Without You

– Sammy –

Making This Shit Official

I sit on the wooden bench in the warmed lobby of the city courthouse and tap my feet nervously. I check my watch. I’m an hour early.

I lean forward and peek through the automatic glass doors. She’s not here.

I continue to bounce anxiously, and pat my skirt down and try not to focus on the fact Meg isn’t here. She doesn’t have to be here, but she said she would. She promised. And if she doesn’t come, then I’m going to be all alone.

Like I’ve been alone for too long.

It’ll suck. But I’m a survivor. I pat Lily’s blanket into place as she smiles from her stroller. Yeah, she’s a survivor too. “We got this, Lil. Mama’s got your back, and I won’t ever let you down.”

My head snaps up when the automatic doors begin to whir and open, then I let out a heavy breath as Meg jogs in in a sexy black skirt and a coat over a white top that shows her boobs off exactly the way she intended it to.

“I hate your boobs.”

Meg stops in front of me, panting lightly and frowning. “Come again, Captain Cranky Pants?”

I look her up and down. “I hate how hot you are.”

She smiles blindingly, patting her top down and popping her butt. “Aww shucks. Thanks Soda.” She steps forward and bends over Lily, smiling and chattering. “Aunty Meg missed you, baby. Did you sleep for your mommy?”

“I think she’s constipated.”

Meg rolls her eyes. “You need to get your tummy sorted, young lady. It was cute at first, but now it’s annoying.”

Lily ga-ga’s and smiles, blowing spit bubbles and kicking her legs wildly. It’s still kind of cute, even when I don’t sleep as often as I’d like. I’ll never admit it out loud, but with the exception of nights like last night where Lil was struggling with gas, Sam’s music helps her sleep every night. We’ve been given the clear from the pediatrician to dump her three hourly feeds. Now I wake when she wakes, and lately, she’s been going five or six hour stretches. It’s been heavenly – except last night. My little baby is growing big and strong, and she’s doing it fast.

Meg stands up from the stroller, pulling Lily out and settling her in her arms, and she sways and dances on the spot as she tickles Lily’s fat cheeks.

“Hey, Snitch?”

Meg’s brow lifts. “Yes, Soda?”

“Thank you for coming today.”

She shrugs casually. “I told you I would. I wouldn’t miss it for the world.”

“I know… It’s just, well, I was scared for a minute that you wouldn’t, and though I would have survived it, I’m really glad I don’t have to do this alone. You’ve done a lot for me since I called you--”

“Hey, it’s fine.” Sitting down within half an inch of me, she smiles and leans against my shoulder. “I hardly did a thing.”

“You found me a good lawyer.”

Meg rolls her eyes. “I’m sorry mine couldn’t do it. He’s just so busy with--”

I place my hand on her thigh. “The lawyer you found is perfect. He’s really smart, and nice--”

She bounces her brows. “He’s hot too, right? I made my decision based first on how good he would look taking you from behind, then his education.”

I slap her leg. “You’re such a pig.”

“But I’m also right, right? Don’t tell me you don’t stare at his shoulders. Or his lips.” She dramatically shivers. “I hope he’s good at his job – maybe then he can adopt me.”

“Oh my god!” I slap her again. “Can you stop?”

Our gazes snap over when the automatic doors whir open, but before I get a chance to run and hide, our visitor jogs toward us and Meg pats her hair down. She stands tall and pops her boobs. “Well, hello, handsome.”

Marc’s eyes stop on her and his brows furrow. “Poot?”

“Ah fuck.” Her chest deflates and her butt pulls in, then she drops back down beside me.

Marc stands back half a dozen feet, glaring the way he seems so good at since becoming an adult. I study his dusty work boots and worn jeans. My eyes hesitantly travel up his broad chest as it stretches his white shirt, then I swallow heavily when our gazes lock. “Fuck.”

Marc’s glare turns soft. “Just give me five minutes, please Soda.”

I can’t even celebrate Lily’s new little fart, because Marc’s eyes literally scare me. I stand up slowly, but I don’t move closer. “Could you just go?” I look around the courthouse waiting area. “This is a really bad time, and I’m done being a human punching bag.”

