Chapter 16
16
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O ver the course of the next week, I continue working with Luke on overcoming this first, basic hurdle.
Just like when we tried to scare him off, he’s no quitter. It’s one of the qualities I admire about him.
Hell, the fact that he saw those images of the Slasher and immediately wanted to stop it rather than getting on a plane back home says a lot about him.
Since Sunday, every evening we’ve met up at the old church and gotten right to work.
Maybe not right to work. We’ve been guilty of some good fun. We tell each other it helps us focus on his lesson, but it doesn’t make keeping our hands off each other that much easier, especially when he looks so damn cute when he’s serious and trying to focus on using his powers. We usually have to end our sessions the same way we start them, which makes his teacher very happy.
On Thursday, Luke is as focused and determined as ever, but despite an hour of attempts, he grunts, and not for any of the fun reasons.
“My arm’s going to sleep again. Are you sure I’m gonna be able to do this?” he asks, relaxing it at his side.
“I know it’s frustrating, but anytime it feels like you can’t, maybe just think that even Seth figured it out.”
“If you think I haven’t been motivating myself with that, you’re out of your goddamn mind.”
I chuckle and check the time on my phone. “It’s almost nine. How about we get out of here? I assume you’re heading to Alpha Alpha Mu’s Halloween party?”
His expression twists up. “Alexei told me about it, but the last thing that’s been on my mind is a fucking party. I’ve been reading those pages Cody gave me.”
“How does that feel?” In some ways I’m sure it’s a relief, in others a painful reminder of what he’s lost.
His gaze wanders. “It’s…a lot. Dobbers is talking about Dad learning to use his telekinetic abilities, which evidently, he had a better handle on than me, whereas Dobbers was better with telepathy. I guess you know all this already?”
I nod.
“It’s not just about getting my mind around what Dad was doing. My whole perspective of reality has shifted. It’s overwhelming.”
He takes a breath, and in it, I hear how exhausted he is. Between everything we’ve expected him to come to terms with and pushing him to use his powers, it’s simply too much.
“We both need a break,” I say. “We’re going to that party, and you’re gonna have a great time.”
He tilts his head and shoots me a cross look. “While I know there’s some monster I need to help you guys find and kill?”
“If that doesn’t warrant a break, I don’t know what does.”
“It’s okay. I might stay here and try some more.”
“No way. And I’m not leaving you out in the woods with a monster on the loose.”
He smirks. “Aren’t you bossy tonight? Don’t you want me to get this?”
“Yeah, and you know why Seth took so long to figure it out? He’s too in his head, and that’s what you’re doing right now. You’re getting in your own way. If you can cut loose a little, then maybe when we come back to it, you’ll do better.”
“That’s a real clever pitch to get me to go to a party.” His gaze wavers as he thinks it over. “I don’t have anything to wear. I don’t really do parties. That first one I went to, I was just there to see you.”
“Guess you’re lucky I do party. And hard. I have some old costumes and a few options for different events for this year, so we’ll swing by my place and see what I’ve got.”
“If we’re gonna be at your place for a bit anyway, maybe we can have a quick jerk-off session before we head out.” There’s a familiar, determined expression on his face.
I shake my head. “Uh-uh.”
He pouts. “But I tried so hard, and I always get a little something when we finish up.”
It’s true, and I can feel that he wants it, but unlike some of those early times when we messed around, we’ve done plenty this week, so it’s not the ache of the Lust pulling us together. And as much as I wouldn’t mind claiming him right here and now, I have a better plan.
“How about you be a good Straight Boy and come to the party, and if you’re good…” I lean close to him so that my mouth is inches from his. “…then I’ll make sure to satisfy all those naughty fantasies running through your pretty head.”
“All of them?” he asks with a raised eyebrow.
I know he means he wants me to fuck him.
“If you’re real good, you never know,” I say.
Now that it doesn’t feel so primal and uncontrollable, it’s a tempting thought, one I’m surprised I’m so willing to entertain.
