Pieces of Us

Chapter 39 A Line In The Sand

Amity

When I hear the tyres screech away, I feel shame and humiliation. I know he’s gone, but that doesn’t stop me from running to the door to make sure. I slump against the door, cursing myself for not stopping Lincoln from leaving.

I don’t know why I was taken aback by his questioning. It’s not like he hasn’t tried to discuss this with me before. I evaded and skirted around the topic every single time, distracting him with sex instead.

It’s not that I don’t want to be with him. Or that I don’t love him. And I do know that we’re forever. I don’t know why I said all that stuff to Mum. I guess I was put on the spot and felt pressured. I knew Mum wasn’t fully on board with me getting back with Lincoln, but that was because she missed our whole lives together. She’s only really ever heard the bad.

Seeing the hurt on Linc’s face was devastating.

I don’t blame him for leaving after what he heard.

Everything he said was true.

I’m a coward.

It was my fault I didn’t tell him he was making me nervous when he monitored my eating patterns. I could have articulated it in such a different way to Mum, but again, my mouth ran away from me.

And God, I do trust him. I swear I do.

I’ve truly forgiven him for our past, and I know how goddamn hard he has been trying.

How and why didn’t I reassure him enough? Why didn’t I tell him I wanted him? Wanted us?

He does make me weak, but that’s a beautiful thing, because when I feel vulnerable, I know without a doubt that he is my strength.

After I stop sobbing, I pull myself together and tell him to come back. He doesn’t respond, so I try calling, but again it rings out.

‘Sweetheart, let’s go for a walk,’ Uncle Jacob approaches me with a tissue for my sniffles. Everyone seems to have vanished, which is slightly less mortifying. With a Rudolph red nose, I oblige and take his hand. Kissing the top of my head, he walks me outside and we take a leisurely walk around the garden. There is a slight breeze, which cools my wet tears.

‘Sweetheart. What are you feeling?’ We take a seat underneath one of the palm trees and I immediately start picking at blades of grass.

‘I didn’t mean what I said to Mum. She just made me nervous. I wanted to tell Lincoln first what I was feeling in a much more…eloquent way. Mum doesn’t know him like we do. She was only really there when I made him the villain of my story.’

‘On some level, you must think some of those things, though.’

I shake my head adamantly.

‘I’m in the most serious relationship I’ve ever been in. I just wanted to make Mum feel less pathetic about her feelings for Dad.’ He doesn’t seem surprised when I reveal that.

‘It’s not your job to protect your mum. She’s a big girl, baby girl. What about the other stuff?’

‘We have been going slow, but slow and steady wins the race, right? I am ready to give him more, but I still want to be cautious. I do trust him. It’s me I don’t trust to fall off the bandwagon again, and while I adore his protectiveness, I feel suffocated. Everyone else has had a lot more time to understand my condition, whereas Lincoln hasn’t. He’s been more eagle-eyed as usual. It’s suffocating because I think he’s waiting for me to break. But it’s also my fault for not speaking up.’ The patch of grass in front of me is thoroughly destroyed.

Uncle Jacob doesn’t say anything for a while. ‘Now you’re making me nervous.’ I throw a bunch of grass at him.

‘You don't have to answer.’ He drags out the pause. ‘Do you want to be with my son?’

‘Yes.’ My answer is automatic.

‘I’m not talking boyfriend or girlfriend, I’m talking husband and wife, having him as the father of your children. The kind of person you see yourself on your deathbed with after living a long and happy life together?’

I don’t need to think about it. ‘Yes.’

‘Then everything else is inconsequential. You will work it out. If you say you trust him. That you forgive him. That you see a future with him, then nothing is stopping you. Not many people get a second chance, baby girl. Look at me. I’d give anything to have Linc and Jas’ mum back. She was the love of my life.’ My eyes water as a lone tear escapes at his confession. He never talks about his dead wife.

‘Hey, Amity, I have to go. I just wanted to thank both of you for today,’ Ella interrupts. Her voice is diminutive and fractured. There is zero Christmas cheer in her demeanour and she can’t even look at Uncle Jacob, who I take a peek at and is feeling all sorts of remorse, if his pinkening cheeks are anything to go by.

I jump up to give her a quick hug, while Uncle Jacob just nods from his spot on the grass. ‘Thanks, Uncle Jacob. I’m going to go talk to Linc. I might walk Ella out and head out myself. Love you.’

‘Love you too, baby girl. Here for you always.’ I blow him a kiss and trudge off with Ella.

Quick goodbyes on a sombre afternoon is all I can handle, so I resort to just waving to everyone. The only two people I can’t find are Dad and Lily.

As I head to his house, my phone starts blowing up. I pull over to see if there is any type of emergency but it’s just Uncle Jacob. I identify myself on the phone and start flicking through our text thread. Air catches in my throat when I see all the videos and pictures he’s forwarded me. Among them are screenshots between him and Linc.

