10. Lachlan
Heading into Destin from Fort Walton Beach, I sit as silent as a statue in the driver’s seat. Luckily, we’re about five minutes from my condo. I don’t know what to say to Ellie right now. I certainly don’t want to piss her off or set her off anymore than she already is. How could my sweet, beautiful girl ever think that she is a black widow, poison to the people that love her? I’ve met no one more perfect than she is. If I could have stood by her side when she was a kid, I would have dropped everything to be there in a heartbeat. She didn’t see me; she didn’t notice me like that. And she damn sure doesn’t remember me from when we were kids. It really fucking breaks my heart. One day I’ll make her remember me. We had the same connection then that we do now.
I would have loved her harder, loved her longer than any other man in the world, Jaxon included. My heart breaks for what she’s going through right now. If only she would let me. I could be her knight in shining armor.
I feel like a piece of shit for even feeling this way. Jaxon was one of my best friends. Loving her, wanting her, needing her like the air I breathe has always felt forbidden. But it’s the purest love in the world. Nothing else will ever compare to what I feel for her. Yeah, there haven’t been many women in my life. She just doesn’t know that I’ve always wanted it that way. They always end up being compared to her, and that’s just not fair.
“Are you hungry, Ellie? I can stop off at Whataburger for food or I can make you something at the house.” She needs to eat. I can tell that she’s lost so much weight since I saw her six months ago. If she will not take care of herself, then I’ll make damn sure I do it for her.
“I’m fine, Lach. I’m just ready to get to your house and change clothes.” What I wouldn’t give to see a smile on her beautiful face again. The light in her eyes has dimmed, and I can’t help but hate Jax for it. I found that fucking letter he asked me to give to her. I’m planning on giving it to her once we get to the house, and I’m scared shitless. This could be the one thing left that’ll throw her over the edge. I can’t let that happen for her and for Blakely.
“Okay, we’re almost at the condo.” She turns her head and props it against the passenger side window. Stopping at a red light, I glance over in time to see a single tear trail down her rosy pink cheek, leaving a mascara streak in its wake. Ellie keeps breaking my damn heart. That muscle deep in my chest that has only ever worked for her tightens to where I have to take a deep, cleansing breath. And even that doesn’t help.
Pulling into the parking spot and turning off the engine, I look over to Ellie. “How about we go get those clothes and a glass of wine?” Quickly brushing away the tear, she looks up at me and gives me the most pitiful smile. I don’t wait for her to say anything else. Jumping out of the truck, I run around to her side to open the door. She seems surprised that I am opening the door for her, but if there was one thing I learned, it’s to be a gentleman. Reaching in, I unbuckle her seatbelt and grab her around the waist, picking her up out of the truck and planting her feet on the ground as she squeals. Hearing that sound has my heart practically beating out of my chest. It’s the most emotion I’ve seen or heard from her since I first laid eyes on her at the funeral.
“I can walk, ya know!” I most certainly know that she’s an independent woman. That’s one of the things I love most about her. But I’m not about to tell her that.
“Of course you can, Baby Doll. I was just trying to help you out, short stuff. Please don’t be mad at me.” I say, laughing as I grab her hand and pull her along to the front door. Once we’re inside, I tell her, “I’ll be right back. Let me run upstairs and get you some comfortable clothes.” As I’m walking away I tell her, “wines in the fridge so just help yourself.” I don’t stick around to see if she has anything else to say. Now I’m fucking anxious and it’s all because of that damn letter. Quickly grabbing a pair of sweatpants and a white t-shirt from my drawer, I hurry back downstairs. She’s sitting on the couch holding a glass of wine, staring at pictures on my wall. There are so many pictures of all of us over the years. Fuck! Maybe I should have taken them down. The wine glass is almost empty. So either she didn’t pour that much or she’s practically downed what she poured.
“Ellie, if you want me to take your glass of wine while you change clothes, you can. Or you can take it with you. You already know where the bathroom is. I’m going to grab a beer.” She doesn’t give me her glass. She just takes another tentative sip. So I walk into the kitchen, hearing her padding down the hallway to the bathroom. Grabbing my beer out of the fridge, I take a huge swallow after opening it, hoping it will help relax my tense muscles. Hearing the click of the bathroom door, I head back into the living room to sit on the couch. Ellie plops down on the other end, dressed in my fucking clothes. Not once in all the years of knowing her has she ever worn my clothes. And dammit, my dick certainly takes notice. Down, boy. You’ll be staying in my pants. But the things I could do, want to do to her perfect body, have me all out of sorts. I’m fucked up. Get your mind out of the gutter, Lach.
“Thanks for the clothes, Lach. I feel so much better already.” Doesn’t she know that there’s nothing in the world I wouldn’t do to make her life a little easier?
“You know I’m happy to help. How’s the wine? I got that fruity shit for you. I can’t stand the stuff, but I know you love it.” I know more about this woman than most probably do. I’m betting that I’ve learned more about her little quirks over the years than Jax ever did.
“You didn’t have to do that, but thank you Lachlan. I appreciate it. I would have drank a beer, though.” Lies, she hates beer.