He winces. “If this is all a trick to get me to go to the party, then I want you to know it’s a very mean one.”
I laugh, then reach out and cup his cheek, running my thumb across his bottom lip. “But I still make you hard, don’t I?” I say, and he smirks subtly before I claim his mouth.
A few tongue-filled kisses later, we pack up and return to the dorms. We shower first, then head to my room, where I go through my costume bin. Among the options, I notice two pairs of wings, one white and one black. I figured best be ready if I needed to be an angel or a demon, depending on the occasion, which comes in handy now. I bought pairs of spandex shorts to go with them, and I’m pleased with how good Luke fills out his.
“You couldn’t have picked out an outfit with more clothes?” Luke asks as he assesses himself in the full-length mirror. He tugs his shorts down.
“You try to cover those thighs, you’re gonna end up showing dick, right?”
As he laughs, I adjust the straps on his wings, then fix the chain on his necklace so the link is behind his neck. I take a step back, studying his gorgeous body—the lines in his abdomen, that defined chest that’s just the right size. Fuck, this guy has the perfect body.
He glances himself over before saying, “I have a pair of white sneakers I can grab on our way out.”
“I doubt anyone’s gonna be looking at your shoes, but that sounds good.”
He takes another look in the mirror. “We look like sexy strippers.”
“We look hot as sin, and trust me, if you wore more than that to Alpha Alpha Mu’s Halloween party, you’d stick out like a sore thumb. But you don’t have to wear it if you don’t want to.”
He shrugs. “I like it. But going to the party together as an angel and a demon, people might think we’re an item.”
“If we’re wearing similar costumes, they’ll think we’re friends. When I have my tongue down your throat on the dance floor, then they’ll think we’re an item.”
He grins like he wouldn’t mind fulfilling that fantasy.
“But obviously,” I add, “if you don’t want them to think anything, I—”
“I don’t give a fuck what anyone thinks.” He moves close, hooking an arm around me so that his abs are tight against mine. “Now give me a kiss, demon.”
I do as told, and as we embrace, a rush of energy moves through me. Luke grabs my crotch, stroking my firm cock. “Oh, no.” I force away from our kiss. “I’m not letting you trick me into fucking around so you can get out of this party.”
“Trick you?” he says, playing shocked as he tugs my body closer, my hard-on rubbing along his abs with just the thin costume fabric between us. “But I’m an angel.”
“A very naughty angel.” I take his mouth again, and as I pull away, I say, “Which gives me an idea.”
I grab some glitter markers from my desk drawer. With the white, I write SINNER on his right pec, and on mine, in the black, he writes SAINT .
Luke smiles. “The perfect touch.” We do a quick check, then grab his sneakers from his room.
It’s a bit of a walk to Alpha Alpha Mu, but it’s a nice enough night that we don’t need a jacket. And being Halloween, we’re hardly the only bare-chested guys en route to the frat, which looks more like a stripper convention when we get there.
Luke and I head inside and throw back Jell-O shots before grabbing drinks. I text Codes to see if he and Seth have arrived and discover they’re already out back. When we find them, Seth is in tight pants, pads, and a football jersey, his abs on full display. I have no doubt this was Cody’s handiwork.
As we approach him, I’m waiting for him to make some clever remark or say we look like boyfriends because of the matching costumes, but he nods and says, “Nice work.”
“You did a good job with yours too,” Luke says.
“ Cody did a good job with mine. I don’t really give a fuck about these things, but he enjoys dressing his straight friend up, and I’ve learned he loves him a jock.”
He points, and we turn to see Cody flirting with Gage Lorde, tight end for the school team.
“He dressed you up as a football player and now he’s ditching you for a real one,” I tease, shaking my head with feigned disapproval.
He laughs. “I know, right? So sick.”
“But for some reason, I have a feeling you’ll still wind up waking in Cody’s bed.”
He smiles. “Only if Gage doesn’t push me out of it.”
