When You Were Mine (Mistletoe and Silver Foxes #2)

Chapter 4

Chapter Four

Jess awakened with a dull headache. She rolled onto her back, blinking in the darkness.

Groggy, she inhaled, expecting the soothing scents of lavender from the sheets in her suite at the Sweetwater. Instead, she got a hint of must in the air.

Wait, what?

She jerked over to flick on the lamp.

Where am I?

Am I late?

Shit, what am I supposed to be doing right now?

She traveled so much for work, and she lived in a hotel. It was often disorienting to wake up in a strange bed.

But then, she remembered. Iceland . And the pieces fell into place.

The design job.

And that was when it smacked her in the face like a slimy, wet fish.

With Trevor Montgomery.

She rolled back onto her side, burying her face in the pillow.

Helping him get married .

How is this my life?

She groaned. The jet lag and strange lack of sunlight didn’t help.

Well, she was a professional, and she wasn’t blowing up the reputation it took decades to establish for an old high school boyfriend. And really, that was all he was to her.

She’d do her work and get her butt back home.

Should be easy enough. It’s only three more days.

Besides, it all happened so long ago. She was over it. Over him.

Liar. Moving to Calamity had pried open the box where she’d stored the pain and hurt. And now, seeing him all cozy and happy with his fiancée… It brought it all to the surface. And drove home the fact that, where she’d never been able to trust another man again, he’d come out of their breakup unscathed.

I resent him. I just do.

The experience was different for him. He’d gone off on his wild adventure, and she’d stayed behind, surrounded by memories in her hometown. Her high school friends would say things like, “Oh, no. I thought you guys would be together forever” and “I can’t believe what a star he’s become. Don’t you wish you’d gone with him?” She’d had to see his parents pull up to the loading dock at the feedstore and make small talk with them at church.

None of that nonsense mattered anymore. Just get your work done.

Bunching pillows behind her, she reached for her phone to catch up on messages.

She smiled when she saw the photo her niece sent of her wedding gown.

Bri: Picking this beauty up tomorrow! So excited!

Jessica: You have to FaceTime me when you try it on!

Nothing from Amber. Hmm. It didn’t seem possible that nothing had gone wrong in the last eight hours or so. She hoped her sister wasn’t trying to protect her.

I’m not on vacation here.

Jessica: Let me know how things are going. I’ll be out most of the day but will be checking my messages. I’m here if you need anything.

Her phone vibrated not thirty seconds after she hit send. Oh, dammit. “I woke you up.” With the time difference, it was one in the morning in Wyoming. “I’m sorry.” She should’ve known her sister, as property manager, would keep her phone on all night.

“Oh, trust me, you didn’t wake us. Because we haven’t been to sleep yet.”

“Uh oh. Sounds like you had some drama?” Jess settled into the pillows, ready to hear the story.

“You will not believe it. This is a soft opening, right? Which means most of the guests are comped. That’s a gift .”

“Yep. So, what happened?” She checked her phone and saw she had plenty of time to get showered, dressed, and meet everyone for breakfast.

“So, I get a call from the front desk, telling me the couple in room twelve was making way too much noise and wouldn’t cut it out.” Amber’s tone said, Nothing new about that . “So, I head over there and ask them nicely to keep it down. Guess what they told me?”

“‘We’re so sorry. We promise to be quiet as a bug in a rug.’”

“Ha. No, she goes, ‘Get fucked.’”

“How demure of her. How elegant.” Fortunately, they had a protocol for guests like that. “Is it resolved? Are they still there?”

“I had security remove them.”

“I can only imagine what a scene that was.”

“The woman said, ‘We’re influencers. We’re going to tell everyone how awful this place is.’ And I said, ‘I hope you do. Because then, we’ll have a reason to release the recording of you screaming at each other. We’ll show photos of the damage you’ve done to the room.’”

“Wow. I’m really”—she stopped herself from saying she was proud of her sister because that would sound patronizing—“impressed.” Amber had handled it perfectly. But then, Jess wouldn’t have run off to Iceland if she didn’t trust her sisters to stand in her place.

“Well, let’s not forget I had the best teacher. You put so much time?—”

“And patience,” her husband called.

