Phoenix’s Fire (The Ruins Of Men #2)

Chapter 77

Seventy-Seven

Kanik

T he announcement for the town meeting had arrived. It was tonight, just before sundown, so we teachers had been sent home with the students. The principal had assured us that grading could wait until we came back from the security lockdown, so I headed home.

The days were still warm, but autumn was starting to keep the heat from being oppressive. Large clouds floated overhead, and there was a constant breeze today. Soon, the leaves on the trees would start changing. I couldn't help but wonder what Ayla would think about that.

I was thinking about her a lot.

Zasen had kissed her. She'd kissed Rymar. Every instinct in my body made me think that meant I had no chance, but our talk the other day convinced me to push that down and ignore it. Never mind that "a chance" wasn't fair to her. She'd made it clear she didn't want to be in a relationship that even resembled anything the Moles had done.

But Dragons weren't Moles.

I made it in the house and threw my things beside the door, but I couldn't shake this anxiety that had been keeping me tense lately. So, instead of being snappish like Zasen or sulking like Rymar, I decided I needed to stop ignoring it and finally figure it out.

"Holly?" I called. "Who wants to play fetch?"

From upstairs, I heard a peal of laughter. A second later, Holly raced down the stairs, hurrying towards me. I bent to pet her, loving how easily this dog had become a part of our household, but a little giggle made me look up to see Ayla at the top of the stairs.

"Stealing my dog?" she asked .

"Just borrowing," I promised. "It was a rough day at school, and I want to throw things. She'll bring them back, which makes it easier."

But Ayla tipped her head at me and smiled. "Thank you," she said. "I needed to let her out anyway."

"And I need some puppy time," I cooed to the dog. "Thanks, Ayla. C'mon, Holly." I patted my leg as I stood, then headed for the back.

That smile. That was my problem - well, a part of it. Letting Holly out, I followed behind her, looking for a stick while she did her business, and I tried to figure out when this anxiety had started. Unfortunately, I knew. It had appeared when Saveah said she was spending time with Rymar, and I'd ended up taking Holly to my room until they'd returned in the wee hours of the morning.

And she'd been wearing his shirt.

I hadn't asked. Nope, I'd struggled to keep from slamming the door to my room. In my mind, if something had happened between them, it would've been consensual, because that was Rymar. And if she'd agreed, well, that meant I didn't have a chance.

Then we'd had that talk. Zasen had started it, clearly thinking the wrong thing. Granted, it sounded like he'd had his ass chewed for kissing her, so he was merely repaying the favor. There was something a little amusing about it. But when the beautiful girl turned her attention to the handsome men I lived with, it always ended up the same way.

She picked them. One, both, or whatever she could get. Me? I was the quiet guy, the short man, and the boring brown one. I was the guy with a great personality. I knew that, and I wanted to say I was okay with it, but Ayla had caught me off-guard.

And now those two were talking about her refusing to date? About her not wanting to be trapped while still being curious about relationships? Rymar had been sharing his money with the rest of us like he was our partner or something. Zasen had stopped worrying about whose day it was to handle dinner. Ever since we'd brought Ayla home, the regular routine of our lives had changed, and that talk had made me realize something.

We were acting like partners. Not like roommates, but like men tied together in a family. Because Rymar had still been dating, I hadn't even realized it - until that talk. Now, everything was so fucking clear, and they said I still had a chance. Rymar said she thought I was handsome!

A little smile touched my lips as I threw a stick across our yard and into the lot beside us. "Fetch!" I ordered.

Holly was off like a streak of lightning. Yeah, that dog was fast, but it sounded like she was also vicious when needed. Zasen said she'd launched at a Mole, nearly pulling him off his feet, and after training her to disarm, I could believe it.

But I liked this. I liked the new camaraderie in the house. I was enjoying the way Zasen and I were working through our jealousy by trying to help the other get some of her attention. I liked that Rymar had finally let her in. I just had one single problem with all of this.

We were lying to her.

How many times had I told that woman we were just friends? That was bullshit. Fuck, I'd spent a few nights lying in bed thinking about her. Sure, some with my hand around my dick, but most weren't. Most of those had been me remembering something sweet she'd done. Something amazing. Something that made me unable to think of her as just a very pretty friend.

I'd just thrown the stick again when the back door opened. I turned to see who'd joined me, and my eyes landed on Ayla. She was wearing her dark brown set of leathers. It turned her hair even more gold, but it didn't fit like it used to.

Now, the laces at her chest gaped a bit at the top, revealing a hint of cleavage. The bottom of her vest revealed more skin, and her body-hugging pants showed off the curve of her hips. When we'd found her, this woman had been little more than pale skin and bones. Now, she was becoming something heart-stoppingly beautiful.

