Chapter 19
CHAPTER NINETEEN
JD
As I walked back home I tried to ignore the tightening in my stomach. Knowing I’d done the right thing and feeling good about it were two different things. Sasha did deserve a man who gave her everything she needed and more. And we all knew that man wasn’t going to be me.
Touching her earlier had been a huge mistake and one I couldn’t make again. Although how realistic that plan was while she lived with me remained to be seen. It was almost laughable because I knew damned well where this was headed the longer we stayed together.
I was a grown ass adult who made more than my fair share of adult decisions. It wasn’t like I couldn’t control myself if I wanted to. The problem was most of the time I didn’t want to. Her sweet willingness tempted my resolve on a daily basis.
It had been easier before the accident because we were both too busy to see each other outside the poker business. Not that the club didn’t have plenty of parties and time to blow off steam. I just limited how much time I spent at those. As did she. I could see now where she preferred to be a bit of a home body over a party girl and I had to admit it was a refreshing change from the club girls I was used to. Sex and booze and pot flowed freely, but there didn’t seem to be time for much else.
Some might say there wasn’t much else a man needed in his life. Especially one of my age who’d already helped raise two children and buried the love of his life decades too soon. Fuck. Maybe I did need to take on more work for the club. Clearly I had too much time to stand around feeling sorry for my sappy ass.
Tomorrow I would go through the recent messages and see if there was anything we could handle that wouldn’t put anyone at too much risk. As long as we had a traitor among our midst, I wouldn’t take on anything too crazy. But a new job might also be an opportunity to gather some fresh information on our suspects.
Fuck. I shoved my hand roughly into my hair. These men weren’t supposed to be suspects. They’d been vetted and tested. I trusted them. All of them .
We needed to get back to what the club was best at. But, I also didn’t want to leave Sasha alone with a prospect.
I pulled out my cell and typed out a text to Tel.
JD: Let’s meet tomorrow morning. There’s been a development that we need to discuss.
Since he never slept more than two hours at a time, it was no surprise that he typed immediately back.
Tel: What development? Should I come now?
Fuck no. He shouldn’t come now. It was after one in the morning and I’d had my fill of the shit show that was today. All I wanted now was my bed and my fist. Because there was no way in hell I would sleep a wink without jacking off to the memory of Sasha’s cries and the look on her face when she’d come for me today.
Daddy.
I could still hear her breathless tone, and fuck if it didn’t rev me up all over again. If I was fifteen years younger and not such an asshole, I’d haul my ass into her room. I’d sink my dick into her eager cunt and make it my personal mission to see her come until she passed out from pleasure.
A wicked smile spread across my face as I silently moved across my front porch. I knew every inch of this cabin like I knew myself, including which boards would creak when I walked on them. So keeping silent was never an issue.
Sasha would be asleep by now and I didn’t want to wake her. I’m sure she needed her rest. Jeanne had sent me an email about their first visit together and had mentioned that their session had been a bit brutal and to expect her to be a little more tired and wrung out over the next couple of days.
I was damned glad that I’d negotiated a contract with the new paramedic in town. I did not want our other doctor anywhere near Sasha. That old prick would be an instant liability to the club the first time he looked at her wrong. And he would. Perverted fucker.
But the good news from Jeanne outweighed the bad. Everything was healing as expected and with the proper diet and exercise she’d be back to one hundred percent in no time. Which meant as soon as I located that traitor and did what I had to, she’d be safe to resume her life in any way she saw fit without mine or the MC’s interference.
A pang of loss clenched my stomach. I wasn’t ready to think about her leaving for good if that’s what she chose. I’d grown accustomed to her usual light and bright disposition, and I looked forward to seeing her happy again. The idea that she could disappear from the club forever just didn’t sit well.
Although there was still the fact that Bear would pursue her soon. If she reciprocated his feelings there was a good chance she wouldn’t be going anywhere and she’d end up his old lady.
And I’d have to watch them together every fucking day…
I blew out a rough breath. It was time to think of something else. I definitely needed a mission to keep my mind focused one hundred percent on the club.
I punched in the code to both disarm the alarm system as well as unlock the door. As expected the place was mostly dark with only a small light on in the living room, which she’d probably left on as a courtesy so I could see my way when I returned. Unnecessary, but sweet.
I crossed the room to turn it off and froze as I passed in front of Sasha’s closed door where I heard an odd mechanical noise. Was that the television? Was she still up?
I started to knock when another noise hit my ears. Her voice. Breathless. Daddy .
Fuck. I had to be hearing things. I’d spent too much time tonight reliving that little scene in her apartment and now I was manifesting her voice. Still. I had to be sure. I strained to listen through the door, and while I didn’t hear her voice again, that incessant buzzing continued. It kind of sounded like…
Oh fuck.