We share a laugh, and Luke looks a little confused. I get it. You have to know Cody and Seth to understand their friendship, but surely if there was even a hint of sexual feelings, those would have been dealt with already.
“Seriously, though,” Seth says. “I just got Shira Maron’s number and a text to meet her upstairs in five, so at this point, where I wake up isn’t really what’s on my mind.”
I laugh. “Nice work, stud. Maybe if you’re lucky, Cody’ll be in the next room over and you can hear Gage running drills on his ass.”
His jaw tenses, catching me by surprise. Then he shrugs. “Well, as far as I know, Gage is straight, but I guess it’d be great if we’re both having fun.”
For the first time since he and Luke have been within a few feet of each other, neither looks pissed. I can’t help wondering if it’s at least in part because Seth’s already gotten a few drinks in him…or maybe the promise of what he’ll be doing with Shira upstairs later.
“Luke fucking Waters,” I hear behind me, and Luke and I turn to see Alexei approaching, in jeans and a black cape, wearing vampire makeup. “You blew me off when I told you about this party.”
“Yeah…” Luke drags out. “I didn’t want to bother to get a costume, but Brad had an extra one, so…”
Alexei eyes him skeptically. “Don’t lie. Brad clearly only had an extra third of a costume.”
We share a laugh, but Alexei keeps glancing between Luke and me. Given what he’d seen of us in the past, I’m sure he’s shocked to see us not only hanging out at a party together, but wearing matching costumes.
“I’m about to head inside, and I better see both your sexy asses on the dance floor in ten or I’m gonna come find you.”
Seth watches Alexei go, like he’s waiting for him to be out of earshot before he says, “So how was this evening?”
Luke shrugs. “Same as usual.”
“Are you moving the necklace a little bit, at least?”
“I don’t even think I can summon the ideomotor effect at this point,” Luke says.
I can tell it’s weighing on Seth, and any confidence he was wearing from his success with Shira is gone.
“Hey, hey, man,” I say. “Can we drop it for tonight? I brought him so we could have a good time.”
“Yeah,” Seth says. “I would also like to have a totally normal night and pretend that everything’s fine, so I’m gonna go find another Jell-O shot.”
He gives me a hug before heading off, at which point Luke says, “Alexei’s being awfully friendly tonight.”
I shrug. “Is he? You know him better than I do. But he was right about one thing. We need to get your sexy ass on the dance floor, so let’s finish these drinks and get out there.”
We take a few swigs before heading back inside, to the living room, and as we enter, we can hear the music rather than the intense thud of the bass. I get a few glances from guys I’ve hooked up with in the past—the sort of looks that tell me they wouldn’t mind having another go. I struggle between moving closer to Luke to let them know I’m not available for any ass other than his at the moment, and keeping my distance because he doesn’t need to know I feel like a clingy boyfriend. We’ve barely known each other a month. It’s partly the Lust that makes me feel that way, but it’s something else too. Something more than raw sexual desire.
As we find an open space in the middle of the crowd of our scantily clad peers, Luke spins around to me. “Let me know if I’m about to smack anybody with these wings,” he jokes.
I don’t recognize the song, but it’s a decent beat, so I don’t hesitate, partly because I want to impress Luke. Meanwhile, he does a little bob, glancing around uncomfortably as we keep about a foot between us.
“That’s cute.” I move closer.
“I’m not much of a dancer. Can you tell?”
“We can fix that.” I step even closer, pushing up against him. I’m waiting to see if he’ll pull away, if maybe he was acting cooler with being seen out with me than he really is, but he doesn’t resist, and I can’t help grinning as I squat down and grind up against him, crotch to crotch. “Come on. Just follow me.”
He snickers as I hook my arm around him, pressing against the small of his back as he starts to move along with me.
But the awkwardness doesn’t last long. Soon his movements expertly mirror mine, our cocks like rocks, our bodies as in sync as when we mess around. When his gaze sinks to my lips, I steal a kiss. Luke places one hand against my back, the other cupping my ass as we dance. Doesn’t feel like we’re at a party anymore—it’s just me and him and our bodies reveling in the sensation of being close.