"You okay?" she asked, making her way over. "Zasen said the kids were probably acting up."

I shook my head, struggling not to let my eyes drop. "No, they were just excited about a few days off. School's cancelled when the Moles come, and for the grade I teach, they think it's a holiday."

"I hate holidays," she said.

Which made me chuckle. "Ours are a little different. More cookouts and less praying."

"I like cookouts," she said, bending to get the stick from Holly before I could. Then she threw it hard. "Fetch!" she ordered.

I watched as her lips curled into the most honest smile I'd ever seen. This woman loved her dog. She allowed herself to actually enjoy the simple things - because they weren't so simple to her. I couldn't get enough of that part. Rymar was right when he said she was pure. I would've used the word honest, but neither was quite right.

She was just Ayla, this enigma of brutal and sweet, driven and unobtrusive, and sometimes a mix of worldly and naive. But that one glance made guilt slam into me. She'd come out to check on me - she took care of all of us - and here I was lying to her.

I had to tell her.

So I took a deep breath and turned to her. "Ayla, can I tell you something without scaring you?"

She bent as Holly ran back, getting the stick again. "I don't like being scared," she said before throwing it.

"Hopefully it's not that bad," I admitted.

"Holly, down!" she commanded, making the dog lay in place. "Good girl. Just relax and catch your breath." Then she turned to me expectantly.

"You know how I said we were friends?" I asked.

She nodded. "Good friends. "

"Yeah." Okay, I was probably about to make a mess of this. "Well, I know you kissed Rymar."

Her eyes dropped to the grass. "Yeah. You were on the stairs."

"And he told us about it afterwards," I explained. "Well, to make sure you were okay with it."

That made her gaze jump back up. "Really?"

"We do that sometimes," I admitted. "Making sure what we think is normal isn't too invasive for you. You know, so you don't feel pressured to do something you don't want because you think it's what men expect."

"Oh. Like kissing? That's why Zasen got in trouble, right?"

I nodded. "So we talk about it, and I know it happened." I licked my lips, aware when her eyes darted to my purple tongue and a smile curled her lips. "But something came out when we were talking, and I don't want to lie to you."

Her smile vanished. "About what?"

"Being just friends," I said before clearing my throat. "Um, we've gotten to know each other, right? And the more I've learned about you, the more impressed I've been."

"Yeah?"

I nodded. "But here's the scary part, Ayla. I'm worried it will make you stop being my friend."

"Why?" she breathed, her eyes getting a little wider.

Fuck. I was definitely doing this the wrong way, but Ayla liked facts. She appreciated knowing things, and she did best when it was simply presented to her without any fluff.

"The more I know you, the more I like you," I hurried to say.

"I like you too," she assured me. "That's why we're friends."

"The other like, Ayla."

Her entire body stilled. She didn't freeze like the tailed, but I swore she stopped breathing. Those blue eyes of hers held mine as she thought about that.

So I decided to keep going. "That doesn't mean anything has to change, okay? I just don't want to lie to you. See, you're an amazing woman, and the more I know you, the more I want to know you, but I also like when you hold my hand, or like this, playing with Holly."

"Oh."

Shit. I had no clue what that meant. "It's just..." I pulled in a breath. "I'm jealous of them. You kissed Zasen and Rymar - and that's okay - but if you ever, I dunno, want to hold my hand, or hug me, or, um, kiss?"

Standing there so still, I saw when she swallowed. "And that doesn't keep us from being friends, right?"

"Never," I swore. "I just thought you should know that sometimes I think you're beautiful, and all times I think you're brilliant. Being around you makes me smile. I mean, I know you don't want to do things, but, um, I'm just trying to be honest with you. You made me like you."

"So you want to court me?" she asked .

"No," I assured her. "Nope. Ayla, I'm a Dragon, and I'm so proud of you for asking to kiss Rymar. It means you don't let anything scare you. And Dragons don't own our women. We share a life with them, which is why we call it being partners. See, my idea of a relationship is, well, this. Someone who likes talking with me. Someone who wants to spend time around me, maybe hold my hand, or if she's into it, even kiss me."

She glanced away, but I could see her cheeks getting darker. "I like kissing. I thought it would hurt because the first one did, but that was a Mole." She glanced back at me from the corner of her eye, then shifted awkwardly. "But I don't want to be a wife."

"I don't want to be a husband," I promised. "I want to stay your friend. I want to keep things as they are, but I just felt that you should know I think about kissing you sometimes."

"Yeah?" she asked warily.