“Yeah, that, too.” Amber laughed.

In the beginning, her sisters were busy raising kids, so they’d only worked with her part time and remotely. Over the years, though, their roles had become more specialized, and their husbands had gotten involved. The Sweetwater Resort and Spa marked the first time the family members were equal partners.

“You’ve had a rough night,” Jess said. “I’m going to let you wind down with your husband.”

“Well, wait. How’s it going? What’s Iceland like?”

“Hard to tell since I only get four hours of sunlight a day, and I used all of them yesterday to work. But from the little I’ve seen this place is like a whole other planet. I’d love to see more, but I’ve got a lot to pack in. For the next two days, I’ll be busy with tastings and interviews.”

“Okay, what’s going on?” her sister asked.

“I just told you. What do you mean?”

“You’ve gone all Robo-sister again.”

“ Robo ? Amber, I just woke up.” And here she thought she sounded as normal as possible, considering she’d just run into the man who’d once told her she was his reason for living.

The man who only had two speeds of sex. One, slow, like he was translating the achingly sweet love in his heart through his body. And two, fast, hard, and absolutely feral, as if trying desperately to break through the barrier that kept their souls apart.

“Like you’re constipated.”

“Constipated?” Well, it wasn’t like she could deny the low current of anxiety coursing through her. Because she would see him again in an hour. And she’d rather go back to working the front desk of a motel than ever look at his stupid, handsome face again. “Okay, fine. I’m freaking out.”

“About what?” her sister asked.

“Trevor’s here.”

“What do you mean by ‘here?’ Do you mean there’s a life-size cardboard cutout of him? Lars almost bought one of those. He was going to set an extra plate for Christmas one year and put it behind the chair. Fortunately, we share the same account, so I saw it and deleted it.”

Jess broke into a smile. “Sisters forever.”

“Right?”

“But no, as much as I wish it were the cardboard version, it’s the actual man.”

“You’ve got to be kidding me. What the hell is Trevor Montgomery doing in Iceland? Let alone in the same hotel you’re renovating?”

“I’ve been asking myself the same question.” She drew the covers up to her chin. “But it gets worse.”

“No, it really doesn’t.”

“I’m not just turning the hotel into a resort. I’m getting it ready for a wedding.”

“I will accept a wedding for the president of the United States,” Amber said. “I will accept a wedding for Mickey and Minnie Mouse. I will not accept a wedding for the ex-boyfriend who shattered your heart.”

“I’m afraid you have no choice. He’s marrying Darby Pullman.”

“Am I supposed to know who that is?”

“She’s a race car driver.”

“You ever hear of Darby Pullman?” her sister asked her husband.

“Highest finishes by a woman in the Daytona 500 and Indy 500. She’s a NASCAR legend.”

“Oh, awesome.” Her sister came back on the line. “He couldn’t marry a recluse with yellow teeth? She has to be a freaking champion? Is she pretty?”

“I don’t know. I was so shocked I couldn’t even tell you what we had for dinner. I’m telling you, if you put ten women in a lineup, I couldn’t pick her out. Basically, I gave them the agenda for the next few days and then skittered off to my room like a rat.”

“Well, a beautiful, successful rat. But, man. This is awful. You want me to come out there? I’m coming out there. You don’t have to face this alone.”

“The only reason I’m here in the first place is because I have you guys running things at the Sweetwater. Besides, I only have a few more days of this.”

“You know what I’m thinking?” her sister asked. “This might be good. It might be the closure you never got.”

Uh huh. Sure. But she wouldn’t argue it over the phone. “True.”

“Maybe he’s boring. He might only talk about himself and not ask any questions. Or he tells drinking stories. Like, dude, I don’t care that you went car surfing after drinking twelve shots and a case of beer. Only for Trevor, it’ll be stories from the set. ‘This one time…’” Her sister deepened her voice. “‘I was in the middle of a sex scene, and the actress farted.’”

“That would be a funny story,” her husband said in the background. “I’d listen to that.”

“Okay, fine,” her sister said. “But maybe he smells like dirty underwear. Or he’s one of those guys who picks scabs off at the dinner table.”

“What do you mean one of those guys?” her husband asked. “How many guys do you know who did that?”

