9. Clover
Clover
T orn
“Clover, I know you love a thrifted piece, but we can’t play with my niece or nephew like that.”
I rolled my eyes at Karlie. “Hush! I would never do that. Durk would kill me.”
Her head snapped in my direction. “Oh. So, it’s safe to say his name now?”
“Don’t do that, friend. I haven’t been that bad.”
“You’ve been...a grump over the last two weeks. I understood why, so I don’t judge you.”
I knew Karlie was being honest, still it made me sad to hear. At this stage in my life, I should’ve been happy. I was supposed to be bathing in pregnancy bliss, but I moped around a boutique, snarling at ugly baby clothes.
“Karlie, let’s go to the next store.”
She groaned as she combed her bangs off her forehead. “Clover, there is no next store. This is the last store in the mall that sells baby clothes. Durk sent me money to take you baby shopping. Pick something. Anything!”
I lifted my salty snack. “I bought a pretzel.”
“Girl. You know what I’m saying. This shopping trip was supposed to be a way to lift your spirits.”
“We may need to try again tomorrow.” I dragged myself outside the store and settled on a bench in the middle of the mall. I knew Karlie’s heart was in the right place, but my mood was not. I passed my first trimester two weeks ago and shopping was the furthest thing from my mind.
“Friend, talk to me. Holding it in won’t help you get over it.”
“I know.” I whined as tears crowded my vision.
“Aww, friend!” Karlie hummed and guided my head onto her shoulder. “Don’t cry. I didn’t mean to make you upset.”
“It’s not your fault. It’s Durk’s. I feel so conflicted, Karlie. I don’t want to do this without him, but I don’t want to be played. Again. He doesn’t realize trying to buy me only makes it worse.”
“That makes sense, but I think he’s trying to remind you that you’re not in this pregnancy alone.” She sighed. “And he didn’t send me the money. He gave it to Essen, and she transferred it to me. She thought it was more appropriate for me to be the middleman.”
I cringed, recalling the distance Durk’s mess put between me and my new group of friends. Although I enjoyed their company, I stayed out of the way since I was on edge. I wasn’t sure how authentic any relationship tied to Durk truly was, and I didn’t want to disrespect anyone by pointing fingers.
“I’m so happy all the comments on Instagram have died down,” I professed as the thought came to mind. “I can’t believe someone posted the voice memo after they sent it to me.”
“I’m happy you brought that up. Have you figured out who sent you the message in the first place? It was probably Barbara’s ass. You know, everybody was talking about how Durk showed up to Bible study and flipped shit upside down.”
I shook my head. “That’s part of the problem. Every time I talk to Durk, he apologizes, but he also places blame on someone else. He’s searching for whoever sent the message instead of taking accountability for what he did. Ugh! There were so many red flags I missed!”
“That’s not fair. It hasn’t been all bad.”
I cut my eyes at the lover girl. “Did you forget he went off on me after we ran into his enemies?”
“No, I remember. I also remember how Durk protected you and your tribe, although he was questioning your intentions.”
“All right. What about him lying about sleeping with Barbara?”
“What about you forgetting to tell him your baby daddy was a Blood? I know you knew it was a problem, girl.”
I scoffed. “What do you say about him betting on me?”
“Oh, no. He fucked up when he did that!” she exclaimed. “Then I think about how happy you were about getting just because flowers. I remember the way you blushed on FaceTime before he took you to meet his family. I don’t even need to get into the pictures of y’all in Ventress. The love between you two was obvious. I don’t think there’s anything phony about that.”
Dressed down in a pair of sweatpants and a graphic tee that crawled up my belly, I posed in the bathroom mirror and snapped a few pictures. My three-day-old press and curl was messy, and my lashes needed a fill, but I basked in my pregnancy glow. I was two-weeks from my fourth month, and from experience, I knew it would be over in a blink of an eye.
“Mama! Are you all right? ”
I grinned at Tatum as I walked out of the bathroom. With all the mess brewing, the only thing I wanted to do was spend time with my boys.
“Yes. I’m fine. We need to pick a movie. Where’s your brother?”
Pierce walked in, balancing a bowl of popcorn in one hand and a drink and candy in the other.
“I’m ready! Mama, I brought you an extra bottle of water, so you don’t have to get up.”
My chin rested on the top of my shoulder as warmth covered my cheeks. “You guys are making me feel like a queen. Maybe I need to have another baby after this one.”
Tatum’s head snapped in my direction. “Please don’t! Two siblings are enough.”
“I agree, especially if it’s a girl.” Pierce flopped down on the bed beside me. “Are you afraid of having another baby?”
“Not afraid, but I know things are about to change.”
I watched Tatum’s mood go from chipper to dejected. “I’m happy this baby will have a daddy. Sometimes, I feel bad I can’t remember mine.”
Taken aback, I took a few deep breaths before I replied. We rarely talked about Calvin unless Pierce or I mentioned him, and the conversation was always lighthearted.
“Don’t feel bad, baby. You were only five years old when he passed away, and you’re turning eleven this year.” I brushed my hand over his tapered fade, hoping he could feel the love I had for him. “I know no one can replace your daddy, but I’m here. Papa is here. I have some of your dad’s things in storage. If you want, we can pick them up tomorrow.”
“Yeah, let’s do that,” he answered with a crooked smile. “Enough of the sad stuff. Have you guys decided what movie we’re going to watch?”
“Something funny?” I quizzed.
“Let’s watch something scary,” Tatum replied.
Pierce handed me the remote. “We can take turns. Mama, you go first.”
