Chapter 10
Bethany drove in circles around her neighborhood, her vision blurry with tears. An image of Rod floated in her mind’s eye, drawing her deep into the past, into terrible memories. Sometimes, she burst into a single sob, then pressed her lips shut and turned up the radio. If her neighbors were paying attention, they would gossip about her. They would ask, “Wasn’t there always something strange about Bethany Waterstone?”
After nearly an hour of wasteful driving, Bethany pulled into the driveway.She imagined Nick in his study, hiding himself away as the house shook with the opening of the garage door. Once in the kitchen, she listened intently as the house shifted around her. It was dark and gloomy, and Phoebe’s bright drawings on the fridge seemed almost ghoulish by comparison. It seemed bizarre that a happy family had ever once congregated here.
Again, Bethany removed her phone from her pocket, checking to make sure she hadn’t imagined Rod’s text. But there it was, calling out to her from a distant past. What did he want from her?
Of course, when Bethany had been in Nantucket, she’d thought of him. Somebody had mentioned in passing that he hadn’t lived on the island for a few years. That he’d gone to college. She’d felt her heart blister with joy for him. It had been inexplicable. She’d shoved the conversation into the dark part of her mind and told herself to forget.
Bethany drank a large glass of water and tiptoed upstairs to stand before Nick’s closed study door and weigh whether to knock. An orange light beamed beneath the doorway, and she could hear faint music. If she wasn’t mistaken, the air had a tint of alcohol to it, as though whatever he drank over there was so intense that it permeated the air. Her heart beat dully. She pressed her knuckles against the wood as tears spilled down her cheeks. She imagined herself whispering, Nick? Nick, what happened to us? But instead, she knew she would shriek with her true fear. Was it my fault your patient nearly died?
Her biggest fear, she knew, was being a bad doctor.
Overwhelmed with panic, Bethany scurried downstairs, leaped into her car, and drove to the Waterstone mansion. She needed to see her children. She needed to wrap her arms around little Phoebe and listen to one of Tommy’s never-ending stories. She needed to indulge Maddie, who was so sure she was a little adult already. She needed to be reminded of her own tremendous love.
Amanda opened the door wearing a cruel smile. “Isn’t this a surprise?”
Bethany hovered on the doorstep, wondering if Amanda would let her in. Amanda placed her hands on her hips. From the living room came the sound of a superhero film, one that Tommy was obsessed with and that the girls tolerated. There was the smell of popcorn.
“You look worse for wear, my dear,” Amanda said although she didn’t sound particularly worried. She sighed. “Come in.”
Bethany walked to the edge of the living room, watching as the ghoulish light from the television danced across her beautiful children’s faces. During this part of the film, the superhero battled a man he’d previously thought to be his best friend in the world. Sorrow over the betrayal was etched across his face, even as he used his superhuman strength to defeat him.
This was what it was like to be married to Nick, Bethany thought.
“Hi, Mom!” Phoebe called.
Tommy and Maddie flinched around to wave at their mother. Bethany’s throat swelled.
“It’s only half finished,” Tommy explained of the film.
“Want some popcorn?” Maddie asked.
Bethany smiled through tears. She hoped they didn’t notice.
“Take your time, my loves,” she said.
Amanda touched her shoulder, drawing her back into the kitchen. She poured Bethany a cup of tea and gestured for her to sit in the breakfast nook. Overhead was a framed photograph of the Waterstones thirty years ago when Nick looked identical to Tommy now. Bethany breathed over the tea steam to cool it.
Amanda was talking. But it took Bethany a few minutes to focus enough to hear what she said.
“And that’s the thing about men,” Amanda said, stirring more sugar into her tea. “They need to feel protected and supported. They need to feel that their work is important. They need to feel that their wives believe in them. Do you understand what I’m saying, Bethany?”
Bethany’s eyes were slits. Her head pounded. Strangely, she thought now of Rod’s mother, of how mesmerized she’d been with Bethany’s academic skills. “You’re going to go far, Bethany,” she’d said. “I hope Rod can keep up.”
“I hope you don’t take this the wrong way,” Amanda said, “but he’s never felt that support. He never felt he could go the distance because his wife was taking care of things at home. And as his mother, it just eats me up inside.” She sipped her tea and smiled serenely. “If you really want to save your marriage, Bethany, won’t you consider giving something up? Motherhood is about sacrifice. It’s about finding your mission in life from within.”
Bethany gaped at her. Her stomach gurgled with a mix of guilt and rage. Before she could respond, however, a powerful voice called to her from the kitchen doorway.
