Chapter 16
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
GAbrIEL
T he final chord drifted into silence, and I cleared my throat before setting my guitar to the side.
“Well, that didn’t suck completely,” Joshua grumbled. He ran his hands over his face and gave me a look.
I shook my head, unsure of what I was supposed to say. I used to be good at this. And yet right now I didn’t feel like I knew anything. “It was better. I just…I don’t know.”
“When I come in from the second verse, I feel like sometimes I am stepping into a place I shouldn’t.”
I turned at Kiera’s voice and frowned. “What do you mean?”
Kiera bit her lip before finally letting out a breath. “Right now, I find myself trying to mimic Mal’s style versus using my own. And I realize that maybe that’s what I should be doing to keep others happy, but that’s not why you have me here.” She paused. “Or maybe that’s exactly why you have me here and I’m really not a good fit.”
I frowned at her, then looked over at David, who scrunched his nose. Rocky moved forward, but I was the one who spoke up. I’d told Briar that I wanted to come out here to try to make this work—the band and whatever the hell the two of us had going on. It was past time that I started trying.
“I don’t know what we want. But if you’re saying that you need to use your style, then show us. If you’re stepping over my lines, when you’re trying to do what Mal could do? Then it’s not going to work. If you think you can do better, do it.” I heard the snap in my voice, and the way that Kiera didn’t back down. She just continued to look at me, and I wasn’t sure if I was supposed to feel bad about it, or move on.
My best friend was dead. We were never going to have our band back. Mal could read my mind when it came to our music. I didn’t have to ask him to do anything, he just did it and it made sense.
I didn’t know Kiera. I didn’t want to play with her. I wanted my best friend back.
If Mal was back, he would still be kicking my ass for sleeping with Briar. Again.
I would do anything for Mal to be back.
Just like I would do anything to have Briar again.
No wonder I didn’t know what the fuck I was doing.
“Gabriel—” Rocky began.
I held up my hand. “Let’s just try it your way. It’s not working the other way. Clearly.”
Keira met my gaze before rolling her shoulders back. “I’m not changing the song, Gabriel. I promise. You don’t want that. The fans truly don’t want that. But I’m a good foot shorter than Mal was and because of that, I’m going to play slightly different. I don’t want to feel like I’m trying to run a sprint during a marathon.” She shook her head. “I know that doesn’t make any sense.”
“You’re a percussion. It makes complete sense,” David put in.
I glared at the other man, before realizing I was the only one on this side of the battle line.
Rocky and Kiera had been friends long before this, so there was already that connection. David was doing his dad routine where he just wanted everyone to get along. And Joshua, well Joshua I couldn’t read. He either seemed so enamored with Kiera that he was fucking up his notes, or he was just trying to pretend that we were all okay.
And we weren’t.
I was pretty sure that if we didn’t finish this album and do the shows that we had promised, this would be it. We’d all walk away. Once again, I ignored Ghost Mal in the corner, because I knew he wasn’t really there. I felt that judgment. And not just judging me for being with Briar.
“Let’s just do it.”
Kiera nodded. “Okay. You start the count, and I’ll be here.”
I frowned and realized that that was wrong. Mal had been the one to start the count. He was the fucking drummer. It’s what he did. But Kiera had let me do it because everybody was walking on fucking eggshells around me. Even Briar. We were so good at not discussing anything important. The only person that I seemed to be doing anything right with was Maisie, and I knew at any moment I would fuck that up, too.
“No, you do it.”
Kiera’s eyes widened, and out of the corner of my eye I saw Rocky’s shoulders finally relax. Had they always been that tense? Why the hell wasn’t I noticing anything? Not only was I being a shitty leader of this band, but I was also a shitty friend. I didn’t know what I was supposed to say. So I just lifted my chin, and then turned back to the mic.
Kiera counted us in, and we began the song that had started it all. Our rise to fame, before we all fell.
And part of me hated the fact that Kiera had been right. When we hit the second verse, we weren’t stepping on each other. With each passing note, it started to flow.
And the ghost of Mal faded just that much more.
