Chapter 12
The drive from Savannah to Nantucket took nineteen hours—ten hours the first day and nine the second. It required a stop-over in Virginia, where they ordered room service and watched action movies on the big-screen television. Nobody brought up Nick, and nobody asked to call home. Late at night, as Bethany gazed through the shadows at her sleeping children, she felt a panic attack rise up across her chest and through her arms. She filled her lungs, closed her eyes, and counted to ten, then twenty, then thirty, waiting for it to pass. She was doing the right thing.
Tommy, Maddie, and Phoebe were vibrant and happy throughout the drive, trading books or Pokémon cards, playing video games, or singing songs. Sometimes, Maddie sat up front with Bethany; other times, Tommy took the passenger seat, flicking through local radio stations and saying everything he knew about the states they passed through. He was such a smart boy, far smarter than his father, Bethany thought. Destined to do great things. Her daughters, too.
Maybe they wouldn’t be cursed by the Waterstone or Sutton names. It was never far from her mind that Victor Sutton was just as problematic as the Waterstones were.
Bethany was grateful for her children’s excitement. When she’d told them they were heading to Nantucket to visit her side of the family, she’d half expected them to resist, to ask why their father wasn’t coming. But they were malleable, as many children were. They were open to change.
Nick hadn’t come out of his study at all as they’d packed up and prepared to leave. Bethany had even knocked on the door and softly said, “I don’t know if we’ll ever come back.”
She hadn’t known she was going to say that. Perhaps it sounded like a threat. But after she’d said it, Bethany understood just how right it felt. She didn’t want her children to grow up with Amanda and Bob as grandparents. She didn’t want to work at that hospital and feel all that pity from her colleagues, all of whom knew just how wretched it was to be married to Nick Waterstone.
Another life awaited them. It was time to go. They would work out the specifics later. “Play it as it lays,” so to speak.
When Bethany parked on the Nantucket ferry, her children scrambled out and hurried to the top deck. Bethany watched their faces as they gazed, captivated, at the rollicking ocean. The air was fresher this far north and easier to breathe.
“Bethany Sutton?” A voice rang through the crowd, and Bethany turned, smiling, to find an old friend of her mother’s, who was about a million years old these days, with bright white hair and a stooped posture. Her eyes glinted with good humor.
“Mrs. Blithe!” Bethany reached out to take her hand. “What are you doing out here?”
Mrs. Blithe was like many islanders. She didn’t leave if she didn’t have to. What did the rest of the world have that Nantucket didn’t? Nothing, Bethany had found out. Only confusion. Only fear.
“I should ask you the same thing,” Mrs. Blithe said. “I heard you were back last month. I didn’t imagine you’d return so soon for another visit.”
“I got a taste of island life again,” Bethany explained easily. “I needed to share it with my children.”
Speaking to Mrs. Blithe now reminded Bethany of being a little girl again. The entire island had known her name, her parents, and genuinely cared for and watched out for her. Perhaps, if she and the kids really did stay, her children would enjoy the same privileges. They’d be protected.
Raising her children in the suburbs of Savannah had frequently made Bethany fearful. The city had lurked, fast and dangerous, just a few minutes away. The newspapers and online articles she’d read told her stories of criminal activity, of children who’d gone out one day and never came home. How many nights had she stayed awake, tossing and turning, fearful that her children were just a few days, weeks, or months away from disappearing, too?
She’d craved the comforts of island life. She’d ached for that safety.
“Your mother must be over the moon,” Mrs. Blithe said.
“Oh, yes. You know, she’s never met her grandchildren,” Bethany added, her hand on Phoebe’s soft hair.
Mrs. Blithe made a soft noise of surprise in her throat. Bethany knew what she was thinking. Families being apart for so long was practically a crime. There was no reason for it.
Bethany hadn’t spoken to Esme directly about her return. She’d whispered her plans to Rebecca on the phone as her children had thrown clothes and toys in their suitcases, her voice breaking, her heart thudding like a drum. She hadn’t bothered to explain the specifics or the why. Rebecca already knew Bethany was miserable in her marriage. Probably, she thought it was as simple as that.