“Just five minutes, please?” He rubs his hands together absentmindedly. “I have some things I wanna say. I want to apologize.”

“Apolo--” My eyes narrow. “Are you going to shout at me? Stand over me? Kick me?”

“I swear I’m not.” He eyes Meg again, taking a hesitant step closer as his gaze travels from her sexy heels up to her perfect silky blonde hair. He shakes his head, then his gaze comes back to mine. Gone is the mean and intimidating man, and in his place is a handwringing, nervous gentleman that reminds me of Marc from school. He looks me up and down too, then stopping on Lily for a moment, his eyes eventually come back to mine. “I want to say I’m sorry, Soda. I was wrong.”

My heart thunders in my chest. “Wrong about what exactly?”

“About everything. I’m so sorry for the way I treated you. I’m sorry for harboring so much hate for you for so long.”

Lily lets out another grunt of pain and starts to whimper. Meg stands and steps away, shushing and bouncing her, and Marc’s eyes follow their movements.

“What changed your mind?”

His eyes come back to me. “I stopped and listened.”

My head turns to the side in confusion.

“I thought you did something that really hurt my brother. And you kinda still did, you left. But I’ve since found out a large part of the reason you left was for me. And for Kari.”

“Where’d you hear that?”

He shrugs nervously. “Around. X and Oz confirmed it. Scotch confirmed it… The thing is, Scotch is my brother, and I love him a whole lot. But Kari is my baby, and what you did for us…” He shakes his head in disbelief. “I can count on one hand the people who’ve ever done something so selflessly for me. I’m really fucking sorry, Soda. Not only didn’t I give you a chance, but I was mean.”

My eyes begin to itch. It’s like I’m finally reuniting with my friend from so long ago. “Do you believe me?”

“I believe everything you’ve ever said.”

“What about the abortion thing?”

He nods softly. “I believe you. I’m sorry I ever doubted you. I shouldn’t have. I knew you better than that, and I knew you loved him. I feel like I’ve literally wasted half my life hating someone for all the wrong reasons.”

I nod softly and turn away to discretely wipe my eyes. “Thanks for saying that.”

Marc remains shy, but he smiles softly. “Can we hug it out? It’s been too damn long, Soda. And all the guys got to hug you already, but not me.”

“It’s because you were being a jerk.”

He laughs, but he pulls me into his chest. “I know. It’s a gift.” He drops a long, sweet kiss on the crown of my head, and we both sigh.

“I always thought of you as my brother, Marc.”

His voice cracks. “I know. I’m sorry.” He steps back after a long, tender hug, then he looks back to Meg and Lily and his lips turn up into a goofy smile. “So that makes this beauty my niece, right? Would you mind introducing us?”

I swallow down my nerves, but I nod. Meg steps up to us slowly, and taking Lily from her arms, I press her to Marc’s chest. “Uncle Marc, this is Lily. Lily, this is your grumpy Uncle Marc. He’s a jerk, but he’ll be loyal to you for the rest of your life.”

Marc watches me with a soft smile, then looks at the bench and asks, “Can I sit?”

I nod, and moving so slowly you’d think he’s holding a live grenade, he sits down and his nose comes down to touch hers. “You’re a pretty baby, huh?”

I sit down next to him as Meg wanders silently down the wide hall, and I sit and listen for several minutes as Marc catches Lily up on who he is, and how he’ll never let her hurt. It takes about three minutes for me to fall in love with Marc all over again.

He looks up at me as Lil smiles and coos. “I don’t wanna tarnish this with depressing shit, but I want you to know I sure missed you, Soda. I wish things worked out different.”

I shrug and lean against him. “Life sucks sometimes. Are you dating anyone, Marc? Who’s your special lady?”

“Ha! Actually, I came here today to ask you to marry me.”

I choke on my spit as laughter rolls through my belly. “Wow. Talk about change of mind.”

He chuckles. “Yeah, well, I felt bad about… everything. I wanted to make up for it.”

“Aww. A pity proposal. Exactly what every girl wants.”

