18. Death Bed
Chapter 18
Death Bed
AIDAN
P otent waves roll over the sandy shore of the Saffron Cove in a rhythm that mirrors the chaos in my mind. A powerful salty breeze washes over me as I step onto the beach, and I inhale deeply. Despite the storm clouds gathering over the horizon, each gulp of ocean air calms my nerves.
I’ve tried to work out my emotions in the forge, beating a fresh sword to submission, to no use. Sweat sticks to my forehead, the anguish I saw on Elizabeth’s face burned into my memory.
I should be wary of a gorgeous, inexplicably familiar darkling crashing my wedding, but I need answers. And there’s one other name on the list I found last night that could give them.
Elio is standing a few paces away, looking out at the horizon. He’s lost in thought, contemplating something deeper than the crashing waves.
“Elio,” I shout over the wind, trying to gauge his mood. The King of Death controls one of the most powerful and volatile wells of magic in existence, and I’d rather not taunt his dark side. “Can we talk?”
“I guess we have to,” he replies, his voice steady but guarded.
The serious bend of his brows and the tick of his jaw serve as a warning that what he has to say will not be easy to hear. He hesitates, glancing over at the shoreline where Lori collects seashells along the water’s edge.
“I need to know about Elizabeth.”
“You never used to call her that,” Elio finally says, the stretch of his tired voice giving the impression that our conversation would be better suited for a different moment—perhaps a different life.
“You were in her class at the academy, right? Did I— Did we ever—” I scratch the back of my skull, searching for the right way to phrase it, but each half-formed sentence drains my mind further and further down the rabbit hole. Finding no way to explain this tornado swirling inside me, I settle for a dry chuckle. “Blessed Flame, I’m losing my mind.”
Elio runs a hand through his platinum-blonde hair. “You truly don’t remember her at all?”
My eyes snap up to meet his, and the mirroring doubts and confusion I read on his features lift a weight off my shoulders. Elizabeth was not lying, earlier, and I’m not going crazy.
Elio’s gaze finds Lori, who is now examining a shell, her delicate fingers tracing its contours. “I want the best for you both, but you should really talk to Beth.”
“I tried. She had this ring, and I just knew I’d seen it before, and then she said I gave it to her?—”
“It’s true.”
I shake my head from side to side. “No. You must be confusing me with Ezra. There’s no way I forgot a woman I had sex with. And definitely not someone who went on to become even more famous than me.”
“Aidan… It was much more than that. You and Beth were in love.”
He thinks he’s speaking the truth, but I know this to be untrue because I have never been in love. I’ve always been fascinated by the idea, but alas…
I love my mother.
I loved my sister.
I love Heather.
But I’ve never been in love , and not for a lack of trying. It’s just a fact of life.
“Someone has altered your memories,” he says with a deep frown. “If I were you, I’d start asking questions.”
A heavy silence falls between us.
“But why?” I ask quietly. “Why would anyone want to erase that?”
“Love can be dangerous. Your connection with Beth was powerful, and your parents didn’t want that bond to be a threat to their own plans. It might have been easier for them to erase your memories than to face the chaos that love can bring.” The King of Death sounds more alive than he has in decades. “I’ve tried and failed to live a life of duty. I don’t know what your relationship with Heather is like, and I was happy for you when I thought you’d moved on, but this isn’t right. You deserve to know the truth.”
His words hit me like a sharp wind, cutting through the fog in my mind. A sense of urgency rises in my blood, all the implications of his revelation hitting me all at once. “I’m getting married in an hour.” The words are angry, even though it’s not his fault. “There’s no time?—”
I’d finally found peace about my decision, and now this…
“Ignoring your past won’t make it disappear. It will only fester. Trust me, I’ve learned that lesson the hard way.”
The endless expanse of the sea swells in the distance. I can’t shake the feeling that something deep within me is yearning to resurface.
I take my leave of the Winter King and his queen and head for my mother’s apartments at the top of the academy’s main building.
A mix of herbs and decay embalm the air of her bedroom, and the grayish tint of her skin contrasts with the vibrant earthly patterns of the wallpaper. Healers in burgundy robes are gathered around her, murmuring in low tones. My heart sinks.
“Mother…” I tiptoe over to her bedside, trying to keep my voice steady.
