Pieces of Me (The Wilder Brothers #9)

Chapter 11

CHAPTER ELEVEN

brIAR

A fter the dust settled, I went back to Austin. Honestly, it was the only decision to make. I needed to nest in my own home, complete the nursery that I had been working on for months, and be near my doctors. It wasn’t that far of a drive, but I needed to be home.

Teagan, of course, came with me. She stayed in the guest room, mothering me in a way that I knew would annoy us in any other situation. But neither one of us really knew how to be a mother because we didn’t have one. Thankfully, we had the baby books to guide the way.

As well as the Wilder women.

Once Gabriel and I had spoken in that cabin, it seemed to open the floodgates for everybody who had been holding back.

Because every single Wilder woman, yes Gabriel’s sisters-in-law, but his cousins-in-law as well, had come over. They all had advice, baby books, different websites to use, and I had ended up with a car full of baby things. Some passed down, some new. And they all had said that they would be there for me no matter what, and would be annoying me with offers to babysit, to help out during the first few months, and to send over food and meal trains and cleaning services. I had been overwhelmed, but Teagan had taken to it like a moth to a flame with her planner. I had a feeling I would not be dealing with meals or cleaning for as long as the Wilder women wanted to help.

The band hadn’t been an obstacle when we’d told them that Gabriel was the father. It turned out they had all known before we could tell them. Apparently, we hadn’t been as circumspect as possible. I didn’t know what they had said to Gabriel, or if they had even talked about the band itself, however. It wasn’t my place. And I knew they were all still hurting, just like I was. There was a hollow place within me that I would never be able to step out of, but perhaps one day I would. Perhaps one day I would have to.

The band knew and was ready to invade my home with help and love. Although only one of them were parents, they were all ready to step in and be the best aunts and uncles ever.

Tears threatened just thinking about it, and I knew that I would always have a connection to them. Because of Mal, and now Gabriel. I had no idea what was in store for Wilder, but for the Wilder currently growing inside me, that was what was the most important part.

Gabriel’s parents had even called me, and while I had known them somewhat, I didn’t know them very well.

Carlos and Rebecca Wilder were loud and enthusiastic, and so excited to once again be grandparents. Although technically Faith wasn’t Wyatt Wilder’s birth daughter, as Ava had married Wyatt as a single mother, Faith was one-hundred-percent their grandkid. And now they would be having another.

That wasn’t overwhelming at all.

But the fact that this baby would have a grandmother at all? Yes, it made me cry. The fact that this baby had a grandfather who actually wanted to be one. And was a good human rather than the dark abyss that mine was? I had no words for that.

So now I was at home, my Bohemian nursery all set up, waiting for my due date.

Which was tomorrow . But the baby kept kicking, and I was ready for this new phase to begin.

“Come on, Baby. You can do this,” I said, rubbing my stomach.

“Are you asking her to come out now?” Gabriel asked, and I smiled over at him. He sat in the rocking chair, phone in his hand, and baby book on his lap. He was researching and dealing with everything that he had ignored for so long. I was pretty sure he wasn’t sleeping, but it wasn’t as if we slept in the same room.

No, Gabriel and I would just be co-parents. We would figure out exactly how that would work, considering our jobs later, but co-parents . Not lovers, just friends. Who happened to sleep together once.

There were no extra feelings, no worrying about falling for each other. We were friends. There wasn’t time for love or emotions that got a little too mushy. Complicated would be the basic word for what this was if it went further than just friendship.

So I would never fall for Gabriel Wilder.

All the crushes that I might’ve had before this were firmly stowed away and would never come back.

“I feel like a blimp, and my ankles are swollen, and my cheeks are swollen, and I just want to be finished. I’m really scared about everything that comes after this, even though Teagan has planned so much of it. I don’t know. I just want it to be there.”

“She really has planned so much, hasn’t she?

“Do you know that part in Father of the Bride 2 when the dad is going a little crazy and has that clock with the map?” I asked, using my hands to try to explain.

“As you made me watch that movie like ten times, yes. I know.” He paused. “Were we even alive when that movie came out?”

“No. But it’s a classic for a reason.”

“True true. And don’t worry, Teagan can handle everything. I am behind on my studies,” he said, holding up the book.

“Well, we did throw you in the deep end.”

“Just a little.”

His phone buzzed again, and he winced. “Sorry. I have to answer this.”

“Hey, answer your phone. Seriously,” I said dryly, and he grinned at me, and I ignored the little twinge.

It had to be gas. It wasn’t any emotion toward Gabriel Wilder.

“Hey Joshua. Yeah,” he said, his voice deep as he stood up and left the nursery.

I began to pace, knowing that this time that we had left where things were on a precipice, yet feeling slightly calm at the same time, was going to end soon.

I wanted to trust that Gabriel would stay. That he would be all in. And the Gabriel that I had known before would. But this Gabriel? The ones with shadows in his eyes? I didn’t know. And that worried me, but it wasn’t like I had a choice right then.

