Chapter 10
10
TORI
I woke up with an aching head. I'd had too much to drink last night. I peeked under the covers to confirm that I was in fact, naked. I vaguely remembered taking a bath, and Xander taking care of me. Then I rolled over and buried my face in the pillow. Xander took care of me, as in fingered me to an orgasm. I also remembered the scrape of his teeth across my nipples.
Did that really happen, or was it a dream? I'd been imagining Xander touching me for so long; maybe I conjured up the perfect wet dream.
Except the more I thought about it, the more real it seemed. I felt his fingers moving inside me, his mouth on my nipple. The determination in his eyes and the tightness of his muscles. He wanted me too.
Had I screwed everything up? We were supposed to remain friends while we pretended to be in a relationship. The last thing I wanted to do was ruin my friendship with Xander.
I threw off the covers, determined to talk to him. I needed to clear things up. I couldn't let him think that last night was the beginning of something.
My hands shook as I pulled on sweats and a T-shirt, foregoing panties and a bra. I ran my fingers through my hair and stopped in the bathroom to brush my teeth.
There were wet towels on the floor as if I'd just thrown them there after I took my bath. Had I walked naked from the bathroom to the bedroom? Had Xander seen everything? Of course he had. He wouldn't have let me be by myself if I was drunk. He was a good guy.
Had he done me a favor last night? Had I asked for him to give me an orgasm, and he obliged out of a sense of obligation?
My cheeks heated at the idea. I had to talk to him before I lost my mind. I hurried to the kitchen where Xander stood at the stove in a white T-shirt and gray sweats that hung low on his hips. He turned and gave me a wink.
He remembered everything. It was too bad I only remembered bits and pieces of last night. I couldn't remember what either of us said or what our agreement was.
"I'm so sorry about last night."
Xander set a plate in front of me on the counter. "Don't worry about it."
I raised a brow. "Don't worry about me getting naked in front of you? We're supposed to be friends. You shouldn't be giving me?—"
He leaned a hip against the counter and crossed his arms over his chest. Not only were his broad shoulders and chiseled chest impressive, but he was holding a spatula. Had I ever seen anything sexier? A man cooking in the kitchen was my catnip apparently. "I shouldn't be giving you what now?"
Charm oozed out of his words. He was on point this morning.
I waved a hand in his general direction. "We don't do this."
He chuckled, lines around his eyes forming. "We don't do what?"
"This flirty morning-after routine you've got going. I'm not one of your many women."
He sobered and turned back to the stove.
I winced. "I'm sorry."
"I thought we established I'm not an easy hookup." His voice was gruff and filled with pain.
"I'm sorry. I wasn't thinking."
He plated my food without responding.
It looked delicious. I picked up my fork, intending to dig in but unsure how to ease the tension in the room. "Did that really happen last night? Did I take a bath in front of you?"
"I know you were drunk, but I didn't think you wouldn't remember what we were doing. Otherwise, I never would have touched you."
I sucked in a fortifying breath. "I remember that. But I don't remember what we talked about."
Xander slowly turned so that he faced me again. "You asked me to ease your ache, and I obliged. I had no intention of doing anything else. I just wanted to make you feel good."
My cheeks were on fire, and every cell in my body was firing with the memory of what we'd shared last night. "I didn't mean for that to happen."
Xander considered me.
"I don't want to do anything to ruin our relationship. I'm sorry if last night we crossed lines you didn't want to. I shouldn't have asked you for that."
Xander inclined his head. "Did you feel good?"
The memory of the orgasm—the bliss in that moment, the look of satisfaction in his eyes as I came down from the high—flooded back to me. "Yes."
"Then that's all that mattered." He turned back to the stove, lifting the pan and letting the eggs slide onto his plate. Then he set several strips of bacon next to it and smothered them with maple syrup. He set his plate next to mine and poured two mugs of coffee.
"I don't want to do anything that would jeopardize our friendship," I finally said, my mouth feeling like it was stuffed with cotton balls.
"You didn't." He set a steaming mug in front of me.
But I wasn't so sure. Ever since I brought it up, Xander was different, closed off. I missed the openness we shared. I didn't want to be one of the women he flirted with and kept at arm's length. I liked being in his inner circle. I wanted to be his friend. Didn't I?
Xander sat next to me and started shoveling the eggs into his mouth. When he came up for air, he asked, "Not hungry?"
"No. I am." I forced myself to lift a forkful of eggs to my mouth and take a bite. "Thank you for breakfast and for taking care of me last night."
Xander swung his gaze in my direction and smiled. "That's what you do for friends."
The way he said "friends" felt like he was putting a barrier between us. I didn't like it. "If I messed anything up last night, I'll never forgive myself." Tears stung my eyes.
Xander sighed and turned so that his legs were bracing mine on the stool. He took my hand in both of his. "We'll always be friends. You don't have to worry about that."
"You've been distant the last few years. I don't want to go back to that." It hurt not to be this close to him. Not to even text or call each other.
"You're here now, and I'm happy you're home."