“Let’s just say there’s a reason I chose you.” Amber and her husband laughed.

Normally, she loved the way her sisters bantered with their husbands. It made her feel good to know they’d found their forever people. Did it hurt sometimes to be the third wheel? Oh, absolutely. But most of the time, she didn’t mind.

Right now, though, with the only man she’d ever loved snuggling in bed with his fiancée a few doors down… No . She couldn’t handle it. “Listen, I have to go.” When she sat up, the pain in her head traveled, stabbing the backs of her eyes. “I’m having breakfast with the bride and groom. Yay.” Even though her sister couldn’t see, she pumped a fist.

“Well, take your time getting ready. Use that Belle Starr body wash. Wear an outfit that makes you feel invincible. And remember everything you’ve done to reach this place in your life, the sacrifice you made to come home and help me through a really hard time. And that you’re the reason Kelly and I graduated college. And never forget how hard you worked, scrimped, and saved, to become the resort mogul you are today.”

I wish those accomplishments helped . But at that moment, when she hadn’t heard a single word from Joel—and no, she was not going to reach out to him first—when Trevor was living his best life with an accomplished race car driver, and she had to renovate a hotel for his wedding, she just didn’t have it in her. “Yep. I’m a real badass, all right.”

“You put on those Veronica Beard flare pants that showcase your tight cherry ass, and you will be. You brought them, right?”

“Of course. But my ass hasn’t looked like a cherry since high school.” She threw off the blanket—a cute, folksy quilt that would, unfortunately, have to be replaced. “All right, I’ve got to get moving.”

“You can quit this job, you know,” her sister said quietly. “You don’t need the money.”

“You know as well as I do, we’re not going to sell out for the gala. We need every penny of the two million he’s paying me.”

“I’m sorry. Did you say two million dollars?”

“Sure did.” She headed into the bathroom and flipped on the light.

“Stay.” Her sister adopted a stern tone. “Push through the pain. You’re made of stronger stuff than that.”

Jess laughed. “Don’t I know it. Goodbye.”

“Bye, Jess. I love you.”

“Love you too.” The moment she disconnected pain swept over her like a brutal wind.

Truly, she was so happy her sisters had love and companionship. It meant the world to her. But she didn’t have it.

Isn’t that why you chose Joel?

Because you never wanted another all-consuming passion like you had with Trevor?

That’s right. She never again wanted to make a guy the center of her life.

So, there you go . The occasional bout of loneliness was the price she had to pay for that choice. Deal with it . She shook two pain relievers out of the travel-size canister. After swallowing them, she turned on the faucet and yanked off Joel’s XL T-shirt.

Naked, she took in her body in the mirror.

What did Trevor see when he looked at her?

She’d never had cosmetic surgery, so she looked every one of her years. She’d laughed a lot. Cried plenty. A life of snowboarding and hiking, of swimming in the warm waters of the Caribbean and paragliding off the coast of New Zealand had contributed to every line around her mouth and eyes. She smoothed a hand over her cheek—yep, she’d earned a complexion that wasn’t as soft and smooth as a girl’s.

Which wasn’t something she spent a lot of time thinking about .

But Trevor’s a movie star. He’s been around the most beautiful, fit people in the world.

How did she compare to them? One thing for sure, she looked tired. After working so hard to get the Sweetwater up and running and then not sleeping on her red-eye flight, she was exhausted. A little pale. She had some bruising under her eyes.

In all the times she’d imagined running into Trevor, she’d pictured herself glamorous and perfectly happy. She’d wanted him to see her living her best life. No, she wasn’t a movie star, but she’d done well for herself.

And you know what? Screw it. Screw him.

I like who I am.

She jumped in the shower and washed away the self-doubt and resentment. All the negativity slid down the drain. And then, she did just what Amber told her to do. She blew out her hair and took time with her makeup. She dabbed perfume on her neck and wrists.

And then, she sorted through the small pile of clothing she’d brought. For sure, she’d wear the Veronica Beard pants. Did she wish she’d brought the blouse with the neckline that flirted with indecent but could still be viewed as one-hundred-percent work-appropriate? Maybe.

Yes. Totally.

