers just grazing the graying scruff on Wes’s jaw.

Wes swallowed but otherwise didn’t move. He didn’t seem annoyed or impatient. He really was letting me do what I needed to do. I pressed just a little harder so I could feel the skin of his cheek under the rough facial hair. A shiver wracked through me, and I pulled my hand away.

I felt lightheaded but not disgusted. I didn’t need to take a shower or hide away. I’d touched Wes and I was okay. I, maybe, kind of liked it.

What I was sure I liked, though, was the pride and affection on Wes’s face as he watched me. I knew right then I’d do anything to keep that look there.