Someday Never Came

Chapter Sixty-Two

July 4, 2026

Dear Jensen,

It’s been one thousand, four hundred, and sixty days since I last laid eyes on you. Since I last heard your voice and caught a glimpse of the dark storm cloud filled hazel eyes that had a way of tracking my every movement or felt your touch set my skin ablaze.

So many things have changed in that time.

Everything has changed.

I met someone. He loves me unconditionally and in ways I didn’t know I could be loved. I told you I deserved the damn romance love story and this good, kind man who is asleep across from me has offered it all to me at my feet. He proposed today. He offered me the life I wanted so desperately.

I said yes…

I do not regret it. I will never regret loving you so fiercely. You are a part of my soul, and while it feels like a part of me withered from knowing and loving you, I will never regret you. After all, how can someone truly survive, thrive, and find peace knowing the great Jensen Dean Adler and being loved by him for even just a fleeting moment in this lifetime?

I no longer look for you in every crowd. I trained myself to not even flinch if someone mentions your name in passing. The sun is simply beautiful in the early morning light. The night sky and the stars no longer hold me captive with thoughts of you. The only place I now see your face is in dreams when my mind wanders to far off places, when I have no control in that state of mind. I am haunted in my dreams by you, and I selfishly cherish those moments.

I will admit though, on those nights—when my dreams are filled with what our life should have been and the adventures we would have shared—I always wake with a small broken smile upon my lips, and tears threatening to escape. I take those first few moments of early morning sunshine on my face, and cling to the memory of those dreams. One selfish moment of a false life before shoving those thoughts aside. Because as sleep fades away from my mind and reality sets back in, that hollowness from all those years ago comes crawling back in for just a while.

A small part of me always knew you were never truly mine, at least not in this lifetime. Not how I needed you to be anyway. You were simply a soulmate that wasn’t meant to be. For you, I would have waited until my last dying breath. I would have searched for you in this lifetime and all my others because I still believe that two souls can be bound, destined, tied or however you would like to describe it.

I had no doubt that our souls were all those things, that fate had placed you in my life for a reason from the moment I first saw you because my soul was only ever at peace in your presence as was yours, or at least as much at peace as a man like you would allow yourself. I was your Serenity after all. I was drawn to you because you were my equal in almost every way. You were my mirror, simply a reflection of myself.

I do not know where you are now. I do not know if you have a wife, or a little one on the way like I am sure I will sometime soon. I catch myself wondering if you still ever think of me or of my last letters. I do not know if your soul still searches for peace like mine does, or if you made peace with your choices. Part of me will always selfishly hope that a small part of yours yearns for mine. But mostly, I only hope you are so deliriously happy with your life that it would bring tears to my eyes of both happiness and sorrow. A true bittersweet feeling, at least then the writer within me, the hopeless romantic reader would be satisfied.

I believe that some of us are put onto this earth to give out more love than we will ever receive in return. Maybe that is why my soul was always tied to yours because maybe, just maybe you needed someone to love you unconditionally. Someone who would answer your phone call no matter what time of day, no matter how much time had passed or what was going on in their own life.

Someone who would call you out, challenge you, and push you to be the best version of yourself. Someone who would always be in your corner and always cheering you on from the shadows. Someone to be a safe place to go if ever needed. A place full of forgiveness and compassion to land when things were rough. A place to laugh through the pain, till you were strong enough to stand on your own again.

I know I will never send this letter, but I still have to tell you that you were created for a larger purpose on this earth. While I accepted you were never my happily ever after, I have to tell you this man who is still peacefully sleeping across from me is my fairytale ending. I am undeserving of his love—his undying devotion-- because I can only think of one thing:

He will never be you…

With the last of my love,

Serena