Chapter 21
CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE
Jacob stood in front of his bathroom mirror, combing his rich brown hair. He smoothed his hand over his beard, noting that it wasn’t as neatly trimmed as it usually was. He had been so busy the past few weeks, he hadn’t had any time to go to a barber.
He sighed, leaving the bathroom and going into his bedroom. Through his window, he could see that a light falling of snow had begun. The day before had been icy cold, and he made a mental note that he should put on an extra layer of warmth before going outside.
He began to rummage around in his closet, looking for a sweater big enough to fit over the one he was already wearing. He had the day off from work, so instead of his usual dirty work clothes, he was wearing nice jeans and a cashmere sweater his grandmother had given him for Christmas the year before. He’d only ever worn it once before, to a funeral.
This one looks pretty good , he thought, pulling a thick knit sweater out of his closet. No, never mind, it’s got a hole in the elbow .
He grimaced, wishing he was more put-together. He wanted to be sophisticated and polished enough to be able to win over Hazel’s admiration.
He hadn’t been able to stop thinking about her ever since their conversation at The Lighthouse Grill a few days before. He hadn’t understood her abrupt change of subject and hasty exit, but he couldn’t help feeling that it equated to a rejection of his interest.
I guess I was right all these years, he thought. She isn’t the kind of person who would be interested in a guy like me. She deserves someone more impressive.
He felt a heavy feeling in his chest, and then he shook himself. There was no point in getting down in the dumps about it until he’d at least talked to her more. She hadn’t expressly told him that she wasn’t interested, maybe she’d just been surprised and felt awkward. It was possible that after she’d given the matter more thought, she might consider him.
He stood in the middle of his bedroom, lost in thought for a few moments as he wondered if she would ever consider him romantically. He felt a surge of nervousness at the thought of going to talk with her about it, but he decided that was what he needed to do.
He left his bedroom and went into the kitchen, where he hurriedly finished his cup of morning coffee, which had grown cold. He bundled into his hat and coat and a pair of working gloves and left his house.
The snow tumbled down whimsically from the sky, kissing his face as he started to walk toward the doctor’s office where Hazel worked. It wasn’t far from his place, and he felt restless, so despite the cold he wanted to make the journey on foot.
A few minutes later, he arrived at the doctor’s office. On his walk, he’d prepared a kind of short speech to give her, but as soon as he stepped through the doors into the warm lobby of the building, all those words flew out of his mind.
He looked around, checking for Hazel. Another woman was sitting at the reception desk, typing away rapidly at a computer. She glanced up a moment later.
“Hi, can I help you?” Her tone has the overly-bright quality of customer service, but her eyes met his with sincere kindness.
“Is Hazel Owens here?”
“Nope, not today. Do you want me to leave her a message for you?”
“No, that’s all right. I have her phone number, I just thought I’d drop in and say hi since I was passing by.”
The woman’s expression became cheerfully suspicious, and Jacob wanted to kick himself. She looked like the type of talkative person who might start suggesting to other people that he was interested in Hazel. He didn’t want the whole town hoping for a relationship between the two of them if she was about to turn him down.
“Have a nice day,” he said, smiling, and turned and left the doctor’s office in a hurry.
As he stepped back outside into the cold, he decided to go to the pub next. If she wasn’t there, then he would text her and ask her if she wanted to meet up for coffee sometime.
But he hoped that she was at the pub. Because he was worried that if he asked her to get coffee with him, she was going to turn him down.
He made his way along the snowy sidewalks of Rosewood Beach toward The Lighthouse Grill. As he walked, he mulled over what he might say to Hazel, but he wasn’t sure if his planned speeches were a good idea or not. He didn’t know how much he should tell her. Should he express to her what he thought of her, and how much he admired her? Or should he keep things more casual, so that she didn’t become too overwhelmed?
He reached the pub, and to his surprise, he saw a “Closed” sign in the window. He frowned, confused, since the pub was never closed during the day on Mondays. He stood in front of the glass doors and peered inside.
Hazel was there, moving around the dining room, apparently in the process of hanging picture frames on the walls. He grinned when he saw her. Despite the way he felt jittery and unsure of himself, he was happy to see her.
As she was walking across the dining room with a picture frame in her hands, she turned and saw him. She froze for a second, and he waved, smiling at her.
She smiled back awkwardly and crossed the room. She unlocked the front door for him, clearing her throat gently.