But nothing about marriage was simple.
“We’ll talk more when you get here,” Rebecca had said, her voice firm. “Whatever it is, we can get through this. Together.”
Bethany drove slowly through the sun-bleached streets of Nantucket Island. July was the height of tourist season, and American flags flapped in the wind from porches and restaurant fronts. Tommy pointed out that almost everyone was eating an ice cream cone, and Bethany promised they could get some that afternoon after they settled in at their grandmother’s place. Because Rebecca and her three children were also staying at Esme’s, Bethany wasn’t entirely sure how they’d all fit. Rebecca had assured her it would all work out.
“We’ll put blow-up mattresses everywhere! The kids can share rooms! It’ll be like summer camp!” Rebecca had said.
Even though Bethany had always technically been the most responsible, Rebecca was the eldest. That meant something. She wanted to carry Bethany forward. She wanted to help.
After Bethany turned the engine off in Esme’s driveway, Rebecca burst from the front door and waved happily. She led her three children out into the front yard—Shelby, Chad, and Lily, all of whom were tanned and muscular, presumably from hiking across Nantucket and swimming in the sound. Bethany imagined her own children looking like that in just a few weeks’ time. It was amazing how quickly children fell into an easy rhythm somewhere.
It would probably take Bethany a great deal more time to adjust. She would feel the whiplash from the ending of her marriage soon. She was waiting for it to strike, and it terrified her.
Tommy, Maddie, and Phoebe scrambled out of the car and blinked up at their cousins. They were captivated. Phoebe, especially, gazed at Shelby and Lily, eager to make them her new heroes.
Bethany got out and wrapped her arms around Rebecca. She felt like silly putty, apt to melt in Rebecca’s arms.
“We’re so pleased you’re here,” Rebecca breathed before kneeling to introduce herself to Maddie, Tommy, and Phoebe. “Tommy, you know that you’re named after our grandfather?”
Tommy did know that. “He fought in World War II,” he announced proudly. “Mom showed me a photograph of him in his uniform.”
“He was very brave,” Rebecca said, taking on the role of aunt easily. “You know, he met his wife, your great-grandmother, when he was overseas.”
“In Germany!” Tommy affirmed. “I love history. It’s my second favorite subject, after mathematics.”
“Math?” Shelby wrinkled her nose.
“We’re a science and math family,” Tommy explained. “My father and mother are both surgeons.”
Bethany’s heart felt squeezed. At what point would her children demand to see their father? At what point would they catch on to the fact that nothing would ever be the same again?
“You’re a surgeon, Aunt Bethany?” Chad asked, his eyes widening.
“She was the genius of our family,” Rebecca announced proudly, then smiled. “Why don’t you come inside? I’m sure you’re exhausted. We spent the morning baking banana bread. Who wants some?”
The house smelled wonderful, like lilacs and freshly baked bread and something else—cinnamon, maybe. Something that reminded Bethany of being a kid again. Bethany watched her children wander through the living room, where they touched the piano and engaged with the hanging photographs of Bethany as a girl. They were used to seeing those kinds of photographs at Amanda and Bob’s—all of Nick and their Waterstone aunts. This was another universe.
“Where’s Mom?”
“She’s at the Sutton Book Club,” Rebecca said as she sliced banana bread at the kitchen counter. “Some women are discussing Tolstoy, of all things, and she didn’t want to miss it. I told her that Tolstoy was better for winter.”
Bethany laughed nervously and leaned against the counter. In the living room, Rebecca’s and Bethany’s children discussed which YouTube stars they liked. Already, Shelby was showing Phoebe her favorite TikTok videos on her cell phone—something Phoebe wasn’t allowed to own yet. They’d fallen into a rhythm.
“I hope it’s okay for your kids?” Bethany whispered. “To hang around with my younger ones?”
Rebecca laughed. “Are you kidding? They’re fascinated! They never had any cousins up in Maine. And they’re naturally bossy. I’m sure they’ll love to have younger kids to lead around the island.” She handed Bethany a slice of banana bread, adding, “It’s free babysitting for you, too, Bethany. I’m sure you need some time to yourself.”
