24. Emily
H oly shit, was I really doing this?
Although I tried to walk confidently behind Caleb, I was in a daze. I didn’t know what’d come over me to literally proposition him, but I’d done just that. And though my nerves were wreaking absolute havoc on me in the moment, I didn’t regret my bold leap.
Because, despite everything, Caleb had accepted.
The funny thing was, if he had been too interested and just agreed right away, that’d have sent alarm bells off in my head. But no, he’d seemed so desperate to ensure there was no possible way I could get hurt, ignoring his body’s obvious physical response to me.
If I were thinking with a perfectly clear head, I had to admit that plenty of his concerns were valid, but they didn’t apply to me. I was determined not to let Gavin’s selfishness, his violence, take away something I’d decided I wanted for myself.
That was how I found myself following Caleb into the bathroom. I took my glasses off and tucked them into the pockets of the pajamas I’d borrowed.
It wasn’t the biggest space, but I noticed the shower had dual heads and was wide enough for two people to fit in there. I wondered if that was for any specific reason, or if Caleb had… experiences in there.
Not that I was jealous or anything. He was somewhere in his thirties, so I assumed he had his fair share of romps in the hay. It was more that I was curious.
I had no doubt that if anyone could satisfy me, it was Caleb.
“Are you alright?” he asked as he opened the door for me. “You’ve gone quiet.”
“Just thinking,” I murmured, figuring it was better to be honest than to bullshit him.
“You know you can always say no at any time. It doesn’t matter if this was your idea. If you wanna stop, we stop.”
The amount of concern in his voice, combined with firm words that told me there’d be no arguing, made my stomach flip but in an entirely welcome way. “Yes, sir!” I said, giving him a teasing salute.
Then I saw his pupils dilate, and I swore the very air around us grew richer. Spicier. Phew. That was a lot to handle. I could feel my eyes glaze over as I leaned in, trying to chase more of that heady scent, but Caleb’s hands caught my waist. I whined, my words growing equally muddled on my tongue.
“Good girl,” he said.
That was when he kissed me.
Right there, in the doorway of the bathroom, both of us dressed in our—his—pajamas. I could say with conviction that I’d never been kissed like that before.
He pressed me backwards until my spine was supported by the door frame. His hands still gripped my arms, but it wasn’t like they were holding me in place, trapping me there. More like he was reveling in the touch, that his fingers could gently sink into what little softness my arms contained and just hold me there.
His lips, God, his lips. The way they moved against my mouth was so much better than that stolen smooch I’d taken in the alley. They were somehow firm and soft at the same time, leading me along as he dominated our kiss in every sense of the word. When I opened to him, his tongue sliding in, all I could do was groan.
Fuck, if kissing him was already this erotic, already had me this riled up, what was the sex gonna be like? All that fear I’d had was somewhere else, locked in an Emily who wasn’t as lucky to have a guardian like this. Not only was Caleb kind, considerate, and fairly emotionally intelligent, he was also hot as hell. Those rich eyes, combined with his dark hair, fit his features so well. His shoulders were broad, masculine. He was well-built in a way that spoke of true strength, not designer muscles at the gym carefully acquired for aesthetics.
It was like he was crafted to be my kryptonite. I’d always thought I was never concerned about looks, but I found myself growing increasingly taken with Caleb’s. The more time I spent with him, the more I noticed how devastatingly handsome he was.
When he pulled away, I was practically panting. I was in, hook, line, and sinker.
“You’re so goddamn beautiful,” he practically growled.
I felt my already struggling breath hitch, wetness pooling between my legs.
Caleb would have to wash the sweatpants he’d let me borrow.
I had a feeling he wouldn’t mind at all.
As if to prove my point, he bent forward, crowding me even further into the wall, and then his hands were below the swell of my ass. I groaned, thoroughly convinced he was about to caress me. I could finally feel how big those hands were. But instead, his fingers bit in, and I was being lifted up, up, up.
“Caleb!” I let out a surprised squeak.