There’s a video of Uncle Jacob flipping through a thick binder. It’s the house we designed together, but not just the architecture. There are sample building materials, paint samples and interior designs. A text comes through seconds later, saying that Linc has been working on this for years.

More pictures come through, this time of boxes and boxes of photos from when we were together to recent magazine clippings that he had been secretly stashing of me over the last seven years. Another text comes through, saying he never let me go or forgot about me.

The last video comes through and it takes a few minutes to download, givenhow large it is. When it finally loads it’s a collection of my interviews for Bras and Stars over the years, like some sort of tribute. A final text comes from Uncle Jacob, telling me I was always the reason he was never going to work with anyone else. He added that Linc was going to kill him for snooping and knowing about his tiny obsession over all these years.

When I arrive at his home, using the car I borrowed from Dad, I can’t tell if he’s home or not. Ringing the doorbell and knocking several hundred times tells me he’s not here, or he’s ignoring me. Choosing to believe he wouldn’t flat out refuse to open the door, I head to the only other place I think he could be. Work.

It takes no time to get there as traffic is light and the roads are deserted this balmy Christmas afternoon. Instead of parking underground like I usually would, I park in Dad’s reserved spot and run to the entrance as fast as I can in the thongs I’m wearing. I only hope that I don’t look like an intruder and cops aren’t on their way to arrest me for trespass and enter.

I know Linc is here when I enter easily and no alarms go off. The entire floor is empty, and if a pin were to drop, you’d definitely be able to hear it. A lone light has been switched on at the end of the corridor. I don’t need to knows whose it is, having memorised the layout of Linc’s office all those months ago.

As I pad towards the light, I pray he doesn’t tell me to leave him alone. Today things came to a head and it was the push I needed to stop dragging both of us through hell.

Quiet as a mouse, I observe his hunched over frame towards his desk. He must have a change of clothes here because he’s in black tracksuit pants and a plain white tee. Barefoot, I realise that he must have rushed out in a haste and didn’t bother stopping for his shoes. I guess I’m no better. I’m still in my bikini top and shorts from earlier today.

Seeing him pour over plans, I recognise them instantly from the earlier video that Uncle Jacob sent me. It’s our house, laid out on his desk. Sheets and sheets of architectural plans, fabric samples, paint pots, the binder with all the bespoke furniture he picked out and more. I can even see a bronze plaque. Squinting I can see it says ‘Hart is where my home is’. It’s cheesy as fuck but adorable and I know exactly where I’d place it. Picking up the frame that protects the original napkin drawing of our home, he tenderly touches it with the tips of his fingers, and drops his head in a hushed weep.

I see he has a bin nearby, as if he’s ready to discard our future together. It’s such a final statement, but I guess I haven’t given him much hope to believe in us.

Not wanting to wait a moment longer, I stride towards him and latch onto him from behind. He twists to face me and I can see he’s broken to pieces. I want to give him solace, so I lean up and give him a watery kiss on his lips as I feel the tears of our past, present and future dissolve in front of us.

‘Show me.’

Confusion covers his handsome features. I smooth my hand over his scruff on his chin, giving him another quick kiss. ‘Show me our future home,’ I whisper out, tasting the words on my tongue. They feel like a balm to my soul.

‘Are you sure?’ He hesitates. ‘If I show you, this is forever.’

‘I’ve never been more sure. Show me the home we’re going to raise a family, welcome our grandkids, and grow old together.’ My heart feels full, saying the words out loud.

He closes his eyes as if he’s waited for this moment forever. Slamming his lips to mine, he inhales, like he’s finally about to breathe again.

‘I’m so sorry. I can’t tell you how sorry I am that I doubted us. You’ve done everything right since I’ve been back, and I refused to accept it.’

There's just one more thing I need to say to make this feel real. ‘I love you.’ He shoots back, rattling the desk as if I’ve shot him. He’s staring down at me in utter disbelief, and I say it again. ‘I love you, Linc. I’m in love with you. I’ve never really stopped loving you. I think I’ve loved you from the first time we met.’ I’ll say it in every way until he believes me. ‘We have been through so much terrible shit. We’ve fought so hard to find ourselves. We grew up together, we grew apart, we grew as individuals, and now I want to grow together. I want us to build a life together. There isn’t anything we can’t face. We’ve already been through the worst, with and without each other. I don’t just trust you, I trust in us. I trust that what we have is more formidable than anything else in the world. I trust you to take care of my heart. My soul. My entire being. I trust that my happiness lies in you, and that without you, I’m not complete. You’ll always be that missing link for me if you’re not mine.’

My eyes are glassy, but I realise just how much I need him. How much I want him. How much he’s a necessity for my survival.