Bethany’s heart surged as she took a bite of banana bread, which was perfect and nutty and warm. She blinked back tears. Rebecca took a big platter of banana bread slices into the living room and announced, “Eat up!” before returning to the kitchen to pour Bethany a glass of wine and order her to relax. Only then did Bethany realize her muscles were uncomfortably tight.
Rebecca looked at her curiously, burning with questions. Bethany wasn’t ready for a full-grade conversation.
“I don’t want to get into it now,” Bethany said with a soft laugh. “I just want to sit here. I want you to tell me how your summer is going!”
Rebecca fell into it. She told silly stories from their first few weeks together in Nantucket about troubles at the restaurant and a sailing adventure gone wrong. She glowed as she spoke, proof that, finally, after a tremendously difficult year, she’d found a sort of peace. Bethany’s heart tripled in size.
As she sat there with her sister, it occurred to her that she’d made herself very small in Savannah. She’d tried to make space for Nick for too long. She’d betrayed herself.
“You look happy,” Bethany told her quietly.
“We are happy,” Rebecca affirmed, her eyes thoughtful. “And trust me. I never thought we would be happy again.”
That afternoon, Rebecca, Bethany, and all their children went to the beach, where they ate ice cream cones and played in the water. As Bethany dove underwater and the waves surged overhead, she recalled a near-forgotten afternoon with Rod when they’d eaten mango and kissed deliriously under the sun. When she returned to the surface, her head thudded with the memory of Rod’s text. What had he wanted?
As their children continued to scamper through the waves, Bethany wrapped up in a towel and sat next to her sister. As though she read her mind, Rebecca asked, “Did he ever reach out?” She didn’t even have to use his name. It was as though they’d fallen back into the rhythm of sisterly telepathy.
“Oh. You gave him my number?”
Rebecca raised her shoulders. “He was so embarrassed to ask. He sounded like he really needed it. I couldn’t imagine why, but I also didn’t want to stand in the way of him getting ahold of you if it was really important. I don’t know.” She sighed. “People need people, right?”
Bethany wrinkled her nose. “Things have been so crazy. I haven’t had time to sit down with my phone and figure out what to write back. I mean, it’s been so long since we talked. We were completely different people back then. I’m sure the Bethany he thinks he’s reaching out to doesn’t exist anymore. I barely know who I am right now.”
Rebecca tilted her head thoughtfully. In the water, Phoebe shrieked happily and splashed Tommy.
“I saw him recently at the restaurant,” Rebecca said after a pause.
Bethany’s heart surged. “Oh?”
“He looked at me like I was a ghost. Mom and I tried to be welcoming, but he got out of there just as quickly as he’d come. And his date? I’m pretty sure she wasn’t pleased with him for taking her in there.”
Bethany rubbed her forehead. Why did it bother her that Rod was on a date? She didn’t even know what he looked like anymore. She could only imagine his eighteen-year-old face and smile. How handsome he’d been. How proud she’d been to be his girlfriend.
“I’ll write him back. Soon,” Bethany offered although she wasn’t sure she could.
“Do whatever you want,” Rebecca said. “Nobody wants anything more from you right now.”
That night, Bethany and Rebecca led their troupe of children back home, where they showered and changed into pajamas and waited upstairs for the pizza to arrive. Esme got home not long afterward and kissed her grandchildren with tears in her eyes. When she returned to the kitchen, she rubbed her cheeks and collapsed at the table with a glass of wine.
“My heart is so full,” she said. She then reached across the table and took both of Bethany’s hands. After a moment, she deflated. “Oh, honey. Are you okay?”
Rebecca’s face echoed her interest. Maybe it was finally time to explain everything that had happened. To open herself up in a way that she hadn’t allowed herself to in many, many years.
Tentatively, Bethany began to describe what was going wrong in Savannah. She explained the gender divide in the medical community, the fact that Nick’s parents had never respected or even really liked her, the medical malpractice suits Nick had gone through since his career had begun, and the fact that she’d been selected for a position that Nick had “supposedly been born to have.”