“You’re so full of shit! You hate beer. You’ve always said that it tastes like piss water. Not sure how you know what piss water tastes like, but I’ll take your word for it.” Ellie sets her wine down, grabs one of pillows from the couch and tosses it at my head. My reflexes are cat-like so I catch it in one quick move.
“So are we going to have a conversation or what, Lach? I’ve known you for a long ass time. There’s something that you clearly need to get off your chest.” She has known me for a long ass time, longer than she even realizes. If only she could remember.
“There are some things I wanted to talk to you about. So many things Ellie. Remember how I just sat and listened to you earlier without interrupting? That’s what I need from you right now. There are a few things I need to get off my chest.” I won’t be able to tell her everything right now, but I’m going to tell her what I can.
“I’ll listen to whatever you need to tell me, Lach. The only thing I can offer you is a promise to be as quiet as I can. I’ve never been one to hold my tongue with you.” Damn straight! She’s always been a firecracker with me. She’s fierce and one day she will come into her own and recognize it.
“There’s no easy way to say this, so I’m just going to come out with it. I was there when Jax died. I was right by his side. Before he got shot, he was just standing there like he wanted it to happen. It was the weirdest thing. We’ve been on many deployments before. So I can say with one hundred percent certainty that he wasn’t acting like his usual self. He didn’t even lift his gun to shoot at the sniper. Ellie, he just fucking stood there. When he got hit, I moved over to him as quickly as I could. I did my best to stop the bleeding. He just kept talking about a letter and how sorry he was, how much he loved you and Blakely. He was dying, but you and Blake were the only ones on his mind. And he kept saying that I needed to protect you, keep you away from Ben. He was adamant you stayed away from Ben. I don’t really know what that was about, but I will say that I don’t think Ben is a good guy, and I’m pretty sure that Jaxon knew that. While I was trying to save him, I ended up getting shot in the head. It was more like a deep graze. But I’m fine, good to go. Just needed some stitches. I lost consciousness after being shot, so I have no recollection of what happened next. When I woke up, I was in a military hospital in Germany. The first thing I did when I woke up was ask about Jax. It was then that they told me he was gone. I’m so sorry Ellie. I’m so fucking sorry that I couldn’t save him. I was supposed to save him for you and Blake. Instead of him, I can’t help but think it should have been me. Please know that I would trade places with him in a heartbeat if it meant sparing your heart from all this pain.”
By the end of my ranting, I’m out of breath and my palms are sweaty. Those last few moments, right before everything went black, keep replaying in my head. I’ve always loved my job, but I’m really beginning to think this was the breaking point. I don’t know if I can go through all of this again. Losing my best friend, watching him die right in front of me, has mentally fucked me up. I’m happy that the military is giving me an out. I think it’s time I take it. “I never wanted any of this for you, Ellie.”
By the end of ranting, I’d swear that it seems like Ellie has already drunk an entire bottle of wine. If I thought the single tear from earlier hurt me, it’s got nothing on the tears pouring out of her beautiful blue eyes right now. Scooting closer to her, I pull her soft body into mine. “Let me hug you, Baby Doll. You aren’t alone anymore. I’ve got you. I promise that I’ve got you.”
She wraps her arms around my neck, pulling me in even tighter. “I can’t lose you too, Lachlan. If something happened to you, I don’t think I’d make it. Promise me you won’t leave me, swear it.” Oh God, I swear it. Whatever it takes, I’ll do everything in my power to be here for this woman.
“Baby Doll, look at me.” Taking my thumb and forefinger, I lift her chin up so we’re eye to eye. “You have my word, my promise that I’ll do everything in my power to never leave you or Blakely. The two of you mean the world to me. No matter what, I’ll be here for the both of you.”
Ellie leans up and presses her lips a breath away from mine. “Make me forget, Lach. Please make me forget just for a little while.” Fuck…this girl. How in the hell am I supposed to tell her no? I’ve never been able to tell her no. She moves back in and presses her lips against mine, so warm and soft. They slightly part for me to slip my tongue inside. The sticky sweet sugar and peach from the Moscato lingers, and a groan catches in the back of my throat as I taste her completely. She tastes so fucking good, she tastes like mine. Ellie presses her tight little body against mine as she grabs the back of my head, threading her fingers through my hair, pulling me closer. She’s consuming me. I want to take over, devour her, but I let her lead, let her take what she needs. Ellie is in charge here. God, this is so wrong. Jax would kick my ass. And I’d deserve it too. Why the hell are you thinking about Jax right now, dumbass?
A small gasp leaves her lips, and she pulls back. “Lachlan, fuck I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have done that.”
“Hey, hey, hey. It’s okay. I didn’t stop you. I wanted it too. It’s okay. We’re okay.” And it’s true. We are okay as long as she doesn’t spiral.
“It’s not okay, Lach. It’s not okay at all. Just give me the letter that you mentioned. Yeah, don’t think that I didn’t remember that part. I’ll go sit outside for a bit, and then maybe you can take me home. I just need to get out of this house for a while. It’s not your fault. You did nothing wrong.” Nodding my head, I run into the kitchen and grab the letter out of a drawer.
Walking back into the living room and handing her the letter has trepidation slamming into me. “Here you go, Ellie. I’ll be here if you need me.” I don’t know what’s in the letter, but I have a feeling it’s going to break her heart into a million jagged little pieces. At least she has me here to keep her together.