He laughs. “The sentiment is there, anyway. I’d marry you if you wanna. We’d never sleep in the same bed, because I’m scared Scotch might actually hack me up as soon as I closed my eyes. But I could build you a house; something pretty and grand. Anything you wanted. Let me know when you’re ready to move back home and I’ll start.”

I lift my brow. “Back home?”

“Don’t pretend like this is your home. We all know where it is.”

I scoff. “I’m not going back, and as my future husband, I’m going to demand you move here.”

He smirks. “I don’t think my brother would like that, so I don’t think it’s gonna happen. Sorry. But I bet he has a spare bed.”

I groan. “You said you weren’t gonna make this depressing. You’re funking up this whole place.”

He lets out a deep sigh. “I’m sorry.”

“I just don’t wanna live in the past anymore. It hurts.”

He nods. “I get it. I won’t bring him up again.”

“Thank you--”

“Except to tell you he’s miserable without you.”

“Marc--”

“And that he still loves you.”

“Marc!”

Meg turns at my shouted word, but then all three of us look up when the automatic doors open and Brittany walks in.

Meg steps forward to put space between us all. “You look familiar, but you ain’t a kid anymore.”

“Umm. Hello. I was hoping to speak with Sammy.”

I groan and press my head back against the brick wall. “Noooo.” Why is this happening to me? Why today? Why ever?

“She’s actually a sweetheart,” Marc whispers close by my ear. “She’s one of the best chicks I know. Give her a chance.”

“And if she tries to kick me in the head again?”

He chuckles softly. “I’ll protect you with my life.”

I groan at his wide smile, but I wave my hand in the air and climb to my feet. “Let her past.”

Meg glares for a minute longer, then steps back to allow her entrance. Britt walks toward me with a giant baby in her arms, and the man I saw pick her up last time follows close behind.

“Well at least she brought him,” I murmur. “He saved my ass once.”

Meg steps in front of him after Britt passes, and she pastes on her sexy smile. “Sammy wasn’t wrong. You’re hot as shit, Mr. Britt.”

He smiles a megawatt, single-dimpled smile. “Thanks. The name’s Jack.”

Taking his hand, she replies, “Meg. I heard you saved my girl’s life recently, so thanks.”

“Mostly I was just saving my wife from jail time. I’m kinda fond of her.” He steps up behind Britt as she stares at me in silence, and he takes her hips in his large hands and drops a reassuring kiss on her head.

“I heard you hang out with fighters all the time now.” I nod at her broad husband. “I don’t know how to fight, so maybe don’t try to hit me anymore. It wouldn’t be a fair fight, and I’d probably just cry.”

Britt swallows heavily as her baby looks at the large space around us. “I won’t hit you. I came to apologize.”

“Jesus.” I look back to Marc as he holds Lily securely against his chest and he mirrors Jack’s stance behind me. “It’s like an epidemic. Why’s everyone apologizing to me now?”

Britt swallows nervously. “Because when we’re wrong, we say sorry.”

“Alright. Whatever.” I drop her gaze and start fussing with the blanket in Lily’s stroller to keep busy. “Don’t try to attack me in the street anymore and we’re good.”

“No. Not good.” She steps forward slowly, then looks down at her son, who’s the exact image as his father behind them. “This is Charlie,” and she looks at Lily, “which makes them cousins. I don’t want to just be ‘good.’ We’re family. Lets be family.”

“Family?” I press the bundled blanket to my chest. “She’s not Sam’s. And neither am I.”

“Maybe not, but you walked me to school sometimes when I was a kid. You sat with me and we drew and wrote in our diaries and told secrets while the guys practiced. You hung out with a kid even though you were there with your older friends. That’s what makes us family.”

“Britt--”

“He started writing songs for you when I was like six. You know that, right?”

“Please don’t do this. You say you’re sorry, but then in the next breath, you’re hurting me. I don’t wanna think about him anymore.”

She nods softly and steps back into her husband’s chest. “Fair call. I’m not here to hurt you. I just want you to know I’m sorry, and that I’ll always be around. I’m just a call away, and he doesn’t ever have to know we spoke.”