He just laughed, pressing his lips to the side of my neck. I wrapped my legs around his waist on instinct, holding on tight as he carried me over to the sink and set me down. For all the months I’d told myself I was happy with Gavin, he’d never made me feel anything like this. I felt powerful. Wanted.
It was different being eye to eye with him, and I was struck by the depth of his gaze. It was clear on every single level that Caleb saw me, really saw me. He knew I was a mess, that I was scared. He knew I was a dedicated student, and that I knew how to stand up for myself. For once, I was being brave, selfish, and confident at the same time.
He admired me for it.
The very thought was mind-boggling, but I went right ahead, especially since he was kissing me again.
God, if no one else’s lips ever touched mine for the rest of my life, I’d still be happy, because making out with Caleb was like nothing else I’d ever experienced. I never had a clue it could even be like this. Heat and teeth, desire, passion, ease, joy: all of it mixed up and jumbled together into a perfectly imperfect experience.
We were only beginning, but I was certain I’d made the right choice. I was going to get this experience as a human, and then go into my future with my head held high and with no regrets.
Caleb’s hands kneaded my thighs where they were the thickest, a part my insecure voice could get especially nasty about. That voice, however, held no purchase with the way he was touching me, looking at me, kissing me, devouring me.
I couldn’t say how long we stayed like that, tangled up in each other, exploring. Feeling. My hands ended up on his chest, drinking in his heartbeat, longing to feel the skin underneath. God, he was so much, but at the same time, I wanted more.
When Caleb parted from me, I couldn’t help but let out a whine. Any other time, I would’ve been embarrassed. Not now, though. Not with him in front of me, looking like that with his lips still swollen from our kiss. He was a work of art. A chiseled statue of Apollo brought to life.
But better. So much better. The cold perfection of marble could never replace the wanton heat radiating from my guardian, couldn’t replicate how his strong muscles gave way as my fingers raced down his arms. There was something so unique, so special, about touch between two consenting parties truly on fire for each other.
It was silly, but I’d never admitted to myself that there might be something underneath my request besides merely trusting Caleb. Here was a shimmer of attraction hinting at the possibility of more than I ever dared dream of. It wasn’t strong, barely more than a spark, but I had to admit that it was there, blazing within my chest, making me wonder if the kisses could possibly lead to something else.
Aside from the obvious.
“It’s okay,” Caleb said, giving my forehead a kiss. “Just making sure the water’s warm. I don’t think either of us wants a cold shock right now.”
I watched, already impatient as he took a few steps back, opened the glass door, and started fiddling with the controls. I was tempted to grip his shoulders and yank him away, crashing my lips into his again, but the rest of my brain reminded me that patience was a virtue.
But once Caleb was back in my grasp and the room filled with steam, I was on him, wrapping my legs around his waist again, planting little kisses down his jaw. I had no idea where all this chutzpah was coming from, but I was certainly happy to have it.
We kissed again. Then again. A couple more times before he pulled away for a second time. Once more, I almost whined, but cut myself off when his hands went to the bottom of the baggy shirt I’d borrowed.
“Is this okay?” he asked, making sure those umber eyes of his looked into my own. I didn’t know what it was about him that captured me. Maybe it was how his pupils so often looked like the deepest, richest parts of the earth, or the ever-expanding eternity of space. Endless. Beguiling. Whatever the reason, I could only nod.
“Come on now, my good girl, that’s not enough,” he rumbled. “I want to hear your voice, all right?” He paused for a second, letting me digest what he said. “Is this okay?”
“Yes,” I managed to say breathlessly as he pulled my top over my head.
That was when I realized I’d never been fully topless in front of anyone.
Fuck.
My breath caught in my throat, anxiety shooting right up my spine and through the roof. In fact, I wouldn’t have been surprised if Caleb had a new skylight.
Seeing my expression, he froze almost instantly before pulling me into a hug. “Hey, it’s going to be alright,” he said, another soothing rumble issuing from his chest. I could tell it was meant to comfort, but the way the vibrations spread through my body filled me with a honeyed warmth I’d never felt before. God, that was nice. “We don’t have to go a step farther. Getting even to this level is amazing. Thank you so much for trusting me.”