But in the end, she felt good. Strong. Confident.

Ready, she grabbed her tablet, shoved it in the leather tote bag, and left her room. In the end, it didn’t matter what Trevor thought of her. She was engaged, and he was marrying Darby.

And after Friday, she’d never see him again.

As she headed down the hallway, she breathed in the delicious scents of warm bread and bacon. Her stomach rumbled, reminding her she hadn’t eaten dinner the night before.

Well, no more of that. Today, she would eat. She’d enjoy this opportunity to experience Iceland. Because really—now that she’d had some time to get over the initial shock of seeing him—she could see Trevor was nothing more than a first love.

So what if the relationship had meant more to her?

That’s just the way it goes sometimes.

No harm, no foul.

But the moment she entered the dining room, she discovered her pep talk was as fragile as a bird’s nest, made of nothing but twigs and string.

Because one look at the scene in front of her had her self-esteem collapsing in a flurry of dust and debris.

The four of them—Chris, Jasper, Darby, and Trevor—laughed like they’d known each other forever. With their plates loaded with eggs, toast, bacon, and fresh fruit, they looked like the best of old friends.

Her stomach twisted hard, and she stumbled. She’d only ever been part of a unit once.

Trevor and Elzy.

Wild Billy and Calamity Jane.

From the moment he’d walked out of that motel, she’d been on her own.

Daughter, mother figure, friend, aunt, business owner, boss.

Me. I.

Single servings.

One ticket, please.

Nothing drove it home harder than this moment when she was a total outsider.

But it was Darby’s arm slung around her fiancé’s shoulders, her head resting on his biceps—the absolute familiarity of a long-term couple—that scraped out her heart and left her hollow as a drum.

Stop it. Stop it right now . With her head held high, she approached the table. “Good morning.” She had a job to do and a family to get home to. All eyes were on her, but she didn’t focus on anyone in particular. If she did, they’d see her pain.

Why are you holding on to this anger? He’d been a twenty-year-old boy when he’d left. He’d barely experienced life. He’d gotten a better offer, and he’d never looked back.

Let it go.

My God, just let it go.

“Ah, there she is. Grab some food.” Chris gestured to the counter. “I set up a buffet.”

“Sounds great.” She breezed right past him and headed for the counter. “Everything smells delicious.”

Chris’s chair scraped back, and he met her there. “What’s your poison? Cappuccino or latte?”

Before she could answer, Jasper popped up. “Ooh, let me do it. I make an adorable foam flower.”

“She doesn’t drink coffee.” The forcefulness of Trevor’s tone had everyone turning to him.

“You haven’t seen her since high school,” Darby said. “You don’t know the first thing about her anymore.”

The simple truth of her comment knocked Jess off balance, and she reached for the counter.

I’ve kissed every inch of his skin. I know about the birthmark on the back of his right thigh and the constellation of freckles at the back of his neck.

I’ve touched every part of his body and know the two places that make him break out in goosebumps—just beneath his ear and the soles of his feet.

I’ve seen him cry during the movie Field of Dreams when Ray plays catch with John, and I know it’s because Trevor never had those father-son moments.

She thought she’d been through the worst of it .

But in that moment, it took every ounce of strength to stay upright .

Because Darby had just driven home a terrible truth. The man she knew so intimately was a stranger to her now .

Her Wild Bill was gone. This movie star marrying a race car driver? He was nothing to her.

Nothing at all.

“You don’t like coffee?” Chris asked, pulling her out of her thoughts.

She wanted to say, Sure, I do —if only to reinforce Darby’s statement. But she wasn’t about to make these lovely people go to the effort of making her something she wouldn’t drink.

“I actually don’t but thank you.”

Jasper looked at her like she’d just knocked back a shot of bat blood. “How do you wake up?”

“With orange juice,” Trevor said.

Jess wanted to swing around and snap at him to mind his own business. Instead, she grabbed a plate, eyeing the platters of food. The stress was making her hot and sweaty.

“I should’ve asked,” Chris said. “I’ll order oranges and squeeze some for you tomorrow.”

“Dude.” Darby smacked Trevor’s arm. “Let her speak for herself.” Smiling, she shook her head. “This is a side of you I haven’t seen before.”

