Chapter 35
CHAPTER THIRTY-FIVE
NASH
It’d been nearly a week since I had been in the same room with Rory. More, actually, if I didn’t count that night at The Willow Tree with Nat. And I absolutely didn’t.
All day and night, I’d watched Rory from afar, keeping an eye on her, because something had happened. I could tell in the way she held herself, in her forced smile. And my gut told me it was more than just Nat being home.
I’d wanted nothing more than to comfort her, take her in my arms, whisper something in her ear to make her get mad at me just to see a little of that fire back in her eyes. Of course, I hadn’t done that. Rory had made her stance on that perfectly clear, and I was going to respect it. For now. So instead, I’d taken the ribbing Nat had given me without much comment.
Yeah, I was gone over Rory, and there was no use denying it. I wasn’t going to bother lying to myself about it anymore. What was the use? I’d crushed on her for ten long years when she’d only been an unattainable fantasy. But the reality of her? She was even better than my imagination. Was it any wonder I’d fallen for her?
And I was pretty damn sure she felt the same about me. Except, in the time since I’d been at her place the night before Gran’s party and now, something had spooked her. She was running scared, making up excuse after excuse for reasons she couldn’t see me. Every single one was complete and total bullshit.
She was ghosting me again, just like she had in the beginning. Courteous enough to respond to my texts but not enough to tell me what was going on. Just enough to keep me away.
Well, I was done with her brush-offs. I wanted to know what the fuck happened to make her go from riding me on the couch, her eyes so full of emotion as she looked at me it’d nearly choked me, to her not even wanting to be in the same room together.
I came to a stop in front of her house. I’d worried she’d be holed up inside and wouldn’t answer my knock, but she sat on the porch swing I’d made her. Our eyes locked as soon as I stepped out of my truck.
“Thought you were goin’ out with your sisters?” I called. That’d been the lie she’d fed me today when I’d asked if she wanted to Netflix and chill.
Except I’d seen Mac at The Willow Tree and had come right out and asked her about it. She’d admitted she was working all night, and Will and Finn had some wedding shit to deal with. It was an easy enough lie to catch Rory in. Too easy, in fact. Almost as if she wanted me to figure it out. As if she wanted me to confront her on it.
Well, she was getting her wish.
She sat with one leg tucked under her, the other hanging down, pushing her back and forth in a slow rhythm. “They had to cancel.”
I climbed the steps and didn’t stop until I stood directly in front of her. “We both know that’s bullshit, Rory.”
“I get enough preteen sass from my girls, thanks. If you’re gonna be rude, you can go ahead and leave.”
“I’m not leavin’ until you tell me what the hell happened.”
She broke eye contact with me and turned her head to stare off into the distance. “I don’t know what you mean.”
I dropped into a crouch in front of her and shifted to the side until I caught her gaze. “Don’t play these games with me, princess. We’ve never done that before, and we’re certainly not gonna start now.”
She blew out a long breath, as if this conversation exhausted her very soul. “I don’t know what you want from me, Nash.”
“I want you to be real with me. Same thing I’ve always wanted. Same thing I’ve always asked from you. Just be real.”
“Fine.” Her jaw clenched, and she folded her arms over her chest. “You want real? This isn’t working.”
“You’re gonna have to be more specific. What, exactly, isn’t workin’? The partnership?”
She rolled her eyes. “Not everything is about the partnership. I’m talkin’ about this .” She gestured between us with a quick flick of her fingers. “Us. We’re not workin’. I can’t keep doin’ this thing with you. But don’t worry about our partnership—I’ll still hold up my end of the bargain,” she said, her voice tinged with frustration.
“You think I’m worried about the fucking partnership? I don’t give a damn about that. I can work anywhere. Do anything. Hell, Bozeman already offered me a job if my old man accepts their offer.” I reached up and cupped her face in my hands, my entire body aching to kiss her. To hold her. To remind her exactly how good it was between us. “But there’s only one you. That’s what I’m worried about. That’s what’s got me all tied up in knots, princess. Losing you .”
She stared at me for long moments—so long I thought maybe, just maybe, I’d gotten through. But then she dropped her gaze and shook her head, pulling out of my grasp. “I just…I can’t do it anymore.”