“Hey,” she said. “We’re closed for the day. Unusual, I know, but we’re trying to finish all the redecorating in time for the community event. We can’t really decorate properly if the pub is filled with people.”
Jacob looked around, noticing that there was no one there except Hazel.
“Where’s Alexis? I thought she was the mastermind behind the decorating.”
Hazel laughed. “She is the mastermind. And she was planning on coming in today, but unfortunately, she can’t. She isn’t feeling great.”
“I’m sorry to hear that. I hope she’s okay.”
“She will be. She’s not sick—well, not contagious sick—well, never mind.” Hazel was a bright shade of pink, and Jacob noticed that she wasn’t looking directly at him. It made his heart sink, and he wished that he knew what to say to her. Clearly, he’d messed up their friendship with his confession of how much he admired her, but he wanted to get that back, even if she didn’t want to date him.
“She’ll be okay, don’t worry.” Hazel smiled, but it was a bit of a forced smile. “I’m here by myself because we need to keep working if we’re going to get everything done by the day of our Christmas event.”
“Makes sense.” He smiled at her. “I’m sorry you have so much work to do, but I have to admit, I’m glad I caught you alone for a moment. There’s something I want to talk with you about.” His voice sounded a little husky, but he was determined to put a brave face on it, despite the way his heart was thumping in his chest.
“Oh?” Hazel’s voice was small, and she looked at his shoes. She cleared her throat, and then looked up at his face for a second before rapidly looking away. “What did you want to talk with me about?”
He swallowed, feeling intensely jittery. He took a deep breath, wishing that he was more suave, and not the kind of person who seemed to be all thumbs in this kind of situation. “I’ve done quite a bit of thinking since our last conversation, the one we had here in the pub.”
“Oh?” She was staring at his shoes again.
“Yeah. There’s something I need to get off my chest.” He paused for a moment, and there was something about her expression that gave him the courage to keep talking. She looked nervous and a little uncomfortable, but her eyes were as kind as ever, and that made him feel determined to tell her everything that was on his mind. “I still feel as though I’m not quite good enough for you, but I can’t stop thinking about you. I—I wondered if we could talk about that, Hazel. About the possibility of us… well, going on a date sometime.”
Hazel was an even brighter shade of pink, and she stared intensely at his shoes as if they were speaking to her now that Jacob had stopped talking. She cleared her throat, looked at him for less than a second, and then looked down again.
“I—I don’t know what to say,” she said finally. “Besides the obvious, which is that you’re definitely more than good enough for me. But I’ve been doing a lot of self-development lately, working hard on becoming a more self-assured person, and I feel like I’m in a really good place right now. I… I’m not sure I want to risk upsetting that. I mean, I don’t know that starting a—I mean, I think going on dates isn’t the best thing for me right now. I want to feel like I’ve had a chance to solidify all the progress I’ve made. I’m sorry,” she stammered. “I just feel like I can’t—well, does that make sense?”
Jacob felt disappointment slosh in his stomach, but he smiled kindly at her. The last thing he wanted to do was make her feel pressured or guilty. He also felt warmed by the way she’d been so quick to assure him that he was more than good enough for her.
“It’s okay. It makes sense.”
For a moment he stood there, not quite knowing what to say. He could tell that she felt bad about her answer, but he didn’t want her to feel that way.
“Don’t worry about it, Hazel.” He smiled at her. “We’ll still be friends, right?”
She looked up and smiled warmly at him. “Yes, absolutely. Still friends.”
“Well, friend, could I help you with some of your work here?”
She cleared her throat. “Thanks, Jacob, but I think I need to just do it by myself. I’m trying to decide where exactly each picture should go, and I don’t want to waste your time while I’m thinking. Alexis gave me a very detailed chart for how to hang the frames, but she didn’t specify what picture should go in each spot.”
“Okay.” He forced a smile, wanting to tell her that he didn’t mind waiting around while she thought but guessing that she was politely hinting that she wanted him to leave. “No worries. I hope you have fun.”
“I’ll try.” She laughed breathlessly. “I—let me walk you to the door.”
They walked back to the door together, and he hesitated before leaving. He would normally hug one of his friends goodbye, but under the circumstances he decided it was best if he didn’t. He considered offering her a handshake for a split second, and then concluded that would be weird.
“See you around, Hazel.”
“Yes. For sure. Bye, Jacob.”
He smiled at her again and stepped back out into the cold. He started walking down the sidewalk amidst the flurrying snowflakes, feeling sadly disappointed but glad that they could still be friends.