Chapter Twenty-Five
CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE
“Where is she?”
Matthew’s voice came from outside the dressing room.
I didn’t know how much time had passed. Seconds, minutes? It didn’t seem long enough for me to collect myself enough to make it out and face everyone. Anyone who isn’t him. It didn’t seem long enough for my voice not to betray me if I called for him again.
“If you just let me—” Charleene started.
“Where’s Josie?” Matthew asked in that deep, seemingly calm tone that made his face look unnaturally hard. “I don’t fucking care about some bullshit tradition.” His voice broke. “She asked for me.”
“But sir, she’s only a little overwhelmed. It happens all the time. I’ll help her out of the gown—”
“Where is my fiancée?”
Matthew’s voice had me scrambling off the couch where I’d curled up. I braced a hand on the back, standing up, but a new voice stopped me.
“I’m sure everything’s fine, Matthew.” Andrew was here? How? I became very still. “Let’s not be dramatic and cause more of a scene. There are enough people outside now and they can see everything through the window. If Josie—”
“Excuse me, Andrew, but you don’t know shit,” Matthew answered. “You haven’t made the effort to know. You haven’t earned the right to reassure anyone. So move aside.”
There was a beat of silence.
“Dad,” a voice warned. Adalyn. “Just let him through. What are you even doing? Let him pass and let’s go wait somewhere else.”
Steps followed my sister’s question, then the door in front of me flew open.
I felt my heart stop for a second before resuming that overwhelming pace.
“Josie,” Matthew murmured under his breath, frozen, except for his eyes, which bounced all over me. He looked so immediately heartbroken, so devastated, for just an instant. Then gone. “Josie, baby.”
A sob exploded out of me. As if yanked by those two words. Him, being with me.
There was a click of a door and then Matthew was suddenly with me. He picked me up, placing me against his chest. The kind of warmth that only he could provide blanketed over me, soaking my skin, body, making more tears trickle down. More sobs come out. More hurt break and burst out.
“I’m here, baby,” Matthew’s words were murmured into my ear. “I’m here now. I’m here with you. I’m not going anywhere.” His words only made me cry harder, struggle for more air. Matthew’s body was rocked by a shiver. A tremor. Or maybe it was just me. “You need to tell me what to do,” he whispered. That soothing murmur turning into a desperate plea. “Tell me what to do to make this better.”
My right hand was clasped around the fingers of my left, unknowingly pulling and tugging, and if the sight hadn’t shattered my heart the way it did, my words would. “I can’t—” I stuttered. “Can’t do this, Matthew.” A new wave of hurt and tears made me breathless for a second. I raised my hands, showing him my left hand. The skin was red, swollen. He made a strange sound. “It’s all backward. I can’t get it off. It’s hurting.”
A pained expression crossed Matthew’s face. One moment it was there and then it was gone.
But God, I hated myself all the same.
Then something else was replacing that. I didn’t know what, but slowly, gently, he wrapped his fingers around my wrist. He brought my hand up, until the tips of my fingers brushed his lips. My crying subsided, my breath easing at the contact. He pressed a kiss on my palm, his eyes closing for a moment. Then another one on my knuckles. Then a third, right above the beautiful ring that was making me hurt so bad and hurting him in return. His head lowered, chin touching his chest and gaze meeting mine again. There was a storm behind that beautiful shade of brown as he let his lips close around my finger. A whimper left me, and Matthew’s whole body shuddered in response. I felt his tongue on my skin, then gently, firmly, his teeth were locking around the band.
He pulled.
A strange and powerful tide rolled over me as I felt the ring being dragged along my finger with his teeth. And even as his eyes flared with an emotion I didn’t want to look at too closely. I felt… relief.
Matthew spat the ring into his palm, his eyes not leaving me.
Something broke at the sight. Whatever had been put together a heartbeat ago, crumbling down again.
I felt my lip quiver. My whole body did. “I don’t want to hurt you,” I told him.