‘I love you. I love you. I’m so in love with you, Hart. Amity, baby, I promise you that you’ll always be safe with me. Your heart. Your soul. Your body. Your mind. Your dreams. Every part of you will be safe, because I would rather die than let you get hurt.’ He peppers my face with kisses all over until I’m a giggling mess.

‘Show me our home, baby.’ He turns us and starts wildly talking about the plans he’s imagined for years. It’s perfect, except he’s made the walk-in closet way too small. I also don’t love the salmon-coloured rug he’s chosen, but it’s nothing I can’t accept, especially since I’m already concocting ways to ruin it in my mind. I see a very convenient coffee spill in the future.

For almost an hour, we flit back and forth on things we love and don’t love. I’m giddy when we agree to add in an outdoor movie cinema that can be viewed from the pool area.

Stretching my neck I roll it around feeling my muscles groan at the bent over position we’ve been in. ‘Sore neck, baby?’ I feel his thumbs press into the ball of hardened muscles and I moan like a bitch in heat. His hands feel amazing. One clasps the front of my neck, making my breath hitch further. My head lulls into his chest as he continues his massage and chokehold on me. Involuntarily, my ass grinds against his cock and my horniness takes over every rational aspect of my control. I feel a tickle across my neck and chest, realising he’s unfastened my bikini top. ‘Whoops.’ He doesn’t sound very sorry.

Large hands massage my breasts, as his tongue licks up one side of my neck. It’s erotic and makes my clit pulse with need. ‘Want me to fuck you, baby?’ he whispers, eliciting goosebumps across my flesh. I nod and turn my head to capture his mouth in an open-mouthed kiss. ‘Bend over.’ Dutifully, my forearms go to his table, resting atop our future plans. In a moment of clarity, I swipe them off the desk, knowing that if I don’t, they’re going to be saturated in our sweat and come. When I lean back down again, he unbuttons my shorts and pulls both them and my G-string bikini down with it. A sharpness pierces my right cheek. He not only bit me but he slapped where his teeth sunk into my flesh. I’d say I’m outraged but I’m anything but.

‘Hurry,’ I cry desperately and urgently.

Gliding his cock into my wet centre, I push back, needing more. As he sinks inside my body, my breath stalls at the fullness. I lift one leg onto the table, which pushes him in deeper. The desk is pressing into my ribs and I know I’ll be bruised, but not one part of me cares.

‘I’ve fucked myself so many times to this very image. Blew over and over thinking how you’d look in my office, naked and dripping for me. Tell me, Hart, will you fuck me in here whenever I want?’ He isn’t playing fair. He knows I would if I could, but in truth, I’d be terrified if either of our dads accidentally walked in. ‘Why aren’t you answering, my perfect little slut? Is it because we could get caught? Anyone could hear us?’ My pussy is making obscene squelching sounds as I pant like an overweight bulldog. ‘Everyone is going to know I fuck this cunt on the regular with how many babies I’ll knock you up with. You’ll be swelling with my children for years and years.’ Jesus. Fuck me dead. His words are hot and disgusting and I want more.

I whimper in hunger as I feel myself build to the inevitable crescendo when he’s inside me. ‘Want me to slap your clit or pinch it?’

‘P-pinch’ I squeeze down tightly on his cock, as his fingers find that magical place in between my legs. He’s crushing my clit between his fingers, triggering me to seismic proportions.

‘Lincoln,’ I shriek. ‘Fuck me. Fuck me. Fuck me.’ My legs buckle underneath him, forcing him to smash his chest against mine until I’m pinned to the table.

‘That’s it, my perfect little slut. I love how much of a whore you are for my dick. Keep coming, baby. Show me how much you need me.’ Waves after wave crashes through me, bringing on his own release. As he ruts up into me, I feel him spurt deep inside. It’s wet and warm and makes me melt inside.

If it weren’t for the desk, I’d be on the floor in a heap. Both of us are expelled of energy after that claiming. I can feel his heart beat thumping wildly on my back. After a few moments, a sweet kiss is pressed into my shoulder as he lifts up and removes himself from me. When he slips out of my stretched pussy, I feel incomplete.

Falling to his knees, he widens my legs and proceeds to lap up and suck his cum from my hole. I’m in shock when he spins me around, forces my mouth open and spits it into my mouth. Shutting my jaw with his fingers he instructs, ‘Swallow,’ to which I do like some sort of cum slut. I taste him on my tongue and moan at the saltiness. His eyes travel down my neck to see the lump of me physically swallowing. Opening my mouth to show him what a good girl I am, he tangles his tongue in mine, tasting the remnants of himself.

Who the fuck knew that could be so hot?

‘Let’s go home, baby,’ he murmurs in my mouth, before peeling himself away.

Yes. Please.