* * *
I really liked my cousin Eli’s place. All my cousins other than Eliza had lived on the property when they had first bought the property. The original retreat had been an inn with a huge barn that had been retrofitted to be an event center, with over a dozen cabins and small homes scattered along the land. In the years since, they had added multiple businesses, additional cabins, and done everything to increase what they offered, but at the same time, tried not to impact the environment too much. Their main goal was to make sure that whatever they did didn’t increase erosion or change the way the floodplains worked. Considering it was South Texas, flash flooding was a problem.
I oddly liked to sit back and listen to Brooks and East talk about what they were doing. East hadn’t started out in this business. Hell, none of my cousins had. But now he called himself the resident handyman of the company. Even though he did far more than that. Before Brooks had come along, he had practically built and rebuilt most of everything around. Including the winery itself. The winery had been part of the Wilder retreat before the Wilders had even thought of going into this business. My cousins who ran that had increased it tenfold, and it was a little scary to know that Wilder Wines was all over the U.S. at this point. Even my brother Wyatt was taking his distillery outside of South Texas.
Everybody was moving on, and growing, and figuring out what they wanted. And now Brooks and East were in the corner of Eli’s living room discussing what they were going to do for the next update.
After a storm had taken out part of the buildings, and nearly killed my cousin in the process, Brooks had come on to help rebuild. And then he had never left. That had brought Ridge and Wyatt along with him, and though I didn’t live here technically, I had followed suit.
In reality, I had been here nearly a year now. My stomach tightened at that, thinking about what the anniversary would mean.
I wasn’t sure when I was going to leave. Or if I even should.
Hell, I felt as if I were practically living with Briar. Not that we were talking about that.
Speaking of Briar, I looked over to see the woman that I couldn’t stop thinking about standing in the corner talking with Ava and Aurora. The three had become fast friends, and I wasn’t quite sure how I felt about that.
It wasn’t any of my business, but my sisters-in-law had gravitated toward her the first moment they had met, and they were never letting her go. No matter what happened between Briar and me, I didn’t think those three would ever walk away from each other. Another woman stood with them, Ava’s friend. I couldn’t think of her name just then, but it was maybe Rory? Rachel? It was something with an R, and she came around often because she was best friends with Ava, and Faith’s godmother.
The Wilders took everybody in, including me. It didn’t matter that I had the name, or it was the name stamped all over my band…I still felt out of place. I knew part of me wanted to go get a drink and pretend it was all a farce. But I wouldn’t. I kept my soda in hand, and watched as Ridge paced the dining room with Maisie in his arms.
And then, before Ridge could continue his track, Elliot plucked my baby girl out of his arms and moved into the kitchen. Thankfully, I could see most of what was going on, because I wasn’t about to let Maisie out of my sight.
That was odd to think. After all this time of being out on the road and trying not to have any responsibilities other than to myself and to my band, I was a dad.
How the hell had that happened?
“You okay?”
I nearly jumped out of my skin at Brooks’s voice. “I didn’t realize that you were here. Hell. Don’t sneak up on a man.”
“I was sitting here for a good minute before I said anything, and you didn’t notice me. You watching Maisie? You know no one’s going to hurt her.”
I nodded as one of my cousins-in-law took my baby girl from Elliot and rocked her against her shoulder. “I don’t think Maisie’s ever going to be laying down in her bassinet upstairs, is she?” I asked.
“No, not at all. Elijah’s over there with his baby girl, and the older kids are all running around with Eli. I’m pretty sure someone else is out there with them, but we really have too many cousins with E names.”
I snorted and took a sip of my soda. “I’m really glad that our parents didn’t decide to go that route.”
“Damn, I don’t think there were any E names left for us.”
My lips twitched, and my gaze met Briar’s again. She smiled at me, a little awkwardly, before she turned away to go back to her conversation.
“You got it bad, you know.”
I shook my head. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“You do. But well, you don’t have to talk about it right now if you don’t want to.”
I looked over at Brooks, but he wasn’t looking at me. I followed his gaze, and for a moment I thought he was staring at Briar with that odd distant look in his eyes. But no, he was staring at Rory. That was her name. Rory.