“That’s all right, Baby Blue,” he murmured before kissing my temple. His voice sounded broken, his arms solid and tight around me. “So what if it hurts a little? I’ll hurt if it makes you better.”
But that wasn’t all right.
It really wasn’t.
I moved in his lap, that ugliness in me festering. My hands fisted the fabric of his shirt. “You shouldn’t say that,” I told him. “You should be mad.”
A muscle in his jaw jumped. “No, I shouldn’t.”
My hold on his clothes tightened. My voice coming out coarse. Mean. “I just told you I can’t do this. I can’t walk down that aisle. I can’t make vows. I can’t say I do. I—I can’t wear your ring. This is what I always do, don’t you see?” I let out a breath, emotion overtaking my voice. “Last night changed everything. I know you feel the same. How can you not be mad? How are you not leaving me?”
Matthew’s hands closed around my waist, and he rearranged me so I was straddling him. My gown moved around me, over him, and I felt so… bizarre. So strange. So out of place. This was the gown I’d never wear, the man I wasn’t marrying, this position fitting a wedding night we’d never have.
“Because I only ever wanted you, Josie,” he said, meeting my eyes. “Not the wedding, not the big party. You.”
I gave my head one sharp shake. “I don’t understand. Why would you want me after this?”
“Why would I not?”
The thrumming doubled. “Because I made you tag along. Because I just pushed you away. Because I want to turn around your ring but I can’t. I— Because I knew it’d hurt you, and I still asked you to take it off my finger.”
“Yet I’m here. With my arms around you, not going anywhere. What else?”
What else? “Because I’m a mess. I broke down at my reflection in a wedding dress. I have a reputation, baggage, issues. I complicate things unnecessarily. I might be incapable of ever getting married. I—” I shook my head. “Haven’t you heard? I might break your heart, Matthew. Polls say more than fifty percent chance.”
“You can try. Won’t work, though.”
Indignation bubbled up. “Why not?”
“Because with you, I’m unbreakable.”
A strange sob climbed up my throat.
“Because you can’t push me away.” His arms pulled my body even closer to him, and when his palm closed around the side of my face, his gaze sharpened with something that danced between anger and need. “Not this easily.” His throat worked before kissing me. The press of his lips was hard and fast. “Certainly not without a fight.”
I returned his kiss, my lips now rough against his. I parted his mouth and brushed his tongue with mine. “Prove it,” I whispered, tugging at his shirt, bringing myself closer into his chest. “Show me you mean this. Show me that you’ll stay.”
The quality of Matthew’s eyes changed, darkening. His voice lowered. “Don’t ask for things you don’t really mean.”
I brought myself up on my knees, pulling at the layers of the skirt until I moved them all out of the way. Then I made sure I was staring right into his eyes when I let my hips roll against his before dropping my weight against the pulsing length I could feel through his pants.
Matthew hissed a breath. “You’re upset.”
I rolled my hips a second time, the violent shudder rocking my body, making me struggle for words. “I am. Over the idea of losing you.”
There was a moment of hesitation, then his hands were sneaking under the gown, his fingers digging into my skin with barely there restraint. He locked me in place. “You want me to fuck you in this dress, Josie? Is that how you want me to show you?”
I nodded my head.
I could see it in his eyes then. I could see that he was going to do this for me, despite the thing that had gone unsaid.
“I love you, Matthew,” I whispered. Or maybe the words burst out of me. “I’m so in love with you. And this is not the moment, but God, I’m so goddamn terrified to—”
His mouth clashed against mine, taking my lips in his, and for a moment, God, for just an instant I swore I could have dissolved from the impact of that kiss. But I didn’t. Couldn’t, when all my body lit up, electricity flickering beneath my skin, a dazzling sensation sweeping me head to toes. My eyes closed, blinding me to the world, to everything around except for him, and I surged up, parting my mouth against his once more. Matthew groaned and my hands closed around his face, locking him against me.