Luke tears his lips away and spins around, his ass gravitating to my pelvis. I slide my hand around his waist, caressing his abs as I kiss his neck. His hand relaxes against the back of my head as I nibble, lick, and kiss.
Now I’m following his movements, this guy who was so awkward only moments before but who’s suddenly so fucking in tune with the music.
I’ve surrendered to him. He’s surrendered to me.
We’ve both surrendered to this thing that’s taken control of us.
He turns his head, at the perfect angle for my mouth to move from his neck to his mouth. I’m delirious with sensation, trapped in the moment, making it hard to tell how much time passes—a minute, thirty minutes, an hour. All I know is that when I come to, we have an audience cheering us on and Alexei’s at our side.
“Look at you guys go,” he says.
Luke pulls away, though he doesn’t look bothered by the fact that his roomie just caught what we were doing.
“Aren’t you full of surprises?” Alexei teases. “Mind if I steal this stud away from you real quick?” He drapes an arm over my shoulder.
“Uh, sure,” Luke barely has a chance to say before Alexei pulls me aside.
“I knew you guys must have made up since that initial pickup game, but I didn’t realize how close you’d gotten.” He leans back and looks me dead in the eye. “So I just wanted to let you know, if I find out you’re fucking with him, I’m coming for you.”
Alexei’s normally cool and chill, but I get why he’d be suspicious about my interest in Luke after the way I’ve treated him since he first arrived. But there’s something in his gaze…like he might be talking about something else. Something he shouldn’t know.
That’s wild, though.
There’s no way.
“What do you mean?” I ask.
“What do you think I mean?” His stare doesn’t let up. “Don’t play games with him. I’m watching you.” He pats my shoulder condescendingly before he’s off, hurrying back through the crowd.
The warning leaves me a little shaken, but I remind myself that Alexei doesn’t know about the Sinners or the Rift or Cody’s visions.
I return to Luke, who’s standing by the wall, gazing off. As I approach him, he doesn’t look like he did only moments ago.
“Luke?”
“Sorry, I’m not feeling very good.”
“Is this about Alexei seeing us?”
“Huh? No. I—I’m feeling a little lightheaded.”
I assess his face. He looks pale. And though he’s saying it’s not about Alexei, considering the timing, I wonder if he’s struggling with being out to his friend before he was ready.
“Here, let’s get you some water.” I lead him to the kitchen and grab two bottles, then take him to a room upstairs. “We can lie down in here.”
“I think the guy whose room this is might mind.”
“Preston’s his name. And I found him in the bushes near the dorms one morning after a party, naked, and lent him clothes so he could get back to the frat in one piece, so he owes me. Just lie down. You look like you’re about to be sick.”
Luke takes a seat on the edge of the bed and drinks a sip of water. “Sorry. I was having a good time. I didn’t mean to fuck it up.”
“You have nothing to be sorry about. And you didn’t fuck anything up.”
I sit beside him as he takes a few breaths. Finally, he says, “It’s so dumb. It’s why I shouldn’t have come out tonight.”
“What do you mean?”
He closes his eyes and says, “I was really enjoying dancing with you. Like really enjoying it, and I got lost in the moment, and then when we stopped and you stepped away, this memory fucking hit me. I mean, I’ve thought about it plenty, especially today, but it was so vivid. I couldn’t push it back. And then I felt so fucking guilty for enjoying myself.”
“Guilty?”
“Mom and Dad were big on holidays. At Halloween, we’d spend time decorating the house and making cookies. They made a game of figuring out what costumes we’d wear when we went trick-or-treating. We’d watch scary movies together.” He chuckles. “Nothing really scary, mostly black-and-white movies. Anyway, I was just thinking how it’s not the same without them.”
I notice a tear stirring in his eye, and he turns away from me.
“Fuck, Luke. That’s why you didn’t want to come out tonight.”