I almost said something, but since Brooks was giving me my time to wallow, I let him do the same. But it was interesting that Rory was doing her best not to look over here, even though her shoulders tensed.
Then again, Briar’s shoulders were just as tense.
“You want to go for a walk?” I asked softly.
Brooks cleared his throat. “Yeah. You should tell Briar though.”
“She’s not my keeper,” I snapped, before Brooks just gave me a look.
I hated that raised eyebrow, so I sighed and moved my way over to the group of women. “Brooks and I are going for a walk. Maddie has Maisie.”
She smiled at me, and I tried to tamp down the need to brush my lips against hers. “Enjoy your walk. And I can see that Maisie’s being tossed around like a hot potato. But so are the other babies around here. It’s nice.”
“Yeah. It is.” We stood there, awkwardly, before Ava leaned forward and squeezed my forearm.
“Take Wyatt with you? He’s been antsy all day. We’re waiting on a bid from another company for a project of ours, and he’s crawling up the walls.”
I nodded at my sister-in-law, before letting out a breath. “Got it. Should I take Ridge too?” I asked Aurora.
She smiled over at me. “Go for it. We’ll take care of the kids.”
“Yeah. Because there’s more than one of them now. Hell.”
“Crazy, isn’t it?” Ava asked, looking between Briar and me.
I didn’t say anything, and neither did she. I just tilted my soda toward them, before leaving to go get my other brothers. Soon, the four of us were on a small walk around the property, but not too far away.
“So, you want to tell me what’s going on between you and Briar?” Wyatt asked.
Of course it would be Wyatt who asked. Because he was always the one who spoke up. Ridge may be the most dangerous, Brooks the quietest, but Wyatt was the one who didn’t hide his feelings or thoughts.
I, on the other hand, did my best to pretend. “We’re taking it one day at a time. For Maisie’s sake.”
“I notice you guys are spending your time together no matter which house you’re at,” Ridge put in.
I shrugged, staring off into the distance as we walked. “It’s easier with the two of us, as we are still trying to find a nanny. I mean, we both have to go back to work someday. And it’s not like we have a stable life, you know?”
And that was the problem. I was either in the studio or on tour, and I used to be out partying. But that wouldn’t happen anymore. And not just because of Maisie. It wouldn’t be the same without Mal.
Hell, it wouldn’t be the same without Briar. But I wasn’t going to think about that.
“What do you want?” Wyatt asked softly,
“I don’t fucking know,” I said, finally feeling honest. “I can’t hurt her. And I can’t hurt Maisie. But I don’t know what I want. And I sure as fuck don’t know what Briar wants.”
“I’m going to say you should talk to her, but we all know that it’s easier said than done.” Ridge squeezed my shoulder but didn’t say anything else.
Brooks didn’t say a damn word, and he was quieter than usual. Again, that worried me. But I didn’t know how to start that conversation. I didn’t even know how to finish this one.
Wyatt nudged my arm. “You should talk to her, though. You guys have a kid together. Communication is sort of the thing.”
I gave Wyatt an incredulous look, but my brother just shrugged. “If I talk to her, she’ll leave. And I don’t know what I want, let alone what I don’t want to lose.”
“You don’t know that she’ll leave, so figure it out. You’re running out of days before things burst. Before she has to go back to work to work on an album, and you have to do the same. You’re not going to be able to stay hiding on the Wilder compound for too much longer.” Ridge didn’t look at me as he spoke, but I understood.
“I want to yell at you and tell you that I’m not hiding, but I sure as fuck am. I’ve been hiding ever since Brooks took me back from Ashford Creek. But what the hell am I supposed to do? The media wants to know more about me and Briar. They want to know about the band. They want to know everything. And I don’t have the answers. I don’t know what questions to ask.”
“Briar might.”
I glared at Wyatt. “And what if her answers include walking away and not being in my life? And I don’t even know if I want her in my life like that. She’s Mal’s sister.”
“She was Mal’s sister when you got her pregnant. She was Mal’s sister when you covered her body with yours to save her life. She was Mal’s sister when you had Maisie. And she was Mal’s sister when you slept with her again.”
I nearly tripped over my own feet at Ridge’s words, then stiffened. “How did you know we slept together again?”