There was a rip of fabric. My panties. Then I was bare, roughly pushed against the hard length in his pants. Matthew’s hands guided me, up and down, up and down, up and down until I was breathless, panting, both of us gasping for air.
Brown eyes, dark like I’d never seen them, met mine. “You want me to show you how much I fucking love you, then all you need to do is ask.” The sound of a belt followed by a zipper made my ears ring, stomach dropping with delight. “The only thing broken here is my restraint.” He pulled me down, nestling himself between my folds and making us both hitch a breath. “You’re drenched, Josie. Do you need me this bad?”
I gave my head a nod.
Matthew pressed a kiss to the corner of my lips as a reward, but instead of moving, he dragged his mouth across my cheek, all the way to my ear. “Beg me for it,” he rasped. “Say please, Matthew .”
“Please, Matthew.”
His palms shifted, hands digging into my skin as he squeezed my ass. “Good fucking girl,” he whispered in my ear. “All mine. Now sit on me.”
My hands grasped his shoulders as I lowered myself. I felt him at my entrance, my eyelids fluttering shut at how much I needed him. How good he felt. How much peace it brought me to be filled. My knees gave in, making my body fall.
A whimper rose inside me, and Matthew captured it with his mouth.
Lips moving against mine, his hands guided me upward before letting me fall again. Stars prickled my eyes. Electricity surged, stronger, overpowering, all across my body. The position, the urgency, the need to be reassured in any way I could by this beautiful man who I didn’t want to lose, edging me closer, swifter, wickedly fast.
“I love you, Josephine Moore,” Matthew said against my mouth. My heart stopped, then doubled, tripled its pace. “I don’t care how I have you as long as you’re mine.”
A new sound climbed out of me, but this time Matthew let it topple, falling between us. The pace of my hips increased, encouraged by his words, the way he looked at me, the way his hands encompassed me, the way he made me feel so full, so right, so whole.
“My heart is not broken,” he said, low, voice rocky in a way that told me he was so close. As close as me. “And I’m not leaving you. Hear me?” He thrust upward, impaling me before I let myself fall. A wave of bliss rocked me. “You’re mine to keep. Now say it.”
My fingers closed around his hair just so I’d hold on to something. “I’m yours,” I whispered. “I’m yours. I’m yours. I’m yours.”
The words encouraged the motions of his hips, his cock slipping in and out of me at a punishing speed. “Call out my name, Josie.” His mouth took mine, teeth closing over my bottom lip before letting go. “Let them hear. I don’t care. I never did. Let it rock you while I come inside you.”
My eyes closed just as Matthew’s hips rolled, his thrust somehow deeper, somehow closer, sharper, tipping me over the edge with a gasped, “Matthew.” Before feeling him pulse inside me with a growl.
He pulled me against his chest. “You’re not running, Josie,” he said, planting kisses all over the side of my face, hips rocking, slowing down. “I’m not them. I’m not anyone. I’m not fucking letting you.”
I closed my eyes, as tightly as I could, letting those words soothe me. Letting the feel of Matthew’s body under mine soothe me too. He felt so solid, so certain and sure and safe. Unlike anything I’d ever had. Unlike anyone.
He really felt like mine.
And I loved him, I loved Matthew in a way that made me wonder if I’d ever known how love felt before him. It was so scary, it made me feel so vulnerable, so frail, and perhaps… perhaps that was how this was supposed to feel. Perhaps that was fine. Perhaps, I love you s were meant to feel this big. To make you feel this naked. This exposed. So big you were terrified to hurt. So safe no one could touch you.
Perhaps to love was to leave a mark.
And perhaps I no longer wanted to run from that.
It took us a long time to come out of that dressing room.
When Matthew slipped out of me, he was still hard. The chuckle that left him when I looked at him with a spark in my eye was strained and pleading. Enough for me to let it go and make him promise we’d revisit the topic back at home. Home. The thought made a spot in the middle of my chest tender to the touch. But those were questions that had to take a back seat when there was a bridal shop filled with people to whom I owed an explanation.