It would’ve been easy to back out, and I could tell Caleb was giving me an opening. For a moment, I was enticed by the idea. Yet, as I calmed down, I realized I didn’t want to stop.
“Kiss me.” I was somewhere between asking and demanding as I tilted my chin up. Once more, I was enraptured by all that he was: kindness, strength, and masculinity, all bundled up into a wonderfully complex package.
“Good girl,” was all he said before he captured my lips once again.
As we returned to our increasingly familiar kissing, his hug loosened until his hands rested on my bare waist. Somehow, such a simple touch was borderline decadent, and a wave of goosebumps spread in their wake. I’d never felt so firmly in my body, so alive from such a simple touch.
I’d had a hand rest there or massage my flank plenty of times, and there hadn’t been so much as a shiver from me in response. But with the way Caleb gripped me, it was like nothing else I’d ever felt. It was addicting, and I didn’t know if I could give it up.
Still, if I thought having his hands on my waist was good, his thumbs applying the faintest pressure, nothing prepared me for his blazing, burning palms moving up my torso until they cupped my breasts.
I couldn’t breathe. I didn’t want to. Breathing would distract me from this ecstasy. It was so intense, it felt almost alien, like the feeling had to be from a different source. But no, it was coming from me.
The groan emitting from Caleb’s mouth at the contact launched me that much higher. “You’re fucking perfect,” he whispered in a heated rumble that made my entire pussy throb. I couldn’t believe he could just do that.
Then his fingers found my nipples, brushing them slightly, and I squeezed my legs around him so tight that I was surprised neither of our hips popped.
“Sensitive?” he asked, and I didn’t even have to look at his face to notice a smirk there. As payback, I squeezed him harder, using all my muscles from walking around campus and occasionally hitting the gym.
There was, however, an unintended side effect, which was that I felt the long, hard line of his cock even through his plaid shorts and my own oversized sweatpants. I was by no means an expert, but it felt long and impossibly thick to me.
How was that supposed to fit inside me?
Panic rose again while Caleb’s hands moved away from my nipples. This time, I managed not to protest and let him do his thing. One of his hands snaked around to the small of my back, supporting me, stroking me in small circles while the other rested right over my heart.
“Relax, Emily,” he murmured. “We’re just taking a shower together, nice and relaxed. All I’m doing right now is enjoying the beautiful masterpiece in front of me before we get wet.”
If I had my wits about me, I’d have told him I already was. But my mouth had gone dry from the way he said my name, from the way his stare looked into my very soul.
All I managed to say was a shaky, “Okay.”
Thankfully, Caleb didn’t seem perturbed. He just chuckled and pressed a kiss to both of my cheeks. “Alright, my good girl. Why don’t we get nice and clean?”
I knew I could refuse the shower. Nevertheless, I appreciated everything it represented. I was washing away everything that happened with Gavin. The remnants of the night before would be gone, and whatever occurred between Caleb and me would be an entirely new experience.
“We’re still a little overdressed, aren’t we?” I eyed him up and down.
“Would you look at that? We are.” Caleb grinned impishly before he reached back and did that thing men do that always impressed me. I didn’t understand how they did it, but they’d grab their shirt at their collar, then pull it over their heads to leave themselves completely topless. It was so smooth, so natural, and it always bewitched me.
This was no different, and I was surprised my brain didn’t short-circuit when Caleb bared himself. My hand reached out of its own accord, gently touching the swell of one pectoral.
I’d never been all that interested in muscular guys. However, there was something utterly fascinating and deeply erotic when I pressed my fingers against him, dragging them downwards, watching the way the flesh gave way, then rebounded. The amount of power packed within his body was incredible.
Soon, he’d be inside me.
I gasped at the thought, but Caleb didn’t take it as fear or shock, just interest. For once, I was glad for his mistake, especially when he stepped back and pulled down his shorts in one fell swoop.
Oh.
My.
God.
Wait, no, that wasn’t actually enough. I couldn’t just call on the Abrahamic God. I needed an entire pantheon. I needed every single pantheon in existence, and all the ones that’d gone extinct, because I was not prepared for what awaited me.