“Ever since Nick was born, Dr. Bob Waterstone groomed him to take over where Bob left off one day,” Bethany explained. “I’m sympathetic to the stress of that, of course. And it’s not that I don’t think Nick is brilliant. I do in so many ways. But in being a surgeon, you have to have something else. A thick skin that Nick lacks.” She snapped her fingers as her heart raced. She hated speaking of Nick like this, especially when he wasn’t there to represent himself.
“Did you always know?” Esme asked quietly, “That he wasn’t up to this?”
“No! Not at all,” Bethany said. “Back when I first met him, I fell head over heels. I was sure that we would go into the medical world hand in hand and change things. It was only when I got wind of the fact that his father hid Nick’s mistakes that I understood the brevity of the situation.”
Esme and Rebecca were captivated, frequently asking questions to ensure they understood. For the first time since Bethany had left home, she felt genuinely heard. She felt loved.
When she got to the part about Nick not leaving his office for the past week, she burst into tears. Esme and Rebecca hurried to wrap their arms around her and pour her a glass of water. Bethany shook.
“He’s the father of my children,” Bethany whispered through tears, “and he doesn’t even respect me enough to explain what’s wrong. He just hides himself away and expects me to take care of the children, the house, and my career. I feel abandoned.”
“That isn’t a partner,” Esme said angrily. “What a selfish man.”
Bethany remembered her father, Victor. How easy it had been to abandon his family in the wake of Joel’s death.
She remembered Rod, too. What he’d done to her when things had gotten rough.
Were all men that weak?
“Have you heard from Nick since you left?” Rebecca asked.
Bethany shook her head. “Not from Nick or his parents. I don’t know how long that will last. Tommy is a male Waterstone. I imagine there’s a lot of pressure on him already to ‘become something.’ And I can’t imagine they’ll let us get away forever.”
“It’s 2024,” Esme said ominously. “I thought girls in Maddie and Phoebe’s generation would be saved from such sexist behavior.”
“It’s ingrained in our society,” Rebecca said. “Shelby and Lily aren’t immune at all. I hate it.”
“Not here,” Esme assured them. “In this house, women have all the respect they deserve. We Sutton women have been through too much to settle for less.”
It surprised Bethany that Esme referred to herself as a Sutton. But it was the last name that linked the three of them together. It was the last name Valerie still carried out in California. And it was the name that Joel had been buried with. It mattered.
“I hope you’ll stay as long as you need to,” Esme said, giving Bethany’s hand a final squeeze. “This home is your home.”
“I cleared my calendar for the next few weeks and took a formal leave of absence,” Bethany said softly.
Saying this aloud forced Bethany to face it fully for the first time. After fighting for this top spot at the hospital, it still amazed her that she was able to step away so easily. But the poison of that position seeped through her life. She couldn’t remain there, at that hospital, in that top spot that Dr. Bob Waterstone had held for so long. It was bound to destroy her.
“Honey, you’re tremendously brave in doing what’s necessary,” Esme whispered, sensing the fear behind Bethany’s words. “I hope you aren’t second-guessing yourself. You’ve always done exactly what you needed to do to survive.”
That night, Bethany lay in the darkness of her childhood bedroom and stared at the bright light of her phone, reading and rereading Rod’s text message. It felt like a nagging task in the back of her mind, something she needed to find the strength to deal with. But right now, the weight of her real life pressed too hard on her chest. Instead, she flicked through old photographs of Nick, Tommy, Maddie, and Phoebe during a picnic they’d gone on late last summer when the humidity of Savannah had finally split open, and they’d actually enjoyed time outdoors. In the photos, Nick fake-wrestled with Tommy and Maddie while Phoebe danced around the perimeter, calling out everyone’s names. Bethany’s heart surged with love for them.
How was it possible she’d built a life with this man? How could they have shared so much—only to have it all crumble in their hands?
It was now long past midnight. Bethany felt dawn chasing her, with its many needs and desires. Her children would need her to be peppy and strong. She would need to be light on her feet and avoid exhausted tears.
Bethany darkened the screen of her phone and tried to sleep. When she finally fell, she mercifully had no dreams.