Her unmentionables. Jesus fucking Christ. I had heard her right. My baby girl was using her vibrator while thinking about what we’d done earlier.
I took an immediate step away from her door. No matter how badly I wanted to kick it down and demand for her to find her pleasure while I fucking watched. I swallowed hard, knowing it was the absolute worst idea, not to mention a violation of her privacy.
I almost laughed out loud. What the hell did I care about privacy and any other goddamned rules? When exactly had I turned into a soft pussy? It wasn’t like me to turn down a willing woman I was attracted to or not to pursue whatever the hell I wanted. It was practically my life’s motto.
Another moan, this one louder, drew my attention, and this one I felt all the way to my balls. Maybe I could join her in a different, less intrusive way. It sounded like she was getting close to her release. I unzipped my pants and pulled myself out, being careful not to catch anything on the metal teeth. Wrapping my hand around the hard length, I closed my eyes and bit back a groan.
This wasn’t how I’d planned on this going tonight, but listening to her continued desperate cries reminded me so much of earlier I could barely breathe, let alone move away from her door. Instead I was going to stand here and jack off to her beautiful noises and the taste of my own desperation like some sort of fucked up stalker.
“Daddy, please,” she cried out.
My head slumped forward and my hand tightened. Why was I torturing myself like this?
Our bedrooms were far enough from each other that if I walked away now I wouldn’t hear another sound from her. Unless she started screaming. On that thought I squeezed my dick harder, welcoming the added pressure. I wanted to come right along with her so bad I could taste it. Fuck I needed this. It was taking every ounce of restraint I possessed not to barge in there and just bury myself balls deep.
She wouldn’t say no, and I knew without a doubt it would be the best fucking feeling in the world.
However, there was no time for that and it came with far too many complications. That was one thing I needed a whole lot less of. I pressed my forehead to the smooth wood of the door and braced myself against it with my free hand. This wasn’t going to take long. I’d barely been able to think of anything else for hours. Hell, longer.
“Fuck me, Daddy.” I swore to Christ if she called out Daddy one more time I was going to lose my shit. I had to respond. Needed to.
“Yes, baby girl,” I whispered so she couldn’t hear. “That’s so good. You are so good. Come for daddy.”
A barely muffled scream came from the other side of the door at the same time my cock exploded. I pumped myself hard through what felt like a never ending release. I sprayed the door with a satisfying smile pulling at my lips. It might be a shame my cum wasn’t on her tits, or better yet, her lips, but the symbolism of marking her door was not lost on me either.
I tried hard to keep myself quiet, but my heart raced and I couldn’t draw enough air in my lungs to keep from panting. I stood there like that for quite some time, hoping to hear something more from the other side of her door. However, by the time my skin cooled and my heart rate returned to normal, I was forced to admit that it was time to let it go. I pushed myself away from her room.
We both knew I wouldn’t knock. And I wouldn’t go in. This was as close as I dared get. Although I had a feeling that her cries for Daddy were forever going to live in my spank bank because in all my life I’d never heard that simple word sound so erotic.
But it wasn’t just the way she said it. It was what it fucking meant.
It was how much she trusted me, how much she wanted me to take care of her, to have her. Maybe that’s why I reacted the way I did.
Because I needed it just as much as she did.
I yanked my cut from my shoulders, and then pulled my sweatshirt over my head. After balling my shirt, I used it to clean the mess I’d made. When I was done, I reluctantly turned away from her door and headed to my own room. I had no idea if I would get a wink of sleep after that, but as I rolled my shoulders backward and forwards, I had to admit that some of my tension had eased.
I made my way to my private bathroom, dumping my clothes into a basket as I went. One field style shower later, I slid between the sheets of my bed and closed my eyes to an image of Sasha, lying next to me, a blissful smile on her face.
It was a good, solid picture, and just the kind of thing I needed in my head before I drifted off to sleep…
It felt like I’d only been asleep for a few seconds when a scream ripped me back to consciousness. But according to the bedside clock I checked while grabbing my handgun, it had been at least a couple of hours.
I covered the distance to her room in three seconds, nearly ripping the door off its hinges as I burst in.
She screamed again, her eyes going wild and pure terror stamped all over her face as she scrambled back against the headboard as far away as she could get.
“What’s wrong? What happened?” My voice came out rougher than expected as I searched the room for danger.
“What?” She clutched the bed covers higher up her chest.
“Babe. You were screaming bloody murder. What happened?”
“Well, you scared the hell out of me for one,” she wheezed, her breath coming in hard pants. “You could have knocked before you came in guns blazing.” Her eyes narrowed as they zeroed in on my hand. “Literally.”