First were Caleb’s thighs. He’d been in relatively tight shorts, but I’d been so distracted by everything else about his person, by our conversations, that I hadn’t realized how deliciously, sinfully thick his thighs were, and hewn with muscle. They made me want to hop on and ride them until I left a shiny, slick trail behind.
As I stared, it was hard not to lick my lips.
“Hey, my eyes are up here,” he teased.
“I don’t know how to tell you this, but I’m certainly not looking at your eyes,” I admitted.
Besides those wickedly sinful thighs, there was something else capturing all my attention. Even though I’d felt it pressed against me, felt the heated line nearly tearing its way out of his shorts, pressing its way forward, I wasn’t prepared for how big it was. I was by no means an expert, but most dicks didn’t come in that size.
He was long and thick, with a head that was already weeping slightly. I could see the wetness trickling down it, exaggerating the thick veins that ran along the shaft. I wasn’t the biggest consumer of porn, but it reminded me of the lovingly animated cock I’d seen in a hentai or two.
How was that supposed to fit inside me?
I couldn’t get my wits back in time to ask, because Caleb was helping me down from the sink. I was floating in a haze of pleasant shock and anticipation, a step behind everything, right up until he gripped the top of my sweatpants and pulled them down.
“Whoa!” I blurted out, pinwheeling my arms, but then Caleb steadied me.
“Easy, Emily, just hold onto my shoulders. Remember, I’ve got you.”
Boy, did he ever.
I did as he said, my hands finding purchase on his broad frame, holding on as he told me to lift one foot, then the other. That was it, and with a simple toss of my sweatpants, I was completely and totally naked in front of someone for the first time since I was a baby.
Nerves prickled all the way up my spine and spread down my arms, pulsating at my fingertips, but I didn’t feel bad. No, I was full of anticipation, and more aware of my own body than I’d ever been before.
And Caleb’s body as well.
Not for the first time, or even the second time, he offered his hand to me as he opened the shower door. There was no spoken invitation, but the smolder he shot me and the gentle tug on my arm told me all I needed to know.
The room was so full of heat and steam that the transition from air to water wasn’t as abrupt as I’d expected. When the water hit me, I was pleasantly surprised by the intense heat—not scalding, but more than enough to make us both pink.
“Lavender or cherry blossom?” Caleb asked.
I was so full of endorphins and pent-up lust that I straight-up forgot to reply until he cleared his throat, leaned in, and whispered the question right into my ear. Unfortunately, that worked a little too well, because my brain flatlined, and I was left staring at him in shock.
The third time was the charm, however, because it was then that I realized he was asking which body wash he should pick.
“Why do you have those?” I asked. There was nothing wrong with a man into self-care, but neither of those scents seemed right for Caleb. The lavender’s mellow undertones masked the bright sparks of the natural sandalwood, but the cherry blossom was so sweet that it’d completely ruin the deeper, muskier notes that made up his smell.
“Like you said, I have experience,” he answered. “Many women enjoy smelling like something other than men’s three-in-one, and something that doesn’t feel like dish soap on their skin.”
I smiled. “Oh, you are good. ”
At that, he gripped me, pressing my naked body against his own. “Emily, I’m going to be your best. ”
There went my ability to speak again. I didn’t know how Caleb always knew exactly what to say to make me weak at the knees, but he had a knack for finding out the things I was into before I even did.
“Lavender!” I said quickly, wanting something soothing to settle me before I was flung into orbit.
“Good girl.”
Every time he said it, I heard it for the first time again. How was that even possible? Was he even real?
My answer came when he lifted the showerhead from its position and changed the pressure and style, the spinning rim causing the spray to arch from a wide circle into only a few slender pulse points.
“Close your eyes and just feel, ” he instructed, lips pressed to the side of my ear once more from behind. “There is nothing that exists outside this shower. There’s only you, and me, and the way I make you feel.”
“Yes, sir,” I said, then boom, there it was again. The swell in Caleb’s scent. This time, his cock jumped at the same time, drawing me to his proudly standing length.