My brows knit in surprise. “You’d keep our friendship a secret from him?”

“Well,” she smiles. “I’d possibly tell him about my hot friend Pammy and her daughter Lola. I might even suggest a blind date between you both.” Her smile turns serious. “But if you ever needed me, and as long as whatever you need doesn’t hurt my brother, sure, I’d keep your secrets. I’d take them to the grave. And if your secret is that you’re asking me for outfit advice for a date with another man, then I sure as shit won’t be telling him. But I’d take your call, and I’d tell you which thong to wear.”

I look to Marc for answers, but he shrugs.

“Why are you looking at him?” Britt demands with sass. “Word on the street is he was a dick too.”

“Brat! Don’t throw me back into the shit. I only just finished clawing my way out.”

Brittany smiles mischievously. “If I’m going down, I’m taking the world with me. It’s gonna be messy and loud and the hellfire will burn.”

I laugh softly. “Okay. Fine. You can join my squad.”

“Woop!” Meg cheers. She dives forward and takes Britt in a sideways squeezy hug. “Little Brittany got titties. Did anybody else notice that?”

Marc makes a soft gagging noise beside me, while Jack smiles wolfishly and nods.

Britt laughs. “I’m so glad we got that outta the way. Now that we’re friends, I need a favor.”

“Huh?”

“So my big brother has been sitting in my kitchen every morning for weeks. He pretends to fall asleep on my couch every night, because he doesn’t wanna go home alone. You know when he wasn’t in my kitchen?”

“Britt--”

“When you and Lily were in his apartment.”

Her words slice me, but her smile keeps it light. “So, what you’re saying is that you want me to get him out of your house?”

She snickers as Lily lets out an impressively loud fart in Marc’s arms.

Britt raises her hand between us in measurement. “It’s like, ninety-percent his happiness, ten-percent getting him out of my damn house. You’d be doing me a solid if you got him out. I haven’t had kitchen sex in weeks, and a girl misses getting banged against the fridge sometimes.”

Jack chokes in momentary shock, then he scrambles away when Marc’s foot swings out in an attempt to brain him. “Don’t touch her again, jackass!”

Britt rolls her eyes. “Don’t listen to him, baby. I’ve got an itch that only you can scratch.”

Their laughter and lightness had me forgetting the enormity of today for a few minutes, but then my gaze comes up nervously as Ed walks in, then my young and semi-hot lawyer follows closely behind.

Shit.

Ed steps forward hesitantly as all my visitors spread to allow him room, then taking me in a chaste side hug, he smiles. “Are you ready?”

No. “Yeah.”

“I’ll see you in there in a bit. Don’t worry so much, okay?”

I nod jerkily, and Marc brings his hand up to my shoulder to calm me. “Relax. I’ll be with you the whole time.”

I nearly burst into tears on the spot. I won’t be going in alone.

Tony, my lawyer, steps toward us with a million dollar smile and a super-friendly hug. “Are you ready, Sammy? We’re gonna kick butt.”

“Who the hell is this guy?” Marc snaps. His hand squeezes my shoulder as he brings me back closer to him. I smile. High school Marc is back, and I’m back in his circle.

“Marc, Tony Nece, my lawyer. Tony, Marc Macchio, my really good friend.”

Marc eyes Tony up and down slowly. “I’m also her brother in law. You know. Like, how she’s married. To my brother.”

“Speaking of which,” Ed adds without reacting to the two man standoff in front of him. “I just spoke with Mr. Turner. Nice guy…”

“Umm.” He just spoke with him?

I turn to the final whirring of the automatic doors. My breath hitches and my eyes flood and blind me to the group of people walking in.

Sam, handsome as ever, walks in front, then Luc and Ang and Juliette, then that whole group of women I met that time Britt wanted to beat me up, then a whole bunch of very large, very sexy men follow. Off to the very side, Sam’s mom and dad and Alex standby. Sam’s mom smiles shyly at me.

I can’t breathe. I can’t see. I can’t… anything.

Ed winks and taps me on the arm. “I’ll see you in there.”