I shook my head, studying her. “Last week, everything was just fine between us. You remember last week, right? When you rode me on your couch? Held on to me so tight and whispered my name as you came all over me?”
“Don’t do that,” she said, her voice tight.
“Don’t do what? Remind you of the truth? Show you how good it’s always been between us? That’s exactly what happened, and you know it. So what the hell changed in a few days?”
“ Everything ,” she snapped. “Everything changed.”
“Shit, Rory, you’ve gotta give me something more than that. How can I fix it if you won’t tell me what the hell is wrong?”
She shook her head. “I just…I thought I could handle this—handle bein’ with you and all the history you come with—but I can’t. I know you weren’t a saint before me, but I don’t appreciate your former lovers flauntin’ your sex life right in front of me.”
“What the hell are you talkin’ about?” I’d specifically kept my minimal sex life out of Havenbrook. I’d never had more than one-night stands when the itch got to be too much. There were no crazy ex-girlfriends attempting to stake their claim on me. No women who’d be flaunting anything because there was nothing to flaunt.
“The redhead at the bar the night of Gran’s party.”
I furrowed my brow. “Who?”
With a huff, she rolled her eyes. “You don’t have to lie to spare my feelings, Nash. I’m a big girl. I just want the truth. When’s the last time y’all were together?” She shifted her gaze to the side, breaking eye contact. “We never talked about that, about whether we’d be exclusive or not. I just assumed we were, and that’s on me, but?—”
“Are you fucking kidding me right now? You think I went out and fucked other girls while I was sleepin’ in your bed?” I pushed up to stand and walked in a tight circle, my fingers linked at the back of my head. “That’s a shitty accusation, and you know it.”
“I heard her loud and clear. She said?—”
I spun around to face her. “I don’t give a fuck what she said! I’m saying it never happened, and I’ve never given you a reason not to trust me. I told her that night—same as I have every other time she’s tried to get into my bed—that I’m not interested. I’m not Sean, Rory. I’m not gonna go around behind your back and fuck your best friend. I’ve never cheated on anyone in my life, because I’ve never had anyone to cheat on. This is the first time I’ve ever been tied to anyone, and I’m sure as hell not lookin’ for a way out. You’re it for me.”
Rory snapped her mouth shut, but the doubt still lingered in her eyes. Doubt over what kind of man I was. If I’d be a repeat of her dumb-ass ex-husband. Or maybe she saw me like the rest of the town did, simply an extension of my father.
“What else?” I said. “No use gettin’ shy now. Lay it all out for me so we can work through this shit.”
She clenched her jaw and stared at me with hard eyes, but she met my challenge. “Everyone’s talkin’ about it.”
So she had heard the whispers. She was bound to sooner or later. I’d just hoped it’d happen after our foundation was a little more solid and we could withstand the rumors.
“It’s Havenbrook, princess. Everyone talks about everything.”
“Yeah, well, I’m tired of everyone talkin’ about me . That’s all they’ve been doin’ for months. And now…the things they’re sayin’—” She clamped her mouth shut, as if she hadn’t meant to reveal what she did.
I narrowed my eyes. “What? What’re they sayin’?” If I had to kick some asses, I had no problem doing so.
“It’s nothing.”
“Rory.”
She huffed. “For one thing, I’m too old for you.”
“Says who?”
“Says everyone, including your father.”
My brow furrowed. “What the hell does my old man have to do with it?”
“Never mind.”
“Oh no. That’s not gonna fly. You brought it up, now tell me.”
“He…he hit on me at the party.”
I jerked back, blinking through the shock. “He what ?”
“Look, I can blow off a lot of talk because I know most of it’s nonsense anyway. But when the proof is served to me on a silver platter, it’s a lot harder to ignore. If your dad thinks it’s okay to ask me out, don’t you think that means I’m a little too old for you?”
I was going to kill him with my bare hands. As if it wasn’t bad enough I had to navigate Havenbrook after my old man had torn through it like a sex tornado, fucking anyone willing, now I had to deal with him going after the woman I loved?
“My dad would hit on a lamppost if it had a decent pair of tits, Rory. That doesn’t mean anything.”