I glanced at the gun by my side. I rarely thought about it anymore because it was practically an extension of my body. I never went anywhere without it. And even in sleep it was close enough to grab at a moment’s notice. But I could see why bursting through the door with it could have frightened her.
“Babe,” I said, shaking my head. “You screamed before that. Loud enough it could ofwoke me from the dead. What’s going on?” I glanced around the room still looking for any sign of trouble and finding nothing out of the ordinary.
“It was just a nightmare. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to wake you.”
I drew my eyebrows together, concerned that a dream had caused that blood curdling sound. “What was it about?” I asked, setting my gun down on the chest of drawers across from her bed.
“It was nothing,” she insisted while tightening her death grip on the comforter, her eyes still wide with fear.
“Uh huh. You know I’m not buying what you’re selling right now, right? Tell me what’s really going on.” I sat down on the end of the bed and pushed my hands through my hair. My own heart rate was still elevated, and my breathing had yet to even out. For the few seconds it had taken to get to her, that scream had terrified me.
For a long while we both sat there, the silence stretching between us as I waited for my answer. When I thought I was going to have to prod her again, she finally started talking.
“Ever since the night of the fire…” She trailed off, her hands kneading that blanket with nervous fingers. “I have trouble sleeping. I thought maybe once I got out of the hospital it would be easier. You know, like maybe I’d sleep better without all that traffic in and out of my room. The constant noise of people twenty-four seven. But it’s the opposite.”
Now that she said that, I could see the faint traces of dark circles under her eyes. “How much trouble?” I asked.
She shrugged. “I don’t know. A couple of hours here and there I guess. But the dreams—” she looked up at the ceiling and blew out a shaky breath. I got the impression she didn’t want to tell me. “They’re getting worse.”
“Worse how? I need details, Sasha. All of them.”
She brought her gaze to mine and scowled as the light from the window caught the unshed tears glistening in her eyes. “Don’t try to boss me right now. That’s not what I need.”
I almost begged to disagree. Especially after what I’d heard earlier, but I could be patient—to a point. “Then what do you need?”
She laughed, a harsh sound that didn’t sound very funny. “Obviously, I need some sleep.”
Her fingers trembled where they still gripped her bedding.
“Would it help if I stayed with you?” The question was out of my mouth before I could stop it or consider the repercussions.
The instant relief on her face, however, said it all. She was never going to ask for that kind of help from me, but I could see how much she wanted it. Instead of waiting for her to answer, I stood up and moved around the bed to the empty side. I could see a sort of protest forming on her lips and I didn’t want to hear it. The fatigue from earlier was still pulling pretty hard on me.
“Don’t say whatever it is you’re about to say. I’m too tired and there’s not a whole lot of night left to get enough sleep in.” I climbed under the covers amidst her silence and pulled her against my side. “Jesus fuck, woman,” I muttered, pulling her close. “You’re freezing.”
“Some people sweat when they get scared, I’m the opposite. I get cold.”
Then she must have been scared to death because her hands were like claws of ice. I rubbed my hand up and down her side and pulled her as tight against me as I could. I ran hot, so hopefully she’d warm up soon. And thankfully I was too tired to give the minuscule tank top and panties she had on too much thought. But there was a good chance I’d be having dreams of my own the rest of my night and they would NOT be innocent.
She let out a deep sigh and finally relaxed against me. More of her new curves molding to the hard edges of my body.
“Next time you have a problem, any problem, you need to let me know. I’m here to fix things for you.”
“My having a nightmare is not your responsibility,” she said quietly.
“Maybe not. But making sure you are well taken care of is and part of that is the proper amount of rest for your recovery. I won’t accept any excuses.”
“But—”
“Babe,” I admonished. “Stop arguing and go to sleep. We can talk about it tomorrow, okay?” Not that I would change my position, but I’d let her try if that’s what she needed.
She sighed again, and I smiled against the top of her head where she’d tucked herself into my shoulder. For the thousandth time, I wondered if anyone had ever truly taken care of her. She always did the caring for, but when did someone do for her what she did for everyone else?
These were the kinds of questions that wandered through my mind at the most inconvenient times. Like when I should be sleeping. Or just appreciating the fact that she was in my arms and comfortable. I’d felt her muscles slowly relax and I had a feeling she would soon sleep.
My mind continued to drift until I heard the change in her breathing and I relaxed knowing that she had what she needed—for now. Tomorrow I would have to dig a little deeper into this nightmare and possibly enlist Patty’s help. Having a club old lady who was a psychologist came in handy, but it bothered me sometimes how often we needed her.
The point was to protect my people from getting hurt, not always trying to fix them after the fact. The only way to do that was to find who it was that set us up. And then make that mother fucker pay for hurting my girl.