I searched through Netflix’s new releases, but nothing caught my attention. After a few minutes, I settled on a Christmas movie. We were months away from the holiday, but a cheerful fix would do us good.
Once my short flick was over, I gave the twins a turn to pick a movie. Pierce’s selection featured Mike Epps and had us laughing until we were in tears. However, by the time we started Tatum’s scary movie, we could barely keep our eyes open. The only time I moved out of my spot was when my doorbell went off. For a second, I lay there hoping the uninvited guest would leave.
Ding! Dong!
“Wishful thinking,” I muttered.
I groaned as I pulled myself out of the middle of the boys and went to answer the door. Before I touched the doorknob, I could hear voices on my porch. I stood on my tippy toes to look out the peephole. I thought of leaving the group outside, but the absence of Durk, made me scared not to open the door.
“Hmm. Hello?” I greeted the group.
Stevie stepped forward wearing a flowing spaghetti strap sundress and a warm smile. “Clover, I’m sorry to pop up unannounced, but…” she snatched Shiloh to her side. “…Shiloh and Ishmael have something they want to say. Can we come in?”
I smiled, elated to witness the soft soul take charge. “Of course. Just keep it down. The boys fell asleep during our movie day.”
The foursome wandered through my home until we reached the living room. I sat on my loveseat, while the group sat in different corners of the room.
“Is everything okay with Durk?” I asked to ease my nerves.
“He’s fine.” Essen grinned as she eyed my growing belly.
“Okay...I’m a little confused. What’s going on?”
Stevie bumped her shoulder against Shiloh’s.
“Clover.” Shiloh pinched the bridge of his nose. “I want to apologize for the role I played in the betting drama. I introduced the idea as a way for Durk to take something other than tattoos and racing seriously. I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings, mama.”
Essen slapped Ishmael in the center of his chest. “Your turn.”
“I think Shiloh said everything,” he replied. “We didn’t know you—not that it makes a difference.” Ishmael released a deep exhale. “We were out of pocket. Period.”
I studied him as he stood and pulled a knot of cash from his pocket. Shiloh followed suit and inched the money in my direction.
“What are you doing?” I frowned while leaning back in my seat.
“This is the money we made from the bet. It’s yours,” Ishmael said through tight teeth. “Loso’s cut is in there too.”
I looked between them, unsure of how I felt about what was happening. “You guys don’t have to do this. I accept your apology without the cash.”
Shiloh shrugged. “I figured you would say that, but Stevie said we have to give it up. If you don’t want to accept the bread for yourself, accept it as a gift for my baby cousin.”
“Mama, what are they doing here?”
I beamed at my mean-mugging kid.“They stopped by to check on us.”
“Oh. I thought I heard Durk’s voice. He told me he was coming over.”
“What?” I blurted out. “When did he tell you that?”
Tatum shrugged. “The other night when we were playing Madden.” He lifted his head while eyeing Ishmael and Shiloh. “Do you y’all want to run a game of two on two in the back? I can go get my twin.”
The fellas agreed to take the boys outside, leaving me alone to catch up with the ladies. I wanted to ask them about Durk, but I didn’t want to pull them further into our mess. I appreciated the connection I was building with them. I didn’t want to compromise their integrity by forcing them to update me on Durk’s life. I saw him once in the last two weeks at my doctor’s appointment. I had my mom come with me to serve as a barrier, but Durk still tried to talk to me. He looked good, dressed to the nines, yet his bright eyes hung low like a sad puppy.
“I appreciate the visit, but you guys didn’t have to do this,” I stated, breaking the awkward silence.
Stevie moved to a seat closer to me as she said, “We know, but it was only right. Shiloh jokingly mentioned they should give you the money, and I made him stand on it.”
I eyed the cash, thinking of how good it would look in my savings account. Though I would receive a check while on maternity leave, it would only be a fraction of my usual salary, and I wouldn’t be able to pick up extra work.
“How are you, Clover?” Stevie continued.
“I’m...better. Karlie made me get out of the house yesterday. I needed it,” I admitted. “I know I’ve been distant, but I missed you, ladies.”
Essen groaned, capturing my attention. “I’m sorry I haven’t been around. Honestly, I felt bad about what happened.”
“Why? You didn’t do anything.”
“True, but Durk is my cousin, and I kind of introduced you two.”
I tapped the top of her hand like a nurturing grandmother. “Meeting Durk brought a new blessing into my life. I don’t regret that. You shouldn’t either.”
Stevie danced in her seat. “So, that means there’s a chance you’ll take him back.”
“I didn’t say all that.” I snickered. “Durk is so busy pointing the finger at everyone else. He doesn’t realize a genuine apology would bridge the gap.”
Essen pursed her lips. “He’s a man. Can you expect much?”
“Yes,” I answered. “And I do, especially once he asked me to be his ol’ lady. That day, he stopped being just any man, and he became mine . I hold him to a higher standard.”
“I know that’s right.” Essen snapped her fingers like we were in a poetry lounge. “Let me stop. I want you guys together more than anyone, but I respect how you feel. He messed up, and he has to deal with the consequences.”
My eyebrows jogged up to my forehead. “It feels like I’m dealing with the consequences, and I did nothing wrong. I miss him so damn much, but every time I think about taking him back, I think about all those comments under my pictures.”
Stevie sucked her teeth. “Girl, forget about what those people have to say. This is your family to build, not theirs to tear down. If you choose to forgive Durk, that’s your decision. Keep your head up and the haters out of your business.”