Her shoulders sank and she shook her head, the fight evaporating right out of her, and my stomach bottomed out. I wanted her mouthy and fired up. I wanted her incensed and angry, because at least that meant she was passionate about us—about me. But this…she looked like she’d already forfeited the fight, and I was still getting my gloves on.
“Maybe not,” she said, “but it doesn’t change the fact that we don’t make sense. We’ve never made sense. You’d fit better with someone like Nat.”
“Like Nat ? What the fuck?”
“You can’t deny you guys have chemistry. Not a soul at that party could deny it.”
“Yeah, we have the kind of chemistry that’s sustained a friendship for two decades. That’s it. If I wanted Nat, I’d have kept her after that disastrous attempt in high school. You can’t seriously be worried about that—she’s like a sister to me.”
“Don’t belittle what I’m feelin’. That’s not fair. You wanted me to tell you what the issues were, so I did. All you’re doin’ is arguin’ with me on every single point.”
“So, what, you’re ready to throw this away because some people are talkin’ and my dad hit on you? Big fucking deal, Rory. Those are nothin’ but speed bumps, and we can get over them.”
“They’re more than speed bumps to me, Nash! I can ignore a lot of what they’re sayin’, but not everything. Not when it’s exactly what I’ve been worried about this entire time. I couldn’t keep Sean from strayin’, so how can I possibly hope to keep you?”
“Keep me ? I’m scared to death I won’t be able to keep you ! You’re the gorgeous, unattainable Rory Haven, and I’m the kid whose mom left him and whose dad fucks his way through town. I’m a high school dropout who uses his hands for a living. I’m never gonna be a suit guy who can buy you the biggest house on the block. I know I’m not good enough for you, but I’m still not runnin’. I’m here, and I’m ready to fight for this, because what we have is worth it.”
“What we had was a brief affair that ran its course.”
“No, what we have is a connection like I’ve never had with anyone else—including your sister. I don’t care what you say to me, how many lies you feed me, I know it’s the same for you. I know it is. You might’ve been married before, but this is just as new for you as it is for me. Tell me you allowed yourself to be real with him. Tell me that, and I’ll leave and never look back.”
She crossed her arms and avoided my gaze, and that was all the answer I needed.
“That’s what I thought.”
“It’s time for you to go.” Rory’s voice was monotone, all emotion zapped from it.
“Not happenin’, princess. I’m not leavin’ until we work this out.”
She slammed her hands down on the cushion. “Dammit, Nash, we’re not workin’ it out! Can’t you see that? I’m not ready for something like this! I just ended a marriage with a man who left me for my best friend. I can’t just dive into another relationship so soon. That’s not how things work for me.”
“Jesus, Rory, I’m not proposin’. We can go as fast or as slow as you want. I just wanna be with you while we do it. We’re good together.”
“Says who?”
“ Me !”
“And what do you know about it? You’re still a baby! You don’t know what you want in life. You still need to figure out who you are.”
“Don’t feed me that bullshit. I’ve wanted you for ten goddamn years, and that hasn’t changed once. So don’t tell me I don’t know what the fuck I want or who I am. I already know.”
Her silence hit me like a confession, and suddenly, everything made sense. She was deflecting and pushing this all off on me, but I wasn’t the issue. She was. Despite having shown her over and over again that I loved her just as she was, she was still fumbling around, trying to find her footing.
“But maybe I’m not the one who needs to be looking.” I knelt in front of her once again and wrapped my hand around her ankle, willing her to glance my way, but she never did. “I love every single facet of you—the real you. You’re brilliant and creative and bossy and opinionated and talented and so fucking strong. But if you can’t see it, I can’t force you to.”
A single tear rolled down her cheek, and I reached up and swiped it away. Wanted nothing more than to kiss away her hurt, and I probably could. Could kiss my way back into her life, fuck us both until we felt better. For a little while, anyway. But then we’d crash when it was over, and she’d be worse off after it.
So instead, I rubbed my thumb along her exposed ankle and put as much emotion into the simple touch as I could. “I’m not givin’ up on this, Rory. I won’t give up on us. No matter how long it takes to prove that to you, I’m gonna do it. So, you take as much time as you need. When you figure it out, you know where to find me.”