“We didn’t until you just said so,” Brooks whispered. “But we see the two of you together. You always know. Things change. Even if it’s just quiet and nearly unreadable. Things change. So figure out what you want to do, Gabriel. We’ll be here no matter what. I’m so damn sorry for what happened. But maybe it’s time to take a breath. Step into that sunlight. Because you might not be in the darkness anymore, but you’re covered in shadows.”
I swallowed hard at Brooks’s words, wondering why I was the one who wrote songs when Brooks was the one who could speak poetry. A lyric hit my mind, and I wanted to write it out, to follow that thread. But before we could do that, we were at Eli’s front porch. And Briar stood there, Maisie in her arms.
“What’s wrong?” I asked, alarm spreading through me. I took two steps at a time up to where she stood, and she shook her head at me.
“Nothing’s wrong. Maisie’s just getting a little fussy. And frankly, I’m tired. I was up too late working on a song that finally hit. You know how that is.”
I leaned forward, running my knuckle over Maisie’s cheek, then doing the same to Briar without thinking. She braced but didn’t pull away. “I know exactly how that is. Do you have your bag?” I asked, even though I could clearly see it on her shoulder.
“Yes. I have everything. Do you want to go say goodbye?”
“We’ll do that for him. You guys head out. You know the Wilders, saying goodbye takes a good thirty minutes.” Ridge kissed the top of Briar’s head, and I glared at him, before my brothers walked inside, leaving the three of us on the porch.
The three of us. As if we were a family. Why did this feel so normal and abnormal at the same time?
“That makes things a little bit easier. Let’s head back to the cabin.”
“Is it weird that I really like that cabin? It’s supposed to be temporary, but it’s comfortable.” Briar walked softly beside me, and once again, it felt right.
“I’ve been living in it for nearly a year now, so it’s a little weird, but I feel the same.”
Briar gave me a soft smile, before we clipped Maisie into her car seat, and made our way back to the retreat. I knew that Ridge and the others on the security team had amped up security not just for us, but for the rest of the family, and I liked being behind these barriers. I just wasn’t sure how I was supposed to raise a kid and live life in this kind of world.
After Maisie ate and we changed and took care of her nighttime routine, the baby was sleeping in her crib. And now the one barrier between Briar and me was asleep. And no longer that line of demarcation.
“I’m going to go shower. Is that okay?” Briar asked.
I frowned. “You don’t have to ask, Briar.”
“I don’t even know why I asked. I just feel all weird. I think the hormones are finally getting to me.”
“Finally?” I teased.
She shoved at my shoulder, her eyes sparkling. “Shut up. I’m going to go use the main bedroom shower, though. Is that okay? Because I love those showerheads more.”
“You use that shower every time we’re here. Just stop asking. This is your place, too.”
We both froze, because once again we weren’t talking about the real things, and I pushed her hair back from her face. Then I continued to run my hands through her hair, and then down her shoulders.
“You go take that shower.” I cleared my throat, my dick hardening at the sight of her. Hell, it had started hardening as soon as I thought of her in the shower. I wasn’t going to do anything about that. We were just playing house. We weren’t living it. If I kept telling myself that, it would totally make sense.
Briar made her way into the main bedroom, while I checked on Maisie one more time, and then went to the kitchen to get some ice water.
Just thinking of Briar in the shower right then made it difficult to breathe.
Imagining water sluicing over those bare breasts, down her stomach, to the V of her thighs. She was so damn beautiful on any given day. But watching the way that she moved with those curves of hers? She was a damn goddess.
I looked down at my cock pushing at my jeans and groaned.
It would be a very, very bad thing if I went back there and did something about it. And yet, I couldn’t help but want more.
I hadn’t even realized that I was walking toward the bathroom until I stood in the doorway, the sound of the shower and water hitting tile filling my ears. I leaned against the wood as I stared at Briar. She had her face in the shower stream, sliding her hands over her body.
I held back a groan as she cupped her breasts and slid her hand between her thighs.
Well, hell. This wasn’t exactly what I was imagining. Or then again, maybe it was exactly what I was imagining.