He nods.
“I’m such an asshole.”
“No,” he says, resting his hand on my thigh. “I wanted to come. I thought it could be fun, and it was…until I fucked it up.”
I rest my hand on top of his. “I don’t think that counts as you fucking it up, Straight Boy.”
He snickers at his nickname, and I’m glad because I was hoping to ease some of this weight he’s carrying.
“I appreciate your sharing that with me, Luke. I wish I’d been more considerate and asked why you didn’t want to come.”
“No way you could have guessed that.”
“Maybe you’re right. I’m glad to hear both your parents were so involved in your childhood, though. My mom was great. Dad…not so much.”
“Your dad didn’t do anything with you for Halloween?”
I chuckle, but as soon as I do, I realize how fucked up it is to be amused at the thought of him giving that many shits about me. I shake my head. “Let’s not talk about my bullshit for now. This is about you.”
He turns to me, his gaze boring into mine, as though he can see my deepest, darkest secrets. Instinctively, I look away.
“What is it?” he asks, assuring me he hasn’t seen this darkness within me. “Brad?”
Luke’s ruminations on his past have activated mine, and I find myself sifting through memories I prefer to keep buried…and regrets I couldn’t bury if I tried. Luke would hate me if he saw this side of me. He would see me for the selfish coward I really am.
But as he sits here, being so vulnerable with me, all I want is to protect him. From me.
Maybe it’s my conscience or this connection between us, but even wishing I could keep the words down, they slip past my lips. “You might have guessed from what I told you already that Dad’s a controlling man. He was that way with my mom. Kept her like a doll. She was one of those people who believed you were supposed to make a marriage work, no matter how hard. He wasn’t physically abusive. Just a dick. Both Mom and I knew when he was coming home late that he was seeing someone else. How fucked up is it that a child knows his dad is cheating on his mom?
“When I was eight, she’d finally had enough and called him out on it. She wanted a divorce…and so he made her life a living hell. Dad was the one with the money, so he dragged her through it. Incredible, the case a rich man can make with lawyers who are experts at redactions and objections and filing bullshit motions to get the opposition to run out of cash. Mom wound up in a mental-health facility, that’s how bad it was, and he won sole custody.”
Tension knots up in my chest at the flashes of being questioned by social workers and attorneys.
“Before they divorced, we celebrated holidays, but it always seemed to annoy Dad. After he got custody and we moved in with his new girlfriend, there wasn’t anything. Not even my birthday. Then she got pregnant, they got married, and it was clear he finally had the child he really wanted. I was the mistake. I was nothing and nobody to him.”
“Brad,” Luke says, his voice full of concern as he grips my hand tighter.
For once in my fucking life, it feels like a relief to talk about this shit. Maybe that’s why I can’t fucking stop. “I tried to get out of that house. I snuck away to see Mom from time to time, and each time, he got worse. Told me I was her child and just as worthless. That I’d never amount to anything. I could see the disdain in his eyes every time he looked at me, wishing he could get rid of me, but keeping me from Mom was a cruel torture for both of us.”
“I’m so sorry, Brad,” Luke says, turning his hand and interlocking his fingers with mine.
I was so lost in the telling of my past that I hardly noticed the blur in my eyes and the warmth sliding down my cheeks. I consider turning away from him, but now that I’ve shared so much, I don’t want to. Wild to think I didn’t want him to know any of this, and suddenly, I want him to see me. All of me.
But as I see the warmth in his expression, I spit out, “Don’t look at me like that.”
“Like what?”
“I don’t deserve sympathy, Luke. Not after what I’ve done.”
“What you’ve done?”
My chin trembles. “Yes. Luke, I’ve done something terrible.”
He tilts his head, seeming surprised to hear this.
Maybe that’s because I’ve gotten so good at hiding my sin, even from myself.
I don’t have to tell him more. I could leave it there with him feeling sympathy for me, but I don’t want to lie.
Not to him.
Not anymore.