Chapter 8
––––––––
Kyle
He’d done many stupid things in his life.
This one was the worst.
The woman who’d lied to him for eight years was currently in his arms and his hands were on her breasts.
Talk about mixed messages.
He couldn’t help it, though. He was drawn to her, and if she was in the room, his body was on fire with the need to touch her and kiss her and fuck her.
His heart and brain hated her, but his body had never gotten the message.
He should stop. He should take his hands and lips off her and back up. Instead, he was leaning in, licking the skin at her neck and scraping his teeth along her jaw, all while he toyed with her nipples through her shirt, as she moaned like a porn star.
Yeah, there was no way he was stopping.
“Do you want me to fuck you?” That”s what this was going to be. A hard fucking to hopefully get her out of his system once and for all. “Say it. Tell me you want this.”
“I do.” She was breathless, and her hands, just like his, were everywhere. “I want you to fuck me.”
His lips found hers again, giving her a punishing kiss as he moved them a few feet until they were near the edge of the couch. Then he spun her around so her back was against his front and pushed his hard cock onto her backside. “Is this what you want? You want my cock?”
“Yes,” she cried out as her back arched when he gripped her hair. “Please, Kyle, fuck me.”
He shoved her forward, so her elbows landed on the arm of the couch, and then pushed her stretchy leggings down her legs, airing her ass to him. His fingers wasted no time trailing between her thighs. “Already wet for me, aren’t you?” He’d never ever been like this, this forceful and aggressive.
Then again, he’d never had hate sex with the woman who kept his child from him.
There was a first time for everything.
She was moaning and pressing back against his hand urgently. “Oh God, please.”
He needed her to stop talking. He might want to fuck her, but hearing her voice was too much. “No talking.” He punctuated his words with a hard slap to her ass.
She yelped, but her pussy clenched around the finger that he’d slipped inside her body.
She absolutely liked being spanked.
So he did it again. “All I want to hear from you is moans. Nothing else.” He smacked her ass again, this time even harder. When he pulled his hand from her pussy to open his own jeans and take out his cock, she whimpered.
That was a noise he could handle.
Grabbing a condom from his wallet, one he’d put there before meeting her at the coffee shop in the hopes of just this very thing, he opened it quickly and rolled it down his length. Then, without warning or any indication to her, he slammed into her, hard.
To her credit, she kept quiet other than a small moan.
With his pants hanging off his hips and hers pushed below her knees, he fucked her as she was bent over the back of the couch.
There was nothing sexy or romantic about it.
It was nothing but revenge sex.
Revenge for the lies she told. Revenge for keeping his daughter from him all this time. Revenge for leaving him.
Revenge, because no matter how hard he tried, he just couldn’t hate her.
He was going to keep trying though, because she’d done something unforgivable.
His thrusts were hard and relentless, as he pounded into her body. She took everything he gave her and he was pretty sure if she spoke, she’d beg for more. He just fucked her without ever needing to ask what she wanted. He gripped her long hair with one hand, wrapping it tightly around his fist, and used the other to deliver fast, firm slaps against her ass.
It turned bright red from the constant torture but he didn’t stop. He wasn’t trying to hurt her, not physically, but he wanted her to feel a little of what he felt deep down inside.
Rejected, abandoned, pushed aside, alone.
It wasn’t just her who’d made him feel that way either. She was supposed to be different. She was supposed to love him no matter what.
All of it had been a lie. If she loved him no matter what, they wouldn”t be in this situation. He wouldn’t be fucking her over the couch in her sister’s pool house. They’d be in their own house fucking, or maybe making love.
It didn’t matter anymore. This was the way it had to be.
She’d made sure of that.
His body grew tight as his orgasm grew near. Any other time he’d wait for her, make sure she came too. But he didn’t care. This wasn’t about her. This was about him and getting her out of his system.
Against everything he’d ever done since he’d started having sex, he let himself come, not waiting for her. He closed his eyes and pressed himself as deep inside her as he could as he rode out the release. He wasn’t sure what he’d hoped would happen, or what he expected to feel when it was all over, but all he felt was emptiness.
Just like he’d felt since the day she walked away from him.
Feeling ashamed and worse than he had in a long time, he pulled out of her warm body. As he dealt with the condom and pulled up his pants, he saw her pull up her own pants and run her fingers through her hair. Then she turned to face him.
What did you say to the woman who had your child and hid it from you for years, after you fucked her like a cheap whore at her sister’s house?
“We shouldn”t have done that.”
Her face stayed completely neutral although flushed pink from the fucking. “Probably not.”
At least they agreed on something.
“Were you ever going to tell me?” he asked. He moved even further away from her because it seemed when they were close, he had no control.
“Yes,” she said adamantly, but then stopped, biting down on her bottom lip. “You know what, that’s not true. If it hadn’t been for Ruby meeting Dallas, I might not have. I always wanted to, but I was too scared.”
“Dallas told me about Ruby and what you’d told her all those years ago.” His anger was coming back full force. “How could you let people think that I would do that?”
“I was confused, and in love, and I wanted you to have everything you deserved in this life. But I never told anyone but Ruby. I swear to you. Once we moved to Valley Falls, I came clean to the people in my life. I told everyone that I’d lied and never told you about Jasmine. I never let anyone bad mouth you or blame you. This was all me. I’m the fuck up here, not you.”