I was going to abuse that go-button in the future, wasn’t I?
Any smug thoughts or future revenge I’d been planning vanished when Caleb positioned me, then held the showerhead only a few scant inches from my own shoulders. I’d been wanting to get a massage for over six months, but I’d been so distracted by life, homework, and due dates that it kept getting postponed. But from the way the pulse of the showerhead hit me, I was transported to a spa, getting professional treatment.
“There you are,” Caleb rumbled, his voice barely audible over the sound of the spray, still able to go all the way down to my soul. “Relax for me. Relax.”
As if I had any other choice. I closed my eyes and followed his every word, just letting myself feel , letting myself come apart bit by bit until my tension and fear had no choice but to tumble out and let themselves be washed down the drain.
When I asked Caleb to help me with my last big human milestone before the wolf howled at the moon, I’d never imagined something like this. I’d pictured pulsing hips, his strong scent, and flashes of skin. This was just so much more.
Caleb carefully, methodically rinsed from my neck all the way to the small of my back, leaving my flesh deliciously warm, my muscles unknotting more and more by the moment. He reached past me, set the showerhead back in its holder, and a moment later, the whole bathroom smelled of lavender.
“Relax,” he breathed, then his hands were gliding over my neck and shoulders, spreading the body wash over my awaiting skin.
We hadn’t even gotten to the sex yet, and I was already a dripping mess. All thoughts and worries about Gavin were gone, and my fears sank down to a low simmer rather than a full-on rushing assault.
For a while, I was able to completely let go, let my head fall forward as his palms glided all along my shoulders, neck, and then my lower back, working out knots with his fingers wherever he found them. By the time he’d finished thoroughly tenderizing me, I was surprised to be upright at all. I was a helium balloon, about to float away in a happy little cloud.
I thought we were done, and I was about to turn and offer to soap up Caleb. Then he kneeled behind me and started the whole process again on my lower legs.
“You don’t have to,” I whispered, unable to open my eyes.
“I want to,” he said.
God, that was so hot. Tender, slow, purposeful—his every touch was a symphony in seduction against my skin. I was caught in a strange dichotomy of being hypnotized into total relaxation while also incredibly keyed up. My body was practically throbbing for him, demanding more, more, more.
I wanted him to take it. Wanted him to grip me, place me, take me on a journey I’d been scared to go on before.
I certainly wasn’t scared now.
He was just as thorough with my legs, though I flushed with the way that he paid extra attention to my ass and thighs. I felt like an ancient queen being attended to, or even a priestess being prepped for some important ceremony.
I felt beautiful.
When Caleb finally finished and I could see his face again, I pushed up on my toes and kissed him with all I had. I clung to him, desperate for his skin against mine, desperate for him. His strong arms wrapped around my torso, supporting me so I could practically collapse into him. Perhaps the craziest thing was that I trusted him. We hadn’t known each other for decades, but he was my guardian through and through. I knew it in my bones.
We stayed that way for some time, our hearts beating against each other, slowly growing closer in rhythm until they were in complete syncopation. I didn’t think I’d ever felt so damned connected to anyone in my entire life.
It wasn’t until he reached to slowly shut down the water that I could speak again, if only because I wasn’t kissing him.
“Don’t you want me to wash you?” I sounded drunk, fully inebriated from Caleb’s scent. His touch, his very presence.
“No, I’m fine. Why don’t we dry off?”
“Dry…? Oh, yes. Whatever you want.”
He bent down and kissed me once more, soft and oh so gentle. It didn’t feel like I was just hooking up with a random man. I felt cared for. Connected. “What I want is you,” he said.
Another ripple of desire went through me, and if it weren’t for the warmth of the lingering steam, I’d have had goosebumps all over my flesh. Swallowing to get moisture into my mouth, I worked up the nerve to answer. “I want you, too.”
“Glad we’re on the same page, then.”
“Me too.”
Taking my hand again, he gently urged me out of the shower and patted me down. He took his time, and I let myself be pampered in a way I never had before, let him take such care of me. In the end, it wouldn’t be so bad to let my walls down.
It was now or never, and I was choosing now.