“Oh, my precious phoenix.” Her eyes, though clouded with illness, light up when they find me. “Is everything ready?”
I swallow hard, forcing a smile as I reach for her hand, gently squeezing it. “Yes.”
“I’m so glad I’ll get to see you wed before the end. Heather is a strong, clever woman. She will make a fantastic queen.” Her lips curl into a fragile smile, but it falters as she glances at the healers. “I wish I could have joined you last night. But I made them promise to let me out of here for the ceremony, at least.” She grazes my cheek. “I can’t believe I have to leave you, especially now with those rebels banging at our doors… I’m so sorry I can’t help you deal with your new responsibilities.”
“I’ll protect our kingdom and its people,” I say, my voice cracking at the end. “I’ll make you proud.”
“You already have, my phoenix.”
Marrying Heather before Mother dies will secure my reign and discourage the political unrest running rampant across the realms. As King and Queen of Summer, we’ll lead Faerie to war against the Tidecallers, with the combined strength of the Summerlands and Secret Springs armies. I’m looking forward to hunting those who mean to destroy thousands and thousands of lives only to assuage their own thirst for power. That should remain my priority, whatever comes, but now that I suspect parts of my life have been erased, I can’t help but wonder.
Could my mother have manipulated my memories to secure my crown? The dark thought swirls in my mind.
“Mother, do you—” I begin, but the words die in my throat.
How can I confront her about the possibility that she’s enchanted me? I can’t bring myself to voice the accusation. She’s dying. I can’t risk our last few days together being clouded by anger and betrayal, but the answers I crave might die with her.
“Is everything all right, dear?” she asks, her brows furrowing.
I force a smile. “Wedding jitters, I suppose.”
After all the grief I’ve endured and the one still to come, I wonder what it would feel like to marry for love instead of duty—to look forward to the ceremony as a way to celebrate my union with someone I’m crazy about, rather than merely tying up bows for the sake of the realm.
The possibility is both exhilarating and foreign. I’ve thought long and hard about this wedding, convinced it was the right choice.
“Mother,” I say softly, searching for a way to get the answers I need without breaking her spirit. “Do you find it strange that I never thought of marrying for love?”
She studies me for a moment, a glimmer of worry passing through her gaze. “Love and duty don’t often walk hand in hand. It’s essential to find a balance. I think it’s wonderful that you’re willing to marry Heather for the good of the realm and put others before yourself. For that, I admire you.”
“But I’ve never really known true love,” I press on, watching her reaction.
If she enchanted me, I should glimpse at the stubborn, opinionated woman that raised me and see traces of guilt, fear, or at the very least understanding.
“Oh, my boy.” She pats my hand with a patient smile. “You’ve had your share of love affairs.”
“Meaningless infatuations. Crushes that flickered out faster than a candle flame. Never love.”
“I just want you to be happy,” she whispers, her voice frail. “That’s all I’ve ever wanted for you.” Her love shines bright, unwavering even in her last days, but she doesn’t seem fazed at all by my questions. “I had something special made as a wedding present that will help you and Heather in these first few years of marriage.”
“What gift?”
“It’s a surprise. I’ll show you after the wedding.”
“Alright,” I say, the weight of her expectations resting heavy on my shoulders.
“I’m leaving the kingdom in good hands. Just remember, ruling is about more than power or politics. Never turn your back on difficult choices, and you’ll make a magnificent king, my phoenix. I’m just sorry I won’t be around to see it.” She kisses my knuckles the way she did when I was little. “Now, leave, so your old, dying mother can get ready for the ceremony.”
Her flame is almost extinguished, really. A few days at most before Elio pays her one final visit.
I take a deep breath, trying to steady my racing heart.
It’s too late.
My father was definitely the driving force behind any sort of magic-induced manipulation, and he’s dead now. Soon, she will be too.
If I’m under some kind of spell, it doesn’t negate my duties, and to postpone the wedding in search of lost, forgotten memories would only put everyone’s safety in jeopardy. An enchantment as strong as that could not be unraveled before I have to stand at the altar in an hour. I owe it to Heather, to our families, and to the kingdom to move forward, to let go of the past, even if it means living with this…black hole.
For now, at least, that will have to be enough.