"I am too."
He let go of my hand. "Then we have nothing to worry about."
I wanted to know if it was normal for him to have women ask him to service them, but I had a feeling it would piss him off. I didn't want to upset him. But I was dying to know if last night was a usual occurrence for him or something special. Logically, I knew it hadn't meant anything. He saw a woman in distress and took care of her. It was who Xander was. Despite whatever his brothers thought of him, I knew I could count on him to be there for me.
We were going to live in the same town. We'd always have each other. And I couldn't do anything to screw things up.
Every time I thought of last night, a warmth spread through my body, and there was an ache in my core that wasn't there before. I wanted more. I didn't remember his mouth on mine. Just on my nipples. I wanted his mouth on my pussy. How was I going to survive living with him?
This roommate situation was torture. No more drinking. That was the only way I could be in control of what was going on. Otherwise, I'd reveal everything, how much I liked him, much more than friends.
Had I admitted my feelings for him last night, and he fingered me because he felt sorry for me? The thought was mortifying, too much to even consider. "I didn't say anything, did I?"
Xander pushed his plate aside and sipped his coffee. "You asked me to make you feel good. There wasn't much talking after that."
My face heated even more. I could only assume I'd lost all sense of decorum since I was inebriated. I was probably moaning and begging him for more. How embarrassing. He must think I was ridiculous.
"Just to be clear, I don't have any regrets about last night. You asked me to make you feel good, and I delivered. Or at least, I hope I did."
I nodded. "I remember feeling good." And wanted to feel more of that right now. But I couldn't ask my best friend for benefits, could I? My heart raced as I considered the possibilities. "I'm sure it helped with our plan to look like a couple in public. We'll be more comfortable with each other."
Xander's lips twitched. "If that makes you feel better about it."
"Did we do anything else? Did I return the favor?" I racked my brain but couldn't remember any more details.
Xander shook his head. "You wanted to, but I didn't want to take advantage of you when you'd been drinking."
"Do you think that we could do it again sometime? Maybe I could return the favor?"
"I don't expect that." Xander turned to face me again, his jaw tight.
I shook my head. "That's not what I'm saying. I just— It felt good. What if we added benefits to our little arrangement?"
Xander frowned. "You're not worried about our friendship?"
"We're eating breakfast together this morning just fine. You said it didn't change anything." Was he not telling me the truth? Had I messed things up irreparably?
"It didn't. But are you sure?"
"If you don't want me—" That was something I hadn't considered before I'd made my ridiculous proposition.
Xander's eyes flashed with heat. "I want you. I think that was clear last night."
I wished I could remember if I touched him. If he was hard. But I drew a blank whenever I tried to recall our conversation or anything that happened outside of the tub. I only remembered his fingers moving inside me and his mouth on my nipples. Just the thought had me squirming on the stool.
Xander raised a brow. "You want more now, don't you?"
"Can we do this and not make it weird?" I hadn't been intimate with Hugh in a long time. Looking back, that should have been my sign he was getting it elsewhere. But I assumed we were both tired, and neither one of us had the energy for the physical side of the relationship. Obviously, I was wrong.
Xander nodded tightly. "I think so."
"What are the rules?"
Xander leaned in, his breath ghosting over my neck. "That's the beauty of this arrangement. There are no rules. Just feelings."
I fisted my fingers in his hair. "And what if I want you now?"
Xander pulled back, regret filling his eyes. "I'd love to, but I have to get to work. I have lessons."
"Right," I said as he stood and carried our dishes to the sink.
He rinsed them, then placed them in the dishwasher. "Will I see you tonight?"
"I was hoping we could do another night run."
"I can do that."
"Great." There was something about being outside with Xander. It was one of my favorite things in the world. That path was our one magical place away from the rest of the world. Where we didn't have to worry about our relationship or what other people thought. We could just be ourselves.
Xander left the room, and I sagged onto the counter. What was I thinking? I couldn't believe I'd just propositioned my best friend for benefits. Was I that hard up for intimacy? I should thank the alcohol for giving me the courage to ask for what I wanted.
I wasn't sure Xander would ever be ready to hear my true thoughts about him. He might be attracted to me physically, but that didn't mean I was the woman for him.
I wasn't settling anymore. I wanted everything: the practice, the friendship, maybe even a relationship. So why was I persuing something with Xander who had a track record of never committing to anything? Because he'd revealed another side to me, and I was hopeful there was more to it.
That he was looking for the same things I was, and that maybe he could like me. We'd made that marriage pact. That didn't come out of nowhere. He wouldn't have agreed if he didn't feel something too, right?
I was driving myself crazy. Between the million questions swirling in my head and the hangover, I needed a pain reliever. I grabbed the bottle from the cabinet and washed the pills down with water. I'd feel better after I showered and got dressed. I was covering the emergency appointments at the office, and I needed to get ready for work.
I had tonight to look forward to, another night ski ride with my friend. Whatever happened after that, I'd let naturally evolve.
We'd already proved that we could be physical, and not make things too awkward the next morning.