He sighed, rubbing his palm across his forehead. “I just don’t know what to believe anymore.”
“I’ll do whatever you want. Anything. You want a paternity test? I’ll do it. You can meet her and see her and spend as much time with her as you want.” She rubbed her lips together and he could see her holding back more tears. “But please,” her voice broke, “don’t take my baby away from me.”
He sucked in a quick breath. Is that what she thought? That he’d take Jasmine from her? He wasn’t a monster. He’d never take a child from their family. She of all people should know that. “Is that what you think of me?”
She shook her head and shrugged her shoulders, but stayed silent. He hated seeing her in this kind of agony. Everything inside him wanted to take her in his arms and hug her, but he couldn’t. She’d done this and now she had to deal with the consequences.
But those would never involve taking her daughter from her. “I don’t want to take her from you, and I don’t need a paternity test. Dallas showed me pics and she’s my child.” He took a step toward her before stopping himself. “All I want is to get to know her, and hopefully, after that, be in her life. She deserves parents who love her, no matter what.”
His own parents hadn’t loved him, and really hadn’t even cared if anything good or bad happened to him. He’d only ever had his Aunt Elinor, and when she’d died when he’d been eighteen, he’d felt lost and alone.
Until he’d met Celia.
She’d made him feel worthy and needed.
Then she’d walked away, leaving him, just like everyone else in his life.
“She is my world and I love every inch of her from head to toe. I know I’ve made a mess of everything, but I swear to you that I’ve been a good mom. I wanted her to feel the love that I never had growing up.” She paused, looking him directly in the eyes. “The love that you never felt either.”
She knew his story. He’d shared it with her all those years ago. It was one of the reasons they’d fallen so fast and so deeply for each other. Their stories were similar. She had a mom who never wanted her, and when she was around, called her names and shamed her for things she lied about. Her dad had died when she’d been young and Ruby had basically taken care of her.
His story was slightly different. His parents never wanted him, and from the time he was born, never really cared for him. When he was five, they’d left him home alone to go out and party. It was the first of many times they’d do the same thing. When his Great Aunt Elinor found out, she started coming around more. She’d kept him several nights a week, until eventually, he was basically living with her. His mom and dad never even knew he was gone. Every once in a while, they’d get a wild whim up their butts to be better parents. It would last a week, maybe two, before they were back to their old ways.
His aunt was always there to pick up the pieces, when they did.
She was the one who pushed him to play baseball, came to every game, and cheered him on. She was the one who told him he was worthy of love and happiness.
She was the one who made him the man he was today.
The man he wanted to be for his daughter.
“What if...” Shit, could he voice the things he was thinking? And more, could he voice them to Celia? She was sort of his enemy, wasn’t she?
“What if what?” she asked quietly, seeming genuinely interested.
“What if she hates me?” Oh God, even saying those words made his heart want to beat out of his chest.
Celia smiled, shaking her head. “She won’t. She couldn’t. I didn’t keep her from you because I thought you’d be a bad father. It’s the opposite. I knew you’d be her world, and in that, you’d lose the other thing you loved. Baseball.”
He wasn’t going to go there with her. He couldn’t. Not yet. “I have no reference point on how to be a dad. Let alone be a good one.” It pained him to speak the words, but they were the truth. He was good at a lot of things, but he had no clue how to be a father.
“Don’t you?” She lifted an inquisitive eyebrow. “Your aunt showed you what it was to be caring and kind. She loved you and taught you to be the man you are today.” She bit her lip. “A man who should be angry and throwing things at me instead of talking calmly, as if I hadn’t done the worst possible thing to him.”
He sighed, shaking his head. He was angry and he did want to throw things. But what would that solve? Nothing. He’d still be a father to a daughter he’d never met. “I can be angry and still be rational.”
She let out a small laugh. “You might be the only person in history to be able to do that.”
That made him laugh. “You might be right.” He lifted his head, zeroing in on her gaze. “What comes next?”
“I guess we should set up a time for you and Jasmine to meet. Are you planning on staying in town?”
“I wasn’t, but I guess I will be now.” He didn’t have anything pressing in Arizona he needed to get back to and spring training didn’t start for another week. He’d just have to find a gym to make sure he got in his daily workouts and maybe a massage therapist to keep his body loose.
“Jasmine has school during the days and Tuesday and Thursday, she has gymnastics. Would tomorrow night work?”
His daughter took gymnastics. Even saying that phrase was foreign to him. “Yes,” he said definitely. This was real. He had a child, and tomorrow he was going to meet her.
“Great. I will text you our address and you can come anytime after four. Her school is in the same complex as the one where I work so I just bring her home at the end of the day.”
“You’re a teacher?” He shouldn’t be surprised by that. She’d always said she wanted to teach.
“I am.”
He had so many questions, so many things he wanted to know about her, but he had to remember, this wasn’t about her. This was about Jasmine. He was here for his daughter.
Not for her mother, who still took his breath away, when she did nothing but stand there. He had to stop wanting her, stop wondering about her. She was not for him. Being with her, seeing her, was only so he could see and learn about his daughter.
Their daughter.
He broke out into a cold sweat. She’d said that early in their conversion. Their daughter. He’d tried to act normal, but on the inside, he wanted everything that entailed.
He wanted to be a they with the woman who’d lied to him the last eight years.
What kind of idiot was he?