Because we both deserved a second chance. Gabriel wasn’t staying here. It really was only an hour away on I-35. Two hours during traffic. Which was most of the time these days. And if he took the tollway around Austin and came up from the north, he could bypass time.

And he was doing it. Nearly every day.

I knew that things were going to get more complicated when the baby was here. And that was an understatement.

And the press was going to find out. That worried me. Because the press had been hounding us during the first few months after the accident. They had wanted to know what would happen with the band, and why I was on the bus at all. They just wanted answers. The rest of the band and management had done their best to stem the tide, but they wanted to see Gabriel Wilder. And they hadn’t been able to. And for now, Gabriel had been able to wear ball caps and hoodies in order to hide his face as he came into my house.

But at the hospital? I didn’t know if he would be able to hide. And then there would be questions. So many questions.

I might be a Grammy winner, but that was for songwriting, and I didn’t ever make the live shows. Gabriel was the star.

And now we would have to navigate that set of trials and tribulations.

“Sorry about that. Joshua just had a question about one of the companies that we used.”

“Are you guys looking for a drummer?” I asked and could have kicked myself. Because Gabriel’s face whitened, completely draining of color, and I shook my head. “I’m sorry. Pretend I didn’t ask that.” Honestly, the idea that my brother could be replaced at all made me want to throw up, but my brain wasn’t thinking all that clearly at the moment.

He finally swallowed hard. “No. You should. And I don’t know. We’re talking about what happened and what they’ve been up to. But all of us have been pointedly not talking about finding a drummer. Or if we’re going back on tour. But the thing is, they said the tour was delayed , not canceled, over in Europe. And there’s a bunch of legal stuff that I’ve been ignoring.”

“I can only imagine.”

“I fucked up so royally. My friends have been so good. And now I need to clean up the messes.”

He kept saying those words, and I wanted to believe it. But there was that hollowness in his gaze. He blamed himself. And he would always blame himself unless he talked through it. And I didn’t think he would.

“Gabriel,” I began, wanting to step over that crevice, to try to see if he was truly in the moment, or just taking the steps he thought he needed to. But I didn’t have a chance to finish that sentence. Instead, my back tightened, and liquid gushed from between my legs.

“Holy shit,” Gabriel said.

I looked up at him then, and then down at the small puddle on my beautiful rug that I had searched forever for when I had been in one of my pregnancy hormonal time periods.

“I just ruined that rug.”

“Did your water just break?”

“Did I hear the words ‘breaking water’?” Teagan asked as she ran through the doorway and pushed Gabriel out of the way. It was so comical that I laughed, ignoring the next wave of pain in my back and stomach.

“I ruined the rug.” I didn’t know why I was so fixated on that.

“It’s a washable rug.” Teagan winced. “Although I don’t know if that type of fluid is meant to get out of that fabric, but let’s not think about it. Okay, it is 4:00 PM, and we are going with plan C. Let’s go.”

“You weren’t kidding about Father of the Bride,” Gabriel said with a laugh, and I shook my head, excitement, nervousness, and a little bit of nausea running through me.

Teagan grabbed a couple of things and ran out toward the car, figuring we would follow. But instead I just stared at Gabriel, not knowing what to do.

“The baby’s coming.”

“Yeah.” He swallowed hard and moved forward, hands outstretched. I nodded in answer, as he put his hands on my stomach, and smiled down.

“Okay Baby Girl. Let’s meet you. What do you say?”

Tears once again slid down my cheeks because he had said the right thing. The exact right thing. And I really hoped to hell that this wasn’t the beginning of the end.

Leaving Teagan out in the car, I found another set of clothes to change into, as Gabriel threw the rug and my ruined clothes in the washing machine. Soon we were in the car and heading toward the hospital.

“I texted my brother that your water broke, and they are on their way in shifts.”

“We have a plan,” Teagan said as she drove cautiously, and yet like a bat out of hell at the same time through Austin traffic in order to get to the hospital.

“One of them is going to stop by the house and make sure everything’s set up and the dishes and clothes are washed. You know, that rug,” he said, trying to make me laugh.

It didn’t work as another wave of pain slammed into me, and Gabriel reached forward to grip my hand.

“You’ve got this, breathe.”

“Excuse me, I’m the birth partner here,” Teagan said with a laugh, though her eyes were on the road.

“You’re both allowed in the room, but Gabriel, just know, it’s going to get scary,” I put in.

“I saw the photos in the book. I can’t say that I’m ready because nobody can be ready, but I’ll be there.” I looked over my shoulder as he squeezed my hand back. “I’ll be there. I want to be.”

I looked forward again, rubbing my stomach. “Okay. Let’s do this.”

* * *

According to the doctors, I had been in labor for most of the day. Those back pains weren’t just pains from standing or sitting for too long. No, those had been contractions.

But now the contractions had moved from my back to everywhere else.