Once back in my clothes, which Matthew helped me put on, placing a kiss on my skin as a reward for every item that I slipped on, I took his hand in mine.
“Ready?”
I gave him a nod.
We walked along the hallway that led to the front of the shop, and the moment we got there, all heads and eyes turned.
All words, plans, explanations fled my mind. “I…”
“I’m calling off the wedding,” Matthew said.
Every single person in the bridal shop froze.
Then Cameron—who I assumed must have gotten here with Matthew—stood up from some bench he’d been perched on. His jaw clenched.
“Calm down,” Matthew said, fingers squeezing mine. “She’s holding my hand.”
“We’re…” I trailed off. Again. “We’re together. It’s just—”
A sob broke free from Adalyn. Everyone turned toward her.
“It’s all okay,” I rushed out. “We’re okay. We’re not breaking up.” I kept my eyes on my sister, avoiding Andrew’s as he stood on one side. Avoiding Bobbi’s, too, that I could feel on my profile. “It’s all so complicated. But we’re just not getting married. I—I can’t. I don’t think I ever wanted to.” I searched for Charleene’s gaze, finding her pale. “Don’t worry, I’ll pay for the dress. I promise.”
“You better believe that gown is being paid for,” Bobbi intervened. She walked closer to where we stood. “You have no idea how hard it was to keep everyone from going to check on you while you were in that dressing room.”
My cheeks flushed slightly, but it wasn’t with embarrassment. It was with the memory of Matthew’s words. Let them hear. My hand was squeezed, and I squeezed back. “Thank you. We had much to discuss.”
Bobbi rolled her eyes. “You’re lucky the commotion outside was distracting enough.” She sent Matthew a glance. “I might have underestimated you, Blondie.”
“What commotion?” I asked, before Matthew could say whatever had him smirking like that. “There was a commotion outside?”
Bobbi spared a look at my father, who stood in the exact same spot, still silent. “Andrew decided to show up,” she explained. “Unlike we’d agreed. Someone must have caught wind of it and there were a few people with iPhones outside. Everything’s so low-effort these days. Regardless, the photographers attracted people. A crowd. And they were interested enough in you to stick around. Especially after your boo here entered the shop like we were keeping you hostage.”
Matthew’s exhale was so forceful that I glanced over at him. He met my gaze, a muscle in his jaw jumping. “Cam told me where they were taking you and I asked him to turn around and drive here instead. We were already on our way when Bobbi called.” So that was how he’d gotten here so fast. Slowly, every piece started coming together. His attention returned to Bobbi. “Now that you’ve had a chance to get your word in, we’re leaving.” He took a step forward. “I’m taking Josie home. Cam, Ada, let’s—”
The woman’s hand fell on Matthew’s shoulder. “Nuh-uh. Not so fast. We need to talk. The wedding—”
“Is not happening,” Matthew interjected.
Bobbi’s eyes narrowed before turning to me. “The dress,” she said, softly but stubbornly enough for me to stiffen. “Is it still wearable?”
My voice was apologetic but firm. “I’m not wearing it. I can’t. I’m sorry, Bobbi.”
“Pick another one.”
“Don’t make me repeat myself, Shark,” Matthew intervened.
Bobbi huffed a laugh. “Well, I’m afraid you’ll have to. Because this is ridiculous. You can’t cancel a wedding just based on a few tears and a quickie in a dressing room. This—”
“It was all a hoax,” I rushed out. “We were never engaged.”
Silence fell. Thick and sudden.
I inhaled. Deep. Then out. Matthew’s hold of my hand unmovable. “We—I convinced Matthew to do this with me. For me. To pretend we were engaged to be married until all of this went away. It wasn’t supposed to escalate this fast or this far. I didn’t want to become an issue, to be a problem. I didn’t want to be a bigger problem than I already was. A misstep that came to bite you in the ass. It was stupid, and reckless, and over-the-top for something that started as a harmless way for me to make Bobbi leave my porch. I…” A big gulp of air left me. “I’m so sorry.”