“Hey, it’s only been a month.” Trevor grinned. “Imagine what other sides you haven’t seen.”

A month? What did he mean?

But she couldn’t stand to see them tease each other, so she focused on the host. “Oh, please, don’t go to the effort. I’m good with water.”

“Bullshit,” Trevor said. “She needs her OJ like the rest of the world needs caffeine.”

Okay, she got it now. He was baiting her. Trying to force her to acknowledge him. But she wouldn’t.

Not when she was working so hard to replace the boy she’d known—the one who’d knelt to tie her boots when her hands were frozen stiff from a snowball fight, and who’d booked a motel they couldn’t afford because he didn’t want her first sexual experience to be in a beat-up old truck—with the stranger he’d become.

Conversation resumed with brother and sister trading jabs, the engaged couple teasing each other, and Jasper tossing in comments here and there.

And she was immobile, staring at a warming tray of eggs.

Get it together.

Do your job.

This Wall Street scion could hire anyone in the world, and he’d not only chosen her but said he wouldn’t work with anyone else.

There you go . Her strength came rolling in.

See that? I’m fine.

I’m better than fine.

I’m excited about this project, and I’m going to kick its ass.

She scooped scrambled eggs—laced with glistening, melted cheddar cheese—onto her plate. The pain reliever hadn’t kicked in yet, and her stomach was upset, so she didn’t go for the chocolate croissant. Too bad. It looked flaky and delicious.

But really, she just needed protein.

As she sat down, Trevor asked, “So, what’s on the agenda today?”

“She gave us the schedule last night.” Darby looked at him like, What in the world is wrong with you? “Weren’t you listening?”

“That’s okay. I dropped a lot of information.” Jess unfolded the napkin and draped it across her lap. “Chris has an interview this morning.” She glanced at her phone. “Actually, he should be here any minute now.”

“Right. Better finish up my breakfast.” Chris sat back down.

“We’ve got three chef tastings today.” She cast a smile at him. “Do you want the good news first or the bad?”

“I’m built to take it.” Chris tore off a piece of croissant before putting it in his mouth. “Give me the bad.”

“Two of your Michelin star chefs declined the invitation.”

“But the good news is one of them said yes?” Trevor asked.

“You got it.” She stabbed a clump of eggs to avoid looking at him. “And I’ve got two others for us to visit with in the city. I think you’re going to like them.”

“Which is the one who’s interested?” Chris asked.

“The one from Westman Island.”

“That’s fine, then.” Chris nodded. “He’s the one I want the most.”

“His food is divine.” Jasper set espresso cups in front of his boss and Darby.

“Ooh, look at that.” Darby grinned at him. “That is the prettiest foam flower I’ve ever seen.”

“I know.” Smugly, Jasper sat down and picked up his croissant.

Chris tipped his chin at her. “Go on.”

“He’ll be here at ten today, and we’ll meet the other two chefs this afternoon in the city. Tomorrow, we’ve got an appointment with the country’s only master sommelier, who’ll connect us with liquor distributors. And then, on Friday, my last day, I’m heading to Snaefellsnes to meet a guy who runs sightseeing tours.”

“That’s so far,” Darby said. “When’s your flight home?”

“I’ve got a red-eye Friday night, so that’ll give me the whole day to drive there, visit with him, and then, go straight to the airport.”

“I hope you’ll make it home for Christmas Eve with your family.” Darby seemed genuinely concerned.

“I’m lucky I came during a warm front. The roads are clear, there’s no snow… I think I’ll be okay.”

“Well, that’s the thing.” Darby and Chris shared a troubled look. “There’s a storm coming in. And honestly, in Iceland, you never know. The weather here changes on a dime.” She snapped her fingers.

“But that’s not forecast until Christmas Day,” Trevor said. “So, she should be okay.”

“Yes, I’ll be long gone by then.” Jess hoped no one noticed that she wasn’t looking at her ex.

“Instead of driving so far, why not do a video call with him?” Darby asked. “Just to be safe?”