The nurses and staff had pulled me into my private room right away. Gabriel and his team had worked with the hospital to get in through another door, so nobody noticed the Gabriel Wilder was in their midst.

They were going to eventually. They always did. But hopefully we had this moment of privacy.

A couple of nurses’ eyes widened as they saw him, but nobody pulled out their phones and everybody acted professional. I had to hope that would stay the case.

I knew the waiting room was going to be full of Wilders soon, each of them taking shifts. Considering that a lot of them had children of their own, and I didn’t know everybody well enough for them to be in the room, I was grateful that they had that covered.

“Are the boys on their way?” I asked, speaking of our brothers and holding Teagan’s hand.

“Yes. But there’s a problem.”

“A problem?” I asked. Gabriel let out a hiss. I quickly let go of his hand. “Probably shouldn’t break the hand that you know does the whole guitar thing,” I said quickly.

“No, it’s fine. Two years of rehabilitation surgery and I’ll be tip-top. Do you want an ice chip?” he asked.

I shook my head, grateful for his humor when we were both freaking the fuck out. “What problem? Teagan?”

“There’s a blizzard. And DIA is shut down.”

I blinked. “It’s Denver. They don’t shut down for snow.”

“Well they did, but the guys are getting out of there. They’re driving up to Cheyenne and flying out of there and having to do a layover.”

“Okay. But they’ll all be here?” I asked, considering I had more than a few brothers.

“They will be. Dad will not,” she said pointedly.

“Good,” Gabriel growled, and there wasn’t much to say after that.

It took another three hours, which apparently wasn’t too long. However, it felt like the longest moments of my life. Considering I had been in labor for most of the day, the pain just kept hitting me, but I breathed through it.

I held Gabriel’s and Teagan’s hands. When it was time to push, they each held my thighs, and Gabriel pressed his forehead to the side of my head.

“You’ve got this, Briar. I believe in you. You’ve got this.”

“Okay, remember the plan,” Teagan said, and I couldn’t help but smile at the two of them—even through the pain and stress.

And when our daughter was finally born, her first cries hitting my ears, everything changed.

Everything changed.

I looked up at Gabriel, who stared forward, his eyes wide, and a giant smile covering his face. I had never seen that expression on him before, and I would remember it until the end of my days.

Teagan was sobbing happy tears next to me, and I finally looked forward as the doctor moved away to take her for whatever they needed to do. I would remember that later, of course, as I’d read all the books, but everything moved far too quickly for me to remember. They’d taken care of the rest of the birth while we caught our breaths and I tried to calm down.

Then the nurse placed our baby girl on my chest.

All sense of modesty was out the window since I was practically naked in front of everybody, but I didn’t care. Childbirth was something that I was never prepared for and wasn’t sure that I ever wanted to do again.

But in that moment, I didn’t care.

Because my baby girl was on my chest.

Gabriel hadn’t asked about names, but I had been thinking about one forever.

A name that made me smile because it was the name that Mal would have had if he had been the girl that my parents thought he would have been. When he had been born, he had surprised everybody, including the doctors, by being a boy. So he had been born Malcolm Ashford.

And so I held my daughter for the first time and then the second time after they cleaned her up, as Teagan left the room to update everyone.

Gabriel wiped my forehead, and then kissed me softly on the mouth. “Congratulations, Mommy.”

Tears pricked, and I smiled. “You’re a daddy.”

He paused for a moment, awe on his face, before he grinned. “You know I would have a joke there, and so would Mal,” he teased.

I started crying harder, the baby so quiet and calm in my arms. “Do you want to hold your daughter?” I asked, so many emotions sliding through me that I couldn’t hold on to them. They slid through my grasp, and it was all I could do just to breathe in that moment.

Gabriel leaned forward again and kissed me once more. This time, a little more poignant. I couldn’t tell what he meant and couldn’t tell what I wanted from it. But in this moment, it didn’t matter.

He pulled away and nodded. “I’m really fucking scared.”

“I would say language, but I curse as much as you.”

One of the nurses laughed, and I handed over our baby, a little rocky at first. We had never done this before, after all. But he held her so close and so carefully, as if she were his whole world.

And she was.

Just like she was mine.

“Hello Baby Girl,” he whispered, that voice such a croon. That true voice of an angel.

“Do you want to know her name?” I asked.

He looked over at me, a smile playing on his face.

“I was waiting for you to tell me.”

“Gabriel? Meet Maisie Wilder Ashford.”

He froze, the baby lifting her little arms toward her daddy. And I would remember that image for the rest of my life.

“ Maisie . Well Briar. You know exactly how to kick a guy in the gut.”

“It’s okay that Wilder’s in the middle, right? I mean, I would say it’s for the band, but we both know it’s for you.”

“I’m honored. You did good, Mommy.”

“And you look really good holding that baby, Daddy,” I teased, and then he handed over Maisie again, and Gabriel leaned toward me, both of us enraptured in our daughter.

After this moment, nothing would ever be the same.

And I was finally okay with that.