There was a long moment in which I could only hear my heart drumming in my temples. Feeling disoriented, I looked around. Bobbi was shaking her head in denial. Adalyn and Cameron were blinking at us, eyes wide, wider than I’d ever seen. Charleene was gone, probably to scream into one of the velvet pillows I’d defiled on her couch. And Andrew… paled.
“I’m not sorry,” Matthew said. “About a single fucking thing.”
“Matthew,” I warned. But it came out half-heartedly. God, I loved him so much for saying that just to break the strange silence. “We are sorry. This was stupid. It was my idea.”
“I’m not sorry, Josie,” he repeated, and turned to look at me, as if we weren’t standing in the middle of a room filled with people, giving them news that would alter big plans already in place. As if our coming clean wouldn’t have consequences. He brought our hands up, to his chest, and mine felt so, so empty without his ring. “Be sorry if you have to, but I won’t pretend I am. I’m not sorry I stumbled upon your driveway that night. I’m not sorry you thought this was your way to fix a mess that wasn’t yours. I’m not sorry I played fiancé when I knew I’d end up falling ridiculously in love with you. And I’m not fucking sorry we’re calling off a wedding you don’t want.”
I stared up at him, at a loss for words. I… “I love you.” I really did.
His smile was as big as it had ever gotten.
“Okay, but listen,” Bobbi said from our side. “I know this feels like the right thing to do. I know you’re honorable and want to come clean or whatever. But you’re not great liars. Just FYI. And no one seemed to care. Ah, wait. Someone does care. The whole freaking internet. So how about we—”
“The wedding is off, Shark.”
This time, the words hadn’t left Matthew.
Andrew had said that.
I turned to glance back at my father, finding his eyes already on me. For a moment, I’d thought he would say something to me. Anything.
He glanced at the PR strategist. “Do whatever is necessary to do your job without using my daughter as a prop. Either of my daughters. Did I not say that?” His face changed in a way I didn’t comprehend. “You had a task, and it wasn’t this. Yet you still lied to me? Knowing she was doing this?”
“But—” Bobbi said.
“We’ll talk about this later.” His frame whirled around, but before setting off he shook his head. “I’m so genuinely sorry, Josie. Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to go handle things. Just like I should have done from the beginning.”
Bobbi cursed under her breath when Andrew left and for a second she remained rooted to the pink carpet covering the shop’s floor before shooting after him.
Matthew’s arm slid around my shoulders, pulling me into his side. “You good?” he murmured against my hair. I nodded my head. “That was a lot, and you were so brave.”
My lips popped open with an answer, but it was silenced by a cry.
We both turned in time to see Cameron pulling my sister into his chest much like Matthew had with me. She cried harder still, the occurrence so unlike her, so out of the blue, that it froze both Matthew and me.
“Oh, for fuck’s sake,” Cameron muttered, squeezing another sob out of her. “You’re killing me, love. Just tell them already. Not saying a word is hurting you. And it’s killing me seeing you like this.”
“Tell us?” Matthew asked. “Tell us what?”
It was Adalyn’s face that made my stomach drop with a realization I had been too blind to see.
“I’m so sorry,” Adalyn said against Cameron’s chest before extricating herself out of the man’s body so she could speak. “I wanted to tell you, but I didn’t know how without making everything about me. And I didn’t want to intrude or steal anyone’s thunder, so I stayed away.” Her eyes snatched mine. “But you weren’t talking to me like you used to, and I just didn’t know what to do because I was lying and keeping things from you too.”
“Love,” Cameron murmured, placing a kiss on her temple. “You’re not saying the words.”
Adalyn huffed out a strange laugh, tears welling up in her eyes. “I’m pregnant. And I—I—I’m so overwhelmed with happiness and hormones that I seem to be crying all the time.”