Jess wasn’t sure why the woman was so concerned. She guessed some people were afraid of snow. But she lived in the mountains, so she was used to it. “A concierge can make or break a resort. He has to be patient, informed, and willing to do just about anything to accommodate the guests. For that kind of thing, I have to meet him in person, watch his mannerisms, and get a feel for him.”

“Makes sense.” Darby sipped her espresso.

“But also, you’re having a destination wedding. Remember, we won’t have a gym or spa ready, so you’re going to need things for your guests to do. He’ll arrange all of that.”

“I hadn’t thought about the details, but you’re right,” Darby said. “Ooh, what about a cake tasting? Can we fit that in?” She smiled at her fiancé. “What’s more important than the cake?”

“The dress,” Jasper said, not looking up from his plate.

“I told you. She’s not a wedding planner.” Chris offered an apologetic look to Jess.

“That’s okay.” Jess didn’t take offense. She didn’t expect anyone outside the field to understand her job.

“What does a resort designer do, exactly?” Trevor asked.

“I’m involved in every aspect of creation. I plan the layout and work with architects and landscape designers. I handle menus and uniforms… Even the music you hear while wandering around the grounds.” She spoke directly to Darby. “The pastry chef will be important, but I won’t be handling that on this visit.”

Darby nodded to indicate she understood. “Your job sounds like an interesting mix of creative and technical.”

“Yes, exactly. That about sums it up.” She smiled at the woman but only to keep from staring at Trevor’s arms. It was impossible not to notice the way he’d rolled the cuffs of his flannel shirt to his elbows, exposing tanned skin, ink, and sexy muscles.

Her stomach lurched. Because those weren’t the arms she remembered.

These were even better.

And given how much she desperately wanted to explore those tattoos, she forced herself to look away.

“So, basically, you give a resort its vibe?” Darby asked.

“She gives it its soul.” Chris beamed at her. “And I’m damn lucky she took me on. Did you know she just opened one of her own?”

Jess jerked as if someone had pinched her. She wasn’t ready for Trevor to know she lived in Calamity too. Which was stupid considering the town had ten thousand permanent residents, and she was very involved in the business community.

“Really?” Darby asked. “Where?”

Fortunately, her phone buzzed, and she checked the screen. “Ah. Our nine o’clock is here. Let me go get him.” She raced away as if the room had gone up in flames. “Be right back.”

She knew she was being ridiculous. Of course she was. But she couldn’t get a hold of herself.

All those years spent thinking about him, the countless internet searches.

I mean, come on. I held off buying property in Calamity because of him.

And now that they were finally in the same room, seeing him blissfully happy with another woman and getting married, it made all the time and emotional energy spent on him seem…

Embarrassing.

Because he hadn’t thought about her at all. Not once. Not even a little.

You knew that. He had a baby two years after he said his vows to you in a Vegas chapel.

How many reminders do you need before it sinks in that he doesn’t care?

Well, she couldn’t let the landscaper see her like this, so she ducked around a corner and leaned against the wall. Closing her eyes, she willed herself to let Trevor go. More than anything, she wanted to free herself from his grip on her.

“I don’t know how,” she whispered. Tears scalded, and she blinked them back.

Despair threatened to pull her under.

Why did it still hurt? Why couldn’t she fully move on?

Come on . Use this as the kick in the pants you need to finally let him go .

It had worked twenty-six years ago when she’d seen him with his son.

Let seeing him with his future bride be a permanent fix.

And maybe, instead of blaming Joel for excluding her from his Christmas plans, she should take a hard look at how she guarded her heart from him .

Of course you don’t love him.

How can you when you keep him at arm’s length?

Sure, she’d been preoccupied with the resort, but she could’ve made more of an effort.

I mean, really, in all this time, how have you not met his family?

And that’s my answer right there.

She resolved to let down her guard and spend more time with her fiancé. She’d give this relationship a real shot.

Right. Good.

Okay, I got this.

She pressed her hands to her belly, drawing in a deep breath.

In her mind’s eye, she called up an image of her and Trevor at the altar with the cherubs and the roses and the officiant in the bolo tie. Standing at the shore, she set it on a rowboat and pushed it out to sea .

There you go.

She smiled.

A Viking burial.

See that? I’m good.

Now, let’s get this interview going.

And forget all about Trevor Montgomery.