“Good evening, Bethany.”
Dr. Bob Waterstone stood in a suit and tie, his hair greased and combed back behind his ears. Bethany remembered learning that Bob still liked to get dressed up every day despite being retired. It forced him to “engage with the world,” so Amanda said.
Bethany snapped to her feet. Something about Bob demanded that kind of attention. He looked at her as though he were a hunter and she was a doe. Her hands were in fists.
“Good evening, Bob,” Bethany said quietly.
Bob flinched. The way he looked at her now made Bethany understand just how much he genuinely hated her. Perhaps he always had. Since their wedding day. Since the day Nick brought her home to meet the parents.
“Can I see you upstairs for a moment?” Bob asked. “I’m sure it won’t take long.”
Bethany bowed her head and followed Bob up the winding staircase to the ominous office. She’d only been inside one other time, years ago when Nick had been offered a permanent position at Bob’s hospital, and they’d celebrated with very good scotch. Back then, Bethany had been tremendously pleased to have her own position, her own hospital. But now, she was all twisted up in their drama.
Bethany sat across from Bob and watched as he poured himself a glass of scotch. She refused one for herself. She didn’t want to pretend to be in Bob’s boy’s club. He would never allow her to be in it, anyway.
“I spoke to Nick on the phone today,” Bob said, arching a single brow.
Bethany made sure not to change the expression on her face. She didn’t want Bob to know she and Nick weren’t speaking.
She had a hunch that Bob was about to accuse her of giving Nick the wrong instructions. She braced herself.
“You know,” Bob began, his voice cracking, “I told him not to marry you. All those years ago.”
Bethany’s eyes widened with surprise. The immediacy of the attack was startling. She remained quiet, wondering if she could storm out of the office, collect her children, and leave. What was stopping her?
She supposed she still wanted to know if Nick’s mistake had been her fault.
“He always compared himself to you,” Bob said, tilting his head. “He always knew you were smarter than him. That you were destined for greater things. That doesn’t do anything good for a man’s opinion of himself. You can’t understand that, of course. I imagine you’re something of a—how do you call it—a psychopath?”
Bethany sputtered with laughter. She couldn’t help it. “I’m a psychopath because I had a dream, and I went after it?”
Bob’s eyes went black. “You’re certainly unfeeling to Nick’s condition.”
Bethany was on her feet. “I’ve loved Nick. I’ve been there for him. I’ve done all I can.”
Did Bob know how many times she’d worked twelve-hour shifts at the hospital, only to come home and do all of the housework and cook dinner? Did Bob understand what it was like to literally run a hospital, deal with your husband’s broken ego, and get all the kids to their after-school activities on time?
All the air went out of her lungs.
“He was never as smart as me,” Bob was saying into his scotch. “He just never knew how to bring it all together.”
Suddenly, everything clicked for Bethany. What was she doing in this dark, menacing office? What was she doing, engaging with Amanda and Bob? They’d never believed in her. They didn’t even really like her.
Trying to convince them of anything was the biggest waste of time. And Bethany was done.
Bethany turned on her heel and stormed from the office. Had she had more wherewithal, she might have said something to Bob—the last words fit for an action film. But more than anything, she had to get out of there.
Bethany rushed into the living room during one of the final acts of the superhero film. “Guys, we have to go,” she announced to her children. “Get your stuff together.”
Tommy gaped at her. For a moment, she worried she would have to yell, scream, do anything she could think of to get them out. But something in her tone was apparently convincing enough. Tommy reached for the remote and turned off the television as Phoebe and Maddie wordlessly gathered their things. Amanda’s shadow appeared in the doorway, where she clasped her hands together and said, “Bethany, you’ve really lost yourself. Let the kids stay overnight. Go home to your husband.”
Bethany glowered at her through the darkness. She didn’t want to be the sort of woman who said ill words to her kids’ grandmother in front of them. That was trashy—and she wasn’t trashy. She was a Sutton, after all.
Sweetly, she said, “We really need to get home. Thank you so much for your help, though. Kids, say thank you to Grandma!”
Tommy, Maddie, and Phoebe thanked their grandmother and hugged her. Amanda’s face looked crushed.
As Bethany gathered her children out the door and entered the dark, humid night, Amanda begged her quietly, “Don’t do anything rash, Bethany. Think of your children. Please.”
And Bethany couldn”t help herself. She turned back, locked eyes with Amanda, and said in a voice too quiet for her children to hear, “I am thinking of them. And I don’t want them to spend another moment in this house. You and your husband are truly backward people. Good night.”