I nodded, feeling my hopes crumbling. "Yeah. I'm sorry, but I do like kissing. I like touching."

"Dragons are made for it," she mumbled.

"Yeah," I breathed. "But touching the person they want." I shifted around her so she had to face me. "I will never do anything you don't want. We're friends first, and I hope we will always be friends, but you are beautiful too. That doesn't have to stop us from being friends, okay? Just like me and Rymar."

"He likes you," she said. "I don't know if I'm supposed to tell you that."

I ducked my head and chuckled. "Probably not, but I already know." Then I grimaced. "But I don't have any urge to kiss men. I only like women that way."

"I don't want to kiss women," she said.

"So I guess we're both straight, huh? One more thing we have in common." I shrugged, hoping that would ease this awkwardness a bit.

Then she did the last thing I ever would've expected. Ayla reached out to hook her fingers against mine. "I like when you hold my hand," she said softly. Her eyes jumped up again, then back down, and her cheeks were now scarlet. "And when you read beside me. Playing with Holly, too!"

"Yeah?" I asked.

She nodded. "But I don't know how to kiss. I mean, I tried to practice, but the memory is all blurry."

"It's okay," I assured her. "You don't have to kiss men, Ayla. And if you want to, I promise you don't need to know how. You just have to want to do it." I ran my thumb over the backs of her knuckles. "Because if anyone kisses you when you don't want them to? I will make sure they never do it again."

She was still staring at the ground, but I could see a little smile taking over. "Yeah?"

"Yeah," I promised. "But maybe you can try not to laugh at me when I stare at you? Or if I do stupid things?"

"Only if you won't laugh at me," she said.

"Promise. "

And finally, she lifted her eyes, looking through those golden lashes of hers. "How do I know if I like someone?"

"Being around them makes your heart race," I said, aware of how mine was pounding. "Touching them makes you want to smile." And I could see her lips curl upwards. "You long to talk to them, even if you've just been doing that, and you never really want to spend time away from them. Their company is something you need, and all of their opinions feel very important. That's how you know."

"What if I like more than one person?" she asked meekly.

I gripped her hand a little more. "Maybe Zasen and Rymar?"

"Rymar's just a friend," she insisted.

But I noticed she hadn't refused the part about Zasen, so I nodded slowly. "Well, what if Rymar could be a friend and a guy you like?"

She glanced away. "But we're supposed to decide," she told me.

"Mhm," I agreed, "but no one said you had to decide to like only one. Ayla, that's what a family is. It's you and a guy you like, and maybe another."

"Or three?" she whispered.

"Or three," I agreed. "As many as you want, just as long as you don't lie about liking others, because some people don't want to be in a family. They want to be a couple."

Her teeth clamped down on her lower lip and I watched her head bob a few times as she thought about that. Finally, she pulled in a breath, stood a little straighter, and finally faced me with her head up.

"I like being able to think about it, and ask about it, and decide. I like the way it feels to be kissed by a Dragon, because Dragons don't hurt me. I like feeling pretty, because I was never allowed to do that before." Then she paused, her eyes jumping between mine. "And I like talking to you. I like being your friend, and putting my legs over you when we both read on the couch. I like it when you do the thing with my waist in the kitchen too."

She meant when I touched her waist as I moved around her, making sure we didn't collide. "Yeah?"

"And I really like holding your hand, but it makes my heart beat faster when you hold mine."

"So I should do that more, or not?"

"More," she decided. "But Kanik? What if I'm wrong? What if I act like Qavan because I'm just trying to figure it out?"

"No, Ayla," I assured her. "You wouldn't do that. Qavan treated Rymar the way Mole men treated you: as if he was a thing to be used. Not like a person. As long as you remember men have feelings too, I think experimenting is a good thing. I just wanted to let you know I'd be okay with you kissing me too. I mean, if you want to."

And she smiled. "Okay."

That did not look like a brush-off. The way she said that made me feel like I hadn't completely screwed things up between us, so I let go of her hand, taking it for the win it was .

"Holly, come!" I called. "We need to wear you out before the meeting so you aren't bouncing in place."

"Drop!" Ayla commanded.

The dog hurried back to drop her stick at our feet. Ayla immediately bent, and when she stood, she offered me the stick.

"You throw it farther," she said.

"Okay," I said before heaving it as far as I could.

Then Ayla reached up to touch my arm. "See? I can only get it half that."

I looked over at her and smiled, realizing this was okay. She was figuring things out, but I hadn't messed it up. And when her eyes found mine again, I thought I might even have a chance. Me, the boring brown guy. For the first time in my life, I didn't feel like that was something to regret.