Water slid over her face as she leaned into the stream, one hand on her breasts, the other between her legs. I groaned as she arched into her hand. “Gabe,” she whispered.
I nearly dropped the water bottle. However, a cry did eventually escape my lips.
Briar froze, and then turned toward me, not lowering her hands. “How long have you been standing there?” she asked, her voice breathy.
“Long enough to watch you nearly get off while saying my name. Are you thinking about me? With my hands between your legs? Or my mouth on your cunt?”
“Oh. Um.”
“Say my name. But do so when you’re riding my face.”
I set down the water bottle and prowled toward her. She moved her hand from her breasts, pushing her wet hair from her eyes.
“I couldn’t help it. You were all growly in the kitchen. Fuck, all day. And those jeans? They do something for me.”
I smiled then and was grateful for the way that the shower was built, so there was no door. I kicked off my shoes but kept the rest of my clothes on as I pulled her into my arms.
“You’re so fucking sexy. It’s hard for me to breathe. Do you know how long I’ve been hard? Do you know how difficult it is to walk around with an erection?”
“How about walking around when the seam of your jeans keeps pressing into your clit?”
“I love when you talk dirty to me.” And then my hand was fisted in her hair, tugging her head back, and I was crushing my mouth to hers.
She groaned into me, and then I couldn’t think, water soaking my shirt and jeans.
I pressed her hand back to her pussy, rocking herself over her hand.
“That’s it, continue to get yourself off. But I’m in charge.”
“I was almost there before. Even without you.”
“Well then, maybe you should remember exactly who’s getting you off.”
I guided her fingers into herself, and the feeling of all four of our fingers inside her nearly had me coming with her.
Her eyes widened as I worked us in and out of her, and I swallowed hard.
“That’s it. Stretch yourself for me. Because you know that my cock is bigger than this.”
“Bragger,” she teased, and then I moved faster, grinding the palm of my hand into her clit. She came in an instant, her eyes darkening as her knees nearly went weak. I immediately went to my knees and lapped at her pussy. She staggered, and I gripped her hips to keep her steady as I licked and sucked and kissed. I sucked on her clit, and then spread her for me, needing more. She tasted sweet, even as the shower beat down on us. She put one hand on the shower wall, and the other on my head as she pushed me toward her, guiding me. I smiled against her pussy, and continued to suck and lick and tease. And when she came again she screamed, “Gabe!”
I stood up, my wet jeans a problem, as she pulled on my shirt.
“I need you inside me.”
“Damn straight. Face the wall.”
Her eyes widened. “Oh? So bossy.”
I reached around and smacked her ass. She let out a shocked gasp, but her eyes still deepened.
“Oh, you like that, do you?”
“Don’t even think about it.”
In this moment, we were playing, kissing, touching. And there were no worries. Nothing else.
Yes, there is a baby monitor on the counter so we’d be able to hear Maisie when she woke, and yes, the world would crash down on us soon, but for now it didn’t matter. For now, it was just this moment.
We pulled off my wet shirt, laughing as it stuck over my head for an instant. And then I turned her toward the shower wall, pressing her breasts against the tile, and I ground into her ass.
“That’s it. Do you want to take me? In that pussy? Or maybe in your ass?”
“Don’t even think about it. Just my pussy, thank you very much.”
“I love that word falling off your lips. You always stumble over it.”
“Well, maybe I wouldn’t stumble over it if you were actually fucking it.”
I laughed, and then undid my jeans. I could only lower them slightly since they were wet, but it didn’t matter. In one quick thrust, I was inside her, both of us moaning.
“Oh my God,” she gasped.
“That’s it. Take all of me.”
It was hard, fast, wet. I kept her steady so she wouldn’t fall, as I pounded into her, both of us meeting thrust for thrust. And when she came again, her body going lax, I caught her, thrusting once, twice, and then following her. The shower had drawn cold, but as I filled her, we both heated. I kept kissing her, tilting her head so it was easier for me to capture her lips.
In this moment, we could pretend. In this moment, we could have everything. As we stood there, still joined, I held her and never wanted to let her go. Even though I knew I would have to soon if we didn’t figure out what we wanted most.